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View Full Version : YA Urban Fantasy seeking Beta(s)



Jaegur
09-06-2013, 07:33 AM
Ok, wow. I'm surprised at how nervous I am just by making this thread. First, a little bit about me:

This is my first completed manuscript. My sole education when it comes to writing is a childhood and adulthood spent in books, so it's possible my grammar isn't the greatest. I think I've caught most of my mistakes, but I'm sure there's more out there. So, that's just a forewarning.

My book is a Young Adult Urban Fantasy LGBTQ novel. (The MC is gay). I suck at synopsis, but over the past few days I've been working on a few in-between edits.

99,733 words. (If there are any passages that could be cut out, I'd be open to them.)


The earliest memory Elijah has is waking up in the hospital at the age of 10, after having survived a plane crash that killed all on board save one other person. Six years later, he and his best friend Sarah learn that surviving that crash was only the beginning.


That's like a bare-bones thing, meant to be short and concise and hopefully make people be like, 'Whaaaaaat!?'

To expound a little, it involves Fae, both known and some I created, a journey from Texas to New Mexico, and fighting. Also other creatures that I can't talk about without giving some of the book away.

I posted two of my chapters on SYW before and they were received well, one of my beta-readers will be coming out of that thread, so I'm not just throwing these at you blind. I've also edited it completely through once, hoping to catch and fix/fill where I could.

I'd be willing to Beta for someone else as well, in the fantasy/ya/thriller categories.

Aaaaaand yea, I'll post a small bit from my first chapter to see if my writing strikes any of you.










Its him again.
Ive only seen him a few times before, the first time being last week, but it would be impossible to forget that gaze. He stares at me from across the street, his back against the red brick of a dentists office, hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. His hair is as dark as mine, hanging loosely to the collar of his black polo shirt where it curls up just slightly. I can see the hollow of his throat from where I sit; it feels like I can see his heart beating.
Hello? Eli? Hellooooooo.
I shake my head and glance to my left. Sarah has her hand in my basket of French fries and I see that shes already chewing. What? I feel my face flushing already as she turns to follow my gaze, since I cant help but look across the street at the boy again. I think hes my age, maybe a year or two older.
Oh my, she says, turning back to me with a grin. I see. In that case I know you dont want the rest of your fries, she laughs and grabs a handful, dumping them onto her plate.
I dont know what you mean, I say, settling back in my cast-iron chair. The metal is cold through the thin fabric of my t-shirt, but I ignore it. It has to be at least eighty degrees today, but our table outside the deli is equipped with one of those giant canopies that keeps it at least a little cooler. I fold my arms across my chest, forcing myself to keep my eyes locked on Sarah.
She laughs and glances back across the street, then frowns and says, Aww hes gone. That sucks, he was hot.
Who? I ask, but my eyes sweep the street while shes looking away. Shes right, I dont see him anywhere. Hed been standing there for at least five minutes, probably waiting on a ride or something.
The guy you were scoping out. I dont blame you; Id ignore you for him, too.
I wasnt ignoring you, I say.
Sure you were. Hey, if hes straight, hes mine, ok?
I groan and look around, though its barely ten in the morning so the delis patio isnt too crowded. Its not that Im uncomfortable with my sexuality, really, but Sarahs the only person Ive actually said the words Im gay to. If I want the world to know, well, Ill tell them. She just grins at me. I throw a fry at her and wipe my now-greasy hand on my jeans.
Ive seen him a few times around town, I think, I say to her. She lifts her eyebrows in surprise. Shes been trying to train her face to lift only one eyebrow, but so far no luck. Shes pretty, with her purple-streaked hair, but when she tries arching only one eyebrow it looks like shes having a stroke.
Is he stalking you?
I almost say, hope so!, before I catch myself. Its not that big of a town, Sarah, I say instead. Thanks, head-mouth filter. I cant imagine the number of times Ive almost told my foster parents that Im gay. I know they would likely understand, and even embrace it, but thats one conversation I dont really wish to have. Besides, Ill be eighteen in a few years, so will hopefully be able to avoid any talks they may feel obligated to give me.
Well if he stalks you some more and has a cute friend, let me know. She says, popping another fry into her mouth.
Will do, I say, just as my pants begin to vibrate. Im startled at first, but then remember that in homeroom Id set my phone to vibrate and slipped it into my pocket rather than my bag, anticipating a message from Sarah. I fish it out and flip it open. Yes, flip. I get at least five odd stares a day when someone catches me checking the time out on my phone and notices that its not a smart phone. No doubt theyve had to restrain themselves from calling Child Protective Services.
Uh oh, is it Nancy?
No, its the same number that called me a few times yesterday, I say, flipping it closed without answering. I have a thing about answering phone calls from numbers I dont recognize. Not that I get many phone calls. Hardly any, in fact.
Maybe its the mysterious hot-stalker, Sarah says, nudging my knee with hers under the table.




So, if anyone made it through all that and is interested, hit me up!

Whew.