The hiding from the worthless people for the holidays thread. Aka- family craziness.

Fenika · Dec 23, 2013

Well, as if Thanksgiving wasnt bad enough with my screw up sister trying to drink her cirrhosis self into a hospital bed and my mother policing her, now its my drama llama sister's most pathetic time of year.

I dont care so much about the stupid things she says but more how she goes around making everyone miserable and ruining otherwise nice holidays. She wont get help, and my mom thinks shes doing a great job managing issues.

And of course, I refuse to tiptoe around my Older sister anymore, so when she really tries to lay into me I put her right in her place, which upsets my mom. I dont care what my sister says but rather that shes stupid enough to keep trying to one up me. And then she cries to mom, mom is mad at me, and the fun really gets dis fun ctional.

And when I tell my mom Ill gladly spend xmas eve being scarce she flips out because the shitty day must be magical. My uncle already refused to come down. My mom lost it repeatedly over fking cookies yesterday. Yeah. Tis the fking crazy season.

On the bright side I mostly fixed my grandmas heartburn after picking her up and can spend time with her tomorrow before my sister joins us.

Yeshanu · Dec 23, 2013

(((Hugs)))

Fenika · Dec 23, 2013

What are the hug things with the comforting parenthesis around them? I know not what this is!

Thanks.

Yeshanu · Dec 23, 2013

A virtual substitute for arms, of course. Here's another depiction:

:Hug2:

Fenika · Dec 23, 2013

Fenika · Dec 24, 2013

What, no one else?

My mom tried to force the magical happiness upon me before breakfast. Yes, a good lecture is what I needed. Now we can spread some holiday cheer!

So not gonna be around when my sister shows up.

Alpha Echo · Dec 24, 2013

Well, I have just stopped visiting my mother. I haven't spoken to her in almost two years. I rarely see her side of the family, so I don't have to deal with the crazy part of my family.

**hugs**

Fenika · Dec 24, 2013

Lucky

mirandashell · Dec 24, 2013

This may be an insensitive question but..... why are spending time with your mom and sister at such a stressful time? If it was me, I'd go and see my mom afterwards. Sod Christmas.

Fenika · Dec 24, 2013

I've been trying to tell my mom that it's too stressful and not fun for days now. When I tell her I won't be around for dinner today, she freaks and demands I be here so she can be 'happy' and we all can be 'happy' (read: miserable and fake).

So yes, Sod Christmas (Eve).

Maryn · Dec 24, 2013

This is when you pull up your big girl panties so tight you almost give yourself a wedgie. "Mom," you say, "you know I love you and my sisters, but this much togetherness isn't making anyone happy or celebrating the holiday. Instead, it's making me unhappy and you stressed. So I won't be there until [name a time], and I'll be leaving at [another later time]. I'll do my very best to be pleasant and make this a nice holiday, but know ahead of time that if things get negative like they did at Thanksgiving, I'm going to leave early."

And stick to it. You mom, your sisters, and whoever else is there can marvel at how you're ruining Christmas, but you won't be there to hear it, or absorb their abuse and dysfunction.

Maryn, knowing this is easy for her to say

Kylabelle · Dec 24, 2013

^I agree with Maryn here, including the part about how it's easy to say when you're not in the situation directly.

Still, it seems the best course. What a shame. I wish you a happy holiday anyway, somehow, Fenika, and to all who celebrate in the presence of those whose behavior and attitudes make our lives more difficult. :Hug2:

Fenika · Dec 24, 2013

Oh, I'm already planning to not be around later. I am already here at mom's, but I'm hiding with my work upstairs

It's finally peaceful.

Anyone want to hear my presentation on equine acupuncture and chiropractic?

(And where are the other sufferers. I'm sure you are out there!)

Kylabelle · Dec 24, 2013

Me me me!

I live with my sister and brother-in-law. He is such a piece of work I cannot begin to describe how his attitudes and behavior patterns have soured the holiday here. Fortunately my sister and her three grown kids are wonderful and lovely people and so there is happiness in the spaces where it is allowed to exist. But Mr Grump "only cares about fixing his old cars" bro-in-law is definitely putting a cramp in the seasonal good feelings here.

Fenika, it's one reason why I posted, that I share some similar probs. But honestly right now I am too weary of it to give more details. Anyone who wishes to visit the Coffee Shop can no doubt find the whole story.

Glad you've retreated into your own space. Good for you.

Ona Mission · Dec 24, 2013

Oh, Fen, we almost share a family.

This is why - well, one of several reasons, but it's a biggie - I moved 650 miles away 9 years ago and haven't seen any of them since.

The first 7 years were pretty easy. Past 2 have gotten a bit sentimental and shit...until I hear the gossip. I hang up 3 hours later grateful for the 650 miles of separation. Every year.

Fenika · Dec 24, 2013

to my fellow sufferers (though moving far far away sounds nice, except not all my family is crazy).

Kylabelle · Dec 24, 2013

Fenika said:
to my fellow sufferers (though moving far far away sounds nice, except not all my family is crazy).

Yeah, well, I moved far away too, for years and years. Some of my family (with whom I later came to much better terms) is no longer around, but I honestly thought my sister was safe! I didn't figure on this new marriage of hers being such a wrench in the works.

*sigh*

jjdebenedictis · Dec 24, 2013

I offer the comforting parentheses as well! I hope you and your family find a balance and are all as happy as is humanly possible, given the circumstances today.

(((((*hugs*)))))

Little Anonymous Me · Dec 24, 2013

Aw, poor Fen. :Hug2:

Sorry that you're stuck in your room, but at least you can lock the door and turn up the music. :tongue

I don't have crazy relatives to deal with. My father's side of the family hates my mother and by extension me, and likes to pretend they don't know us. So it is a small but relaxed Christmas in suddenly chilly Florida.

Hip-Hop-a-potamus · Dec 24, 2013

I'm with ya, Fen. {{insert comforting parentheses here}}

I too have a dysfunctional family (of one). My father and brother have both passed away, but my mother is batshit crazy. I moved to Canada to get away from her (and didn't tell her).

Mothers can be very good at laying on the guilt and giving attitude, but I'm with Maryn. Once you get to a certain age, you can tell them what you will and will not do. If holidays are awful, don't go. If she continues to call you about it, take the phone off the hook. If she comes over to get you, don't answer the door.

Yeah, she and I may see things in black and white, but my mother threatened to shoot me before I moved away. I tend to not put up with family dysfunction anymore. At all.

Maryn · Dec 24, 2013

I'm reminded of the many similar tales I'm seeing at AW and elsewhere. Kindred spirits whose families are impossible are abundant this time of year, even if they don't see this thread or choose not to share in just what way their families dysfunction.

I am reminded anew each holiday season how very fortunate I am that my family, both nuclear and extended, is at most selfish and annoying, certainly never worse. Whew! You all come to my house and we'll talk and laugh and eat and drink and have a lovely time of it.

Maryn, who wishes we'd all taken one of those Detroit houses and made an AW colony

Kylabelle · Dec 24, 2013

Maryn said:
Maryn, who wishes we'd all taken one of those Detroit houses and made an AW colony

Ooh what a good idea, is it too late?

Brutal Mustang · Dec 24, 2013

I have the opposite problem of Fenika. My folks are in central America, and I miss them!

PS. Fenika, I am interested in equine chiropractor stuff. I know of some horses that seem out-of-wack.

cornflake · Dec 24, 2013

You can hide virtually - some relatives of mine used to call every year to inform people where they'd be "vacationing." Seems every year after a certain point, there were miraculous trips that couldn't be passed up around the holidays.

They'd just camp out at home and not answer the phone to avoid one relative, who the story was for, because saying 'we'd rather not be around you,' would invite nuclear fallout.

It seems extreme but it wasn't that big a deal really, and they had fun picking their imaginary destination and telling people, heh.

Can you try the accupuncture on yourself?

Is it possible to do accupuncture on oneself? That's weird, but if you could reach why wouldn't it work?

MaryMumsy · Dec 24, 2013

to all of you dealing with problem relatives. We'll spend a few hours this evening with MIL and some others on that side of the family. Tomorrow we'll spend a few hours with my Dad at assisted living. Then tomorrow night, a nice peaceful dinner with just me and hubby and the cat.

MM

The hiding from the worthless people for the holidays thread. Aka- family craziness.

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