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Feeling ashamed of own writing?

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Chris_tine

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I used to think that my writing was alright, not the best or even close to perfect but good enough to keep on doing it. I got encouragement from friends and relatives, which also helped specially the times when I was insecure about continuing.

However, just one hugely negative critique has affected me so deeply that now I am completely incapable of writing anything. What is worst, I feel ashamed of my work. I finished my first MS over a year ago and although I have managed to revise it a few times I know I should keep on editing it. Since I joined the AW forums I feel I have learned a lot of valuable advice on how to trim up a MS but even though I do feel the eagerness somewhere inside, I am still stuck with the uncertainty and shameful feeling that my work just plain sucks and maybe there is not much point on working on it at all.

I would like to know if any of you has ever felt this way and how you have managed to get over that horrible sensation. I have cried, been angry, cried some more and now I feel almost totally disconnected from my novel. I am getting to the point of hating it and I am really worried that I could be going down a road from which I can't come back. Help!
 

shadowwalker

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Might I suggest putting that novel aside, and working on something else. It doesn't have to be another novel, or even a short story - just write whatever you feel like, in whatever manner you want, without regard to quality or anything. Even take your anger and frustration and fear and give them to a character - act out those emotions on paper - and again, without regard to quality or length or anything else. Just write for the fun of it (you'd be surprised how much fun getting 'revenge' via your character is). Get the joy back. Then, when you're ready, you'll either go back to that novel or start something fresh. But yeah - you're not alone in those feelings. We've all been there at some point.
 

Kerosene

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What do you mean by "negative" critique? One that's unconstructive, bashing your work, and attacking you? Or one that told you what the critic had a problem with? For the former, disregard it. For the latter, take what you wish from them and revise your work as you see it.

Is this about your first novel? Frankly and honestly, this is part of the learning process. Yes, you'll be ashamed of your writing (I was for quite some time after my first couple critiques), but IMO you just have to get back to writing. If you're ashamed of your writing, then work on it. This is all about "Learning About Thick Skin" and finding out that editing is one of the largest processes of writing a story.

You might see it as garbage, but that's might be because there's just a mass of "problems" in front of you, and you're unsure about how to deal with them all. For that, make a list. Write down everything that you don't like, order it all from most important to least, and work from the top down. Of course, it'll take time to learn all of this. No need to rush, no need to fret. Take a deep breath and take it slow.

Or, you might have outgrown your story. Shedding your skin, so to say. In my experience, I've done it a lot. The story just has too much to be fixed, and it wouldn't be the story you originally envisioned. You can drop it and start anew, or if you want to fix that you can break it down to its skeleton and start fleshing it out from the bottom up.

I'll second shadowwalker's suggestion if you feel like you need distance. Somtimes it really helps to walk away for a spell. I'd like to add: When you return to your story, sit down with it and set all negative thoughts to the side. Read it to enjoy it, trying to find the gold between the lines. Afterward, turn on the internal editor and take the red pen to it.
 
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ap123

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Every time. Even when I feel I've "hit it," writing is a naked business.

Spend some more time in SYW, reading other crits, then go back to your manuscript and try to sift through, which portions of that crit were subjective and which were objective that can be used to improve your work. You may use it to improve this work--or you may move forward and use it for the next one.

I also like shadow walker's advice to work on something completely different, just to get yourself past this hump.
 

T Robinson

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Never go by ONE negative critique. Especially if the person did not tell you why it was negative. There is a member on here who has a part of his signature line something like, " If everyone tells you there is a problem, you might want to take a closer look." You cannot make that determination on one review. When you are able, put the first few pages on SYW, and you will get many comments, usually with them telling you why and what they liked and did not like and why it did or did not work for them.

An honest person will tell you that a critique/review is only one person's opinion. You need several to get a proper statistical sample. As an example to you, look back at the threads you have been in and what people said. I don't recall anything negative in what people said to you. If you had no clue how to write, in general, many people would just ignore you and not respond.

Finally, crafting a story is work, with many drafts, revisions and self-editing. Not having seen the story or talking to you, I have no idea what point you are in your journey, but I do know this. Don't let one person stop you. Be true to yourself and your work. You joined here, in part to learn more about the craft of writing. Do so.

As far as your specific question. Start something else, letter to yourself, short story, doesn't matter as long as it is writing. When you get to SYW, you may get "negative" comments, but usually they will tell you why it did not work for them.
 

T Robinson

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Side note. I see there were no comments when I started and three before I finished typing. That indicates that: (a) I am a slow typist and (b) Others are telling you the same thing. Good luck.
 

Undercover

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I like Shadowwalker's idea too. Don't let this one critique hold you back from something you love doing. Take revenge and put that emotion in your writing. Some kind of vampire waiting to prey on the innocent and then strike with force on aiding them or something. Cause honestly deep down, you got mentally slashed and you're hurt. But don't let yourself keep bleeding about it. You'll eventually die out that beautiful writing skill (living inside of you.) You want that one person to do that to your writing? NO. GOD NO.

You fight for that right to voice yourself in words, stories...novels. What you set out to do. This should only give you ammo to work harder, prove them wrong. Because believe me (and this is only the beginning...because it does hurt) but that voice in you won't stop bothering you about it. Listen to it, give it a chance. When that happens, and you start writing again, your words will only be stronger, more powerful.

In a way this process is somewhat needed, the good and the bad. You just have to do your best to filter out those really negative crits that only do damage of either slowing you down or worse, stopping you. And when it comes to writing, and expressing your thoughts on paper (or on your computer screen) nothing, and I mean, NOTHING in the world should stop you from doing that.

Same thing with negative rejections on agents and publishers. The rejections should only give you ammo to work harder. Please fight to get over this hump. Have a mint chocolate...see the Christmas decos outside. Be alone in your thoughts, center yourself again. And when you're ready, write again. And I swear to GOD, you'll get better at it.

Critting and getting crits, once you get started on that and get up to 50 posts. I strong suggest you at least try it out. You will learn a bizzzillion things, help others and make awesome freakin friends too, and perhaps people that can help beta you.

Good luck and please hang tight. If that voice inside you still wants to come out on paper, let it. Please.

Until then, enjoy the holidays!:Hug2:
 

Chris_tine

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Again, I have to take off my hat at the fantastic advice received in this forum. I am definitely feeling more reassured about what I have to do. I know that having just started in the world of writers makes me more vulnerable and why not say naïve to criticism. I surely welcome suggestions, advice, critiques as long as there is something constructive behind it, as long as a solution or a path for improvent is suggested.

I called it a negative critique because basically gave me zero alternatives but to stop writing altogether. Or at least in English. I am aware I am not native and my writing needs to go through more than one pair of native eyes. But I am more than willing to learn, to see the wrongs and make them right. However I was just told that I should only try and write in my native tongue and then pay for someone to translate my work into English. I was not given examples on where I had gone wrong, ideas for improvement, nothing. Also was told that because of the grammatical errors and punctuation it was impossible to give me any comments at all, nothing.

I don't know whether this person read the whole MS or not as I was not given any review besides "don't attempt English, stick to whatever language you have as mother tongue" To me those comments just destroyed any self confidence I had in my writing skills. I did not want to write in Spanish, neither in Catalan. I wanted to write in English, I language I embraced many years ago as my own and the one I used to communicate with my loved ones; my husband and my son.

Many friends have tried to convince me to ignore the whole critique but I guess it is because it came from an apparently professional writer and editor, it has stung me more than I thought possible.
 

Kerosene

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As long as you write as well as you've been posting, I would say there shouldn't be major problems.
Unless, you're trying too hard to be writerly--that can backfire a lot, and especially outside your foriegn tongue.

I think I've told you this before, or perhaps it was someone else, but when you get 50+ posts put your work in the SYW section to see how it fairs. You'll get constructive criticism for sure, and you'll grow thicker skin. You might want to write a separate piece, a short story or vignette to be chewed up.
 

Dancre

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Chris, get that stinking thinking out of your head. ONe negative critic does NOT mean you are a bad writer. It means one of the following: 1) the genre is not the reader's cup of tea and that's ok. I write fantasy and I have friends who simply say, I don't like fantasy and that's ok. 2) They saw some things that need to be fixed and that's ok too. 3) They were having a bad day and decided to take it out on you. That's not ok, but there's no reason to let it get in your head.

Writing is simply an art form. There are some forms of art that folks love and hate and that's ok. I like Van Gogh's paintings, but they're not my favey and that's ok.

The thing about art is that it is a living organism. Yes, books are alive and since art is alive it is always recreating itself. You need to keep going despite what this person said, if you don't, you won't be happy. Learn, learn, learn to make the organism prettier and prettier. It takes time and that's ok too. Don't be discouraged. So get back to writing and have confidence in yourself and your writing. You're doing great, you'll get there.

I used to think that my writing was alright, not the best or even close to perfect but good enough to keep on doing it. I got encouragement from friends and relatives, which also helped specially the times when I was insecure about continuing.

However, just one hugely negative critique has affected me so deeply that now I am completely incapable of writing anything. What is worst, I feel ashamed of my work. I finished my first MS over a year ago and although I have managed to revise it a few times I know I should keep on editing it. Since I joined the AW forums I feel I have learned a lot of valuable advice on how to trim up a MS but even though I do feel the eagerness somewhere inside, I am still stuck with the uncertainty and shameful feeling that my work just plain sucks and maybe there is not much point on working on it at all.

I would like to know if any of you has ever felt this way and how you have managed to get over that horrible sensation. I have cried, been angry, cried some more and now I feel almost totally disconnected from my novel. I am getting to the point of hating it and I am really worried that I could be going down a road from which I can't come back. Help!
 

Wilde_at_heart

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I used to. Maybe I'm just delusional now, or my writing actually has improved. However I'm not in the midst of finishing my first MS, or even my second but probably my sixth or seventh.

Regardless, just slog through it, be open to constructive criticism, work towards getting better and it will get better.

I don't think anyone quite grasps how difficult it is to actually write well until they attempt it themselves.

ETA: Will's idea is also a good one - post something in SYW when you reach your 50 (and ask they sugar coat it if you feel you need for them to), only something you're not as emotionally invested in.
 
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Undercover

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As long as you write as well as you've been posting, I would say there shouldn't be major problems.
Unless, you're trying too hard to be writerly--that can backfire a lot, and especially outside your foriegn tongue.

I was going to say this too. Chris, you've been writing in perfect (enough) English with your posts so far, for us all to understand, so I don't see it as a problem.

Will brings up a good point, don't try too hard. There's a difference between trying harder and trying too hard. Sometimes when a writer is trying too hard, it's too difficult to even keep going. Another reason to step back and center yourself again. Just because you stopped, doesn't mean you're not a writer anymore. Everyone takes breathers here and there. I mean, unless you're a robot and pump out book after book after book. I don't ever remember seeing that happen, not yet at least. It's when you stop writing completely and never pick it back up again. Well, then, that's when you're done with it.

I'm American and I write English, but OMG, I have horrible grammar. I can't spell for sh*t and I could go on and on writing one big rambling sentence of a novel, I don't know me grammar, seriously. But that never stopped me either. And I think I'm doing pretty good. Enough to keep doing it, that's for sure.

(i wrote this without my glasses on. still need to find them. if there's errors, please forgive. just wanted to add to Will's good point)
 

thebird

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I called it a negative critique because basically gave me zero alternatives but to stop writing altogether. Or at least in English. I am aware I am not native and my writing needs to go through more than one pair of native eyes. But I am more than willing to learn, to see the wrongs and make them right. However I was just told that I should only try and write in my native tongue and then pay for someone to translate my work into English. I was not given examples on where I had gone wrong, ideas for improvement, nothing. Also was told that because of the grammatical errors and punctuation it was impossible to give me any comments at all, nothing.

I don't know whether this person read the whole MS or not as I was not given any review besides "don't attempt English, stick to whatever language you have as mother tongue" To me those comments just destroyed any self confidence I had in my writing skills. I did not want to write in Spanish, neither in Catalan. I wanted to write in English, I language I embraced many years ago as my own and the one I used to communicate with my loved ones; my husband and my son.

Let me first say that, based on your posts here, I would never have thought you weren't a native English speaker. You seem to have a great handle on the language (more so than many native speakers I come across regularly!).

I've come to the point where I ignore unhelpful critiques entirely. A critique that says nothing but, "This is awful," is unhelpful at best, cruel at worst. A critique should give encouragement and advice, and help the writer identify problem areas, not make the person feel worthless as a writer.

My advice? Find a good place to get a solid critique (the SYW forums here are great), and ignore the nasty critique entirely.

(I'd be happy to do a quick read-through of some of your work if you're interested. I'm not an expert by any means, but I have some experience critiquing and have been told I'm good at it. :))
 

Chris_tine

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Will brings up a good point, don't try too hard. There's a difference between trying harder and trying too hard. Sometimes when a writer is trying too hard, it's too difficult to even keep going. Another reason to step back and center yourself again. Just because you stopped, doesn't mean you're not a writer anymore. Everyone takes breathers here and there. I mean, unless you're a robot and pump out book after book after book. I don't ever remember seeing that happen, not yet at least. It's when you stop writing completely and never pick it back up again. Well, then, that's when you're done with it.

Very good point. I have not completely given up but definitely taken quite a long break since I started writing. Last time I took a big break was when my son was born so kind of gave me an excuse, at least a better one than I have now.

I sincerely thank you all that have commented on this thread because you have given me very useful advice and from now I will surely take the steps needed to get back on track. It is amazing how sometimes one can get so wrapped up on its own little world than fails to see the solution right in front of your nose.

It is fantastic to have people to talk about it and gain a fresh perspective. I hope that at some point I could also help others in similar situations :)
 

Chris_tine

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Let me first say that, based on your posts here, I would never have thought you weren't a native English speaker. You seem to have a great handle on the language (more so than many native speakers I come across regularly!).

I've come to the point where I ignore unhelpful critiques entirely. A critique that says nothing but, "This is awful," is unhelpful at best, cruel at worst. A critique should give encouragement and advice, and help the writer identify problem areas, not make the person feel worthless as a writer.

My advice? Find a good place to get a solid critique (the SYW forums here are great), and ignore the nasty critique entirely.

(I'd be happy to do a quick read-through of some of your work if you're interested. I'm not an expert by any means, but I have some experience critiquing and have been told I'm good at it. :))

Thanks for your kind words, I feel so much better now and with renewed energies to work on what has to be done!

Definitely I will try the SYW forums. I am more than impressed with the level of the works shared and especially with the critiques. It is fantastic to receive constructive criticism, to get advice on something tangible, to discover aspects of your writing that you can really improve and work on. I feel already quite in debt by the amount of advice and encouragement I am receiving and I wish I was as brave and articulated to give other writers proper critiques too. I feel it is something that I really have to strive to get better at because I think it is also part of the process of improving oneself's too.
 

cornflake

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Again, I have to take off my hat at the fantastic advice received in this forum. I am definitely feeling more reassured about what I have to do. I know that having just started in the world of writers makes me more vulnerable and why not say naïve to criticism. I surely welcome suggestions, advice, critiques as long as there is something constructive behind it, as long as a solution or a path for improvent is suggested.

I called it a negative critique because basically gave me zero alternatives but to stop writing altogether. Or at least in English. I am aware I am not native and my writing needs to go through more than one pair of native eyes. But I am more than willing to learn, to see the wrongs and make them right. However I was just told that I should only try and write in my native tongue and then pay for someone to translate my work into English. I was not given examples on where I had gone wrong, ideas for improvement, nothing. Also was told that because of the grammatical errors and punctuation it was impossible to give me any comments at all, nothing.

I don't know whether this person read the whole MS or not as I was not given any review besides "don't attempt English, stick to whatever language you have as mother tongue" To me those comments just destroyed any self confidence I had in my writing skills. I did not want to write in Spanish, neither in Catalan. I wanted to write in English, I language I embraced many years ago as my own and the one I used to communicate with my loved ones; my husband and my son.

Many friends have tried to convince me to ignore the whole critique but I guess it is because it came from an apparently professional writer and editor, it has stung me more than I thought possible.

I note your use of the word 'apparently,' heh. Even if the person is, as others have said, don't put that much stock in one critique, especially one that's not constructive and is rude to boot.

When you get to 50 posts, if you try the SYW forum, you may get a variety of responses, but none should be that rude (if they are, report them) and further, if you don't understand something about what people are saying - like if people say your grammar has issues but you're not seeing the problem, ask for clarification. As long as someone is genuine and trying, posters here tend to be willing to expand, continue to help, etc. There are also plenty of people here writing with ESL.
 

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I would like to know if any of you has ever felt this way and how you have managed to get over that horrible sensation. I have cried, been angry, cried some more and now I feel almost totally disconnected from my novel. I am getting to the point of hating it and I am really worried that I could be going down a road from which I can't come back. Help!

Really sorry you're going through this, it's rough. But I've been there; I imagine most have, and more than once. There's plenty of great advice here already. Tough it out, work on something new for a time. And if you've got a little voice in your head telling you you're wasting your time, your writing is terrible etc. then be sure to do the following: give that little voice a name and a face, and then write a few paragraphs where you get to torture it. It's therapeutic!

Or, you might have outgrown your story. Shedding your skin, so to say. In my experience, I've done it a lot. The story just has too much to be fixed, and it wouldn't be the story you originally envisioned. You can drop it and start anew, or if you want to fix that you can break it down to its skeleton and start fleshing it out from the bottom up.

This is the kind of thing I wish I knew when I first started out, but seems so obvious looking back. I look at my first attempt at a novel these days and wonder what ever drew me to the idea in the first place. But none of it is wasted effort. It's all time in the trenches, and "that great idea" that we're all terrified of wasting? Eh, turns out there will always be another one lurking around the corner.

Will brings up a good point, don't try too hard. There's a difference between trying harder and trying too hard. Sometimes when a writer is trying too hard, it's too difficult to even keep going. Another reason to step back and center yourself again.

Just to repeat this. A few times in the past I've become so frustrated and upset over my writing that all the joy has been sucked out of it. It's usually the result of bad reception, over-thinking things, or a combination of the two. During those times when I catch myself in that mood, I write down "YOU'RE TRYING TOO HARD!", take a step back, and then go at it again with a clearer head. Works for me, anyway. :)
 

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According to people (especially here) I should, instead I feel pride, especially against the people in here. By all means I'm not the best writer in the world, but the treatment I received in here beats anything I have experienced earlier (and I have taken a few harsh bumps). The people that have commented on my stuff should fucking hang from the gallows (since it's an unfortunate fact that people that needs to die doesn't just commit suicide even though I hope someone that haven't spared my feelings reads this and promptly kills him or herself). That's my feelings thus far for the people here.

Well I would likely be done with this fucking place after this, so good fucking riddance as the commentators here are fucking disrespectful morons that often should die and hopefully while suffering greatly.
 

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According to people (especially here) I should, instead I feel pride, especially against the people in here. By all means I'm not the best writer in the world, but the treatment I received in here beats anything I have experienced earlier (and I have taken a few harsh bumps). The people that have commented on my stuff should fucking hang from the gallows (since it's an unfortunate fact that people that needs to die doesn't just commit suicide even though I hope someone that haven't spared my feelings reads this and promptly kills him or herself). That's my feelings thus far for the people here.

Well I would likely be done with this fucking place after this, so good fucking riddance as the commentators here are fucking disrespectful morons that often should die and hopefully while suffering greatly.

Here -- lemme get that door for you.
 

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@Chris tine- I am a native speaker here so I may be missing it completely. But, if you meant that the critiquer said they didn't understand your writing well enough so you should write in your native language - honestly, I don't think I'd consider that harsh.

I've taught English as a second language students and was often surprised they were categorized as such. Until we got beyond everyday conversational English and into concepts that were more specialized. Then, it showed and I understood why they were not ready to exit the program.

So, you say you know your English needs work? From your post, I didn't see anything hard to understand, but forum posts are more straightforward. Anyway, just a thought there, unless I missed the point...

In any case, I have been on both sides of that. When you're new, it can feel like they slapped your baby. Imo, that is something you have to get used to and the way to do it is to get more critiques. After a while, you don't feel like they slapped your baby, you feel like they tried to help you polish some stuff you wrote. They get some of it right and some of it wrong, the same as the writer.

I have also pissed some people off. From my point of view, I put a lot of time into a thorough, thoughtful, courteous critique. Until. LOL... more than once, I have been called outside of my name when I was expecting a giant thank you for my helpfulness!

There are always a *very* few who really are mean. But, after giving and receiving hundreds of critiques, whenever I've looked over a dispute, I almost always thought the writer was in the wrong, not the critiquer. Even though I understand the writer's feelings.

If a bad critique ran someone off, they'd never survive the editor and reader stuff anyway. Not excusing nasty people, but just saying that certainly doesn't end with critiques.

We start at amateur level where people make nice social comments. Here, we go from that to striving for professional level. The focus is on improving the story, not the writer's feelings. We all have to make that leap and yes, it hurts.

My advice is get it right back out there. That's the only way to grow the required thick skin. Good luck!
 
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I know it's really really hard to separate your writing from you, but it's got to be done.

I know it's hard, and I know it can be painful, in those special ways that happen when they jest at scars that never felt a wound.

If you really want to write, write.
 

J.S.F.

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OP, there's been some pretty solid advice, so for what it's worth, just keep writing and don't let one bad critique ruin your existence. I had one novel of mine negged all to hell (at least the person was civil in her responses when I contacted her and we agreed to disagree) and yes, it cut me to the quick, but that hasn't stopped me from writing. And this was a published novel! GAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

But I digress.

You may think that not being a native speaker cuts you out of certain circles or puts you at a disadvantage. Not necessarily so, and I could not tell it by your posts. There are plenty of native speakers who can't write worth a damn. By that, I mean just because a person speaks and writes in English doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be able to write well in English.

So as others have said, just write. Do your best on your MS. If you feel that it isn't up to snuff, do something different. But by all means, keep writing. And when you're up to the fifty-post mark, as W. Sauger suggested, put up some of your work for critique. It may not be as bad as you think, and with a little tinkering, it might be okay. Even if it isn't, there are other things to write about.
 

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You may think that not being a native speaker cuts you out of certain circles or puts you at a disadvantage. Not necessarily so, and I could not tell it by your posts. There are plenty of native speakers who can't write worth a damn. By that, I mean just because a person speaks and writes in English doesn't necessarily mean that they'll be able to write well in English.

Very true those words. I find myself with the difficulties to write well in Spanish or Catalan. At least at the level I would like to be able to write. For some reason, words don't flow as well as they do in English and any time I think about ideas for stories or scenes, my mind composes them in English. I rarely dream in Spanish any more either. I guess that I have always found English to be my favourite language to read in, which translates into the preferred language to write. I don't diminish at all a book written in other language but somehow I can't seem to get interested and engaged in stories written in Spanish.

I wonder if any of you has also experienced this sort of emotional disconnection with your native language or with one of the languages you are fluent in. (I think this could do for another type of discussion. :-S )
 

ralf58

shhh, I'm writing
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If it's any help, I couldn't tell from your original post that you aren't a native speaker. I just thought you had a distinctive way of expressing yourself.

I think the person who gave you that critique was unduly harsh. Who is he or she to set a ceiling on how much you will be able to learn?
 
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