I just don't have the words

Sketti · Jan 14, 2014

Hi

I've been writing since I was a teenager but never managed to finish anything. This was mostly ok because I enjoyed it so much that I didn't care. Then there was work. I started working doing something I wasn't that interested in and in the past few years, I have come to positively hate it.

But throughout it all, I was still mostly able to write, even if I jumped from WIP to WIP and never finished anything. Getting published would have been neat but not that important to me in the end. However now, I try to write but I just get this feeling of pointlessness. I'm so tired of work, life, I'm constantly dreading tomorrow, I have no time to do anything pleasurable so why would I waste it doing something so hard as writing? Especially knowing it's not going to go anywhere?

Even when I try, I open my word processor, I know what kind of story I want to write, I have a couple of very vivid scenes I want to get down... then my fingers touch the keyboard and blank. It feels like typing is the last thing I want to do right now. I may be able to coax 100 words or so, with much difficulty but I literally would rather rip out my nails. And I mean literally. My hands are a mess...

And the scary thing is that it's not just my writing. I feel like my mind is shrinking. I used to have such a rich fantasy life. My daydreams used to be amazing. My dreams! Oh man! My dreams were EPIC! Every time! Now, I have levels of Candy Crush saga playing in my brain, and that's on a good day. My dreams? Well, the other night, I dreamed that I was tidying my flat with my mother's help. Fascinating.

Is this writer's block? Or a symptom of something else?

I know I need to quit my job but it's not exactly a possibility right now. Changing jobs? To what? I'll just end up doing the same thing for someone else. Taking a break? I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world...

And God knows there are writers out there, very successful, happy writers in crummier situations than me and they're doing fine. So why can't I cope?

Anyway, thank you for the rant space

mirandashell · Jan 14, 2014

hmmm.... do you think maybe you're suffering from depression? I'm no expert but you do seem to have the symptoms. Can you afford to see a doctor?

lianna williamson · Jan 14, 2014

You sound to me like you need to fill the well. Ideas:

1) Read, but read whatever sounds good to you. No obligation reading until you get your mojo back. If you're not enjoying a book, put it down and pick up another. Re-read an old favorite, maybe. Keep going until you're reading something that makes you ache from how much you wish you wrote it yourself.

2) Be creative in other ways. Do you have another area of arts/expression you enjoy? Making art, playing a music instrument, hip-hop dancing, knitting, baking complicated cakes? Do that. Have fun.

3) Take the pressure off yourself to write anything as organized as a scene. If you can't stand to type right now, scribble in a notebook with a pen. Make notes about what you want to write. Do some exercises that are unrelated to what you want to write (so it doesn't matter if what you produce is "good"). I just read a great book called Wonderbook, which has some fun and challenging writing prompts.

Just concentrate on getting the juices flowing.

BMajor · Jan 14, 2014

Hi Sketti!

I can agree that this does sound like a little bout of depression. I suffer from it, and what you've described sounds like an average day for me (I'm not toning it down, of course. It's horrible, it really is.) Are you able to seek professional help? Even if it's just an initial consultation, it could help open some things up that are going on with ya.

You mention other writers going through a lot as well - perhaps their coping mechanism IS writing.

But, I do know how difficult it is. A fading imagination is a part of growing up, sadly. I do concept art (digital paintings) and I have to really dig deep to come up with anything. Gaining inspiration can come from a bunch of things, but what I've found helps the most is A. music and B. other people's concept paintings.

Why not try to start off small? Go look up concept artworks or dig through some of the masters' works and write a short story on what you think is going on in the image. You can, of course, do this to music, other art forms, etc.

It's going to be hard to just drop the job, you're right. Do what you can now - I use my writing/art as an escape from a particularly intimidating boss..

Good luck

Sketti · Jan 15, 2014

Hi guys,

I'm definitely suffering from depression but I've been getting treated for it (along with other psych issues) for months now and this is me actually feeling *better* than I was before. I've been cutting down on my meds, which were definitely not making me more creative even though they did help me cope with the very tough end-of-year I had.

The weird thing is that even though I'm psychologically better, I feel like I lost something at the same time. Like, the more centered and grounded I am in reality, the less fun and creative I get. I definitely don't want to go back to how terrible last year was but I'd feel very sad if I lost this in the process. I'm not sure it would be a very fair exchange...

lianna williamson said:
You sound to me like you need to fill the well. Ideas:

1) Read, but read whatever sounds good to you. No obligation reading until you get your mojo back. If you're not enjoying a book, put it down and pick up another. Re-read an old favorite, maybe. Keep going until you're reading something that makes you ache from how much you wish you wrote it yourself.

I had given up reading up until early last year, hadn't even realized it but then I set myself the challenge of reading 52 books in the year and I managed 50, which I'm calling a success

I read for pleasure and discovered new authors and genres I now love and reminded me how much I love stories but it also makes me think everything's been written and I can't even come close to matching their quality so what's the point?

2) Be creative in other ways. Do you have another area of arts/expression you enjoy? Making art, playing a music instrument, hip-hop dancing, knitting, baking complicated cakes? Do that. Have fun.

I'm not that creative in other ways, I mean, I love baking, and can make some pretty great cakes but I don't invent them, I copy what others do. Same with knitting. I have signed up for a singing class. Maybe you're right, maybe I need an injection of some new creative outlet...

3) Take the pressure off yourself to write anything as organized as a scene. If you can't stand to type right now, scribble in a notebook with a pen. Make notes about what you want to write. Do some exercises that are unrelated to what you want to write (so it doesn't matter if what you produce is "good"). I just read a great book called Wonderbook, which has some fun and challenging writing prompts.

This sound terrifying to me >__<

Just concentrate on getting the juices flowing.

Thanks

mirandashell · Jan 15, 2014

So, I guessed right!

Do you think that the feeling of emptiness is part of the stabilisation you're going through right now? Maybe you just need some patience and to not beat yourself up cos it's tough at the moment to write.

Cos it's not your fault really. It's just chemistry.

Tell me if I'm talking BS.

Raivnor · Jan 15, 2014

You can always try just making sketches or synopses of works, rather than trying to write them all out. Writing out a beautifully constructed scene with florid prose and jaunty dialogue takes time; writing 5 or so lines that summarize that scene takes a few minutes. This might help you decide if you want to keep pursuing a work or not. If you can only think of two or three scenes to sketch, then you get bored, that's probably a sign to move on. And being able to sketch a bunch of scenes out without feeling a responsibility to give them momentum will hopefully jog your imagination.

In regards to reading, I would suggest trying to find one book that really challenges you to think. I love reading for fun, but, if I never tried to read Nietzche or Kafka, I would just be spinning the wheels of my own mind. Finding a book that realigns your perceptions and encourages you to think big thoughts is one of the great joys of reading. It also will help you come up with new ways of looking at your material.

Finally, as far as there being no new stories to tell, that has probably been the case for the whole of history ever since someone put down the Enuma Elis for the first time. It's not about trying to find a story that nobody has ever told, but telling an story that engages the reader in the way that only you can.

Layla Nahar · Jan 15, 2014

I'd like to suggest "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron (I was put off of this book for years by the fact that the author looks like a cosmetics sales-lady...) If you read the intro she recommends doing at least half of the exercises that come at the end of each chapter. For some reason, many people adopt only one practice from this book, the 'Morning Pages', and they never do the other two practices, the exercises and the 'Artist's Date'. I found these second two aspects incredibly helpful.

I just don't have the words

Sketti

mirandashell

lianna williamson

BMajor

Probably judging you.

Sketti

mirandashell

Raivnor

Layla Nahar

Seashell Seller