His title is too long

msd

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I have a character in my novel that I call Lieutenant Commander Kevin Hernandez. He appears extensively in only three of my chapters and is referred to in other chapters from time to time. The problem I am experiencing is when I switch from dialogue to narration his name is so long that it sounds awkward always saying Lieutenant Commander Kevin Hernandez. I tried from time to time simply calling him Kevin when using narration, but I feel it is too personal when I’m trying to give this character an air of grandeur.

I also find myself changing dialogue so that I can simply say, he said, in order to replace his full name and title.

I can only think of two solutions, change the name or live with the awkwardness. What do you do under theses circumstances?
 
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aimeestates

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LC Hernandez? Or even just Hernandez. Once readers know the title, you can leave it in the dust unless it's relevant to a scene.
 

Snowstorm

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An example, in the US Air Force, a person with a rank of Lieutenant Colonel is referred to as simply "Colonel," or with a rank of First Lieutenant is referred to as "Lieutenant".

I don't know if your character's service has a protocol for referring them in a shorter manner, but when referring to your character, you can consider "Commander Hernandez."
 

ULTRAGOTHA

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In what service does he hold this rank? Is this contemporary, history or fantasy/SF? How formal are your characters? How formal is your narrative POV?

You don't need to put the whole title in dialogue tags, you could do:
"I don't like that option," Hernandez said.
 

katci13

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I actually like that, but I do agree after the first time you can just refer to him as his last name.
 

Tromboli

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I agree with Lieutenant.

The example I'm thinking of isn't a book but a movie. In Pirates of the Caribbean they call Commadore James Norington just Commadore most of the time. If its third person "The Lieutenant" might sound good.
 

AskMalice

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In almost every tv show I can remember, they refer to Lt. Commander so and so as "Commander" or they'll just use their last name.
 

Roxxsmom

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What's the pov of the scene? His? He probably thinks of himself as Kevin. Another person's? They may have a shortcut name for him inside their mind. People will often think of/refer to officers, teachers etc. simply by their last names (we used to do that with our teachers or professors in college. Professor Schmidt would simply be Schmidt to most of us unless we were addressing him/her directly). So if the pov character is another military person, they may simply think of him as Hernandez inside their head, even if they call him "Lt. Commander" to his face and salute.

If the narration is omniscient, you can refer to him as whatever you'd like, really, so long as it's clear and fits the tone and voice of the narrative. You can call him by his full title the first time, then switch to an abbreviation. I'd probably just use his last name.
 
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WWWalt

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Good advice -- and if you use this system for all your characters, another advantage is that you'll maintain consistency in your narrative in how you refer to characters. I've read books where certain characters are unilaterally referred to by first name and others by last name; in some books, there's a discernible reason for the discrepancy (e.g., as Roxxsmom cites, certain characters having roles where last names are commonly used, such as the military), but in others it feels like the author just didn't give the matter much thought.
 

Jamesaritchie

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If you write it properly, he'll just have to be called Lieutenant Commander most of the time. It's no different than "sergeant" or "Captain". As long a sreaders know who you're talking about, you're fine.

In real life, no one always uses full name and rank very often at all. It's just "Sergeant, get the men in here."

And far more often than not, you can just say "he said", which is best, anyway, even for short names.
 

wampuscat

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I agree with Roxxsmom.

I wanted to note, though, that if it's a realistic military, I would not shorten it to Lieutenant, considering that's a separate (and junior) title to things like Lieutenant Colonel (Army) and Lieutenant Commander (Navy). Any Lt. Col. I've met would be offended by being called Lt.
 

Chase

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Any Lt. Col. I've met would be offended by being called Lt.

Of course you're right about light colonels not liking being demoted to lieutenant, but I think the lieutenant Tromboli referred to was leaving of "second" and "first" when casually addressing an air force 0-1 or 0-2 (as Snowstorm suggested).

I'd be very wary of using TV as a guide for military address, as it's not the same in all situations and locations, and the same TV writers have superiors being routinely saluted in combat situations, radio operators saying "over and out," and range instructors showing trainees how to load "bullets" into "clips" for M-16s.
 

Roxxsmom

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I was just thinking of Star Trek where fans tended to think of the characters by their last names. They tended to call one another by their last names as well, unless they had a close personal friendship (like Bones and Jim, or Dr. Crusher calling Piccard Jean Luc when they were alone). I'll bet the Star Trek novels tag the dialog with their surnames, unless they're written in limited third and it's in the pov of the particular character or of someone who is on a first-name basis with the character.

Though it's been a long time since I've read one. Maybe sneak a peek in a couple and see how the dialog tagging is handled for these characters of rank, both the regulars and the walk ons :)
 
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Once!

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Wasn't James Bond a Lieutenant Commander? But he was mostly Bond in the narration, 007 to Q and M and James to Miss Moneypenny.

Oh, and "Meester Bond" to the baddie. "I've been expecting you."
 

cornflake

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Wasn't James Bond a Lieutenant Commander? But he was mostly Bond in the narration, 007 to Q and M and James to Miss Moneypenny.

Oh, and "Meester Bond" to the baddie. "I've been expecting you."

He's a Commander, but not current to his days in the SS. You wouldn't refer to a CIA officer as Colonel because the person happened to have been one in some military branch before joining the CIA.
 

Chase

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Don't forget Commander Tom blasting off from Buffalo in Rocketship 7. I'm sure the puppet show had a military adviser.
 

Becky Black

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I had a quite ridiculous dilemma over this for a while. I was writing a series of stories about a couple of guys who were army officers and over the series they got promoted and for a while the more senior one was a Lieutenant Colonel. Now I know the rule, in general conversation you just call him "Colonel."

But my story was set in a made up country in the Middle East, so though I was writing in English, the characters were most of the time presumed to be speaking in Arabic. And in Arabic the rank English speakers call Lieutenant Colonel is just one word, not two, and the word for Colonel is a different word entirely. So having people call my Lieutenant Colonel "Colonel" didn't really make any sense.

Nobody else cared of course, it was just one of those things that bothers the writer while the readers don't care. I probably promoted him to full bird colonel quicker than I might have just to stop it bothering me. :D
 

wampuscat

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Of course you're right about light colonels not liking being demoted to lieutenant, but I think the lieutenant Tromboli referred to was leaving of "second" and "first" when casually addressing an air force 0-1 or 0-2 (as Snowstorm suggested).
Oh! Yup. I could see that. I'm not an expert on military ranks. Just wanted to give personal experience.
 

Tazlima

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Is there a common nickname for the rank? i.e. First Sergeants are often called "Top."
 

oakbark

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Personally, I only use titles when necessary, as in presenting the character or if someone addresses him formally (trial or introduction to press or whatever. In my opinion, the reader needs only a couple of title uses to get it.

When writing I would assume that my readers won't know the exact difference between titles, specially not military ones (which seem to use similar titles for different levels in different countries..).

Trying to define the MOS of a title to suit a global readership reader is sort of impossible ;)

Anyway, looking at it from a reader view, too much use would be tiring and perhaps even distracting from the story itself (why am I being served the title all the time? I know by now that Hernandez isn't a grunt and he's up to something, where's the action?)

I can see some stories where military nomenclature does matter so it would depend if you are writing for a US military reader base or a wider audience.

In the end though, the story is what matters. If an editor (hired or your internal.. later) feels the ranks need to be emphasized then changing them should be easy enough.
 
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Ken

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... difficult situation you've got there.
A compromise might be calling him either
the Lieutenant or the Commander.
Better than just Kevin. Too informal like you say.