"...being nice is what's left after you've failed at everything else."

I'm sorry, but what's the context?

Sounds like something cartoon villains might say - maybe on one of the CW shows.

Yeah some context would be helpful.

Taken with no context, I don't agree at all. I know I'm not nice all the time, but I'm pretty sure I am most of the time. And it's not because I've tried to be mean first and failed.

I agree with Ibender. I think it sounds more like something the bad guy would say.

I've heard that before. In that context, it was a woman who'd lost all power and decided she might as well be nice because that was all that was left to her. I assume this is a similar situation?

I don't agree with it, I'm nice with some people first and with some as a sort of last resort, or at least not a first inclination, but I could see some people saying it....and not just "bad guys."

Doesn't sound terribly off-character for say House to have said, for example.


Context WOULD help--is this:

a dad advising his kid, in a very fucked-up manner, to always try to be number 1?

a cutthroat business exec explaining how to get through a merger by being aggressive instead of pushed around?

A bitter woman, convinced men prey on weakness when dating and women need to follow "the rules" to not lose their interest, whatever those rules may be? (girls can't call, or guys are only interested in something until they have it, or that sort of stuff...)

any of these may be paranoid or jaded or bitter people, but not automatically bad guys.

Interesting thought. In general, I don't agree with it. I really like niceness and always wish I was better at it consistently. If someone is pushy, bossy, rude, etcetera, my first reaction is to give them the same treatment back or not give them whatever they're after, and I don't want to be around them. Worst of all are people who brag about not being nice, as if they're tough or brave rather than just annoying. I can't imagine being not nice as a policy would get someone very far.

I'd say "...being nice is what you do after you lose all your friends, and maybe get punched in the mouth, because you weren't nice to start with.

Generally being nice is one of the things I try first. So what I end up with if all else fails is sarcasm and obscenity.

For this quote to be true you would need to be the kind of person who only turns to being nice as a last resort.

If nice is the last resort, I'd wonder if there were any people left that were foolish enough to think it was genuine.

I'd rather put up with a genuine asshole than a phony sweetheart. At least you know which one is honest.

Total change of hearts are hard to swallow without a really compelling reason.

Have encountered this phrase as a form of consolation.

"The guy's got nothing going for him, at all, but he is a nice guy."

"The guy's not much to look at, but he is a nice guy."

Source: . . . err, never mind

Ken said:

Have encountered this phrase as a form of consolation.

"The guy's got nothing going for him, at all, but he is a nice guy."

"The guy's not much to look at, but he is a nice guy."

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Darn it, Ken. There you go tipping my hand to my world view.

It never occurred to me to interpret in that way. In which case the person isn't a failure.

A true failure would blame all their failure on others. Which isn't a very nice personality trait.

And there you go tipping my hat to a nice lady and owner of some very cool pets !

Interesting how certain lines jump out at us like that.

As far being nice on a personal level, I am nice because it hurts me if I hurt other people. Deeply.

I heard a great line today from an old movie, something like, "I have broad shoulders, but they're not broad enough for the whole world to cry on." It was Joan Crawford, ironically the queen of mean. Great, great actress.

It's a good line. Villains always have good lines, and that's a villain's line for sure. Or at least anti-hero/heroine.

And the minute she's been nice enough to get back on her feet, she'll forget all about being nice and bite the hand that fed her.

eta -- the reason I don't buy Ken's, admittedly better, version is the "you've tried everything else" part. Being nice is, to the speaker, a last resort.

While I don't remember the context, I feel pretty sure that's a line from Vida, who I guess is an anti-hero (or at least an old lady who doesn't care what other people think of her). IIRC she also calls politeness a poor man's virtue.

It's from the Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I don't feel comfortable providing more than a paragraph. Not sure this helps with the context.

"Politeness. Now there's a poor man's virtue if ever there was one. What's so admirable about inoffensiveness, I should like to know. After all, it's easily achieved. One needs no particular talent to be polite. On the other hand, being nice is what's left when you've failed at everything else. People with ambition don't give a damn what other people think about them. I hardly supposed Wagner lost sleep worrying whether he'd hurt someone's feelings. But then he was a genius."

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Don't know if that helps. It's in a scene between a character and someone (I think) who is to do her biography. That's based on the "Look Inside" option at Amazon.

robjvargas said:

It's from the Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I don't feel comfortable providing more than a paragraph. Not sure this helps with the context.


Don't know if that helps. It's in a scene between a character and someone (I think) who is to do her biography. That's based on the "Look Inside" option at Amazon.

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Actually, it does help. Me at least.

To me, what the person is saying that ambition gets you what you want. Those with it step on others to get what they want. When that doesn't work, they resort to kindness.

Makes sense, actually.

So the character falls comfortably into the "honest asshole" category, then?

Reminds me of the character from the TV show "House".

veinglory said:

what I end up with if all else fails is sarcasm and obscenity.

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I find sarcasm and obscenity to be quite nice, indeed.



I have to agree on the meaning of "nice". Not the best word, really, in my opinion. I know that's very Eternal Sunshine of me. "Nice", to me, is a way of saying you're not interesting enough for a better description.

robjvargas said:

It's from the Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. I don't feel comfortable providing more than a paragraph. Not sure this helps with the context.


Don't know if that helps. It's in a scene between a character and someone (I think) who is to do her biography. That's based on the "Look Inside" option at Amazon.

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Oh. Now, in that context, I couldn't disagree more. It takes super human strength to be polite to some people.

That's a good point....

anyone amused by the initial post who has not should consider reading The Portrait of Dorian Gray.

Lord Henry says all sorts of similarly biting things.

Failing that, even googling a page or three of Oscar Wilde quotes will do similar; I'm not sure if I would have loved that guy irl or beaten the shit out of him, but he was a fucking genius.