Advice for teenage girls?

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

Anyone have experience with teenage girls? My extended family has asked me to talk to my cousins, who are 19 and 21, with the maturity of 15 year olds, about self-respect.

This is why: http://lovingtwilight.blogspot.com/

My family seems to think they'll listen to me. I have no idea what to say. Somehow I think "don't be a tramp," won't quite help.

Help!

Jaycinth · Mar 1, 2006

May I suggest you bring them here and let them read some of the threads we post?

I know what is working with my 13 year old girl. I know what worked with my 19 year old boy. But they've been under my psycho influence for their entire lives. These girls are essentially adults and at that age where women get hardheaded, especially about men, and they are hard to reason with.

Hmmmm I think one of the best things I've done is take my daughter to help volunteer in a local displaced women's shelter. What some of the women have gone through is scary. My daughter has been on the honor roll every semester, since.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

That's a really good idea--scaring them that way and making them help.

tiny · Mar 1, 2006

I hate to say it, but 19 and 21 are hardly teenagers. These are grown women, though they may not be acting like it. I think one of the things that every parent should do (or anyone dealing with kids) is think back. Did I do things that make me cringe at the thought of my kids doing them? God, yes. Did I turn out alright? I think so. I'm pretty sure I did.

Can I ask, why is it that when boys act this way, they're just taking care of some "wild oats", but when girls do it, they're suffering from a lack of self-respect? I personally think that adults, which they both are, have the right to do what they please. Others may not like it, especially parents (fathers in particular), but it's really no one else's business what they do.

Plus, they aren't going to listen. Not like you want them to. They have to learn through walking their own path. That's the way it works. In my opinion, of course.

-chris

robeiae · Mar 1, 2006

I don't know where they get their money to live off of and go to school, but if someone's paying all or part of both, get 'em to cut off the funds. Maturity is only a full-time job with no credit cards away.

Rob

Shadow_Ferret · Mar 1, 2006

As Tiny Terror suggested. I'm wondering if their kids were the boys in the picture instead of the girls if they'd be so inclined to think they lacked self-esteem.

It appears to me they're all just having fun.

Ferret, who only has boys and would probably have locked his daughters in their room until they turned 35. (apologies to Maryn)

Jaycinth · Mar 1, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
Ferret, who only has boys and would probably have locked his daughters in their room until they turned 35. (apologies to Maryn)

They will climb out of the windows. Trust me.

Shadow_Ferret · Mar 1, 2006

Did I say locked? I was thinking more along the lines of "A Cask of Amontillado."

mdin · Mar 1, 2006

I have plenty of experience with teenage girls! Just send them my way.

Seriously... they're 19 and 21. Based on the one myspace page, they're like every other 19 and 21 year old I know/knew. I know several women who were complete party sluts when they were that age--even with divorces and arrests and abortions--who grew up to be just fine. Trying to impose your "life skills" on them is infinitely more dangerous. They'll end up hating you and rebeling even more so. Let them find their way. And if they don't, there's nothing you could've done at this point.

Jcomp · Mar 1, 2006

These "kids" are a little old to be getting this advice. Unless they still live under someone else's roof, then they're fair game.

Don't know the details (Sorry, can't access that link in the opening post, work firewall), but if it's about the girls sexing up too many guys, let them know that there is a double standard in this regard, because most guys are lucky to get some on any given day. That's why we pay for it sooooo much more often than girls. We're desperate for it and it's hardly a guarantee. It's like a starving kid finally stumbling onto a turkey sandwich, everyone's happy for him. (Bad analogy, food being essential and sex being...not...but you get the idea).

Girls, meanwhile, can have it whenever. So why settle. If you can eat steak and caviar and lobster whenever you please, everyone's going to point out that eating all of those damn twinkies isn't good for you, and you don't have to do that, so why are you doing it? That's where the double standard comes into play.

All that said, the way I see it, if you like twinkies you just like twinkies. What's the big deal?

Lantern Jack · Mar 1, 2006

BlueTexas said:
Anyone have experience with teenage girls? My extended family has asked me to talk to my cousins, who are 19 and 21, with the maturity of 15 year olds, about self-respect.

This is why: http://lovingtwilight.blogspot.com/

My family seems to think they'll listen to me. I have no idea what to say. Somehow I think "don't be a tramp," won't quite help.

Help!

Um, 19? 21? Those are hardly teenagers. The cut-off point for adolescence is either 18 or 19. Eighteen, probably, because I remember having to scan beer for all cashiers who were under 18 when I worked as a bagboy at Food Lion

eldragon · Mar 1, 2006

How bad can they be if they give their blog addresses to their relatives?

tiny · Mar 1, 2006

I'm wondering, did you look at their myspaces? Did you look at the pictures? One of the girls has a family pic. I don't see as their myspaces are all that bad. Most myspaces are a lot of puffing anyway. These girls aren't doing anything new.

I recently came across one of my karate student's myspaces (I keep an eye on my son's). She had white power sh!t all over it. Now there's a problem. I was horrified. Now I can't even look her way without seeing those slogans splashed across her.

Anyway, as always, my opinion.

-chris

motormouth · Mar 1, 2006

I wouldn't

I haven't seen the blog - wouldn't load on my computer, but at 19/21, I was doing stuff my parents thought was absolutely ridiculous. By the time they reach that age, parents have to trust that they've done a good job and leave it be.

(Unless they're still living with parents. Then the "my house, my rules" legislation can come into play).

At any rate, at their age, I was, while not sleeping around, certainly having a good time. I think I spent more time at parties than I did asleep.

Now, at the ripe old age of **, I am a boring old married who thinks a good time involves a book and a couch.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

eldragon said:
How bad can they be if they give their blog addresses to their relatives?

They didn't give out the addresses. The relatives that are asking me to talk to them found them on the internet. The girls don't know the we've all seen it. But if you put it on the internet, it's fair game.

eldragon · Mar 1, 2006

They didn't give out the addresses. The relatives that are asking me to talk to them found them on the internet. The girls don't know the we've all seen it. But if you put it on the internet, it's fair game.

Still.

I must be missing something.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

tiny terror said:
I'm wondering, did you look at their myspaces? Did you look at the pictures? One of the girls has a family pic. I don't see as their myspaces are all that bad. Most myspaces are a lot of puffing anyway. These girls aren't doing anything new.

I recently came across one of my karate student's myspaces (I keep an eye on my son's). She had white power sh!t all over it. Now there's a problem. I was horrified. Now I can't even look her way without seeing those slogans splashed across her.

Anyway, as always, my opinion.

-chris

She did have a family pic, and the only problem with that is that in her bio, she mentions her disabled brother as the best reason for her to remember to take her birth control. How do you think he'd feel if he saw that?

Granted, there are a lot of worse things, as you mentioned. But these girls are much younger than their years, and live under their mother's roof. The blogs are full of photos and entries which clearly show they have no respect for themselves either--basically, the rest of the family is seeing that they are looking for men to take care of them, have given up all interest in college, one flunked out, the other quit. The meddling relatives just want me to try and insert a postive influence and talk to them, not preach from on high, you know?

If there's one thing I can try and show them that might be helpful, it's that they need to have their own goals in life, and not expect some man to pave their way. And that's what I need advice about, for you guys who can't see the blog entry.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
As Tiny Terror suggested. I'm wondering if their kids were the boys in the picture instead of the girls if they'd be so inclined to think they lacked self-esteem.

It appears to me they're all just having fun.

Ferret, who only has boys and would probably have locked his daughters in their room until they turned 35. (apologies to Maryn)

It's not just the pictures--there's more to it. It's the basic approach to life--or lack thereof--that has family asking me to talk to them. And past incidents, and allowing boyfriends to call them horrible things and treat them like chattle and probably beat them up. No proof of that yet, but strong suspicions.

tiny · Mar 1, 2006

BlueTexas said:
....The blogs are full of photos and entries which clearly show they have no respect for themselves either--basically, the rest of the family is seeing that they are looking for men to take care of them, have given up all interest in college, one flunked out, the other quit....

I flunked out of college and was asked to leave two. It took some time to graduate, but the race is not always to the swift.

Jcomp · Mar 1, 2006

Okay, given all of that info, I could see the want for intervention. At this point, however, I must bow out, as I'm not nearly wise enough to be giving "grown up" advice. I'm still a kid myself. Good luck though.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

tiny terror said:
I flunked out of college and was asked to leave two. It took some time to graduate, but the race is not always to the swift.

You still had the desire to go, right? They don't. They can just find a man to pay the bills and it'll all be ok, according to them.

Richard · Mar 1, 2006

BlueTexas said:
They didn't give out the addresses. The relatives that are asking me to talk to them found them on the internet. The girls don't know the we've all seen it. But if you put it on the internet, it's fair game.

.....yes. To be honest, the first thing that caught my eye wasn't so much the contents of the photo, but rather you blogging the equivalent of 'HOW DO I MAKE THIS WHITE TRASH HAVE SOME GODDAMN SELF-RESPECT?!' to the whole internet. That just seems like a fundamentally bad start for you, credibility wise - especially given that if you found their blogs, there's no guarantee they won't find yours. Just because something's fair game doesn't mean it's a good idea.

BlueTexas · Mar 1, 2006

Richard said:
.....yes. To be honest, the first thing that caught my eye wasn't so much the contents of the photo, but rather you blogging the equivalent of 'HOW DO I MAKE THIS WHITE TRASH HAVE SOME GODDAMN SELF-RESPECT?!' to the whole internet. That just seems like a fundamentally bad start for you, credibility wise - especially given that if you found their blogs, there's no guarantee they won't find yours. Just because something's fair game doesn't mean it's a good idea.

I was actually hoping they would find my blog and see what other people think.

trumancoyote · Mar 1, 2006

BlueTexas said:
I was actually hoping they would find my blog and see what other people think.

And you think that'll make them respect themselves more?

tiny · Mar 1, 2006

BlueTexas said:
You still had the desire to go, right? They don't. They can just find a man to pay the bills and it'll all be ok, according to them.

No, honestly, I didn't.

Advice for teenage girls?

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