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special needs
02-20-2006, 10:05 PM
Do married couples love eachother less? Okay, stupid question, and I know what the answer is going to be. Perhaps I'm looking for a 'how/why' than a 'yes or no'. I doubt very seriously that their love fades any, but they somehow act differently than those who are just 'dating'. By this I mean (and I guess you could call me stereoytypical, and there are exceptions to every rule, I know) that all too often I see married couples meet after a long day at work and completely ignore eachother, or give eachother a quick peck.

God knows, if I spent an entire day without my S.O, I'd have to do more than just peck him when he got home. (Is that weird? Maybe its a good thing we work together?) My friend, who just recently got engaged, used to never come out of the bedroom when her boyfriend was around---now that he's asked her to marry him, she just completely ignores him.

Do married couples just learn to 'deal' with their love more? Am I insane and imagining things?

P.H.Delarran
02-20-2006, 10:33 PM
You're insane!
Just kidding..but you did ask.
Seriously..there's a balance. A person can't run around with intense emotions all the time, they'd wear out. There are times in my marriage when we may become somewhat complacent, take each other for granted, or have some issue between us that stifles the love expressions some. However, the constant knowledge that I have this friend, this companion and partner beside me no matter what happens in my life, if so much more comforting than the high of the intense romantic emotions that come during the falling in love period. But that doesn't mean we don't still share those feelings. Everyday here. I would say, with few exceptions, I have always been excited to see my spouse and the desire for him is ever present. Just one look in my eyes and he knows this. We may be reserved around some people, heck we know it can be offensive and inappropriate to be all lovey-dovey in public. A casual observer may not see the contact, but we make it, sometimes with just a look. I definitely am a thousand times more in love with him now than when dating. After 11 years of marriage, it's a more mature emotion, and deeper high. There's a confidence and security as well as the joy and thrill. The passion is also more intense, because i know how well he knows me as a lover. But don't forget, there's still the every day trudgery of life. I'm sure there are many couples who have fallen out of love for whatever reason, but don't assume that all are like that. There may be more going on than meets the observer's eye.

special needs
02-20-2006, 10:39 PM
Heh...so married couples are just more...conservative?

eldragon
02-20-2006, 10:54 PM
You become more comfortable together over time. Newlyweds (without children,) may be able to be more spontaneous, but after the kids come, there is alot of adult priorities to deal with.


A relationship has many facets, and sex between people is just one of them.

NeuroFizz
02-20-2006, 11:05 PM
Do married couples love eachother less? Okay, stupid question, and I know what the answer is going to be. Perhaps I'm looking for a 'how/why' than a 'yes or no'. I doubt very seriously that their love fades any, but they somehow act differently than those who are just 'dating'. By this I mean (and I guess you could call me stereoytypical, and there are exceptions to every rule, I know) that all too often I see married couples meet after a long day at work and completely ignore eachother, or give eachother a quick peck.

God knows, if I spent an entire day without my S.O, I'd have to do more than just peck him when he got home. (Is that weird? Maybe its a good thing we work together?) My friend, who just recently got engaged, used to never come out of the bedroom when her boyfriend was around---now that he's asked her to marry him, she just completely ignores him.

Do married couples just learn to 'deal' with their love more? Am I insane and imagining things?
Hi, SN

I can't tell if you are talking about love or intimacy. In other words, the whole thing or just one of many integral parts. People who equate that part with the whole are either inexperienced in love, or haven't had a very good experience, in my opinion. Other possibilities exist...

Kevin Yarbrough
02-20-2006, 11:11 PM
You love them but things change after you you get that paper. The first year or two or three it may be great. You come home from work and the clothes go flyin', every room in the house look like a tornado hit it and then you lay there, breathless with a cig in your mouth talking about your day as the kitchen floor gets cold under your bum.

Then the change happens. You get use to have the person there. It's like they have always been there and always will be. You get into a routine and the flame you first had is still there but buried under kids, bills, work, etc. It's kind of like when you get a new dog. When you first come home your excited to see it and you started playing with it but after awhile you just come in and pat the dog on the head and throw your stuff down and grab a beer. The dog is the same way. At first he is happy to see you, tail wagging, jumping up and down, mouthing you. Then after a few years he just walks up to you, gets his pat on the head and then goes lays back down and goes to sleep.

We are creatures of routine and routines happen after your married awhile. It's a shame, but it does happen.

special needs
02-20-2006, 11:12 PM
Hm...so does this mean I shouldn't get married? Or I should get married, but when I'm much, much older and can deal with a 'routine'?

reph
02-20-2006, 11:13 PM
...all too often I see married couples meet after a long day at work and completely ignore eachother, or give eachother a quick peck.
What did you expect them to do in front of witnesses? Remember, they have the whole evening ahead of them.

special needs
02-20-2006, 11:21 PM
Well, I guess you're right, but I know I don't particularly care who's watching...

September skies
02-20-2006, 11:37 PM
Love is deeper than intimacy. Sometimes you have to work at it a little. When we were first married, people always talked about how "sweet" the two of us always were - even after 10 years.

And then we went through something that almost killed both of us - but we survived.

And, though we still loved each other, we found we had to work at making our relationships work.

Now, we go out almost every Friday night. The kids are finally old enough to stay home alone. (I'm super protective, girls are 15 and 13 and one 22 Down syndrome girl)

We'll go out to dinner, go dancing, or once in a while we will go to the movies. We don't always have money, so on those days, we'll grab an In-and_Out burger and then Starbucks and then head to Borders or just walk around downtown, holding hands. They are some of my favorite "dates"

special needs
02-20-2006, 11:45 PM
Speaking of dating...how many other married couples still 'date'?

StoryG27
02-21-2006, 12:04 AM
There have times in my marriage where hubby and I greeted each other after a long day and could barely make it through the door before tearing each others clothes off. There have been times we've met each other with cold glares and a 'gee, it's about dang time' expression. Times we've spoken or touched only as a force of habit and nothing more. Times we've avoided speaking or touching. Times we spoke and touched in anger. And though we've been married for ten years, the order of these times is not at all in the order you would expect.

We are extremely passionate people. When we love, we love passionately. When we are angry, we are angry with a passion. It wears you down over time, until you have nothing left. When we stopped fighting, stopped trying to 'fix' everything, that's when I knew we were in trouble.

Marriage is so much work, and though this is cliche, it really can be worth it. I never knew I could be this happy and I never knew I could endure so much pain. If you are not ready to do the hard work to get through to the great stuff, do not get married. It is not a fairy tale. He is not your knight in shining armor. He is sometimes a jerk. So are you. He will mess up a hundred times. So will you.

Your most vicious, most hurtful fights will go in circles, dragging you both through the pain over and over until you give up, become comfortable in the fights, quit trying, or learn that this talking thing we humans do to communicate is really, fundamentally flawed because we all speak a different language. And it takes years and years to become fluent in a language, especially when you are foolish enough (like I was) to believe you already speak the language.

It took us seven years, filled with so many happy times, and so much pure hell, but stubborn as we both are, something happened, something finally broke, and my language started becoming clearer to him and his to me and it was amazing. We'd both been screaming the same thing at each other for years, we just didn't know it.

Now, our normal greeting is he'll walk through the door and wrap his arms around me, kiss me softly and smile. Before we can get much more than a 'hello' out, our son and daughter are wrapped around his legs and our house erupts in this joyous energy, all because he walked through the door. My heart still skips a beat when I hear him pull in the drive. And though we've been married for a decade, many people mistake us for newlyweds. Our passion and physical intimacy is much more satisfying and wild and fun and romantic and meaningful than it was in the beginning. And we still have a very active love life, more so than after a few years of marriage.

Basically, we learned to communicate, we learned not to take each other for granted, and we learned it all the hard way because we're stubborn. But, most importantly, we learned it together.

If your biggest worry is that things will be too boring or too routine, then I have to say you need a bigger reality check of what this marriage thing is (especially a marriage between two hotheads). Boring has never been our problem but each couple is different. The one thing I can say for us, no matter what, through fun and fury, through sadness and joy, we kept it interesting.

kikazaru
02-21-2006, 12:35 AM
When you are dating you are in the "wooing stage" - you both are on your best behaviour and are putting your relationship above everything else. This is easy to do - you don't have any more pressing worries other than dinner or a movie? Or his place or yours? However when you marry, you now must become an accomplished juggler - compromising, yet still maintaining your sense of "self," managing your relationship together, your relationship with your children, relationships with family, inlaws, your job, his job, money, houses, religion etc etc. Things that you dealt with singly are now issues for you both and often you won't agree. Make sure that you are in agreement on most of these "hot buttons" before you marry, it will save you years of frustration.

Marriage is not for the weak or faint of heart. You must have something more than great sex or it's not going to work. You have to genuinely like the person as well as love them. If they annoy you now, but you can over look it because you are sexually attracted to them, they will not annoy you less when the newness of the relationship wears off, on the contrary it will annoy you that much more.

Make sure that you marry your friend as well as your lover, or it won't last.

special needs
02-21-2006, 12:59 AM
I really don't like being in a relationship, period. I love my fiance but I like to have fun. Fun with other guys, I mean...and it gets me in a lot of trouble. He wants to get married, I really just want to have fun, and it puts a strain on our relationship. Not that our relationship is dull now, but I'm starting to worry that when we finally do get married, it will become boring. :Shrug:

eldragon
02-21-2006, 01:08 AM
Obviously, then, you shouldn't get married. At least not to him.

StoryG27
02-21-2006, 01:15 AM
Yep, I'm with Pam.

kikazaru
02-21-2006, 01:16 AM
It will become boring. The day to day existance of most people's lives is really pretty mundane. Get up, go to work, buy groceries, take kids to hockey, clean house, walk the dog, go to bed - then do the same thing again the next day. This is why you make sure you like, as well as love your spouse. You both have to be on the same page, and want the same goals and find joy in day to day life with each other - or you will not be happy together.

It could be that you are not mature enough to make such a life altering decision just yet. However if you are but are continuously looking for other men to make it exciting, you will be repeating an endless cycle - dumping one to go on to the next when things get too staid. If that's the case you should look inward, to see why you need that constant excitment/attention, because until you understand yourself, you will not be happy with another.

jmo.

special needs
02-21-2006, 01:19 AM
Erg. It's killing me because I don't know what to do. I know I shouldn't marry him if I dont want to, but I don't want to lose him, and he's getting frustrated with my refusal to discuss any marriage plans. I'm sure if I told him I didn't want to marry him, his patience would run out. So really, I just have to wonder whether married life is all its cracked up to be.

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse
02-21-2006, 01:29 AM
each and every marriage is different, and not just because the names are different, but because of the people.

if you feel that the fun in your life comes, in part, from multiple sexual partners than talk to your boyfriend and tell him thats how you want to live and see what he says.

perhaps it will become even more fun then.

ps.
life is a beautiful primary school teacher who makes a second living by selling cheese to the EU. fun is her cheese. deny her cheese. there is more to life than cheese. perhaps you would like some biscuits and grapes??

special needs
02-21-2006, 01:37 AM
I'm a biotch, though. No, I mean, I'm selfish. I dont want him to have other girls, I want him to stay home and watch tv while I go out and have fun. Heh, that looks worse in writing than it does in my head, but its true. I don't really deserve anyone, and still wonder why he puts up with em.

StoryG27
02-21-2006, 01:41 AM
I'd say you have a lot of personal issues to work through before getting married. JMHO.

TemlynWriting
02-21-2006, 01:47 AM
I'm a biotch, though. No, I mean, I'm selfish. I dont want him to have other girls, I want him to stay home and watch tv while I go out and have fun. Heh, that looks worse in writing than it does in my head, but its true.No offense, but this scenario sounds like my brother's ex-wife. She stayed out for hours, even days, partying, while my brother stayed home and watched her kids (from previous relationships--she started having kids pretty young, and felt that she never had a chance to have a fun time in her teens).

From my point of view (knowing what my brother went through) it's not fair to him to expect that. It sounds as though you're just not ready to settle down yet, and that's fine. He may disappointed that you don't want to settle down, but better be disappointed now than after you're married and you're both miserable and end up in a divorce. I know you don't want to let go of him, but it just doesn't sound like the two of you are ready for this right now. I always wondered what people meant when they said "When you find the right guy, you'll know." I dated a few guys, and I always had doubts. When I met my husband just knew without a doubt. You'll just know when you're ready--that's all I can say. But to give in and get married now, when you're not ready, would not be fair to either of you. When the time/guy is right you'll just know.

trumancoyote
02-21-2006, 01:54 AM
It's important, I think, to distinguish between conjugal love and all the other 345435 million brands of what we, in English, cram into one word: love.

brokenfingers
02-21-2006, 02:00 AM
Of course this is just my own personal opinion, but I find your attitude selfish and cruel with no regard whatsoever for another human being's feelings in a very vulnerable situation.


I weep for the poor bastard.

special needs
02-21-2006, 02:04 AM
No, no, you don't get it. I want to stop hurting him, I just don't know how to do that. I'm hurting him if I stay with him. I'm hurting him if I leave him. And how could i leave him, anyway? He didn't do anything to me. I don't see why he just doesn't realize that I'm not good enough for him and that he's better off without me.

NeuroFizz
02-21-2006, 02:07 AM
Brutal honesty is necessary. The sooner the better. The kind of hurt you inflict now will be exponentially increased if you make a formal commitment under these circumstances and it doesn't work out. My opinion, of course.

tjwriter
02-21-2006, 02:29 AM
NF has it right. The kind of pain you would cause this man will only grow the longer you lead him on. You're just not ready for the kind of commitment that marriage requires and there is nothing wrong with that so long as you're honest with the men in your life. It is deception to marry this man when you know that you will not be happy with the relationship. Better to leave him now and let him heal to find another than have to answer "Since before we married," when he asks how long you have felt this way.

trumancoyote
02-21-2006, 02:34 AM
Why is monogamy necessary to marriage?

I think that, as long as you're honest w/ this guy, so he knows what he's getting into, and as long as you want to get married in the first place -- it should be fine.

But I'm ****ed up, so don't listen to me :)

kikazaru
02-21-2006, 02:36 AM
"I don't see why he just doesn't realize that I'm not good enough for him and that he's better off without me."

Maybe he sees something in you that you can't see yourself?

If you think you aren't good enough, perhaps this is why you are behaving this way. You feel you don't "deserve" a good man, so you are doing things to drive him away. If he leaves you that just confirms your opinion, and if he doesn't leave you, then there is something wrong with him, so he deserves to be treated badly.

I'm no professional, but perhaps talking to one might help you sort out your feelings.

aadams73
02-21-2006, 02:46 AM
Break up with him, move on and stop wasting both your time. This way he can find someone who wants the same commitment he does, and you can play around. Ergo, you'll both get what you want that way. Easy peasy.

Prosthetic Foreheads
02-21-2006, 03:14 AM
I'm a biotch, though. No, I mean, I'm selfish. I dont want him to have other girls, I want him to stay home and watch tv while I go out and have fun. Heh, that looks worse in writing than it does in my head, but its true. I don't really deserve anyone, and still wonder why he puts up with em.


You said you don't want to hurt him, but clearly, hurt is coming his way, one way or the other. NF is right: brutal honest, ASAP is necessary. I know it sounds cruel, but you should start by letting him read your above quote, maybe the whole thread. And DO NOT sugarcoat it whatsoever.

While I do believe you when you say you don't want to hurt him, I still have to agree with your above assessment of yourself; at least in this situation. I would not put up with that BS and I agree with brokenfingers, I weep for the poor bastard.

Furthermore, I think TemlynWriting and storygirl's comments are, at best, VERY sugarcoated and honestly, I'm insulted by them. If a guy came on here and said ANYTHING along the lines of, "I want her to sit at home and watch TV while I go out and have fun," most people would explode. I mean literally explode. There would be no such comments as, "I think you have personal issues." A guy would definately get called names that are not pleasant, even if he modified himself with, "But I don't want hurt her."

Just further evidence of the extreme double standard our culture has sunk to regarding gender. Women get told they "have issues," while men are called a------- in identical circumstances. I apologize if this post gets the thread moved to the Take it Outside forum, but it needed to be said.

poetinahat
02-21-2006, 03:27 AM
Sounds like you know the answer, but you don't like it. We've all been there.

TemlynWriting
02-21-2006, 04:31 AM
While I do believe you when you say you don't want to hurt him, I still have to agree with your above assessment of yourself; at least in this situation. I would not put up with that BS and I agree with brokenfingers, I weep for the poor bastard.

Furthermore, I think TemlynWriting and storygirl's comments are, at best, VERY sugarcoated and honestly, I'm insulted by them. If a guy came on here and said ANYTHING along the lines of, "I want her to sit at home and watch TV while I go out and have fun," most people would explode. I mean literally explode. There would be no such comments as, "I think you have personal issues." A guy would definately get called names that are not pleasant, even if he modified himself with, "But I don't want hurt her."

Just further evidence of the extreme double standard our culture has sunk to regarding gender. Women get told they "have issues," while men are called a------- in identical circumstances. I apologize if this post gets the thread moved to the Take it Outside forum, but it needed to be said.I haven't been back here to say it publicly until now, but I do agree with brokenfingers--I feel for the guy. I whole-heartedly agree with those who posted after me: brokenfinger, NeuroFizz, and tjwriter. I'm only sorry I couldn't word things the way they did.

Special needs has said that she wouldn't like her SO to have other relationships, even though she would like to do so. If a male expressed that desire I would remind him to consider whether he would appreciate his SO doing the same. (If someone thinks of their SO doing such a thing they can get a glimpse of someone else's point of view.) I would have said the same thing to a male that I said to her. I wouldn't explode like others might. It's not worth it to me.

I'm sorry I insulted you with my "sugar coating," PF, but I am not one to explode on online forums. I do not have a double-standard when it comes to gender. Yes, I was angered, because my brother was hurt in this same way by his ex. I can view the situation from the guy's side because my brother has been in his place, and I don't think very highly of the woman who did this to him.

I didn't tell her she only "has issues," and in fact, my initial thought was more along the lines of what you mentioned: anger. However, I was able to think things out as I typed, instead of yelling and calling her names; after all, she acknowledges that she doesn't feel like she deserves her SO--she's one step ahead of my brother's ex. I do feel more for her boyfriend, because my brother has been there, and I am a protective sister. I tend to relate to and side with men on things because I have never been a very girly-girl, and have always had more male friends than females. I can't understand why girls have such a difficult time with men--I communicate fine with my male friends, and even more so with my husband. I've been told that I think "like a guy."

I've been involved in explosive threads on forums, and they rarely get resolved. Discussing, even debating, these things in real life is a completely other thing. I rarely waste my time "yelling" on a message board, but I would in real life. Maybe I say things too nicely (i.e. sugar coat), but I'd rather not explode online. Online "yelling" won't do anything but cause more frustration. Maybe I'm too encouraging, and maybe I type too "nicely," but I do feel the same as you and the others, except that I wouldn't call someone names and explode, at least not online.

Prosthetic Foreheads
02-21-2006, 04:47 AM
You're right. Cooler heads prevail on this message board much more than others. And you didn't just state that she "had issues." You shared a deeply personal story wherein it was also the guy on the receiving end of such behavior. I suppose my comments refer more to society in general than this forum. I still suspect if a guy were to say that particular sentence, even here, someone would say, "Dude, you're a (insert insult)." I would if none else did.

I do appreciate the positive disposition of this entire MB, as well as special needs at least admitting her true feelings.

TemlynWriting
02-21-2006, 05:12 AM
You're right. Cooler heads prevail on this message board much more than others. And you didn't just state that she "had issues." You shared a deeply personal story wherein it was also the guy on the receiving end of such behavior. I suppose my comments refer more to society in general than this forum. I still suspect if a guy were to say that particular sentence, even here, someone would say, "Dude, you're a (insert insult)." I would if none else did.

I do appreciate the positive disposition of this entire MB, as well as special needs at least admitting her true feelings.Thanks for being so understanding, Prosthetic Foreheads. I'm glad you understand what I meant. :) And you're right about an insult here and there--what halts communication completely is when everyone hurls insults. Welcome, again.

Maryn
02-21-2006, 05:56 AM
If a guy came on here and said ANYTHING along the lines of, "I want her to sit at home and watch TV while I go out and have fun," most people would explode. I mean literally explode.No, you don't.

Exploding humans are just too, too messy, and the mods will not tolerate it--not even if it's taken outside. Those who must self-destruct are asked to implode, leaving only a gristly puddle for the mods to mop.

Maryn, who has a thing about the use of 'literally'

Prosthetic Foreheads
02-21-2006, 05:59 AM
My bad.

special needs
02-21-2006, 06:03 AM
Thanks for the help, whether you were really trying to help, or not. While I wish I could go out with my friends while he stayed home, I don't actually expect that. I'd like it to be that way, but only in my delusional world would it actually happen. I think we're on our way to solving things and made a...deal...that I hope I can keep my end of, dammit. Anyway, thanks again. :)

SC Harrison
02-21-2006, 06:33 AM
Thanks for the help, whether you were really trying to help, or not. While I wish I could go out with my friends while he stayed home, I don't actually expect that. I'd like it to be that way, but only in my delusional world would it actually happen. I think we're on our way to solving things and made a...deal...that I hope I can keep my end of, dammit. Anyway, thanks again. :)

SN, in a perfect world, two people in a relationship would love each other equally, and very deeply at that. In reality, there is often an imbalance, where one person is (much) more comitted to the relationship than the other. While some couples have been able to make this work, most can (do) not.

If one side gives more, compromises more, sacrifices more, that one side will eventually lose the strength and desire to continue.

poetinahat
02-21-2006, 06:38 AM
I think we're on our way to solving things and made a...deal...that I hope I can keep my end of, dammit. Anyway, thanks again. :)
Personal belief: It's simple. If you have ANY doubts about things, DON'T DO IT. Marriage isn't a "I hope it works" proposition. It's a "Yes, I'm ready, and it's for life" arrangement. No excuses, no deals.

If you're not 100% committed at the start, then don't start.

reph
02-21-2006, 06:51 AM
I agree completely with poetinahat. I don't understand people who say they're "trying to decide" whether to marry their boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't get married unless you can't stand not to.

special needs
02-21-2006, 06:56 AM
Well we aren't going to get married right now, anyway. I don't want to be guilty of adultery.

poetinahat
02-21-2006, 06:59 AM
Are you saying philandering is OK just because you're not married? It's still cheating, and it's still a violation of trust.

And if you don't want to be true now, a ring, a piece of paper and a ceremony aren't going to change anything.

Shwebb
02-21-2006, 07:00 AM
Marriage, when done right, can be one of the most rewarding experiences.

When it's done wrong, it can be Hell on Earth.

(Been through both.)

special needs
02-21-2006, 07:01 AM
Are you saying philandering is OK just because you're not married? It's still cheating, and it's still a violation of trust.

And if you don't want to be true now, a ring, a piece of paper and a ceremony aren't going to change anything.

It's not OK--It's just easier on my conciense who has enough to haunt me about already.

TemlynWriting
02-21-2006, 07:01 AM
I agree completely with poetinahat. I don't understand people who say they're "trying to decide" whether to marry their boyfriend/girlfriend. Don't get married unless you can't stand not to.You took the words right out of my fingers. ;) Don't marry the person you can (just) live with. Marry the person you can't live without. Isn't that how the saying goes?

PrettySpecialGal
02-21-2006, 07:22 AM
SN- looks like there are a lot of people with good sense talking to you here, and you either are afraid to listen, or just want to keep stringing them along with comments that necessitate more comments form the crowd. I'm sure that you're "not meaning" to be an instigator, but you do start the fires. I'm sure you know everything people have said to be true (won't list it all- it's all above me) But the constant ranting about one thing or another on the boards is getting old. Today it's "cheating on the boyfriend but it's okay cuz we're not engaged" and "insulting married people because I think their lives are boring". Tomorrow it will be something else, but no less drama-ish. Time to get a grip. Use that creativity to write something- a poem- a story- lyrics- a comic book- a novel- SOMETHING.

JMO- you can take it or leave it. Doesn't matter to me.

Prosthetic Foreheads
02-21-2006, 07:25 AM
From what I gather in your posts, it sounds like he knows you sleep with other guys, especially the one in which you said, "It gets me in a lot of trouble."

If that's the case (him knowing), all I can say is, wow. That is one forgiving dude. You even said it in present tense, and he still hangs around. It wasn't exactly clear about the fun to which you were referring until you mentioned you "aren't going to get married right now, anyway. I don't want to be guilty of adultery," and, "It's not OK--It's just easier on my conscience."

Apparently, he is willing to accept a much, much lower level of commitment. Not really commitment at all, but if that's what you want to call it.

brokenfingers
02-21-2006, 07:37 AM
"If we could pick who we fall in love with - it wouldn't be love"
- old proverb


That's why I pity the poor soul. He's in a prison of his own making and those are the hardest to escape from.

poetinahat
02-21-2006, 08:39 AM
Once again...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you BROKENFINGERS. Who else can sum it all up in one sentence?

special needs
02-21-2006, 03:48 PM
ROTFL. Its funny you guys said that, because yesterday he told me he doesn't want to love me, but he 'doesnt have a choice'. Maybe he'll fall gradually out of love with me so there's no pain at the end...

aadams73
02-21-2006, 05:06 PM
Interesting that you find this so funny. Quite frankly I find you immature and extremely manipulative. This guy deserves better. Much better.

'Nuff said.

oswann
02-21-2006, 06:57 PM
ROTFL. Its funny you guys said that, because yesterday he told me he doesn't want to love me, but he 'doesnt have a choice'. Maybe he'll fall gradually out of love with me so there's no pain at the end...


You're giving me a pain in my end.



Os.

Hannah
02-21-2006, 07:00 PM
When I was in my early 20s, I never thought I’d be the marrying type. I was too wild, partied all the time, and didn’t want to share my space with anyone, both figuratively and literally. But this ideal went out the window when I met my husband at the age of 29. :D

I had been around the block a few times and knew a keeper if I came across one; I’ve always been a good judge of character. My husband defied every stereotype that I had about a husband: He was (and still is) fun, crazy, sexy, cute, and the non-corporate type, he’s an artist (and not a starving artist). But I had to make sure that when the “honeymoon” period was over, he’d still be someone that I could be interested in, in a practical way, so I looked for all the signs. The signs are usually there from the beginning, most women just don’t pay attention to them. If he was a jerk, he would have revealed it to me early on. All I had to do was pay attention, and I did.

You can have a happy fulfilling marriage if you marry the person that’s right for you. To me, love is not enough, although it’s a prerequisite. You have to meet on a different level, on almost every level, and be able to give up half of yourself. Before my husband, I’d been proposed to three times, and I turned them down. There were some things about them that I couldn’t live with, and character traits that didn’t mesh well with mine.

My husband and I are very close. During the first two years of our marriage, we both worked from home, so we bonded strongly. My mother always tell me that I’m infatuated with him––and she’s right. I worship the ground he walks on, and still get giggly when he comes home from work. After four years, we still have no children (by choice), so we can always be spontaneous, which we often are. He’s my best bud, my husband, my lover––and a cool dude to be around!

I hate to step on any toes, but I’d say, make sure you marry the person you can live with. :)

tiny
02-21-2006, 07:08 PM
ROTFL. Its funny you guys said that, because yesterday he told me he doesn't want to love me, but he 'doesnt have a choice'. Maybe he'll fall gradually out of love with me so there's no pain at the end...


When a relationship falls apart, no one walks away unscathed, no matter the reasons. And you finding humor in this tells me the end will be fiery and painful for both of you.

There's nothing funny about manipulating someone's feelings. This smacks of someone who either loves having power (and wielding that power) over another person, or someone who's just having fun getting a little attention on an internet board.

aadams73
02-21-2006, 07:26 PM
When I was in my early 20s, I never thought I’d be the marrying type. I was too wild, partied all the time, and didn’t want to share my space with anyone, both figuratively and literally. But this ideal went out the window when I met my husband at the age of 29. :D

I had been around the block a few times and knew a keeper if I came across one; I’ve always been a good judge of character. My husband defied every stereotype that I had about a husband: He was (and still is) fun, crazy, sexy, cute, and the non-corporate type, he’s an artist (and not a starving artist). But I had to make sure that when the “honeymoon” period was over, he’d still be someone that I could be interested in, in a practical way, so I looked for all the signs. The signs are usually there from the beginning, most women just don’t pay attention to them. If he was a jerk, he would have revealed it to me early on. All I had to do was pay attention, and I did.

You can have a happy fulfilling marriage if you marry the person that’s right for you. To me, love is not enough, although it’s a prerequisite. You have to meet on a different level, on almost every level, and be able to give up half of yourself. Before my husband, I’d been proposed to three times, and I turned them down. There were some things about them that I couldn’t live with, and character traits that didn’t mesh well with mine.

My husband and I are very close. During the first two years of our marriage, we both worked from home, so we bonded strongly. My mother always tell me that I’m infatuated with him––and she’s right. I worship the ground he walks on, and still get giggly when he comes home from work. After four years, we still have no children (by choice), so we can always be spontaneous, which we often are. He’s my best bud, my husband, my lover––and a cool dude to be around!

I hate to step on any toes, but I’d say, make sure you marry the person you can live with. :)

Sounds like my marriage. Only we've been wonderfully happy for almost 7 years now. :)

Hannah
02-21-2006, 07:50 PM
That's great! aadams73 :D

It's good to know that some people are happy in their marriage.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
02-21-2006, 08:06 PM
Interesting that you find this so funny. Quite frankly I find you immature and extremely manipulative. This guy deserves better. Much better.

'Nuff said.

Amen. Prettyspecialgal had important input on page two, as well.

Other than that... methinks me smells troll. Might be time for me to hit the ol' 'Ignore' button again.

StoryG27
02-21-2006, 09:01 PM
Furthermore, I think TemlynWriting and storygirl's comments are, at best, VERY sugarcoated and honestly, I'm insulted by them. If a guy came on here and said ANYTHING along the lines of, "I want her to sit at home and watch TV while I go out and have fun," most people would explode. I mean literally explode. There would be no such comments as, "I think you have personal issues." A guy would definately get called names that are not pleasant, even if he modified himself with, "But I don't want hurt her."


Out of all the posts I've had on this board, I think I lost my temper once maybe twice. And it is not a male/female issue for me. I have read many of Special Needs posts, even where she has called herself a certified psychopath. I know a bit of her history, at least what she has stated here. Male or female wouldn't matter when I'm familiar with many past posts of this person. My comment was not based on this one post, but on many of her posts. She does have issues she needs to work out and she shouldn't do them while some poor guy's heart is on the line. If using tact is sugar coating, well then I am guilty of it but I don't think I'd have said it any different in this same situation if the poster was a male.

Here's just a segment of one of her posts that give a glimpse into her emotional state. I'm sorry, male or female, it would take a lot to get me to 'explode' as a result of what someone with this history and these problems says.


I really am a certified psychopath. A crazy person. You know... insane. I've been deemed unsuitable to make adult decisions because of my insanity...my parents still have an amount of control over me, even though I'm an adult. I'm crazy.
Link to entire post, post number 33: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25787&page=2&pp=25&highlight=toilets+women

I have nothing against Special Needs. I see no reason to explode. I stand by what I said. She has issues, issues that need to be worked out before she considers marriage.