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S.Jeffrey
01-16-2014, 07:00 PM
Title: Child of Prophecy
Word count: 75k
Summary:
A prophecy foretold for centuries...
"When the world is plunged in chaos and despair, a child will emerge from blood and death. He will reunite all kingdoms and bring peace."
Loosely based on Alice in Wonderland, Alice stumbles into another world full of bloodshed and violence. She sets on a journey full of thorns and blood in order to find her way back home, to avenge on her mother's murderer.
But Wonderland is not Kansas. This world is where nightmares comes to life and full of demons, dragons, and cannibals. It is a world of despair, death, and chaos. Alice realizes the world she stumbled into is a land of madness. She must keep her wits as she could easily fall into her insanity.
Alice disguises herself as a man and she is soon pulled into the political affairs, rebellions, conspiracies and she would need to choose which side to fight for.
It is a macabre of death. It is a game of survival.





I need someone to give me feedback on my novel.

What I'm looking for from my beta readers:


-overally story: is it good? Do you enjoy it? Do the words hook you up and how is the opening scene? Is it intriguing? Original? Do you like the pace and would you read more? (this is the first book. I plan to write a trilogy).


-characterization: what do you think about the characters? Do they have depth? Do their conversations flow or are they broken?



- scene building: what do you think about the world i created? Do you find that you are hooked into it, or do you find some aspects of it boring? If you find some parts boring, can you please note which part that can be tweaked.



- improvements: what can i do to improve? (eg, more characters, detail descriptions etc) - is the story worth selling? Can you actually see this book in book stores?


- end of the story: is it satisfying, would you read more?



- if you can rate it out of 5, what would you give?


Also, grammar is not my forte and i'm afraid i've done a terrible job at it. I tried to make it as professional to the best of my capabilities, but if you detect typos and grammatical errors, can you please highlight and comment on it?

I don't expect you to be an editor, that'll be too much to ask but if you have any suggestions how to turn this hideously flawed writing into a masterpiece, then i appreciate your help.


Thank you so much!

warofthesparks
01-22-2014, 07:11 PM
I'm willing to beta. PM me if interested.