View Full Version : Beta - The Magician's Gambit (SLOTS FULL THANKS!)

09-08-2013, 09:36 PM
HEY GUYS! Just filled my last slot. Thanks so much for your consideration (especially you Joy). :D

I'm back! Last February, I had some delightfully awesome betas. I also had the most super-awesome beta last month which was sooooo helpful. Love her. Now I'm back for hopefully last beta rounds before I start querying (though I need to draft a brand-spanking new query first).

PM me if you're interested. It's super clean and tight. Query-ready material I hope.

Title: THE MAGICIANíS GAMBIT (55K words)

Genre: Middle-Grade Fantasy


Eleven-year-old David Chaplin gets dragged to a new town for the third time in a year, and he canít figure out what keeps his father on the move. Now a slew of garishly dressed weirdos are watching his house at night, leading David to the truth: his fatherís a magician and a thief.

Heís been on the run since stealing Halifacís Handófortunetelling cards that secure the fate of whoeverís fortune is read, including killing the living, or bringing the dead back to life. Davidís fatherís old stage-rival, Viktor Gervais, wants back what was stolen, and intends to use the cards to kill Davidís father, as heíd once killed his mother.

David is certain that he can protect his father from Gervais, and even bring his mother back from the dead, if he can figure out where his father hid the cards. But his search hits a wall when his father, who doesnít want him involved with magic, threatens to wipe Davidís memory of everything heís learned.

Aided by transporting broom closets, marvelous marbles that can mend memories, and the clues within a curious combusting message, David tracks down Halifacís Hand against his fatherís wishes. Only, Gervais wonít let up, leaving David to make a powerful decision: use the cards to bring back the mother he sorely misses, or destroy them, and save his fatherís life.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I need the feedback back no more than a month from now. I plan on entering some contest stuff that's coming up. If you can't get back to me in a month's time, please don't PM. Also, I'm 90% sure I'm nixing the intro, but I would like opinions.

I have really, really thick skin and value honesty. Here are some excerpts from my writing. These are from last year I believe, and they've since been polished.

Dialogue Excerpt: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=218927
Characters: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229293

Thanks again.

09-08-2013, 10:58 PM
Just for the pole dancing deadpool, absolutely.

09-11-2013, 05:17 AM
Spots are still open..... I'll even extend the turn-back time! :D

09-11-2013, 05:39 AM

I've never read an MG book in my life (that I'm aware of...wait, does the first Harry Potter count?), so I'm not sure if I would be particularly helpful, but I like the sound of your story. If you can't find anyone better and want a weirdo reading your MS, let me know. ;)

09-11-2013, 07:51 AM
For what it's worth, I've read an earlier draft, and this is worth a read. Someone help Daniela out! She's so close!