Do you ever want to quit?

gettingby said:

I thought I was taking a break, but now I'm just not sure I want to do it anymore. I thought I was really going to tap into my potential and become good at this. But a year and a half later my fiction isn't all that great. Before writing fiction, I was a journalist for ten years so I wasn't starting from scratch. I feel like I'm losing my drive. I don't really know what to do about any of this. I feel sad over it. Have any of you experienced these sort of feelings? Do you ever think maybe this is not my calling?

Click to expand...

A year and a half is nothing. I think it took me at least ten years of writing to get good at this. Don't expect to be brilliant so soon, its not like an 18 month old kid can recite their multiplication tables, is it?

... a year and a half is a drop in the bucket.
It takes much longer than that for most.
Journalism is writing, but it is quite different
than fiction. So overall, you seem to be setting
deadlines that are a bit unrealistic. Everyone
wants to make it quickly. But the fact of the
matter is that few do. For most it is a long
and arduous journey. So cheer up and have at it.

GB,

If you don't want write, then don't. You don't need permission from anyone to not write.

Food for thought: sometimes doing something we don't want to do might lead to the realization that we do want to do it but that we are not feeling confident. Therefore, the answer might be to keep writing and to become more confidence in your (oops, I mean "our") writing.

I just wrote this on another thread: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=8338379

Your motivation has to come from within yourself. What's your benchmark for "great"? Great compared to the stuff you wrote last year, or great compared to your literary heroes?

I forget which writer said this (it was online, and not too long ago), but as a reader, you develop excellent taste in books. And that means that when you start writing, you can see all the flaws in your own work. That fact is rather daunting, but it doesn't mean you can't learn to write great fiction. It only means that you aren't there yet, and--unlike someone who doesn't have the excellent taste in fiction that you have--you can tell that you aren't there yet.

To get back your drive, you need to find all your internal motivations for writing again, and let go of the external motivations. You're doing this because it's something you want to do with your existence, not to measure up to a yardstick you borrowed from someone else.

Maybe you haven't found your niche. There are a lot of different ways you can express yourself. Doesn't have to be writing a novel, if that's what you were trying to do. There's flash fiction, short stories, poetry; heck, you could start a blog, seriously. Start a darn blog, write about something that you're passionate about.

If you think you need a break from it, take a break from it. You can always check out the forums here. Maybe contribute to some of the threads, critique some. If you enjoy writing, write. Try something new. Explore, get adventurous. It needn't be a stressful thing (btw, do as I say, not as I do ).

You've been writing so much so fast, I think anyone could get burned out at that pace, especially if they are new to fiction writing. Maybe take a writing vacation and see if it refreshes you. You're starting an MFA program this fall, right? Give yourself some time off before that starts to let your mind clear. The program might really help you.

jjdebenedictis said:

I forget which writer said this (it was online, and not too long ago), but as a reader, you develop excellent taste in books. And that means that when you start writing, you can see all the flaws in your own work. That fact is rather daunting, but it doesn't mean you can't learn to write great fiction. It only means that you aren't there yet, and--unlike someone who doesn't have the excellent taste in fiction that you have--you can tell that you aren't there yet.

Click to expand...

Are you thinking of the Ira Glass on Storytelling video? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ResTHKVxf4

To the OP, you might have experience in journalism, but writing fiction might be like starting from scratch for you. You're probably just going to have to put in the hours. It's not always going to be great, but if you want to see a long term payoff, you have to be ready to ride the ups and downs.

gettingby said:

I feel like I'm losing my drive. I don't really know what to do about any of this. I feel sad over it. Have any of you experienced these sort of feelings? Do you ever think maybe this is not my calling?

Click to expand...

Oh I've felt that way. For me it was just too much of life draining the energy out of me so that there was nothing left. Creativity was gone and I wasn't happy with anything I wrote. I was sad, sad, sad and figured I should just pack it in and stop writing. The thing is, I couldn't. Oh I took a good long holiday from writing and had to wait until the passion returned but I couldn't leave it for ever.

Whether or not writing is for you isn't anyone's call but your own. If you've lost your drive then give yourself permission to leave it alone for as long as you need to and focus on something else. The drive can return. Just don't force it. Something will spark your imagination again and you won't be able to stay away. Good luck.

Oh, God yeah. I'm going through this right now. Kind of ready to hang it up after 26 years. But, I don't know what I'd do to fill the time. I'm very depressed lately--zero sales for five titles, no urge to complete a sequel, and still no major deals after three agents. Picked up a medium deal, but that's not good enough, especially for all the time and effort I put into this. I just hope I pull out of this nose dive, and quick. I've never felt this defeated before.

tri

gettingby said:

I thought I was taking a break, but now I'm just not sure I want to do it anymore.

Click to expand...

I am new to fiction as well. I was a non-fiction writer/editor for years. Maybe in about a year or two I'll post the same question you have posted. I don't have an "answer" but I wanted to comment on the issues of critique and motivation.

It took me years to become proficient at writing/editing non-fiction in my narrow field. After the first year, I looked back at what I had written and was suddenly ashamed of the errors and weaknesses I saw. That continued to happen, although it diminished in intensity, year after year as my level of skill improved. As your abilities grow, so does your inner critic. It's possible your critic is leaping ahead in terms of development while your writing skill is developing at a necessary pace. It often seems that writing is a more time-consuming, complex skill to learn when compared with critique.

When working in nonfiction, there were days when I felt like I was "on" and I had great confidence that I could write anything needed quickly and efficiently. Then there were days when I wasn't "on" and words were like bricks that I couldn't fit together no mater how hard or how long I tried. I hated everything I managed to cobble together.

The difference between "on" and "off" usually had to do with factors like burnout, motivation, and long-term stress. For me, the best method of overcoming the "off" state is to reboot my stress and frustration levels by becoming active in other distractions (e.g., physical activities, music, recreation).

The most effective motivation for writing I have found is the method for priming creativity described in the book, The Artist's Way. If I write 3 pages the moment I wake up (it doesn't have to be work, any writing 'counts') every morning, then around week three I find I HAVE to write. Words come pouring off my pen at all hours of the night and day. The other part of the program described in the book includes a 2 hour "play date" every week. You set aside time each week to indulge creative whim.

As you can see, I don't have the answer. I just wonder if you are pushing yourself too hard and enjoying it less. I see alot of good advice in the other posts on this thread. In particular, I wonder if you have already explored other writing niches like essay, short story, poetry etc.

Noting your clear-eyed willingness to judge the quality of your work and assess your interest in continuing, I am greatly encouraged for your success in whatever you decided.

Dude, don't stress out. It's okay to take a break. I stopped writing fiction for sixteen years or so and did other things. When I started again, I felt much more confident in my work and myself. Pausing doesn't mean you're not a writer, it just means you're not writing.

I did quit. For 5 years.

I thought I wasn't good enough. I thought I didn't have enough creative juice after work (in journalism). I thought I didn't have time. I thought I'd never write anything worth reading.

But I never stopped thinking about stories and making them up in my head.

So about four years ago I started writing again. Five novels and a couple of partial novels later, I'm querying. I'm still improving. I'm not sure I'll ever stop improving. I haven't wanted to quit again. I get discouraged, but even if I'm writing just for myself, I love it. (I do still need breaks sometimes though. Everyone gets burned out every now and then, I think.)

Nobody's got a gun to your head. If you don't feel like doing it, don't do it! Take a break. Go pick up another hobby. If at some later date you decide to come back, nobody's stopping you from doing that, either.

And yeah, I have felt like that.

MarkBern said:

To the OP, you might have experience in journalism, but writing fiction might be like starting from scratch for you. You're probably just going to have to put in the hours. It's not always going to be great, but if you want to see a long term payoff, you have to be ready to ride the ups and downs.

Click to expand...

Seconding this. Fiction is entirely different animal from non-fiction. When I was in a different critique group, we'd get experienced, well-published non-fiction writers who'd want to try their hand at novels. From the way they talked, they thought they would ace it and turn out a best seller, and instead, they all gave up after writing only 3 or 4 chapters.

It's such a big learning curve that you really have to like the writing part of it and enjoy creating the stories because there's going to be a lot going by the wayside.

I've been writing for decades, and I still have areas I struggle with. You never stop learning, and you never stop getting rejections.

I quit writing fiction for 10 years. It worked out, and I grew as a writer when I wandered back in.

jjdebenedictis said:

To get back your drive, you need to find all your internal motivations for writing again, and let go of the external motivations. You're doing this because it's something you want to do with your existence, not to measure up to a yardstick you borrowed from someone else.

Click to expand...

Gee, that's so true. And it can take time.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Some days I can't wait to write; other days I wonder why I started anything so stupid.

Some years I don't write at all; some years I write a whole book and several poems and articles.

Sometimes I think I'm a great writer; other times I wonder how I could ever have written such trash.

Ebb and flow. That's the way life is.

You can work at it every day and get no better. You can work at it every day and get lots better.

You can stop for awhile and never return. You can stop for awhile refreshed and renewed and full of juicy ideas.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Linda Adams said:

Seconding this. Fiction is entirely different animal from non-fiction. ...

It's such a big learning curve that you really have to like the writing part of it and enjoy creating the stories because there's going to be a lot going by the wayside.

Click to expand...

So much this. It makes me sad when I see people who think that because they're good at writing one kind of thing, they can jump straight into writing another kind of thing and have it turn out amazing.

Have you ever read a book where the character is reading a newspaper or listening to the news on TV? As a journalist, in many cases, you're probably thinking "That's AWFUL! That's not how reporting works!" I know I do! Because journalism is miles away from fiction, just like BOTH of those are miles away from marketing writing. Which is why I want to cry when I see small publishers asking writers to write their own back cover copy.

The point is, you're starting from the ground level when you switch to fiction, so please judge yourself that way, not based on however many years of other writing experience you have.

Oh yeah, I think about quitting. I get almost giddy thinking of all the extra time I'd have and not having to get up before dawn.

But then I find myself thinking about my stories, my characters, my prose--and how to make everything better--and get the itch again. Until I find a cure for that itch, I guess I'll keep plugging at the keyboard.

Writing (novels) isn't for everyone. It certainly isn't easy. If you bow out, no one here will judge you. If you want to keep trying, do what you can to hone your writing--take a class, join a writing group, read how-to books, etc.

Someone mentioned that you're starting in an MFA program soon and I know there's quite a vetting process for that so you must not be too terrible, right? Maybe you're quite good. Maybe you're just on the edge of being great, but you need to read more, write more, be fully drenched in it before breaking through. But how will you know if you don't try? Hey, at least you're not me. Just think of that the next time you receive a rejection. "This rejection sucks, but at least I'm not folkchick."

gettingby said:

I thought I was taking a break, but now I'm just not sure I want to do it anymore. I thought I was really going to tap into my potential and become good at this. But a year and a half later my fiction isn't all that great. Before writing fiction, I was a journalist for ten years so I wasn't starting from scratch. I feel like I'm losing my drive. I don't really know what to do about any of this. I feel sad over it. Have any of you experienced these sort of feelings? Do you ever think maybe this is not my calling?

Click to expand...

I can relate to an extent anyway. The majority of my writing experience is non-fiction. While I had already written dozens of short stories and poems, I never attempted to write a novel until a few years ago. Nonfiction comes easy to me, so even though I already knew writing fiction is vastly different, I still wasn't prepared for how much more difficult writing a full length novel would be. And yes, the fact that it's so hard is extremely discouraging at times, and I’ve had plenty of moments when I’m overwhelmed with self-doubt.

I took a break from writing for the last few months while I handled a number of practical issues. The break was necessary, because I didn't have the free attention to fix what still needs fixing...AKA the beginning. Now that things are back on track financially, I've been telling myself I need to start writing again, but the same drive isn't there. The time away from the novel has been beneficial, as I have a much better sense of what wasn't working and why, but finding the motivation to dive back into the book is proving difficult, and I think the main reason is because I remember how difficult and frustrating it can be.

I haven't been on AW in months and happened to jump back on the site today, hoping to rekindle some excitement for my book. Your thread couldn’t have been more perfect, as I’ve been asking myself these very same questions.

At the end of the day, I don’t think it really matters if writing is your calling or not. If I could choose to do anything, I wouldn’t choose to be a professional writer; I would continue to write for myself, as I’ve always done. But given the reality of my life, writing is one of the more attractive ways to earn a living, and the time and energy I invest is worth it, because I get a lot more out of writing fiction than just the potential to make money. And, though I may never graduate beyond professional nonfiction writing, I don’t want to look back on my life and wish I had at least tried to do something more fulfilling.

Writing a novel requires skills that can take a lifetime to develop. For most people, a year and a half will barely get them past the starting gate. So, my advice is to first get clear on whether or not you genuinely want to continue to write fiction. Are you sad because you feel like you wasted your time on a project that will never go anywhere, or are you sad because you really do want to be a writer but feel like you aren’t good enough to make it happen? Do the reasons you are writing fiction justify how difficult and frustrating this art form can be?

I stopped submitting for awhile, but I've never considered whether I should quit writing. I write. It's what I do. Whether anybody else sees it, or I just read it to the dog, or just read it myself, I write.

(the dog is a good listener, if you wondered)

I think about Harper Lee who had a book as good as To Kill A Mockingbird in her and then hadn't written another novel. It's something that I personally don't understand. I understand the frustration of writing. I had nights where I'm disgusted with every word I put down. I understand the terror of writing. You don't go into it for the money because most of the time, there won't be any. Writing can easily fall into the 'Things that Suck Hard' catagory, but the thing is, I've never thought about quitting because I don't know how. I could smash my laptop and break all my fingers, but I'd still tell stories. Either to myself or to other people, but I'd still tell stories.

Yep. I wanted to quit today, and yesterday, and three months ago. I don't because I can't stop no matter how hard I try.

Hang in there