Hey men out there - what is considered out of bounds?

IMHO, it's totally inappropriate, period. I'll admit I'm old school about this sort of thing, and do not condone it under any circumstances. I would not find it amusing despite any attempt at humor - an inquiry best ignored.

Edited to add: This is the sort of thing one might hear from a very immature person. I think it smacks of adolescent behavior and thinly veiled insecurity.

I agree with Ironmilk, it's not cool. These days, it seems like there are no hard and fast rules on what you can or cannot talk about. Since it's usually seen as a generational thing, the age of the character might be a deciding factor.

Perks said:

In your experience, is it ever on the okay side of joking around to question a friend about how his wife or girlfriend is in bed?

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It's happened several times over the years in my group of close friends, usually when somebody gets a new girlfriend / wife and after a few beers have been swallowed. It's usually done jokingly and is part of our male bonding pattern - certainly not out of bounds.

That's just not on as far as I'm concerned - wife or girl friend.

Only a complete lout would ask that of his close friend.

I think it's more to do with respect and common manners than any generational thing.

I'd never ask such a question of my friends and can't imagine one of them asking me.


Hmm?
Yes, I have friends.

One vote for "it depends", I think.

In my circle of friends it is an absolutely no-no. You just wouldn't. Heck, we find it hard enough to talk to a doctor if we have a problem with anything south of the belt-line. We are hardly going to share bedroom details with a male friend.

But ... that is simply reporting from my perspective. I am aware that there are parties out there which involve putting car keys into a bowl. Not sure if this happens before the canapés or afterwards.

Never been to one of these parties. Fairly certain I wouldn't go if asked. But I am dimly aware that they exist.

Ditto ... ahem ... dogging. I live in a beautiful part of the world - the North Downs in Surrey. But where I go out in the countryside to enjoy the countryside, there is a growing group of people who drive to certain secluded car parks for what we might describe as a bit of nocturnal hows-your-father.

A true story. Some years ago I was driving in the middle of the day when my phone rang. I pulled over into a layby to take the call. As I was chatting, I couldn't help noticing the other cars and drivers all around me. Men would drive up, park their cars and then disappear into the woods next to the layby. At first I thought nothing of it. Presumably they are taking a leak. But they seemed to be gone an awfully long time ...

Now, what I cannot do is to speak for someone who is part of one of those groups. The norms that my circle of friends apply - ie that you don't talk about what happens in the bedroom - may not apply to people with different sexual tastes.

Mr. Putt: (in his fancy-pants English accent) "One simply does not ask that question in Oxford."

Yeah, I'd consider it out of bounds as well. It's definitely never come up, even jokingly, among my friends.

Now, among friends, you *might* joke around a bit about one of your guy friend's abilities to please his GF/spouse, in a "I'm just breakin' your balls" kinda way. That's different though and definitely not somethign every group of friends would do.

Mr. Putt: "That's all right."
Me: "O rly? Who have you said that about?"
Mr. Putt: "Peoplesaythattome!!!!"
Me: "Mhmmm."
Mr. Putt: "I'm just sitting here, playing on my xbox..."

That would still be difficult to talk about with the majority of my friends. You wouldn't want to give the inference that you were interested in more than just looking.

I'm not a man but I've lived with one for long enough to somewhat know his evil ways (kidding), if that counts. First, as I'm sure we know, it's different in different circles.

But in my second hand experience, it would be much more likely and more acceptable that sex recipient would be the one to bring it up (whether boasting or complaining) than for his buddy to ask.

Also, if it was asked, it would much more likely be asked about a new girlfriend. Wives get more respect (or so I'm told, haha). A long time ago, someone asked my then-boyfriend that question about me (yes, they were drinking). But when my boyfriend asked the same question back about the other guy's wife, other guy got offended and told him to watch his mouth.

I don't know. My husband must have a very different relationship with his friends. They would certainly say, "She's hot!" if talking about a friend's new girlfriend if meeting her for the first time.

As far as asking how she is in bed...they don't do that. But I do know they are really open with each other. I've been there and heard it. Whether one wants to brag about some exotic place he and his wife had sex or whether one wants to complain about his girlfriend's lack of sex drive...those are the kinds of things I've heard. And it's no big deal. They don't ask each other this kind of stuff, but they aren't afraid to share it.

But please note: they have been friends for several decades. They have been there with each other through so much shit and seen each other in many compromising positions that nothing is off limits. They have led crazy lives (which is so funny because my husband is the most calm, introverted guy I know. I don't think I would have fallen in love with the guy he was! LOL)

ETA: Everything Fruitbat said.

Perks said:

Okay, most of that is pretty well in line with what I expected. Here's a follow up question -

Would it be wildly out of line for a friend, in a group of buddies, to toss out a teasing comment about another guy's girlfriend or wife being good-looking? If you're buddy is married to or dating a reasonably indisputably good-looking woman is it kind of like him having spinach in his teeth - nobody wants to mention it?

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If you mean saying something to suggest her being too good-looking for him then yes, absolutely. I'd even say it would be expected.

But your so pretty, though, Perks...

Decorum prevents me from answering

Perks said:

You're such a man.

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I'm just going to keep this...

The white line... that's considered out of bounds, so if the ball or your foot touch the line, that's out of bounds.

What?

Perks said:

Would it be wildly out of line for a friend, in a group of buddies, to toss out a teasing comment about another guy's girlfriend or wife being good-looking? If your buddy is married to or dating a reasonably indisputably good-looking woman is it kind of like him having spinach in his teeth - nobody wants to mention it?

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At hubby's work, where there is a mix of everything from eighteen year old Airmen, to sixty-ish retirees, not only is it done, it's almost mandatory. Especially if said girlfriend/wife is in the room.

Actual examples I've heard:

"Hey, John, how did you get such a good looking wife?"

"You know, Bob, your wife is way too pretty for you."

"Your wife must have been from a really small town, huh?"
"Why?"
"Because she is way too hot to be married to you."

"Why would you bring your daughter around all these young Airmen? You know they're going to start hitting on her."

I've heard men tell both hubbies - ex and current - with me standing right there, that "he's a lucky man". It usually ended with a punch or pat on the arm.

Ex hub was known for doing the same. They weren't always great pals when it happened, and no one minded when it occurred. It was just a compliment.

However, if any man I was with EVER said "Damn man, your woman's HOT!" Well, kick right in the testies.

As for sex...complaining about lack of, or bragging rights are somewhat normal fare for some relationships. Hell, I've vented or bragged with my lady friends...mostly the former. So, it happens. But asking flat out...rude.

Gentlemen don't discuss relations. Men don't discuss relationships. Drunks and sailors brag about their whores.

'Nuff said.

Jeff