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Jaycinth
02-12-2007, 02:48 AM
***This is the part of town your mother warned you about. But you come here anyway. You heard the rumors. The truth is, well, interesting.

The cab driver chuckled when he let you out on the corner. He knows all about it. After all, he comes down here a few times a night.

You’re standing in front of a club. Through the windows you can see the patrons dancing. You’ve been in that club before. But it is not your destination tonight.
No.
This evening you walk past the club and turn down the poorly lit alley. You pass a dumpster. The resident accosts you, but you knowthe routine and you’ve brought along a couple bottles of Nighttrain to pay the toll.

A cat hisses and a dog snarls. You’re used to it. The requisite number of bacon wrapped steak nuggets always does the trick.

It’s a dead end. But to your left, there’s a door. You know the signal. You get in. The 1,200-pound yak knows you; you’ve never caused any trouble.
You descend the stairs, familiar scents drift past your nose. The cloak dude takes your coat and you walk through the door into.............***


Welcome to the Comedy Cabaret!
I’m glad to see you here.
..Quite frankly, I’m glad to see any of you here.
.... so you’ll be happy to know we’ll no longer be offering sushi.
On the bright side, though,
I’ve hired a new chef.
His name is Melkeesadeck
That’s right. Just like the bible, but spelled funny.
I call him ‘Mel’
He calls me, ah, ...it doesn’t translate well.
But...he knows how long to boil a cheeseburger,
and how many times to hit it, too.
Seriously folks,
The bar is well stocked,
I know what you all prefer,
Your servers are ‘Cindy’ and ‘Ron’. They work for tips, so please be generous.

As for the teenagers hiding out in the back of the bar, I know who you are. See that black light enhanced beaded curtain? Through that curtain is the arcade. You can purchase an arm band for a joke and play all day, but no way is the bartender going to give you anything stronger than a double chocolate mocha-latte malted shake.

So folks, make yourselves comfortable. Order a drink and sit a spell, or grab the mike.

It is ALWAYS open mike night in this caberet.

And, now, I’m going to step off the stage, and open it up to you. Tell a joke or a quip and anecdote or sing your favorite ‘comedy song’.
***steps off stage and meanders to the back of the club to watch.***

Haggis
01-02-2014, 07:45 PM
What?

So we've got to start over. So what?

Continue making fun of Rob.

Here's the earlier thread (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=256391) if you can't find it on your own.

regdog
01-02-2014, 07:58 PM
Found it. Wait, I'm not sure that's a good thing.

Gilroy Cullen
01-02-2014, 07:59 PM
Haggis,

I think I saw an irish setter that would even make you happy. :)

Haggis
01-02-2014, 08:19 PM
Haggis,

I think I saw an irish setter that would even make you happy. :)
What's her name?

And does she come with a ladder?

quickWit
01-02-2014, 08:20 PM
oh, that's offensive

Haggis
01-02-2014, 08:23 PM
So are you.

Fortunately I left cray back in the old thread. At least I won't have him to deal with here.

Gilroy Cullen
01-02-2014, 08:25 PM
What's her name?

And does she come with a ladder?

She's called Red.
And from what I saw, she laid down for any ole dog to come along.

Haggis
01-02-2014, 08:26 PM
I do believe I'm in love.

swachski
01-02-2014, 08:41 PM
I could have sworn I just drove past a battery riding a donkey on my way to the new thread..


I feel worse for that donkey, though..

swachski
01-02-2014, 08:43 PM
Hey, why did cray lock the cray time thread?


I never got my nuts..

TedTheewen
01-02-2014, 09:22 PM
I'll get some for you.

swachski
01-02-2014, 09:24 PM
Ok!

*waits*


Haggis, it was a genius move to install that two-way mirror in the old cab thread... it's like observing a battery melt down!

Haggis
01-02-2014, 09:26 PM
Thanks, swach. I've never seen so much pathetic all in one place before.

swachski
01-02-2014, 09:58 PM
Watching neanderthals in a zoo isn't even this much fun..

TedTheewen
01-02-2014, 10:03 PM
I avoid them because they throw poo.

swachski
01-02-2014, 10:06 PM
Yeah, but qW should have known better than to climb the fence..

quickWit
01-02-2014, 10:09 PM
Thanks, swach. I've never seen so much pathetic all in one place before.

Match.com

*rimshot*
thenkyou.

Gilroy Cullen
01-02-2014, 10:10 PM
Yeah, but qW should have known better than to climb the fence..

Oh, so he was the appetizer for the lions, just before they ate the deer at the National Zoo?

PorterStarrByrd
01-02-2014, 10:16 PM
That's digusting

TedTheewen
01-02-2014, 10:41 PM
Yeah, it is. I wouldn't eat Qw. Imagine how awful it would be in the morning?

swachski
01-02-2014, 10:44 PM
*censors self*

robeiae
01-02-2014, 10:49 PM
What?

So we've got to start over. So what?

Continue making fun of Rob.
You know, I'd find this remark offensive if I actually considered any of you my social or intellectual equals.

parumpdragon
01-02-2014, 10:49 PM
I got lost in the old thread trying to get here. There were too many posts after the linky and the linky was too small to know we'd moved. :roll: (but I am easy confused)...

anyway, Haggis will like this!

http://i1190.photobucket.com/albums/z460/parumpdragon/ScreenShot2014-01-01at103559PM_zps9261db3f.png

Haggis
01-02-2014, 10:52 PM
That's nice, PD. Why don't you staple that t-shirt over Rob's mouth?

Gilroy Cullen
01-02-2014, 11:05 PM
You know, I'd find this remark offensive if I actually considered any of you my social or intellectual equals.

So good to know we rate higher than you in every regard then, Robovowels. :evil

parumpdragon
01-02-2014, 11:11 PM
Where is the stapler...

swachski
01-02-2014, 11:13 PM
You know, I'd find this remark offensive if I actually considered any of you my social or intellectual equals.

I know, sugar... keep at it and some day you may advance to our level..

*nods sagely to Gil*

robeiae
01-03-2014, 12:20 AM
Don't look now, but I think cray may have actually succumbed to madness, mostly likely brought on by syphilis. That or he's been listening to Helen Reddy albums backwards again.

pkbax
01-03-2014, 12:22 AM
Fortunately I left cray back in the old thread. At least I won't have him to deal with here.

He'll find his way here eventually. But this is fun to watch. :evil


I could have sworn I just drove past a battery riding a donkey on my way to the new thread..


I feel worse for that donkey, though..

Poor donkey. . .

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 12:55 AM
Don't look now, but I think cray may have actually succumbed to madness...

But I haven't even posted Jessica Alba pictures!!!

http://i1190.photobucket.com/albums/z460/parumpdragon/smileys/ACray1111.png

NinaK
01-03-2014, 01:00 AM
*raises volume on men's room wire tap*

ummm,.....

:idea:

robieiueuusuwuuaueu walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. rob asks, "what's this about?"

mel replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. if you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. you wanna do it?"


robbyvowels replies, "nah, the steaks are too high."

:thankyou:
















:roll: :roll: :roll: Quote:
slap the meat
:roll: :roll:

robeiae
01-03-2014, 01:27 AM
Were those rabbit steaks, by any chance?

robeiae
01-03-2014, 01:30 AM
Cray walks into a bar...and everyone else immediately leaves.

:ROFL:

Get it? Everyone left because cray is so damn annoying. And smelly.

:ROFL:

I really should try stand-up...

quickWit
01-03-2014, 01:32 AM
:roll:

It's funneh 'cause it's twoo!

:roll:

*throws sequin thong at robo

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 01:39 AM
Ah yes, the bunny call of the wild.

GailD
01-03-2014, 02:35 AM
*raises volume on men's room wire tap*

ummm,.....

:idea:

robieiueuusuwuuaueu walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. rob asks, "what's this about?"

mel replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. if you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. you wanna do it?"


robbyvowels replies, "nah, the steaks are too high."

:thankyou:
















:roll: :roll: :roll: Quote:
slap the meat
:roll: :roll:

You people really have no empathy. Shame on you. Cray is totally losing it in there.

First he was talking to himself, now he's listening to himself. It's bizarre! Teatro d'absurdo!


Nina? Can you turn the volume up some more on that thing?


Thanks.

:D

Angie
01-03-2014, 03:52 AM
Good grief, some douchebag is stinking up the old Cabaret with his awful jokes. I'm glad this new, classier Cabaret...

Wait. QW's here??

*sigh* Never mind.

Haggis
01-03-2014, 03:56 AM
Good grief, some douchebag is stinking up the old Cabaret with his awful jokes. I'm glad this new, classier Cabaret...

Wait. QW's here??

*sigh* Never mind.

Mel's making hasenpfeffer smoothies for tomorrow's brunch.

Angie
01-03-2014, 04:03 AM
Ooh, that's okay then. :D

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 05:49 AM
Mel's making hasenpfeffer smoothies for tomorrow's brunch.

eww. You can count me out on that one.

Haggis
01-03-2014, 06:26 AM
eww. You can count me out on that one.
What? He's taking the fur off first.

Angie
01-03-2014, 07:26 AM
Which is a major concession on Mel's part. Usually he won't take special requests like that...

Haggis
01-03-2014, 07:42 AM
SRSLY.

TedTheewen
01-03-2014, 09:26 AM
*makes a brussel sprout and asparagus smoothie for PD*

I made this special for you since you don't like candy, sweets or anything good.

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 05:13 PM
I don't like brussel sprouts either, Ted. But thank you for the thought.

Pours green slush on Rob's head, since he hasn't been here much lately.

swachski
01-03-2014, 05:50 PM
That's a great idea, PD! Let's pour green slush on everyone who's not here!



*hums Eres Tu for some inexplicable reason..*

pkbax
01-03-2014, 06:34 PM
Cray walks into a bar...and everyone else immediately leaves.

:ROFL:

Get it? Everyone left because cray is so damn annoying. And smelly.

:ROFL:

I really should try stand-up...

*thinks rob should maybe go join Cray

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 07:04 PM
That's a great idea, PD! Let's pour green slush on everyone who's not here!



*hums Eres Tu for some inexplicable reason..*



:roll:

you realize I will now be singing "Eres Tu" for most of the day... :D

regdog
01-03-2014, 07:11 PM
Huh, cray hasn't found the new thread.















:yessmiley

Liam Jackson
01-03-2014, 08:18 PM
Post slower! (I'm writing all this down!)http://sexyasfuck.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/i-can-typing.gif?w=620

Haggis
01-03-2014, 08:21 PM
Post slower! (I'm writing all this down!)http://sexyasfuck.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/i-can-typing.gif?w=620
I'll see your "I can typing" and raise you one doggie typing.

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/animated%20gifs/dog.gif

Liam Jackson
01-03-2014, 09:10 PM
Is your dog writing all this down, too? I need a collaborator.

Haggis
01-03-2014, 09:40 PM
Fact is he's a lousy typist. I'm thinking of getting him Dragon Naturally Speaking.

TedTheewen
01-03-2014, 09:41 PM
Liam, it's probably page after page of "woof woof woof, woof."

I mean, after a few paragraphs of that, you know how the story is going to end.

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 09:51 PM
I'll see your "I can typing" and raise you one doggie typing.

http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o15/Damnhaggis/animated%20gifs/dog.gif

So this is where Gilroy got his avvie a couple weeks ago. Nice.


Fact is he's a lousy typist. I'm thinking of getting him Dragon Naturally Speaking.

Is there any other way than "naturally speaking"?

- and no Qwuickers, farting doesn't count as a language.

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 09:52 PM
Liam, it's probably page after page of "woof woof woof, woof."

I mean, after a few paragraphs of that, you know how the story is going to end.

:roll:

yup, the suspense is just killing me.

swachski
01-03-2014, 10:04 PM
Liam, it's probably page after page of "woof woof woof, woof."

I mean, after a few paragraphs of that, you know how the story is going to end.

I want a dog eared copy of that..

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 10:08 PM
You'll have a ruff time getting one.

robeiae
01-03-2014, 10:09 PM
Liam, it's probably page after page of "woof woof woof, woof."

I mean, after a few paragraphs of that, you know how the story is going to end.
So it's like a James Patterson novel?

Haggis
01-03-2014, 10:20 PM
More action.

C.bronco
01-03-2014, 10:26 PM
Hi Haggis! Is it the year of the dog? I'm at the library checking my lottery ticket numbers (back to August, which is the last time I was able to go online for fun)!

TedTheewen
01-03-2014, 10:27 PM
More action.

More cowbell, too.

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 10:31 PM
I agree with Harris - we need more action here.

C.bronco
01-03-2014, 10:32 PM
Why is Cray in that room talking to himself? The thread was locked when I tried to post.

Haggis
01-03-2014, 10:32 PM
Hi Haggis! Is it the year of the dog? I'm at the library checking my lottery ticket numbers (back to August, which is the last time I was able to go online for fun)!
*chains C.Bronco to a barstool*

How you doon? Where you been? You must never leave us again.

*pant, pant, pant*

Haggis
01-03-2014, 10:33 PM
More cowbell, too.
Yes. More cowbell.

I agree with Harris - we need more action here.
Yes. More action here.

Why is Cray in that room talking to himself? The thread was locked when I tried to post.
Cray is insane. But you knew that.

C.bronco
01-03-2014, 10:34 PM
I miss you kids! I have no internets at home, and take my son to Pokemon league every Saturday. We are in training!

C.bronco
01-03-2014, 10:40 PM
I have to go meet him at the bus stop, and hope to return to my favorite place again soon (AW that is). In the meantime, I am going to try to find out why our wiener dog grooms himself like a cat and tries to lick all of our upholstery. I tried to set a good example, and never did any of that myself.

Haggis
01-03-2014, 10:43 PM
Make sure you hurry back. We miss you. :)

robeiae
01-03-2014, 10:43 PM
*pant, pant, pant*
*hands Haggis his puffer, waves to C.bronco*

Currently, the smell in here is actually bearable, as cray can't find this thread.

parumpdragon
01-03-2014, 11:15 PM
Haggis, do you need tissues?

Liam Jackson
01-03-2014, 11:42 PM
So it's like a James Patterson novel?
Like, retweet, rep point, rep point, rep point, rep point)

Haggis
01-04-2014, 12:35 AM
Haggis, do you need tissues?
No thanks. I'll just pee on the carpet like usual.

parumpdragon
01-04-2014, 12:58 AM
:roll:

GailD
01-04-2014, 02:28 PM
We need more action here.


I'll just pee on the carpet like usual.


The more things change in the cabbie, the more they stay the same. ;)

regdog
01-04-2014, 03:10 PM
Not cleaning that up

TedTheewen
01-04-2014, 03:34 PM
No thanks. I'll just pee on the carpet like usual.

This is why we can't have nice things.

Oh well.

It's the weekend, which means....Nekkid Time!

swachski
01-04-2014, 06:01 PM
*watches Time strip..*


*nods with approval..*


Well doesn't Time look all shiny and new this year..

robeiae
01-04-2014, 07:02 PM
It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll.

swachski
01-04-2014, 07:20 PM
It's astounding. Time is fleeting. Madness takes its toll.

Oh yes they call Time The Streak..


Madness must be pretty wealthy by now, considering tolls nowadays... $4.50 at one booth on the Chicago Skyway!! WTF??

parumpdragon
01-04-2014, 07:37 PM
The more things change in the cabbie, the more they stay the same. ;)

yup


Not cleaning that up

agreed. I'm not cleaning it up either, where's Cray?


This is why we can't have nice things.

Oh well.

It's the weekend, which means....Nekkid Time!

Nekked in dog pee, sounds about right for the Cabbie on a Saturday.

TedTheewen
01-04-2014, 09:53 PM
Nekked in dog pee, sounds about right for the Cabbie on a Saturday.

Don't knock it if you ain't tried it!

parumpdragon
01-04-2014, 11:53 PM
Ew.

I love Haggis, but no. Just NO.



speaking of puppies...

http://i1190.photobucket.com/albums/z460/parumpdragon/Apuppytug_zps705b4b3e.png

Ona Mission
01-05-2014, 01:06 AM
*grabs all puppies for m'self*
*nibbles puppy's paws*
*never shares...even with swach. NEVER!*

TedTheewen
01-05-2014, 04:29 AM
Oh, the things I would love to teach a puppy!

PorterStarrByrd
01-05-2014, 07:09 PM
That's disgusting

parumpdragon
01-05-2014, 08:30 PM
Definitely.

parumpdragon
01-05-2014, 09:47 PM
So I rough-housed with the mutt this morning.

Stood up cuz playtime was over and I was going to stick her back in her sleeping crate -- and she leapt up as high as she could and clamped down on my inner thigh with her little chompers.

My mother has been calling her the "tit-terrier" jokingly for the last week... but I'm starting to think this is going to be like America's Funniest Home Videos with the 'head, gut, or groin' segment.

Ow

:roll:

PorterStarrByrd
01-05-2014, 09:50 PM
or simply 'horn dog'

parumpdragon
01-05-2014, 10:03 PM
aye.

TedTheewen
01-05-2014, 11:26 PM
*ahem* (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO5tFO8lZ2A)

On second thought, maybe this dog doesn't need any special training in my van. Where exactly did you find this adorable little thing?

parumpdragon
01-05-2014, 11:36 PM
I am not clicking that link. I know better.

TedTheewen
01-05-2014, 11:39 PM
If I were capable of feelings, they'd be hurt.

PorterStarrByrd
01-05-2014, 11:55 PM
I had feelings once

TedTheewen
01-06-2014, 12:29 AM
That was probably gas.

parumpdragon
01-06-2014, 02:37 AM
agreed

Gilroy Cullen
01-06-2014, 04:56 PM
I swear, I go away for a couple days and you guys break out the real fun...


No thanks. I'll just pee on the carpet like usual.

When could the cab afford carpet? Thought that was just saw dust on the floor...


Nekked in dog pee, sounds about right for the Cabbie on a Saturday.

So that explains why even the drunk karaoke singers don't come here...

regdog
01-06-2014, 05:17 PM
When could the cab afford carpet? Thought that was just saw dust on the floor...



It was on sale, besides the Bent Nail wanted the saw dust back.

Cella
01-06-2014, 05:52 PM
I didn't know we were doing this...

Cella
01-06-2014, 07:50 PM
I guess we aren't...

NinaK
01-06-2014, 07:57 PM
Maybe we could...

Cella
01-06-2014, 07:58 PM
Not in the mood.

NinaK
01-06-2014, 07:59 PM
Are you ever?

Cella
01-06-2014, 08:01 PM
sometimes. you?

robeiae
01-06-2014, 08:02 PM
Not in the mood?! NOT IN THE MOOD?!?!

*draws sword*

What has mood to do with it?! You fight when the necessity arises—no matter the mood! Mood's a thing for cattle or making love or playing the baliset. It's not for fighting!!*

AAAARGH!!!







sorry.











*And to be clear, for the non sci-fi buffs, this is from Frank Herbert's Dune. :)

Cella
01-06-2014, 08:10 PM
I'm feeling a bit weepy.

robeiae
01-06-2014, 08:11 PM
There's no crying in baseball!

PorterStarrByrd
01-06-2014, 08:16 PM
I swear, I go away for a couple days and you guys break out the real fun...



When could the cab afford carpet? Thought that was just saw dust on the floor...



So that explains why even the drunk karaoke singers don't come here...

I saw dust on the floor once


There's no crying in baseball!

no baseballs here either .. those are Mel's ersatz mountain oysters

swachski
01-07-2014, 04:30 AM
I wonder why nobody is fretting about the weather in this thread. It's the topic of the week everywhere else.

Geeze people... it's winter... we gonna get cold! We might even lose an extremity or two!




Wait... is the thread frozen shut?

PorterStarrByrd
01-07-2014, 05:18 AM
brrrrr

robeiae
01-07-2014, 06:25 AM
I wonder why nobody is fretting about the weather in this thread. It's the topic of the week everywhere else.

Geeze people... it's winter... we gonna get cold! We might even lose an extremity or two!




Wait... is the thread frozen shut?It's a chilly 74 degrees here.

Brrrr?

Haggis
01-07-2014, 06:29 AM
It's a chilly 74 degrees here.

Brrrr?
You are dead to me, sir.

robeiae
01-07-2014, 06:32 AM
Hey, I'm not the one about to become a pup-sicle.

robeiae
01-07-2014, 06:37 AM
Btw, does anyone know at what temperature the internet actually freezes (I'm assuming, of course, that one is not running Internet Explorer)?

Scotch freezes at -16 degrees Fahrenheit (-26 Celsius).

Haggis
01-07-2014, 06:38 AM
Hey Swach, Cella, Nina. You somehow managed to take us to the beach.

I love you guys.

swachski
01-07-2014, 06:40 AM
It's 74 here too, so :e2tongue:, robuauau.


But I'll prolly turn it down to 68 or 69 soon..

swachski
01-07-2014, 06:43 AM
Hey Swach, Cella, Nina. You somehow managed to take us to the beach.

I love you guys.

:Hug2: Looks like you're on the beach too, pup! *chomp chomp*

Haggis
01-07-2014, 06:46 AM
:Hug2: Looks like you're on the beach too, pup! *chomp chomp*


It's great. Blue sky, the feel of sand between my pads, a hot breath wind at my back...does it get any better than this?

swachski
01-07-2014, 06:54 AM
Everything gets better with Jello..

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 01:55 PM
Porter doesn't.

Haggis
01-07-2014, 02:20 PM
That's disgusting.

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 04:33 PM
Haggis? You have a little something on your derrière.

swachski
01-07-2014, 05:38 PM
It's called a cabana, Rob. Shorthairs have sensitive skin..

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 05:51 PM
It's a snappy look.

swachski
01-07-2014, 05:53 PM
Oh no, I know what you're doing, and I'm not biting..

robeiae
01-07-2014, 06:39 PM
Try PolidentTM. That should help your biting.

Cella
01-07-2014, 06:51 PM
I'm sure he'd settle for a nice gumming, swatch.

swachski
01-07-2014, 06:53 PM
You know, it don't you, girlfren.. :e2brows:


*spits ABC gum at robuuuu..*

robeiae
01-07-2014, 07:03 PM
*grabs ABC gum*

Now if I just had a wire hanger and an old digital watch, I could build an automatic garage door opener...

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 07:41 PM
No use without a garage, pilgrim.

swachski
01-07-2014, 07:50 PM
Yeah, that would require a lot more gum, and I just don't think my jaws are up for that..

robeiae
01-07-2014, 07:51 PM
We could make it a group project! What fun!

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 08:00 PM
I'm pretty sure cabaret bye-laws prohibit any group greater than one.

One doesn't appreciate things that are greater than one.

swachski
01-07-2014, 09:26 PM
So that's why one only hangs around with a bunch of zeros..

In binary at least..

Silent Rob
01-07-2014, 09:48 PM
So that's why one only hangs around with a bunch of zeros..

In binary at least..

Hey! That was so funny you should get a pass into the thread where cray talks to himself, swach!

parumpdragon
01-07-2014, 11:06 PM
Morning - dog bit me while playing, she sliced part of the flesh out from under my finger nail. UGH.


I love her dearly, but I'm not too fond of the nipping. Lol

swachski
01-07-2014, 11:10 PM
Hey! That was so funny you should get a pass into the thread where cray talks to himself, swach!

And ruin all the fun?


Morning - dog bit me while playing, she sliced part of the flesh out from under my finger nail. UGH.

Better get that amputated, pd. Just as a safety precaution..

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 02:02 AM
You can't just amputate a dog, swach. Nearly everybody knows that.

parumpdragon
01-08-2014, 03:32 AM
And ruin all the fun?



Better get that amputated, pd. Just as a safety precaution..

Well after a trip to the doctors because it's not healing after a week... it turns out I need antibiotics for "dog bite" - UGH.

Oh and they gave me a tetanus shot too, just because I was due for one.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 05:28 AM
might want to feed that thing once in a while

Haggis
01-08-2014, 06:39 AM
:roll:

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 12:47 PM
Welcome to the cabaret version of sympathy, pd!

robeiae
01-08-2014, 03:21 PM
:roll:

It's always funny 'til someone loses a participle.

NinaK
01-08-2014, 03:54 PM
or article.

robeiae
01-08-2014, 04:06 PM
If you dangle your article, that's the risk you take.

NinaK
01-08-2014, 04:20 PM
Spoken like a true dangler,




and risk taker.

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 04:51 PM
And douchebag.

NinaK
01-08-2014, 05:12 PM
I forgot that part.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 05:32 PM
never forget that part.

robeiae
01-08-2014, 05:35 PM
And douchebag.

Heyyyyyyy! Cray resembles that remark!

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 05:38 PM
It may have originated with his birth.

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 06:06 PM
He also invented talking to oneself.

robeiae
01-08-2014, 06:17 PM
He also invented talking to oneself.
Which begs the question: if cray says something in a forest, do the critters notice his douchebagginess?

regdog
01-08-2014, 06:23 PM
It may have originated with his birth.

I thought cray just sort of happened.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 06:26 PM
I'm in denial

regdog
01-08-2014, 06:29 PM
I wouldn't swim in that river if I were you. It's not very clean.

swachski
01-08-2014, 06:29 PM
Watch out for crocodiles and pharaohs, Porter..


eta: DOH! I mean, good one, reg... very clever... :D

regdog
01-08-2014, 06:30 PM
Oh, in completely unrelated to anything news.

The abandoned, foreclosed hovel next door finally sold.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 06:37 PM
wait til you meet the new neighbors who ..

a) would live in the place

b) are so interested in the neighborhood they came to flip a house

c) are probably from Philly

NinaK
01-08-2014, 06:42 PM
Philly flippers are crazy people.

regdog
01-08-2014, 06:42 PM
Oh man, cray's moving next door. Time to go.

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 06:44 PM
Reg! Perhaps you'll be featured on the plog!

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 06:47 PM
that's disgusting

TedTheewen
01-08-2014, 07:02 PM
Reg, what's your policy on fat guys running around their house nekkid? What if they were next door and didn't have all the windows covered?

regdog
01-08-2014, 07:10 PM
The old skinny guy who used to live next door always did that. We ignored him and bought curtains.

robeiae
01-08-2014, 07:45 PM
Reg, why do the peasants hate me?

regdog
01-08-2014, 07:46 PM
You're hoarding the Velveeta.

swachski
01-08-2014, 07:47 PM
Maybe if he stopped stealing all their filth..

Haggis
01-08-2014, 08:05 PM
I have to say, though, it's been nice in here without cray's douchiness bothering everybody. It was a good idea to give him his own thread. It's kind of like him being in Limbo.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 08:20 PM
he all wound up in himself over there ....

regdog
01-08-2014, 08:22 PM
Better than wounding us

Angie
01-08-2014, 08:26 PM
Wow, still no cray? It's like a dream come true!

robeiae
01-08-2014, 08:32 PM
It's more like the end of a horrible nightmare. The worst--by far--is gone, but there are still plenty of turkeys in the room.

regdog
01-08-2014, 08:36 PM
So grab some bacon, lettuce, tomato and start making club sammiches.

TedTheewen
01-08-2014, 08:36 PM
Rob, are you saying you want your own thread, too?

Personally, I love the people on here because they tolerate me. They totally tolerate me.

parumpdragon
01-08-2014, 08:37 PM
might want to feed that thing once in a while

:roll:


:roll:

yup, that


Welcome to the cabaret version of sympathy, pd!

we have sympathy here?


Spoken like a true dangler,

and risk taker.

Yup, and I got some pronographic doggie footage today. Gave the pup a life-size stuffed tabbycat and she dominated it. All across the floor. LOL

robeiae
01-08-2014, 08:45 PM
Rob, are you saying you want your own thread, too?

When I was younger and less pleasant than I am now, the mods here treated me unfairly. But they did give me my own thread: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134486

Actually, two of them: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108395

It's amazing I'm as kind and gentle as I am, given the way I've been treated.

swachski
01-08-2014, 08:58 PM
:Wha:

Don't hate on me, but I miss cray..


:scared:

regdog
01-08-2014, 09:09 PM
:Wha:

Don't hate on me, but I miss cray..


:scared:

GET. OUT.

regdog
01-08-2014, 09:10 PM
Nina, you are a twisted soul. Funny too.

swachski
01-08-2014, 09:11 PM
GET. OUT.

No.


Bully!


Not you, reg. I'm a Teddy Roosevelt fan..

TedTheewen
01-08-2014, 09:14 PM
When I was younger and less pleasant than I am now, the mods here treated me unfairly. But they did give me my own thread: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134486

Actually, two of them: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108395

It's amazing I'm as kind and gentle as I am, given the way I've been treated.

That's actually quite nice of them. I get concerned PM's where they ask if I'm okay and if I have forgotten to take any meds I had been prescribed. It's been a while, though. I can usually reign it in. Every once in a while, though....

parumpdragon
01-08-2014, 09:16 PM
:Wha:

Don't hate on me, but I miss cray..


:scared:

where did cray go?

NinaK
01-08-2014, 09:17 PM
Nina, you are a twisted soul.

*sniff*

You say the nicest things.

regdog
01-08-2014, 09:22 PM
*sniff*

You say the nicest things.

Yes, yes I do.

regdog
01-08-2014, 09:24 PM
No.


Bully!


Not you, reg. I'm a Teddy Roosevelt fan..

Here since you miss cray and won't leave :e2moon:




BTW: If you improve your aim, you might not be missing him. He's agile for a battery.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 09:44 PM
where did cray go?

Let's all just hope Cray doesn't come.

Silent Rob
01-08-2014, 10:22 PM
I can usually reign it in.

I always said you were a drama queen.


ETA: Miss cray's doing some sterling work over in that other place where nobody goes.

TedTheewen
01-08-2014, 11:16 PM
If you keep mentioning her name, she will arrive. And nobody wants that so shut yer muppet hole.

PorterStarrByrd
01-08-2014, 11:47 PM
NOW !!!!

Haggis
01-09-2014, 01:25 AM
When I was younger and less pleasant than I am now, the mods here treated me unfairly. But they did give me my own thread: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=134486

Actually, two of them: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=108395

It's amazing I'm as kind and gentle as I am, given the way I've been treated.
Ah. Good times.

You know, we could always make another.

robeiae
01-09-2014, 02:26 AM
Ah. Good times.

You know, we could always make another.

Another thread or another Rolling Thunder?

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 02:27 AM
I'd love to have my own room on AW but it would just be me posting obnoxious stuff and that's why I have a blog and Facebook.

Haggis, why is that gator letting you poop in his mouth?

robeiae
01-09-2014, 02:30 AM
Actually, he's getting a "gator tongue" enema. It's the newest fad in Hollywood. Bieber just had one last week.

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 02:31 AM
about the time he finishes the Gator's going to have a shit eating grin

swachski
01-09-2014, 05:37 AM
That's disgusting..

robeiae
01-09-2014, 05:44 AM
Isn't it?

Show a little class, Porter.

ETA: You too, Ted.

swachski
01-09-2014, 05:50 AM
Thank you for defending my honor, kind sir..








.....





That's not why you wrote that, is it..

robeiae
01-09-2014, 05:59 AM
You have honor?

Lease with an option to buy?

swachski
01-09-2014, 06:00 AM
I can't deny the interest is really high..

parumpdragon
01-09-2014, 06:27 AM
CRAY - WE MISS YOU!!! COME VISIT

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 06:46 AM
SHAME ON YOU FOR BECKONING THE DEVIL, RUMP !!!!!!

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 06:47 AM
Isn't it?

Show a little class, Porter.

ETA: You too, Ted.


I do show a little class. Very little. And it's low-class. But it is class nonetheless.

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 07:00 AM
I aim for lower middle myself

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 07:51 AM
We should get you some glasses.

parumpdragon
01-09-2014, 09:04 AM
Ignores Porter moose.


CRAY - WE MISS YOU!!! COME VISIT

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 09:29 AM
PD is confused again.

Silent Rob
01-09-2014, 03:33 PM
How was your bubble and squeak this morning, Ted?

Gilroy Cullen
01-09-2014, 04:36 PM
Show a little class, Porter.

Well, he can join Ted's little show class that's held at the van...

Somehow, I got a flyer for that class. Gave it to the local senator, er prostitute...

Swach, that's a different type of interest...

Haggis
01-09-2014, 05:31 PM
Ignores Porter moose.


CRAY - WE MISS YOU!!! COME VISIT
GAH!

Stop that.

It's finally peaceful and quiet and we don't have to hear about pies.

Haggis
01-09-2014, 06:38 PM
Speaking of pies, Robert Burns' birthday is almost upon us. You all know what that means, right?

Right?

That's right. It's haggis time.

Here are a few recipes (http://haggishunt.scotsman.com/haggisrecipes.cfm) to get you going.

You're welcome. :)

Silent Rob
01-09-2014, 07:24 PM
Hoots, mon!

Haggis
01-09-2014, 07:28 PM
Exactly.

robeiae
01-09-2014, 07:32 PM
Do you know what I really love about trees?

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 07:41 PM
ignores sappy question ...


are there really hooters in haggis?

swachski
01-09-2014, 07:43 PM
That's another movie quote, isn't it, vowels..


eta; haha... good one porter..

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 08:00 PM
I was a good one once

Silent Rob
01-09-2014, 09:10 PM
I doubt it.

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 09:36 PM
Being bad is good.

Jaycinth
01-09-2014, 09:58 PM
I am not dead.

I smell funny because I cannot leave the office until I get 2013 closed out.

...get used to it

Haggis
01-09-2014, 10:07 PM
I am not dead.

I smell funny because I cannot leave the office until I get 2013 closed out.

...get used to it
Make Cella do it for you.

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 10:11 PM
I can do it. Lemme get my crayons...brb.

Haggis
01-09-2014, 10:13 PM
He doesn't stay inside the lines, Jay.

robeiae
01-09-2014, 10:17 PM
And who the hell are you to draw any lines, Haggis? Hmmmm?

Stinkin' fashist...

TedTheewen
01-09-2014, 10:17 PM
Hey! If I go outside the lines, I use the Hello Kitty stickers, and it still looks pretty!

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 10:17 PM
I have an abacus ...

robeiae
01-09-2014, 10:30 PM
I know a good dentist, Porter.

PorterStarrByrd
01-09-2014, 10:35 PM
I knew I could count on you

swachski
01-09-2014, 11:56 PM
haha... that's clever porter

Jaycinth
01-10-2014, 12:12 AM
Make Cella do it for you.


Cella, could you take three bubble baths and five showers real quick for me.....yanno...to make Haggis happy?

robeiae
01-10-2014, 12:25 AM
...clever porter

*makes a note of the date and time, the first and likely only time these two words appeared together...without a "not"*

PorterStarrByrd
01-10-2014, 12:35 AM
I tied a knot once ... er .. twice

swachski
01-10-2014, 12:51 AM
Maybe you should have taken up knitting instead..

swachski
01-10-2014, 12:54 AM
Can I rant for a second?

Does anyone see any small glimmer of logic in this statement?
"By default, Microsoft Word does not print document backgrounds that you create by using the Background command on the Format menu."

Silent Rob
01-10-2014, 01:14 AM
Well, swach, that absolutely is logical if you read it with a football bat.

:roll:

How do I come up with this stuff?

It's gold!

robeiae
01-10-2014, 01:19 AM
I'd assume it does that by default because not every printer can properly print backgrounds and if you are on a network printer at work, you don't want to use up tons of ink printing a shaded background, wartermarks, or the like that you accidentally set up.

I'm sorry, but I think it actually makes a lot of sense, if I'm understanding it correctly.

swachski
01-10-2014, 01:43 AM
Okay, but why would you create a background if you didn't want it to print? So it looks pretty on your monitor? And you say accidentally set up? How often does that happen accidentally?

MSWord contributes to the dumbing down of America..



*closes page*

Are you sure you want to close the page?

FU Word, and do what I tell you to do, and stop second guessing me..



End of rant.

swachski
01-10-2014, 01:45 AM
One more thing. I just peeked in on cray, and I need to borrow that football bat, SR..

robeiae
01-10-2014, 01:51 AM
Okay, but why would you create a background if you didn't want it to print? So it looks pretty on your monitor? And you say accidentally set up? How often does that happen accidentally?

Well again, I think Microsoft is probably catering to business (and school) usage.

I understand your frustration, but I also understand the apparent reasoning behind this "feature." But you can turn it off.

http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/word-help/troubleshoot-backgrounds-and-watermarks-HP005189625.aspx


If you want to print document backgrounds, you can change this setting. To do so, click Options on the Tools menu. On the Print tab, select the Background colors and images check box.

swachski
01-10-2014, 02:04 AM
I agree. I found this statement too: As you've discovered, Word is not a page layout/DTP program - it's a word processor :-) But it does actually have layers.

My clients always want Word to perform DTP miracles... I upcharge with an "aggravation fee" every time I get that request... It helps pay for my high blood pressure pills..

Jaycinth
01-10-2014, 03:26 AM
I agree. I found this statement too: As you've discovered, Word is not a page layout/DTP program - it's a word processor :-) But it does actually have layers.

My clients always want Word to perform DTP miracles... I upcharge with an "aggravation fee" every time I get that request... It helps pay for my high blood pressure pills..

I love to create all kinds of beautiful layouts in Word and print them out as brochures, business cards etc.


Then my boyfriend gives his friend (a printer with all kinds of Docu-tech and Ricoh and fancy stuff) the USB with the files to do it 'professionally' and it drives him batty.




Yes, I could use Corel.....but I rather enjoy the bats.

PorterStarrByrd
01-10-2014, 06:24 AM
what all this techy talk .... next you'll be talking about literary skills

TedTheewen
01-10-2014, 08:49 AM
Cella, could you take three bubble baths and five showers real quick for me.....yanno...to make Haggis happy?

Woah! Slow down, woman! They don't have to be quick.

Silent Rob
01-10-2014, 01:47 PM
Ugh. Who takes a bunneh in the bath with them?

PorterStarrByrd
01-10-2014, 03:39 PM
Cray does

robeiae
01-10-2014, 04:22 PM
And Hugh Hefner.

Different kind of bunny, though.

Silent Rob
01-10-2014, 05:57 PM
That's what he thinks.

Gilroy Cullen
01-10-2014, 06:19 PM
Well, Heff did before he died.

Jaycinth
01-10-2014, 07:28 PM
Well,...... before he died.


Ok, well, SEE!!!??? it wasn't me stinking up the place after all....
(decides to spend the water bill money on vodka)