Please allow me to ask for advice and forgive me if, in my delusion of self-importance (I have many such delusions), I feel the need to keep names to myself.
First off, I cannot seem to write a query letter if my life depends on it. Yes, I had some initial success last October. I had a very good interaction with an AGENT FROM WRITER’S HOUSE (AWH) – perhaps it was luck. I promised him I would not recontact him if he gave me advice. I have implemented all his advice, but then it has been a string of query failures; but with three exceptions (of the hundreds - 100) – and those are what drive this solicitation for advice.
From a query I sent a long long time ago, I heard from HIGHLY RECOMMENDED AGENT (HRA) and he asked for the full manuscript and told me in June that he would read it “before the middle of July.”
Now, note that I am 55 years old and while I have an excellent career in engineering (just signed with a company for a textbook), I have absolutely no experience in fiction. So, my more reasonable self understands why HRA would put this manuscript on the backburner.
Note also, that I am an impatient pest. And you know what pests do? They remind HRA to read their work. (As an aside, I also broke my promise to AWH and re-contacted him, but he ignores me -- I don't blame him as I would, too.)
And HRA continues to set it on the back burner (which is understandable because I really am a pest).
Now one dark and stormy night last week, I notice a similar novel to mine reviewed in the NY Times (but different enough not to cause me to get a lawyer or hit the vodka). So I research the author, then the author’s agent and then a close friend of the agent who happens to be REALLY IMPORTANT OFFICIAL OF MAJOR PUBLISHING HOUSE (RIOMPH). And I notice that RIOMPH and I have a similar life story (and that life story is, partly, what my fiction novel is about).
So what does IMPATIENT ASSHOLE ME (I-AM) do? I email RIOMPH and give him a focused query. And gee golly whiz, he emails me a gracious letter and ask me to send him the manuscript which he says he will read by the end of August. So far, so good.
Then I (continuing to be the asshole) email HRA and tell him about RIOMPH. I ask him if he is still willing to read the manuscript and advise me on fixes and help me. And HRA’s response is ambiguous. He apologizes for the delay, says he had been extremely busy (and I believe him). He praises me for making this contact with RIOMPH (our life story similarities really justified this). Then he ends his email with “Yes, I am on-board with you. I will try to read it shortly.”
On-board? WTF?
And we left it at that. He never said “I will sign you.”
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, from a query sent five months ago (believe me, I have sent hundreds since an initial and unique success in October) , I get a request for the manuscript from MEDIORCRE AGENT WITH NO RECENT SALES (MANRS).
So… what do I do?
Do I re-contact that AWH with news about RIOMPH?
Do I send the manuscript to MANRS (knowing I have other pots on the fire)?
Do I email HRA, again (I think he accepts my pestilence by now) and ask if he will sign me (I should have been more specific)?
Or do I do what normal, mentally stable person would do, and wait until I hear from RIOMPH at the end of August?
(Now there is no need to insult me. I know I am an impatient asshole. You have seen the subject line: three agents, a publisher and an asshole – so you should be able to figure out who is the asshole here. And maybe I am just trying to sound off so I can hear myself think. But should I wait this out? That email from that one publisher might help me get an agent for possible future publishers. And that mediocre agent did request it. And access to this publisher can enable me to open the door to that agent from Writer’s House. And this current important agent never really said he would sign me – he’s just “onboard.”)
Right now, I think I just want to shut the fuck up and hit the vodka.
First off, I cannot seem to write a query letter if my life depends on it. Yes, I had some initial success last October. I had a very good interaction with an AGENT FROM WRITER’S HOUSE (AWH) – perhaps it was luck. I promised him I would not recontact him if he gave me advice. I have implemented all his advice, but then it has been a string of query failures; but with three exceptions (of the hundreds - 100) – and those are what drive this solicitation for advice.
From a query I sent a long long time ago, I heard from HIGHLY RECOMMENDED AGENT (HRA) and he asked for the full manuscript and told me in June that he would read it “before the middle of July.”
Now, note that I am 55 years old and while I have an excellent career in engineering (just signed with a company for a textbook), I have absolutely no experience in fiction. So, my more reasonable self understands why HRA would put this manuscript on the backburner.
Note also, that I am an impatient pest. And you know what pests do? They remind HRA to read their work. (As an aside, I also broke my promise to AWH and re-contacted him, but he ignores me -- I don't blame him as I would, too.)
And HRA continues to set it on the back burner (which is understandable because I really am a pest).
Now one dark and stormy night last week, I notice a similar novel to mine reviewed in the NY Times (but different enough not to cause me to get a lawyer or hit the vodka). So I research the author, then the author’s agent and then a close friend of the agent who happens to be REALLY IMPORTANT OFFICIAL OF MAJOR PUBLISHING HOUSE (RIOMPH). And I notice that RIOMPH and I have a similar life story (and that life story is, partly, what my fiction novel is about).
So what does IMPATIENT ASSHOLE ME (I-AM) do? I email RIOMPH and give him a focused query. And gee golly whiz, he emails me a gracious letter and ask me to send him the manuscript which he says he will read by the end of August. So far, so good.
Then I (continuing to be the asshole) email HRA and tell him about RIOMPH. I ask him if he is still willing to read the manuscript and advise me on fixes and help me. And HRA’s response is ambiguous. He apologizes for the delay, says he had been extremely busy (and I believe him). He praises me for making this contact with RIOMPH (our life story similarities really justified this). Then he ends his email with “Yes, I am on-board with you. I will try to read it shortly.”
On-board? WTF?
And we left it at that. He never said “I will sign you.”
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, from a query sent five months ago (believe me, I have sent hundreds since an initial and unique success in October) , I get a request for the manuscript from MEDIORCRE AGENT WITH NO RECENT SALES (MANRS).
So… what do I do?
Do I re-contact that AWH with news about RIOMPH?
Do I send the manuscript to MANRS (knowing I have other pots on the fire)?
Do I email HRA, again (I think he accepts my pestilence by now) and ask if he will sign me (I should have been more specific)?
Or do I do what normal, mentally stable person would do, and wait until I hear from RIOMPH at the end of August?
(Now there is no need to insult me. I know I am an impatient asshole. You have seen the subject line: three agents, a publisher and an asshole – so you should be able to figure out who is the asshole here. And maybe I am just trying to sound off so I can hear myself think. But should I wait this out? That email from that one publisher might help me get an agent for possible future publishers. And that mediocre agent did request it. And access to this publisher can enable me to open the door to that agent from Writer’s House. And this current important agent never really said he would sign me – he’s just “onboard.”)
Right now, I think I just want to shut the fuck up and hit the vodka.
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