I hope I don't make any boneheaded errors here. I am pretty good with checking my privilege binders, but I'm only a fallible human. And I truly think I do not have a single bone in my body that judges people for their color (hell, I rarely notice color though I am getting better about not being colorblind), though I may "other" people for different reasons, like cultural ones. So know that my heart is in the right place. I also have a personal question for the end.
Anyway. I really want my fellow AW'ers thoughts on this, particularly those of people of color.
I was talking to a friend earlier tonight and she had something kind of profound to say about The Help. I, like I am guessing most of the rest of us do, have a lot of problems with that book. But my friend pointed out one thing that the book and even the movie totally nailed, which is the particular racial dynamic of Mississippi.
Most probably know this, but MS has, by far, the highest percentage of black folks of any state in the U.S. We're about half and half. So it is literally impossible for a white person to grow up without black schoolmates and teachers. To reach adulthood without having black neighbors and colleagues and bosses. And vice versa. We are integrated - there is no other choice.
Someone brought up tokens recently, and I had to do a bit of mental work to figure out, okay, which of my friends are PoC's? It's at least a third at any given moment. It's only not more along that 50-50 ratio because it seems like comic books and SF/F are mostly a white people thing at the moment. (No wonder, considering the lack of good PoC representation in those genres.)
So yeah, that's the background. Furthermore, we in Mississippi have a ton of "mammies" (God, I hate this word). I am talking a black lady who takes care of us when we are kids or elderly, who makes our meals and cleans a little and is like a second mother. IIRC, this is the reason that JFK sent older black ladies to do voter registrations - frat boys aren't going to attack their surrogate mommas. It's more like, "Don't touch Miss Emma! And if I piss her off she might give me a whoopin'!"
Onto The Help. I think the author nailed this. Like, white and black people generally love each other, on an individual level. A friend of mine says southerners hate the race and love the individual, and northerners love the race but hate the individual. To the northern aspect, I can't speak of that. But as to the southern one, absolutely. There are tons of white people here that are vocally racist, who are all: "I hate n*****s. Oh, except my friend. And my mechanic. And my coworker. And especially my 'mammy.'"
However, it seems like white people here - racist ones - get really pissed when the black folks get too "uppity." Like, if they make too much money, or make it too far up the institutional heirarchy. Words cannot describe my disgust for this attitude. (FTR, my second favorite boss ever was a black dude, and third was a black chica.)
I think The Help nailed this dynamic so perfectly with that one scene where the housekeeper's daughter came in and interrupted that DAR meeting or whatever the hell it was. (Seriously, would it not for Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis' outstanding performances, I would not have made it through that shitefest of a film.)
WDYT?
Also, the personal bit. My parents have a housekeeper - let's call her Rolanda. Well, my classist mother likes to call her "maid" a lot, and has IMO made a couple of moves that affronted her dignity. But I am a different person. I have never, ever treated her as anything lesser. I clean alongside Rolanda when that cleaning has anything to do with my mess. I ask her for almost nothing except helping me find my keys (which I lose frequently, damn ADD) and clean out my car every once and a blue moon.
I buy her lunches and make a point of cooking her favorite dishes of mine whenever I am visiting my parents. She and I frequently smoke cigarettes on the porch and discuss racism, Barack Obama, and our irritation with our spouses. She knows a lot about me - shit, she has been with us since I was ten years old - and kept a lot of personal shit I told her from my parents.
To my parents' credit, they take care of her well. She is not being paid under the table - she is paying into social security. She's paid $10 an hour, and that goes pretty far in the Mississippi delta, one of the poorest parts of the U.S. We give her cars when we're done with them and pay for her cell phone and car insurance. When it's clear she needs clothes, my mom takes her shopping and pays for everything, which does not detract from her paycheck.
She sets her own hours, and we find her other work when we can.
She is also functionally illiterate and even more financially illiterate. She doesn't have many other opportunities. I sincerely wish she had more. And she is over fifty so they won't come.
I hate this. I mean, I am glad that in our business transaction and personal relationship, she is well taken care of. But I want better for her. And I am really uncomfortable with this dynamic where she is totally dependent on us for her livelihood.
There's not much for her that I can do. I mean, I go through my closet regularly to give her really nice clothes and coats for her daughter, once they no longer fit, for my weight fluctuates a lot. Not talking ragged, threadbare stuff - really expensive clothes.
But I just realize I do not even know her birthday. I am thinking a nice present or, maybe even better, a homemade cake. Because my baking is freaking awesome.
But for her daughter I just may be able to do something. I could provide a little economic guidance. Girl is 17 and about to be a single mom. This, I can help with. I know education well.
What do y'all think?
And remember, I am totally posting with the perspective of a white person. I need PoC thoughts.
Anyway. I really want my fellow AW'ers thoughts on this, particularly those of people of color.
I was talking to a friend earlier tonight and she had something kind of profound to say about The Help. I, like I am guessing most of the rest of us do, have a lot of problems with that book. But my friend pointed out one thing that the book and even the movie totally nailed, which is the particular racial dynamic of Mississippi.
Most probably know this, but MS has, by far, the highest percentage of black folks of any state in the U.S. We're about half and half. So it is literally impossible for a white person to grow up without black schoolmates and teachers. To reach adulthood without having black neighbors and colleagues and bosses. And vice versa. We are integrated - there is no other choice.
Someone brought up tokens recently, and I had to do a bit of mental work to figure out, okay, which of my friends are PoC's? It's at least a third at any given moment. It's only not more along that 50-50 ratio because it seems like comic books and SF/F are mostly a white people thing at the moment. (No wonder, considering the lack of good PoC representation in those genres.)
So yeah, that's the background. Furthermore, we in Mississippi have a ton of "mammies" (God, I hate this word). I am talking a black lady who takes care of us when we are kids or elderly, who makes our meals and cleans a little and is like a second mother. IIRC, this is the reason that JFK sent older black ladies to do voter registrations - frat boys aren't going to attack their surrogate mommas. It's more like, "Don't touch Miss Emma! And if I piss her off she might give me a whoopin'!"
Onto The Help. I think the author nailed this. Like, white and black people generally love each other, on an individual level. A friend of mine says southerners hate the race and love the individual, and northerners love the race but hate the individual. To the northern aspect, I can't speak of that. But as to the southern one, absolutely. There are tons of white people here that are vocally racist, who are all: "I hate n*****s. Oh, except my friend. And my mechanic. And my coworker. And especially my 'mammy.'"
However, it seems like white people here - racist ones - get really pissed when the black folks get too "uppity." Like, if they make too much money, or make it too far up the institutional heirarchy. Words cannot describe my disgust for this attitude. (FTR, my second favorite boss ever was a black dude, and third was a black chica.)
I think The Help nailed this dynamic so perfectly with that one scene where the housekeeper's daughter came in and interrupted that DAR meeting or whatever the hell it was. (Seriously, would it not for Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis' outstanding performances, I would not have made it through that shitefest of a film.)
WDYT?
Also, the personal bit. My parents have a housekeeper - let's call her Rolanda. Well, my classist mother likes to call her "maid" a lot, and has IMO made a couple of moves that affronted her dignity. But I am a different person. I have never, ever treated her as anything lesser. I clean alongside Rolanda when that cleaning has anything to do with my mess. I ask her for almost nothing except helping me find my keys (which I lose frequently, damn ADD) and clean out my car every once and a blue moon.
I buy her lunches and make a point of cooking her favorite dishes of mine whenever I am visiting my parents. She and I frequently smoke cigarettes on the porch and discuss racism, Barack Obama, and our irritation with our spouses. She knows a lot about me - shit, she has been with us since I was ten years old - and kept a lot of personal shit I told her from my parents.
To my parents' credit, they take care of her well. She is not being paid under the table - she is paying into social security. She's paid $10 an hour, and that goes pretty far in the Mississippi delta, one of the poorest parts of the U.S. We give her cars when we're done with them and pay for her cell phone and car insurance. When it's clear she needs clothes, my mom takes her shopping and pays for everything, which does not detract from her paycheck.
She sets her own hours, and we find her other work when we can.
She is also functionally illiterate and even more financially illiterate. She doesn't have many other opportunities. I sincerely wish she had more. And she is over fifty so they won't come.
I hate this. I mean, I am glad that in our business transaction and personal relationship, she is well taken care of. But I want better for her. And I am really uncomfortable with this dynamic where she is totally dependent on us for her livelihood.
There's not much for her that I can do. I mean, I go through my closet regularly to give her really nice clothes and coats for her daughter, once they no longer fit, for my weight fluctuates a lot. Not talking ragged, threadbare stuff - really expensive clothes.
But I just realize I do not even know her birthday. I am thinking a nice present or, maybe even better, a homemade cake. Because my baking is freaking awesome.
But for her daughter I just may be able to do something. I could provide a little economic guidance. Girl is 17 and about to be a single mom. This, I can help with. I know education well.
What do y'all think?
And remember, I am totally posting with the perspective of a white person. I need PoC thoughts.
