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Beta - The Magician's Gambit (SLOTS FULL THANKS!)

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DanielaTorre

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HEY GUYS! Just filled my last slot. Thanks so much for your consideration (especially you Joy). :D


I'm back! Last February, I had some delightfully awesome betas. I also had the most super-awesome beta last month which was sooooo helpful. Love her. Now I'm back for hopefully last beta rounds before I start querying (though I need to draft a brand-spanking new query first).

PM me if you're interested. It's super clean and tight. Query-ready material I hope.

Title: THE MAGICIAN’S GAMBIT (55K words)

Genre: Middle-Grade Fantasy

Sorta-query:

Eleven-year-old David Chaplin gets dragged to a new town for the third time in a year, and he can’t figure out what keeps his father on the move. Now a slew of garishly dressed weirdos are watching his house at night, leading David to the truth: his father’s a magician and a thief.

He’s been on the run since stealing Halifac’s Hand—fortunetelling cards that secure the fate of whoever’s fortune is read, including killing the living, or bringing the dead back to life. David’s father’s old stage-rival, Viktor Gervais, wants back what was stolen, and intends to use the cards to kill David’s father, as he’d once killed his mother.

David is certain that he can protect his father from Gervais, and even bring his mother back from the dead, if he can figure out where his father hid the cards. But his search hits a wall when his father, who doesn’t want him involved with magic, threatens to wipe David’s memory of everything he’s learned.

Aided by transporting broom closets, marvelous marbles that can mend memories, and the clues within a curious combusting message, David tracks down Halifac’s Hand against his father’s wishes. Only, Gervais won’t let up, leaving David to make a powerful decision: use the cards to bring back the mother he sorely misses, or destroy them, and save his father’s life.


IMPORTANT NOTE: I need the feedback back no more than a month from now. I plan on entering some contest stuff that's coming up. If you can't get back to me in a month's time, please don't PM. Also, I'm 90% sure I'm nixing the intro, but I would like opinions.

I have really, really thick skin and value honesty. Here are some excerpts from my writing. These are from last year I believe, and they've since been polished.

Intro:http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=260909
Dialogue Excerpt: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=218927
Characters: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229293


Thanks again.
 
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DanielaTorre

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Spots are still open..... I'll even extend the turn-back time! :D
 

buz

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Daniela,

I've never read an MG book in my life (that I'm aware of...wait, does the first Harry Potter count?), so I'm not sure if I would be particularly helpful, but I like the sound of your story. If you can't find anyone better and want a weirdo reading your MS, let me know. ;)
 
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