I did my graduate work in Writing Apprehension, and I can tell you that your fear to get started is more than likely caused by your desire/delusion for the need to be perfect, or at least world-class. In other words, the fear of failure caused by self-doubts. This fear may be exacerbated by past poor writing instruction, teasing or scornful siblings or parents, friends, etc. Also, you've connected your desire to write fiction with a desire to tell the family history--quite a burden and responsibility where failure mistakenly translates into loss of family love/acceptance.
So much for the shrink session--here's what you need to do. Discover freewriting, which leaves the internal critic out of the room. Read Peter Elbow's essays, books about the technique, or find other sites online (Elbow didn't invent freewriting, but he popularized the term...See also Donald MacCrorie, Donald Murray and other expressivists. You might pick up the reprint of Brenda Ueland's great book.
In a nutshell, here's what freewriting is and does:
1. You write without stopping for a given period of time...start with a shorter time, say 3-5 minutes. Work each session longer until you can freewrite for 15 minutes at a stretch.
2. Write by hand.
3. Write rapidly but not rushed (you'll find your pace for this as you go).
4. Do not stop to think about best word, grammar, mechanics...don't line out words or make any fixes.
5. Either choose a topic or begin without one.
6. If you run out of things to say, just keep writing the same word or phrase over and over until something occurs to you.
7. Finally, and again -- DON'T STOP!
What does this do?
By not stopping, by this very method, you leave the critic in the hall. Drafting should involve the creative side of the brain; revision/editing the analytical side. THEY DO NOT WORK WELL TOGETHER! Only one in a million writers can write a piece correctly the first time through...DON'T TRY TO DO THIS...it will discourage you and convince you that you're not a writer. WRiting is thinking on paper. Unless you have brain damage you are a thinker, thus you can write. "Everyone is talented and has something important to say." -Uehland- "Anyone can do it!" - Elbow -
Will freewriting produce wonderful prose? Maybe not...let's say mostly garbage that you can keep or throw away. Think of it like a pianist doing scales to limber up. The PROMISE may also be that now and then you will produce a passage, sentence or phrase that is FAR BETTER than your normal work. That's Elbow's claim for freewriting. I've done a bunch and taught a bunch and I've seen this to be true. I've kept a few pearls and discarded the rest, then used those pearls to write short stories or even a novel.
Another Elbow claim is that freewriting is the single best method to IMPROVE your writing, if done consistently 3-5 times a week for a couple of months.
Your problem is FEAR. Once you jump in and leave that internal critic (voice of a perfectionist mother?) behind, you can ALLOW your imagination and subconscious to contribute to your writing.
One enhancement is to take the "pearl" or "center of meaning" from a piece of freewriting and begin a 2nd freewrite beginning with that chosen passage. Even if it's one word in length. This is called "Looped Freewriting" and may go on indefinitely.
My hand begins to ache from freewriting after 8-10 minutes, so I usually hold myself to that. Also, you might do it on a computer IF you turn OFF your monitor! That will keep you from the temptation to fix anything.
I'd be very grateful if you'd share with me (us) the outcome to your first few sessions of freewriting.
Thanks,
Dave