General advice in life...

special needs · Feb 17, 2006

Hm, what are some general things you'd advise people against to help them better their lives? Mine...
1. Do not, under any circumstances, eat yellow snow.
2. Do not, under any circumstances, hide your 'naughty' things in a place where one might go looking for chocolate.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, poke yourself in the head with a fork...

...Yours?

brokenfingers · Feb 17, 2006

Never answer the dreaded question:

"Do I look fat in this?"

PattiTheWicked · Feb 17, 2006

Listen to people when they say "We're professionals, don't try this at home."

special needs · Feb 17, 2006

brokenfingers said:
Never answer the dreaded question:

"Do I look fat in this?"

..Never answer it truthfully, you mean?

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

brokenfingers said:
Never answer the dreaded question:

"Do I look fat in this?"

What do you mean 'never answer'....the 'correct' answer is (without ANY hesitation): No...you look great.

If they press you further with: "But it feels tighter...."

You reply most apologetically: "You know, I think I accidentally put that in the dryer the last time I did laundry. It must have shrunk. I'm sorry. Why don't we go shopping and get you something to replace it.....?"

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

PattiTheWicked said:
Listen to people when they say "We're professionals, don't try this at home."

I hate when prostitutes and pornstars say that.....

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

brokenfingers said:
Never answer the dreaded question:

"Do I look fat in this?"

Or, you could go the other way and answer:

"Do I look fat in this?"

"You look fat out of it...."

Or...

"Do these jeans make my butt look big?"

"No, your butt makes your butt look big...."

Of course, you should be able to cook, clean and take care of all sorts of things by yourself before you resort to this level of honesty.....

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

Actually, my dad used to always tell me...

"Pick your battles."

Fortunately, my wife and I get along really well so there haven't really been too many 'battles'...and after almost 6 happy years of marriage, I think that's pretty good.

Take care all --

Shadow_Ferret · Feb 17, 2006

My advice is to never give advice.

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
My advice is to never give advice.

Good non-advice.

brokenfingers · Feb 17, 2006

Hmmm.. it seems I erred.

The question should've been "Do these pants make me look fat?" But I now formally retract my advice.

My new advice?

"Expect the unexpected."

Kevin Yarbrough · Feb 17, 2006

Do not, under any circumstances, do it until your blind. Stop after you get a cramp. Glasses are expensive.

eldragon · Feb 17, 2006

Do not volunteer to be a Girl Scout leader. Run, run as fast as you can. Don't ask.

tiny · Feb 17, 2006

My-Immortal said:
What do you mean 'never answer'....the 'correct' answer is (without ANY hesitation): No...you look great.

Oh, come on!!! The answer is "Not just those Baby!"

Kinda like the answer to "Do these make me look fat?" is "No, your @ss does."

kikazaru · Feb 17, 2006

Do not under any circumstances allow your daughter and her little friend to play in the bathroom where you keep your nail polish.

When you yell "what are you doing in there" do not under any circumstances believe them when they say "nothiiiiiing."

Anyone got a spare tylenol? I've got the worst nail polish remover fume induced headache imaginable. :rant:

Maryn · Feb 17, 2006

Learn to say "no" without explaining why. Saves you a world of volunteering for jobs nobody in their right mind would do.

"I know you'd like to lead the girls' troop this year."
"No, I'm afraid I just couldn't."
"Oh, do you have another commitment Wednesdays? Because we could resched--"
"I can't do it. Sorry. Good luck finding someone."

That way, you get to do your volunteerism on things you're actually good at that you don't mind doing, like typing orchestra programs and the newsletter (silently correcting the grammar and spelling).

Maryn

MarkN · Feb 17, 2006

I think my favorite one is "Don't fry bacon in the nude."

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

Don't pee on an electric fence.....

special needs · Feb 17, 2006

MarkN said:
I think my favorite one is "Don't fry bacon in the nude."

Don't visit Wal Mart in the nude, either.... :ROFL:

Kevin Yarbrough · Feb 17, 2006

Don't get drunk and immitate what you see in the 'Porky' movies.

kappapi99 · Feb 17, 2006

Never, under ANY circumstances, leave a 2 y/o to his or her own devices...

My-Immortal · Feb 17, 2006

Kevin Yarbrough said:
Don't get drunk and immitate what you see in the 'Porky' movies.

How about: Don't get drunk and immitate what you see in the "Animals Gone Wild" videos.....

NeuroFizz · Feb 17, 2006

I said this one in a post some time ago... (from a father to son)

Son, you're not done until she's done.

Kevin Yarbrough · Feb 17, 2006

My-Immortal said:
How about: Don't get drunk and immitate what you see in the "Animals Gone Wild" videos.....

If I'm not mistaken, those type of things are illegal in all 50 states. :e2shower:

special needs · Feb 17, 2006

NeuroFizz said:
I said this one in a post some time ago... (from a father to son)

Son, you're not done until she's done.

That is VERY good advice.

General advice in life...

Resident Airhead

Walkin' That Road

Unleashing Hell.

Resident Airhead

Mr. Invisible

Mr. Invisible

Mr. Invisible

Mr. Invisible

Court Jester

Mr. Invisible

Walkin' That Road

Will write for peace of mind

in a van down by the river

riding the sun

Benefactor Member

At Sea

Altogether Ookie

Mr. Invisible

Resident Airhead

Will write for peace of mind

Mr. Invisible

The grad students did it

Will write for peace of mind

Resident Airhead