Question for the ladies

Imagine it like this - you start to masturbate, then someone scratches your anatomy with a fingernail, leaving a welt. Assuming you then continue to masturbate, the welt will twinge when your hand passes over it, but the uninjured skin will feel good from the same motion.

How much pain there is depends on the woman, the size of her partner, how knowledgeable they are about sex, and whether she's done things (like masturbating or using toys) that might have already prepared her for sex. I think for a lot of people, a major factor in the discomfort is nerves and not having experience with what feels good. So someone who already knows their own body pretty well may fair a bit better than someone who has very little sexual experience, period. There are also variable physical factors, like whether the woman's hymen is already stretched (or if it's especially thick and stubborn), and how large her male partner is.

amergina said:

It's not painful for every woman. Wasn't for me. My general thought was, "OMG, why the hell did I wait so long? This is great!"

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It was probably great because you waited so long.

It also depends if the hymen is already broken from something like horse riding or not.

I hurt. The pain subsided, but there was no great sexual ecstacy afterwards. Took me half a dozen goes to really start enjoying it.

Every woman is different, of course.

The amount of pain really, really varies between women. I experienced no pain my first time, probably because I'd been using tampons for a while and my boyfriend and I had been fooling around in other ways too, and there's things a lot of girls do on their own before they ever have a boyfriend to stretch or wear the coronal tissue away before first intercourse.

But also, the anatomy of a woman's hymen (more properly known as the coronal tissue) varies quite a lot, with some women just having thicker tissue there than others. In rare cases, a woman will have a very thick one that covers the entire opening. These individuals may need medical assistance when they start menstruating, as they might not be able to pass the fluid or use tampons.

With normal structures, being sufficiently aroused (lubricated) the first time also makes it less likely to be painful, as does going slowly and engaging in foreplay.

It's important to note that intercourse can be painful and cause bleeding in women who aren't first timers if it's done too roughly or abruptly, before she is sufficiently aroused, or when she is tense and anxious. If there is some pain or bleeding the first time, whether or not it remains painful or the pain passes quickly will also depend on these other factors.

This (clicky) is a useful piece that addresses some of the myths and mystique that surrounds this anatomical feature.

Anninyn said:

I hurt. The pain subsided, but there was no great sexual ecstacy afterwards. Took me half a dozen goes to really start enjoying it.

Every woman is different, of course.

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And this experience of needing to do it a number of times to get the hang of how to do it well for the largest amount of mutual enjoyment is a common issue, not only for first timers, but for couples who are new to one another.

I think in fiction there is an over-emphasis on pain. It's not always painful. It is sometimes disappointing. Sometimes you are so consumed by the process that you forget the feeling entirely.

It was painful for me--blood, the whole 9 yards. But after a couple times it got a LOT better!!

I had done plenty of--ahem--self-pleasuring, but not in a way that involved toys or penetration, but I wasn't completely in the dark about sexuality.

Just goes to show there is no universal experience of the first time.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

It was VERY painful. (I had never been able to use a tampon, so that gives you an idea.) There was LOTS of blood...but I also started my period right then too.

FWIW

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Painful, to the extent we had to stop, and blood. So the first time lasted seconds because I asked to stop. After 2 weeks I healed and then it was all good! Still painful at times (10 years later), but the pain never lasts long and as other people have said that's usually based on arousal or roughness, or even how long it's been.

It was painful for me, but the pleasure was better than the pain. I'd waited and was with someone I was madly in love with, and I think that alone made up for the pain. I bled for something like three days, though, which really surprised me. I also wasn't interested in any more sex for a couple of days.

It really can depend a lot on how relaxed or aroused a woman is. Where the penis goes is basically like a clenched fist of muscle that the penis is attempting to penetrate, and if the woman is aroused/relaxed those fingers unclench enough to let it in. So due to that tightness abrasions can occur causing bleeding, as well as the tearing of the hymen happening. Finding a good lubricant can help as well, especially since if the woman is nervous she may not be able to self lubricate enough for mutual comfort. Every woman really is different. Some women can orgasm through only being penetrated by a penis, and other women require clitoral stimulation, and so forth. So I would be unsurprised if there are plenty of women out there who found their first time uneventful and perhaps quite enjoyable, while there are women like me who needed some time to get used to it (and now sex is awesome).

elinor said:

So I would be unsurprised if there are plenty of women out there who found their first time uneventful and perhaps quite enjoyable, while there are women like me who needed some time to get used to it (and now sex is awesome).

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And then there's option number three, which is "that was it?"
No pain, no particular anything except a vague feeling of "Good God, isn't he done yet?"
Which, I determined after awhile, had little to do with me or my inexperience, and quite a lot to do with him-- but I digress.

Anninyn said:

I hurt. The pain subsided, but there was no great sexual ecstacy afterwards. Took me half a dozen goes to really start enjoying it.

Every woman is different, of course.

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You know, I've heard this a number of times from friends who have had sex, and while this is slightly off topic, and definitely shows my lack of experience in the area:

Why bother with the half a dozen tries? If it's not all that great, and it hurts, why do people persist?

Again, blaring in-experiance here, I feel it's one of those things I'll understand when I get to it, but I am curious.

_Sian_ said:

You know, I've heard this a number of times from friends who have had sex, and while this is slightly off topic, and definitely shows my lack of experience in the area:

Why bother with the half a dozen tries? If it's not all that great, and it hurts, why do people persist?

Again, blaring in-experiance here, I feel it's one of those things I'll understand when I get to it, but I am curious.

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1- cause it only hurt for the first 10 minute
2- cause I was horny and wanted some dick
3- when it does start feeling good, it is really, really good
4- no 'great sexual ecstacy' does not mean I didn't have a good time. I just didn't orgasm. I have discovered in the (oh god) 13 years of regular sexual activity that I don't need to orgasm to find sex of any kind satisfying on a physical and emotional level.

answer

Michael Davis said:

but at any point during the event does the pain ease into something pleasurable, or is it discomforting the entire time.

In my case the pain was quite intense during the first minute or so of penetration, then it was very pleasant. Of course it's also psychological, you have to really fancy the guy and feel at ease with him, I think.

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For me: zero pain--none at all.

My boyfriend and I (he was my first) had -- ahem -- issues of fit. It took a couple tries and various position changes before we could actually achieve penetration. I was nervous, he was nervous because I was nervous, and apparently my body is angled weird It was uncomfortable, but more on an emotional level. I really, really wanted it to work and it was so embarrassing that my body was weird in ways I didn't know about!

But we worked through it and problem-solved and it wasn't long before everything felt really good and awesome

I did bleed the first time, though -- although I'd masturbated a lot, my poor body had never encountered anything that big before, haha. Although my period had just ended, so it may have been that.

gingerwoman said:

It also depends if the hymen is already broken from something like horse riding or not.

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This does not happen. Can not happen.

Not normal horse riding postures perhaps but general extreme physical activities or accidents of various sorts can lead to physical 'de-virgining' before the act.

I didn't experience any pain my first time. I did notice, however, that I was nervous and so I was...erm...clenching. Once I relaxed it was a lot easier.