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View Full Version : Beta reader(s) needed for young adult thriller



BernardM
12-19-2013, 07:58 AM
"Dangerous Boys" is 60k words and is on the verge of being torn down and rewritten from scratch. However, I don't really know what was wrong with the original version as I've only gotten form rejections from agents and publishers. Below is a synopsis for your consideration.

The book opens with a crash as 16-year-old CHANCE breaks through a storefront window, hot on the heels of a dangerous and wanted skinhead, while 16-year-old KEVIN supports the mission from his bedroom halfway across the country. Chance takes down his bounty and the story rolls back a few weeks. In a gloomy container yard at the New York City harbor, a syndicate of four dangerous criminals meets to examine their latest shipment of young women to be sold into the sex slave trade.

Meanwhile, Chance and Kevin live polar opposite lives. Kevin is high schooler from a loving and complete home in a quaint Chicago suburb; Chance is a dropout working a demeaning fast food job and living with his abusive stepfather in New York. Despite their wild differences, the two are best friends, connected via the internet. Neither is happy in their situation. Kevin passes through school like a ghost, not connecting with anyone while easily passing his classes and pining for CRYSTAL, his classmate. He longs for challenges and thrills and, of course, for money, which has led him to become a computer hacker. Chance hates his job and stepfather but loves another internet penpal of his, MACKENZIE.
Having reached his limit, Chance quits his job after a violent confrontation with his manager and finally stands up to his stepfather, who boots him out on the street. Kevin is lost without his one true friend to talk to. While on the street, Chance is lured out of the martial arts studio heís trained at for years into the dangerous world of underground fighting. When Kevin learns what Chance has been up to, he is angry and worried, but it sparks an idea in his mind. With Kevin as the brains and Chance as the brawn, they begin their careers as bounty hunters, chasing down New Yorkís wanted criminals and collecting the prices on their heads.

Both Chance and Kevin enjoy the spoils of their new profession, with Chance able to put a roof over his head and food in his stomach while Kevin can buy the luxuries of life he could never have before. They get greedy, however, and turn on the criminal syndicate seen earlier. It all crashes down around them as their identities are compromised by the syndicateís own computer hacker. The grim decision is made to kill them all before they are killed themselves.

Kevin proves mission support as Chance kills the groupís leader in a firefight in the manís apartment. They plan to deal with the remaining members of the group. Meanwhile, Chance finally confesses his feelings to Mackenzie and tells her the ugly truth about his life. She isnít repelled and insists that Chance give up this dangerous game heís playing and ultimately invites him to come live with her. He considers this for a moment, but knows he canít leave his best friend in the lurch.

Kevin is baited into letting Chance walk into a trap laid by the remains of the syndicate, but manages to distract them long enough for Chance to fight his way out and escape. The gangsters pursue Chance by car while he slashes through thick New York traffic on a bicycle. They both end up in crashes and limp to a final showdown. Despite being seriously injured, Chance kills the last of the criminals. With his dying breath, the last one alive promises Chance that itís not over and that he and Kevin will never be safe.

As Chance patches himself up in his hotel room, he and Kevin say their goodbyes as they part ways for the time being. Kevin, flooded with confidence after his ordeal, confesses his feelings to Crystal, who rejects him, leaving him with the final thought, ďThe real world sucks.Ē Chance, meanwhile, travels to Florida and finds Mackenzie waiting for him. She leaps into his arms and they share their first kiss as the book draws to a close.