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inspiredbymusic
01-24-2014, 06:20 PM
I'm looking for something authentic that a conservative, protective dad might say as a warning to a teen boy before he takes his daughter on a date for the first time.
Thanks!

Wicked
01-24-2014, 06:40 PM
My husband doesn't plan to say anything, he says he'll just be cleaning his guns when the kid shows up.
Which, where I live, is the most common answer one would probably hear. Whether in jest or not.

Nothing holds a candle to what my mother did to my prom date. She invited him to our branding.

Then she made him hold the ball bucket while she castrated all the bull calves.
Mom was never good with subtle.

Gilroy Cullen
01-24-2014, 06:43 PM
I like Bill Engvall's response, myself:

"That's my only little girl and she's my world. So if you are thinking of touching, kissing, or hugging my world, just remember this. I have no problem going back to prison."

:roll:

inspiredbymusic
01-24-2014, 06:47 PM
Wicked, :roll::ROFL: Ha-ha! Thanks!!

inspiredbymusic
01-24-2014, 06:49 PM
Gilroy Cullen, I had no idea this thread was going to be so entertaining! :D Thank you!

Bolero
01-24-2014, 07:03 PM
Would a conservative, protective Dad even let his teenage daughter out on a date in the evening?

Love all the answers above, but had to ask.

With ultra-protective Dad, there is the possibility of the daughter saying she is going out with a group of respectable female friends, they all meet at her house and head out and then there is meeting boyfriend somewhere else.

Rina Evans
01-24-2014, 07:15 PM
In my experience, those kinds of dads who would 'clean their guns' wouldn't even let their daughter date until she was eighteen, yeah.

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

robjvargas
01-24-2014, 07:22 PM
In my experience, those kinds of dads who would 'clean their guns' wouldn't even let their daughter date until she was eighteen, yeah.

On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

One of the fun thing about the "gun cleaning" dad trope, Rina, is that the trope can be ennjoyable *and* eyeroll-worthy plus insulting. All at the same time.:evil

Putputt
01-24-2014, 07:24 PM
My husband doesn't plan to say anything, he says he'll just be cleaning his guns when the kid shows up.
Which, where I live, is the most common answer one would probably hear. Whether in jest or not.

Nothing holds a candle to what my mother did to my prom date. She invited him to our branding.

Then she made him hold the ball bucket while she castrated all the bull calves.
Mom was never good with subtle.

:roll:

I wasn't allowed to even talk to boys on the phone until I was in college. (I went to an all-girls HS.) So my experience is more in line with those saying that over-protective parents wouldn't even let their daughters date. My dad would also sometimes tail me when I went out with my female friends, just to make sure I wasn't going out to meet with some boy.

Marian Perera
01-24-2014, 07:43 PM
I wasn't allowed to even talk to boys on the phone until I was in college. (I went to an all-girls HS.)

The first time a boy called me at my home was when I was 16. My mother listened in on the other phone. Overprotective parents + Asian culture + Muslim country = what can I say? I never even went on a date until I went off to college in the States.

If I had to speak to a daughter's date, I'd probably do an impression of Saruman in the first LotR movie, when he gives the Uruk-hai instructions on finding the hobbits.

"Bring her back to me alive and... unspoiled."

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 08:02 PM
I have no idea how my husband will actually be when our daughter is old enough to date. He is very conservative when it comes to her and very protective. He says he'll be "cleaning his gun." I think he may really do that, but I'm not sure yet whether it will be somewhat in jest or really and truly in a threatening manner.

I do know that he believe that 16, the age I was allowed to date (even though no one ever wanted to date me) is too young, and if he has his way, well, DD will never date.

It will be interesting, for sure. Hopefully, I've cultivated a relationship with DD that will keep her open and truthful, at least with me.

There is one wild card - her bio-mom. I don't know what she will be like at all, though I think she'll be less conservative than my husband. He may be out numbered.

The bonus for DD is, if my husband doesn't let her date and her mother does, she just won't visit us.

Sorry for the ramble. This probably didn't really answer anything, did it?

asroc
01-24-2014, 08:08 PM
On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

This. I hate this practice and the idea that it's supposed to be funny, appropriate or to be expected. It's archaic and sexist and I told my father so when he said he was going to mention his lengthy Army career and the fact that we have guns in the house to any boys I brought home. Dad said that had never occurred to him. I didn't really date in high school, but he never mentioned anything like that again. I'm always grateful that my father doesn't just love me but also respects me.

(When I did end up bringing a boyfriend (now husband) home, he did bring up the Army, but in the context of an Army vs. Marines pissing contest. Boys will be boys, I guess...)

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 08:14 PM
I had a protective father. A very protective father. And he used to stand behind me when I opened the door to my date and give them the full on glare. He wouldn't say anything. He'd just glare. And I'd say 'Dad, this is <scared boyfriend>. <SB> this is my dad.' 'Hello Mr Shell'.


And my dad's answer? 'Humph'.

And if potential boyfriend asked me out on another date after that, I knew he had something about him. And that he genuinely liked me.

So yeah... I'm afraid I used my dad as a test.

Any boy I wasn't that bothered about never got to meet either of my parents. I was always 'out with my friends'.

Wicked
01-24-2014, 08:43 PM
My husband keeps telling me our daughter is just like me.

Whenever talk of her dating comes up, and he mentions 'cleaning his guns', I tell him, "So she's just like me? If she does manage to find a boy who isn't scared to death of her, do you really thing he'll be worried about you and your guns?" :tongue


I have no plans to say anything to the prospective boyfriend. My daughter and I regularly have discussions on self defense, self respect, how to say no, and when it's appropriate to crush his nuts like grapes and run. And always keeping a cell phone on you, with 911 on speed dial. And mace. Mace is good.

There's plenty of time for these strategies to sink in. She's 10. No dating till 16.

wendymarlowe
01-24-2014, 08:48 PM
My grandfather made my aunt's high school boyfriends drive him around the block before he'd allow his daughter to ride in their cars.

My dad wasn't bad, but then again I mostly dated guys my parents already knew :-P When my sister's prom date came to pick her up, though, my grandparents happened to be visiting and somehow she didn't hear the doorbell. Dad invited the guy in and my parents and grandparents "chatted" (things like "so what do you want to do with your life?") and offered him a cigar. Which dad didn't actually have, just wanted to test the guy.

My sister was furious when she came downstairs half an hour later and nobody had bothered to tell her that her date was there yet.

Gilroy Cullen
01-24-2014, 08:56 PM
And always keeping a cell phone on you

:ROFL:
Sorry, my best friend used to ask me to text her when she went out on a date. Little did I know WHERE she had the phone when she had her hands other places... Yeah to say more is definitely not part of a family friendly environment...


On a related note, I find the practice of threatening the male date of the girl positively eyeroll-worthy and insulting at worst. (Gender roles, sexism, etc, etc... feel free to ignore me)

I've seen the cliche turned on its ear before - with the mother threatening the girlfriend - but it doesn't work the same. Just doesn't offer the same ... I don't know. Just didn't work.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:04 PM
I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

Wicked
01-24-2014, 09:07 PM
:ROFL:
Sorry, my best friend used to ask me to text her when she went out on a date. Little did I know WHERE she had the phone when she had her hands other places... Yeah to say more is definitely not part of a family friendly environment...



http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Others/others-164.GIF

Having a friend keep contact is a good idea, though. If things are going in a bad direction, the friend can help get them out of there.
"I'm sorry, my friend is so upset. Her dog just died, and I need to go see her right now. No need to drop me off, I can walk." *friend is waiting in car around the corner*

Or friend can send SOS to parents, and have dad show up on the scene.

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 09:11 PM
I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

That's exactly what it is. My husband thinks about how dirty his mind was when he was younger...and still is now :D...and hates the thought of someone thinking those things about his daughter. I mean, I can't blame him when I look at it that way, but still...he needs to take a chill pill.

asroc
01-24-2014, 09:20 PM
I don't think it's got anything to do with sexism. My dad told me it was because he once was a teenage boy and he knows how they think. And he doesn't want them thinking that about his daughter!

Yes, it's sexist. Doubly so.

"Girls are too stupid to make intelligent decisions about the boys they date; the only way they can be safe is if I indiscriminately threaten every boy with violence."

"Without the threat of violence no boy can be trusted to keep it in his pants."

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:21 PM
That's because you're seeing it from the daughter's point of view! LOL!

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:23 PM
Yes, it's sexist. Doubly so.

"Girls are too stupid to make intelligent decisions about the boys they date; the only way they can be safe is if I indiscriminately threaten every boy with violence."

"Without the threat of violence no boy can be trusted to keep it in his pants."


Speaking as someone who was once a teenager and is still a daughter..... please don't tell me how my father thinks. I think I would know that better than you, no?

asroc
01-24-2014, 09:30 PM
Speaking as someone who was once a teenager and is still a daughter..... please don't tell me how my father thinks. I think I would know that better than you, no?

I don't believe I was telling you how your father thinks.

What do you think the motivation behind this practice is? Do you think the only reason your father, or any other teenage boy, never acted inappropriately on a date is because he thought that girl's father would kill him?

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:34 PM
I think you were because you quoted my post in your reply. And no I don't think it's the only reason but I'm sure that it's in my dad's mind. In fact I know it is. And it's not sexism. It's my father's need to protect me from the bad stuff that happens because he is my father and that's what he's supposed to do. No?

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 09:40 PM
I think you were because you quoted my post in your reply. And no I don't think it's the only reason but I'm sure that it's in my dad's mind. In fact I know it is. And it's not sexism. It's my father's need to protect me from the bad stuff that happens because he is my father and that's what he's supposed to do. No?

This.

asroc
01-24-2014, 09:46 PM
I quoted your post because you said it's not sexism and I disagree. If it's just a parent's desire to protect their children, why don't mothers threaten boyfriends? Why don't fathers threaten their son's girlfriends?

And sexism aside, why does anyone think it's okay to threaten anyone without provocation at all? (With guns, no less.) My father was supposed to protect me when I was a kid, but that never gave him the right to intimidate and assault other people for no other reason than them wanting to spend time with me.

robjvargas
01-24-2014, 09:46 PM
I think there's an argument to be made that it's sexist. But not as some people here are arguing.

I know what I was thinking at that age, therefore all boys are thinking just like that. I'm going to handle that right now.

It's not presuming anything of the daughter. It's the boy that attitude is aimed at.

But I'm fine with it. Mostly because it's so true so damned often.

Then again, it got creepy for me.

It wasn't my (now) wife's dad. It was her uncle. Dad's out of the picture. Uncle was always very protective of her.

We chatted for half an hour or so. He liked me. He told her so.

Next day, we get a call. Her uncle was at a stop light, bumped the car in front of him. They found him slumped over the wheel. Turned off like a light bulb. Just gone. It was like, "She's safe, I'm done."

I get chills even now, 17 years later.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:48 PM
I quoted your post because you said it's not sexism and I disagree. If it's just a parent's desire to protect their children, why don't mothers threaten boyfriends? Why don't fathers threaten their son's girlfriends?

And sexism aside, why does anyone think it's okay to threaten anyone without provocation at all? (With guns, no less.) My father was supposed to protect me when I was a kid, but that never gave him the right to intimidate and assault other people for no other reason than them wanting to spend time with me.

Mothers do threaten boyfriends. Didn't someone on this thread mention bull castration?

And as to what your father did, that's your childhood. It's not mine. Maybe a 'IMO' on your posts would have helped?

Myrealana
01-24-2014, 09:48 PM
"I have a gun and a shovel. You won't be missed."

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 09:52 PM
I think there's an argument to be made that it's sexist. But not as some people here are arguing.

I know what I was thinking at that age, therefore all boys are thinking just like that. I'm going to handle that right now.

It's not presuming anything of the daughter. It's the boy that attitude is aimed at.

But I'm fine with it. Mostly because it's so true so damned often.

Then again, it got creepy for me.

It wasn't my (now) wife's dad. It was her uncle. Dad's out of the picture. Uncle was always very protective of her.

We chatted for half an hour or so. He liked me. He told her so.

Next day, we get a call. Her uncle was at a stop light, bumped the car in front of him. They found him slumped over the wheel. Turned off like a light bulb. Just gone. It was like, "She's safe, I'm done."

I get chills even now, 17 years later.

Wow. That is creepy. Like...he was just waiting until he knew she was safe. Creepy but kinda...romantic in the non-romantic way.

Myrealana
01-24-2014, 09:54 PM
When my son started dating, I didn't leave it to the girl's father to threaten him. I did it myself.

I took him aside and said "You will treat her with respect in every way. You will not pressure her to go any further than she is comfortable with. If I ever hear you have done differently, you will answer to me. You may me taller and stronger than me, but I will ALWAYS be meaner than you.

Have a good time!"

So far, so good. He's 19, and has had a few girlfriends, all of whom are still legitimately friends with him, and they come over for D&D frequently.

asroc
01-24-2014, 09:57 PM
Mothers do threaten boyfriends. Didn't someone on this thread mention bull castration?

And as to what your father did, that's your childhood. It's not mine. Maybe a 'IMO' on your posts would have helped?

The cliche that dominates this threat is the father cleaning guns. Which my father wanted to do, but did not. Because I asked him not to and my reasons why, so he realized the implications of this practice and respected my wishes.

And yes, all of this is my opinion only, which I thought was implied.

Wicked
01-24-2014, 09:58 PM
Oh dear. :(

It would be too bad if a thread involving the crazy, but possibly misguided, things parents do to protect their babies from the world of growing up got locked.

Does the old 'cleaning the shotgun' trick work?
Probably not.

Personally I think it comes from the frustrated sense of helplessness they have, when they know they're about to let you walk out the door, and won't be there to help you if something goes wrong.

In my mom's case I know it wasn't a case of intentional sexism. She didn't invite all my dates to our brandings because she was a "man-hater".

There is a very informative thread here on AW. It's called "Schrodinger's Rapist and Hyperawareness".
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=247493

When I talk to my daughter about self defense, it isn't because I think all boys are bad. It's because the bad one's are the ones you may not recognize until it's too late.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 09:58 PM
Well no, not really. You flat out said it was sexist. There didn't seem to be any 'IMO' about it.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 10:00 PM
And the 'cleaning the gun' thing doesn't really come up in Britain as the vast majority of men don't have a gun.

Cath
01-24-2014, 10:00 PM
*cough* this isn't P&CE folks. Focus on answering the question please.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 10:02 PM
Ah sorry. Forgot where I was.

Rina Evans
01-24-2014, 10:02 PM
It's sexist because it's aimed at only one sex, even if the core is just trying to be protective of the bad things that happen. IMO.
Plus, girls have dirty thoughts as well, and do plenty of bad stuff. It's kind of icky when fathers don't want other boys to spoil their girls (as in, devirginize them and have sex with them, and have sexy thoughts about them). It's gonna happen whether they threaten with guns or not.

Again, the intent can be good, but we should examine why it happens in some cases and what the father is thinking. It makes the girls out to be victims and the boys out to be bad and in need of threatening by the badder alpha in order to be nice.

It can be amusing on TV, just because the boys are always so predictably stricken. I semi-subverted the trope in a story never to be published, where the boy's father threatened his date by showing his sword collection and how sharp it is. Which ended up into them bonding over said swords. Didn't go anywhere...

asroc
01-24-2014, 10:05 PM
When I state something as fact, I cite sources or my expertise, which I can back up with cites if necessary.

So for the record: In my opinion, the practice of threatening your daughter's date is sexist. It may not be intentional, but I believe an element of sexism caused this practice to arise in the first place and its prevalence today.

I don't want this thread to be locked and I have to go to work anyway, so this'll be it from me about this.

ETA: Sorry Cath, was still typing when you posted.

lbender
01-24-2014, 10:07 PM
Yes, it's sexist. Doubly so.

"Girls are too stupid to make intelligent decisions about the boys they date; the only way they can be safe is if I indiscriminately threaten every boy with violence."

"Without the threat of violence no boy can be trusted to keep it in his pants."


NOT THIS.

I'm a dad and a veterinarian. I told my daughter that I'd save the testicles from a dog neuter and show them to her dates as an example of what I do for a living. Never did.

My daughter is highly intelligent. I wasn't worried about her. But there are bad people out there. Some of them are guys. Some of them might have wanted to date my daughter. If those people are aware that someone is watching and willing to apply consequences to their actions, it may be a deterrence. Will it work with everybody? No. But every little bit helps.

It's difficult sending someone you love out into the world. If you can do anything to help them, you do. By the way, I was nervous about having my sons leave the house also, although my main fears didn't include date rape.

lbender
01-24-2014, 10:10 PM
When my son started dating, I didn't leave it to the girl's father to threaten him. I did it myself.

I took him aside and said "You will treat her with respect in every way. You will not pressure her to go any further than she is comfortable with. If I ever hear you have done differently, you will answer to me. You may me taller and stronger than me, but I will ALWAYS be meaner than you.

Have a good time!"



By the way, I paraphrased, but I told my sons this also.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 10:12 PM
NOT THIS.

Exactly. My dad never thought I was stupid. But being stupid has nothing to do with becoming a victim. In fact, it's a bit off to say that women only become rape victims because they are too stupid to tell the rapists from the good men.

Sorry Cath, I didn't mean to continue it but I felt that needed saying.

Anyway, my dad used the 1,000 yard stare to intimidate my dates.

robjvargas
01-24-2014, 10:16 PM
The cliche that dominates this threat is the father cleaning guns. Which my father wanted to do, but did not. Because I asked him not to and my reasons why, so he realized the implications of this practice and respected my wishes.

And yes, all of this is my opinion only, which I thought was implied.

I think the tug of war between the daughter wanting to impress the boyfriend, and the father wanting to impress upon the boyfriend is an ancient story going back a long way.

It does seem to be portrayed much more overtly in modern stories than in the older ones. Part of the explanation, I suppose, is that the boy-girl relationship isn't nearly so chaperoned as it used to be.

I think, as a story mechanic, it carries a somewhat unique poignancy. It gives the father character an opportunity to express how much he cares about and values the daughter in a situation where, stereotypically, the father and the daughter don't interact in the best of ways.

Maybe that's why it works so well? Anyway, I'm totally guessing.

Putputt
01-24-2014, 10:50 PM
It's sexist because it's aimed at only one sex, even if the core is just trying to be protective of the bad things that happen. IMO.
Plus, girls have dirty thoughts as well, and do plenty of bad stuff. It's kind of icky when fathers don't want other boys to spoil their girls (as in, devirginize them and have sex with them, and have sexy thoughts about them). It's gonna happen whether they threaten with guns or not.

Again, the intent can be good, but we should examine why it happens in some cases and what the father is thinking. It makes the girls out to be victims and the boys out to be bad and in need of threatening by the badder alpha in order to be nice.

It can be amusing on TV, just because the boys are always so predictably stricken. I semi-subverted the trope in a story never to be published, where the boy's father threatened his date by showing his sword collection and how sharp it is. Which ended up into them bonding over said swords. Didn't go anywhere...

Sigh, I actually wished my dad would take out his fears on the boys I went out with instead of on me. He kept reminding me over and over about how my life would just be OVER if I ever lost my virginity, how no one would want a soiled hippo blah blah blah.

I see how intimidating the boy can be sexist, but growing up, I kept thinking, godfuckingdammit, how come I would be the one branded a slut if things went south? How come the boy doesn't share the responsibility?

I think if/when we have kids, I would want to talk to them about safety and knowing what they're comfortable with...and then umm, yah, I would still want to intimidate the fuck out of their dates cuz they would be going out with our precious wee hippettes. :D

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 10:53 PM
I still think it comes down to a wish to protect your children and when it comes to sex, the things you warn your sons about are different to the things you warn your daughters about. And that's just the way life is. Sexism doesn't really come into it.

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 11:05 PM
I think you're right (again), miranda. Things just are different between males and females. Whether that's right or wrong.

My husband also jokes that he hopes our daughter turns out to be gay. In reality, neither of us cares either way, but he jokes about it because he thinks women aren't as bad as men. Hence, if DD ends up being into girls, there wouldn't be an issue (in his eyes).

DD does gush over how beautiful Taylor Swift is. You never know.

Gilroy Cullen
01-24-2014, 11:09 PM
I thought I'd read somewhere that part of the reason parents, especially men, are protective of their female offspring is related to instinct to protect the species and its ability to procreate.

I can't for the life of me remember where that was now, obviously, but it does make sense from the old hunter gatherer thought process.

Another commentary on what a dad might say:

"Nice car. Does it have a back seat? Can I ride back there?"

inspiredbymusic
01-24-2014, 11:15 PM
This has turned into quite an interesting discussion.

Back to my original question: The dad character I'm writing isn't really the gun-cleaning (and certainly not bull-castrating) type. He's more straight-laced, uptight, conservative, protective (and probably somewhat sexist) dad.

I'm looking for a realistic sentence or two he might say to his almost eighteen-year-old daughter's prom date, along the lines of, "I'm trusting you with my daughter; don't mess up!" Beyond the obvious, he might be concerned with alcohol, staying out past curfew, etc.

Thanks for all the input!

Gilroy Cullen
01-24-2014, 11:24 PM
Interesting question for you, Inspired -

Would this dad require said date to come to the door? If the date pulled up and just honked his horn that he was there, how would the dad react?

I'm looking for a little more on the dad's characterization to better answer your question. :)

Alpha Echo
01-24-2014, 11:28 PM
I don't know about what he would say, but I know what I think that kind of father would expect:

The boy had better come to the door.
He must call the parents of the house Mr. and Mrs.
Say please and thank you
shirt tucked in nicely
pants not down by his butt
no hat when he comes to the door, and no hat backwards ever
Speak correctly and politely

Those are things my husband has made clear any boys interested in DD should behave.

Marian Perera
01-24-2014, 11:47 PM
He kept reminding me over and over about how my life would just be OVER if I ever lost my virginity

Women are not bottles of aspirin. You don't throw them away if the seal is broken.

ECathers
01-24-2014, 11:53 PM
By the time I was 14 I had been imformed of the facts of life and where the condoms were kept. It was never assumed I wouldn't have sex but instead that I should know how to protect myself when I did. It was never suggested that boys would try to take advantage of me but that I might someday be interested and willing and that pregnancy would mess up my college plans.

On the other hand, hubby says the single only conversation he ever had about sex with his parents was his dad commenting out of the blue that "You know, baby carriages arr expensive."

Apologies on typos- still getting used to the tablet.

mirandashell
01-24-2014, 11:54 PM
Women are not bottles of aspirin. You don't throw them away if the seal is broken.

True. But that's not what the thread is about.

Some fathers would react like that. Some wouldn't. It all depends on the character of the father Inspire is writing.

robjvargas
01-25-2014, 12:18 AM
This has turned into quite an interesting discussion.

Back to my original question: The dad character I'm writing isn't really the gun-cleaning (and certainly not bull-castrating) type. He's more straight-laced, uptight, conservative, protective (and probably somewhat sexist) dad.

I'm looking for a realistic sentence or two he might say to his almost eighteen-year-old daughter's prom date, along the lines of, "I'm trusting you with my daughter; don't mess up!" Beyond the obvious, he might be concerned with alcohol, staying out past curfew, etc.

Thanks for all the input!

Seems like a simple list would do.



He turned to his daughter's date and held up four fingers. "One, back by midnight. Two, be a gentleman at all times. Three, I'm placing the most precious thing in my whole world in your hands. Treat it accordingly. Four, private parts stay private. Stick to those rules, and I won't have to hunt you down tomorrow."

Seems to me that's something he'd do when he expects the daughter to be out at any moment. If the father and the by have more time before the daughter comes out, he might relay a personal story.

Putputt
01-25-2014, 12:19 AM
Women are not bottles of aspirin. You don't throw them away if the seal is broken.

Teeeellll me about it. If/when we have kids, I would fucking shit if my parents said that them.

WendyN
01-25-2014, 12:31 AM
I don't remember any specific examples from my own adolescence, but I do remember my dad asking boyfriends questions about where they worked, what they were studying/planning to study in college, in addition to all of the 'where are you going and what time will you be back?' kind of questions... showing concern and interest, and just sort of leaving the implication out there that if he didn't answer the questions right, then he wasn't good enough for his little girl ;)

inspiredbymusic
01-25-2014, 12:39 AM
Thanks, robjvargas, your suggestion is very helpful.
And thanks to everyone for contributing. Lot of ideas to consider! :)

NeuroGlide
01-25-2014, 05:08 AM
What do you think the motivation behind this practice is? Do you think the only reason your father, or any other teenage boy, never acted inappropriately on a date is because he thought that girl's father would kill him?

It's part cultural, part genetic. Since you're an extension of our genetic expression, we're genetically programed to protect you. We don't think of it as sexist or wrong because it never reaches the level of conscious thought, we just do it. Culturally, A Man who cannot protect his loved ones isn't A Man. Since boys have to be toughen to become A Man, it slacks off as they grow.

Doing it is also about Respect. We remember being hormone-addled teenage boys and how little respect we had for girls. We will not tolerate that lack of Respect towards our little girl, you deserve better, everyone does, that's how bad we were. If they show that Respect, we've got no problem with them. If they don't, they're using oxygen critically injured patients could make better use of.

Clear enough?

NeuroGlide
01-25-2014, 05:19 AM
This has turned into quite an interesting discussion.

Back to my original question: The dad character I'm writing isn't really the gun-cleaning (and certainly not bull-castrating) type. He's more straight-laced, uptight, conservative, protective (and probably somewhat sexist) dad.

I'm looking for a realistic sentence or two he might say to his almost eighteen-year-old daughter's prom date, along the lines of, "I'm trusting you with my daughter; don't mess up!" Beyond the obvious, he might be concerned with alcohol, staying out past curfew, etc.

Thanks for all the input!

"That my precious little girl there. One of the blessings I cherish most in this world. If anything terrible should happen to her, anything, I have no idea what I might do. Why don't we make sure we never have to find out."

TheNighSwan
01-25-2014, 05:56 AM
I wouldn't go out with a girl whose father's idea of conversation with a prospective family member is making veiled threats against my life and physical integrity.

EDIT: and in my humble opinion a girl should not get out with someone who needs to hear veiled threats against their life and physical integrity in order to behave like a decent human being.

KTC
01-25-2014, 06:55 AM
I'm looking for something authentic that a conservative, protective dad might say as a warning to a teen boy before he takes his daughter on a date for the first time.
Thanks!

Wish I could answer. (-:
I'm so liberal, it's crazy. My daughters are married now. I raised them to think for themselves and mate for themselves. What I said to their suitors was, "Hello. Nice to meet you."

I can't believe there are still people out there who would grill the daughter's suitors. But, hey. That's just me. Someone who raised his daughters to think for themselves.

Canotila
01-25-2014, 11:41 AM
One of my friends has a teenage daughter. When guys come to pick her up for dates he slaps a box on kleenex on the table and says, "if you need a friendly ear when she's done with you, let me know."

mirandashell
01-25-2014, 12:02 PM
Wish I could answer. (-:
I'm so liberal, it's crazy. My daughters are married now. I raised them to think for themselves and mate for themselves. What I said to their suitors was, "Hello. Nice to meet you."

I can't believe there are still people out there who would grill the daughter's suitors. But, hey. That's just me. Someone who raised his daughters to think for themselves.

But still someone who can't work out how insulting that last line is to others on the thread.

cornflake
01-25-2014, 12:50 PM
It's part cultural, part genetic. Since you're an extension of our genetic expression, we're genetically programed to protect you. We don't think of it as sexist or wrong because it never reaches the level of conscious thought, we just do it. Culturally, A Man who cannot protect his loved ones isn't A Man. Since boys have to be toughen to become A Man, it slacks off as they grow.

Doing it is also about Respect. We remember being hormone-addled teenage boys and how little respect we had for girls. We will not tolerate that lack of Respect towards our little girl, you deserve better, everyone does, that's how bad we were. If they show that Respect, we've got no problem with them. If they don't, they're using oxygen critically injured patients could make better use of.

Clear enough?

That may be your feeling about it but I don't really know any men who are like that at all.

There are some posters in the thread who know some who are; I'm not suggesting they don't exist, but the 'younger guys are leches who just want to 'get' one thing, and my innocent little girl deserves 'respect' thing reads to me as like, tv trope. I don't know people with this attitude; I didn't grow up with people with this attitude. It's personal.

I don't think I know anyone, or did know anyone, who'd do anything but say 'hi' and make normal small-talk level conversation to a kid's date, either. I find the differentiation between sexes and the 'but the girls must be protected' thing sexist, but to each his or her own.

kuwisdelu
01-25-2014, 01:38 PM
I wouldn't go out with a girl whose father's idea of conversation with a prospective family member is making veiled threats against my life and physical integrity.

I tend to believe children should not be judged or have to suffer for their parent's flaws. Too often, it's unavoidable. But in this case, it's perfectly possible. The girl isn't her father. Why give her up based on him?


It's part cultural, part genetic. Since you're an extension of our genetic expression, we're genetically programed to protect you. We don't think of it as sexist or wrong because it never reaches the level of conscious thought, we just do it. Culturally, A Man who cannot protect his loved ones isn't A Man. Since boys have to be toughen to become A Man, it slacks off as they grow.

Doing it is also about Respect. We remember being hormone-addled teenage boys and how little respect we had for girls. We will not tolerate that lack of Respect towards our little girl, you deserve better, everyone does, that's how bad we were. If they show that Respect, we've got no problem with them. If they don't, they're using oxygen critically injured patients could make better use of.

Clear enough?

I honestly can't tell whether you're being serious or whether you're joking and trying to be a parody of an overprotective father. If it's the latter, well done!

TheNighSwan
01-25-2014, 03:41 PM
I tend to believe children should not be judged or have to suffer for their parent's flaws. Too often, it's unavoidable. But in this case, it's perfectly possible. The girl isn't her father. Why give her up based on him?


Certainly it's not the girl's fault, but unless she doesn't like her father and this is the only time I have to meet him, presumably getting involved with her also means getting involved with her family, and I don't know many girls who would take "I'm not visiting your parents because your father behaves like a mafia boss" as an acceptable objection (and I think many girls would take it as a red flag ónot wanting to meet/get involved with a partner's family is often mentionned as one of the early warning signs of a manipulative and abusive personality).

Cath
01-25-2014, 03:42 PM
*coughs politely*

inspiredbymusic
01-25-2014, 04:09 PM
"That my precious little girl there. One of the blessings I cherish most in this world. If anything terrible should happen to her, anything, I have no idea what I might do. Why don't we make sure we never have to find out."

Thanks, NeuroGlide, that's the type of dialogue I'm looking for. :)

Barbara R.
01-25-2014, 04:30 PM
Women are not bottles of aspirin. You don't throw them away if the seal is broken.

I don't even do that to aspirin.

Troyen
01-25-2014, 07:27 PM
Don't know what else you've heard, but my husband plans on telling our daughter's dates that he has their name engraved on a bullet and hopes he won't have to use it.

skylark
01-26-2014, 01:18 AM
Does he want to do the standard cliche? If so, it'll be a gun-based threat. Pick one from a movie.

I'd suspect that someone who wants the kid to actually notice and think about it might, for instance, have a pointed conversation about how long he's had a driving license, how expensive insurance is (and where the kid's insurance is from), how many idiot drivers there are out there and so on.

And of course how he's SURE that the kid is a careful driver who wouldn't DREAM of doing some of the stupid things other drivers his age sometimes do...

(Aside: apparently I managed to terrify one of my daughter's friends when the last thing I said to my daughter before they left for a party was "remember what we were talking about." The friend thought it was a veiled threat of some sort. Actually we'd been discussing alternating alcohol and soft drinks.)

clenick
01-26-2014, 04:21 AM
In movies or writing, I find the gun-cleaning threats against the daughter's date very cliched and tired. A thousand-yard stare while asking polite but pointed questions about where they were going and what time they would be back would be more realistic.

With my husband and the guys his daughter (my stepdaughter) brings home, it isn't a matter of what he says exactly. It's more of a physical stance he takes. My husband is a tall man, but in these situations, it's as if he's grown a couple inches. As if he were an animal puffing up just to convey the strength of his presence. It's not meant to threaten. What he is trying to communicate to the guy is that he and his daughter are very close (and they truly are) and he has raised her to be strong and confident. His daughter will not be low-hanging fruit for some smooth-talking jerk.

With my stepson, we were both more direct concerning the girls he brought home, but we talked to him, not the girls. "Do not get that girl pregnant. If you get that girl pregnant, she is not living here." With boys, sometimes you need to be blunt.

robjvargas
01-26-2014, 05:06 AM
I find it very troubling and disconcerting that a father's protectiveness would be used to imply or to outright assert that this says anything about the daughter.

I've given my feedback about what I, as a self-proclaimed libertarian conservative, would say. But what I would say has nothing to do with my daughter's mental acuity nor her ability to take care of herself. It doesn't even have anything to do with my theological or socio-political philosophies.

My daughter (if I had one. I have a son) is the single most valuable thing on this entire planet. When that boy comes into my house, my judgment is going to tell me his worth compared to her value (and probably always be found lacking). I don't care if I'm right or wrong. It doesn't occur to me that she can take care of herself. Not because she can't, but because I don't want her to ever be in a position of having to take care of herself "that way." (take your pick of what "that way" means)

That boy might think I'm psycho. He might believe I'm fully capable of skinning him alive if he hurts my daughter. But none of the girls in my teen years were any less desirable or hot because their dads went through this ritual. I and the other boys just understood that if we got some, we were going to get it. But good.

As a plot point, I get being tired of the cliche. Maybe it's overused, or simplistic to the point of being a caricature. Maybe it's outdated, no longer modern.

I just can't fathom using it to stereotype the father/daughter relationship.

Cath
01-26-2014, 05:21 AM
Ours is not to reason why, folks. We don't know what the OP has in mind for this scene. Please, stop the speculation.

hillcountryannie
01-26-2014, 05:39 AM
Looks like you've gotten tons of great ideas. But actually, my dates were always intimidated because my dad is so quiet.

thothguard51
01-26-2014, 05:42 AM
Dads: What do you say to daughter's date?

Hmmm, you know, that is a hard question to answer because young kids today, teens and early twenties, really don't date. They hang out or meet up, or so I was told by my son and daughter when asked why I never get to meet their dates...

hillcountryannie
01-26-2014, 05:48 AM
Thothguard, very true. It was even like that when I was in high school fifteen years ago. But before I could go with someone my mom didn't know, they had to meet her. Mostly applied to guys I didn't go to school with, since she was an elementary teacher and knew everyone. But there were still plenty of awkward moments. Haha.

jaksen
01-26-2014, 07:12 PM
On my first date with my husband I was a bit disappointed. When I told my dad that the boy didn't even kiss me - or try to - my dad's response was, 'What the hell's wrong with him?'

Course I was in college, a bit older than most of the situations described in this thread. But I do recall my dad being jubilant when I started dating on a regular basis, and was thrilled when I got engaged.

And I was very close to my dad. Been gone 30 years and I miss him every day.

inspiredbymusic
01-26-2014, 09:19 PM
Thanks again to everyone. I think I've got this little bit figured out. I appreciate all who tried to help. :)

rtilryarms
01-27-2014, 04:55 AM
*Nice tats. You want to see a real gun?

*Bummer of an acne breakout on your arm, almost looks like needle wounds

*Sir? Sir is for Officers who never entered combat. Never call a person Sir who actually knows how to snap someone's neck with a flick of his wrist.

*Nice to meet you. Now I have your DNA

KTC
01-29-2014, 08:46 PM
But still someone who can't work out how insulting that last line is to others on the thread.

Excuse me? Clearly we just don't get each other. You can click 'ignore' any old time you like, you know. It's not insulting to others to say that I raised my daughters to think for themselves. Please...ignore me in the future.

Cath
01-29-2014, 10:14 PM
Okay, I've asked politely for folks to knock it off. KTC, there was no reason to continue this thread just for that. I'm closing this.