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View Full Version : would you rather. being single or having kids!



writersliving
02-16-2006, 02:31 AM
why do so many people think that because your single that you are so lucky. okay in a way single with nobody to care for. but sometimes it can feel lonely sometimes I'd rather being a mother with kids even though it I know it will be harder. but theirs always somebody who need you for something. I know it's strange I'm single with nobody to take care of but me and want kids. But I'm just wondering what you think?

Hannah
02-16-2006, 02:42 AM
I would not want to be single again. I got lonely often.

Unique
02-16-2006, 02:54 AM
I'm a single mom. If you think having a kid will make you less lonely, think again.

It won't.

eldragon
02-16-2006, 02:57 AM
Be a single person with friends, then you won't be lonely.

Don't complicate it by having kids. Kids are for life.

My-Immortal
02-16-2006, 03:02 AM
I was happy when I was single. I am happy now being married with children. I didn't get married or have kids to 'become' happy (though they do make me happy). Does that make sense?

Having a spouse or children won't cure your loneliness either. You have to be content with yourself - to be able to be alone without feeling alone. I enjoy my 'alone' time (usually by writing).

Take care all -

threedogpeople
02-16-2006, 03:08 AM
I'd be happy to let you help take care of me. My husband is always telling me that I'm so high maintenance that I need 2 or 3 people so come on up to Canada! My house is a mess, my doggies need baths, my taxes aren't done, the lawn needs mowing, .....(got to stop with the list I'm getting depressed).

Plus there's are extra benefits to taking care of me rather than having kids - I won't run up your phone bill or wreck the car or dye my hair green or have sex for the first time when I'm only 14 or get drunk and hurl all over the driveway or get thrown out of school....you get the picture. Oh, oh, plus, maybe best of all, I won't DIE if you don't take care of me.
:roll:

scarletpeaches
02-16-2006, 03:49 AM
How about those people who would love to meet someone to marry, but don't want kids - i.e. me? I have friends but still get lonely for someone to...you know...snuggle with. And I'm not prepared to regress to my early 20s and the behaviour that caused me to lose self-respect, no sir. I'd rather stay celibate and single than marry the wrong man (or screw around to 'scratch that itch').

But in the words of Diana Ross, "I'm still waiting."

eldragon
02-16-2006, 04:01 AM
More and more people are choosing not to have kids.


It's a common and acceptable practice.

Plus, you can travel more easily, and you have more money.

Lantern Jack
02-16-2006, 04:02 AM
Somebody needs a conk busting from the grammar police!

:D

My-Immortal
02-16-2006, 04:02 AM
More and more people are choosing not to have kids.


It's a common and acceptable practice.

Plus, you can travel more easily, and you have more money.

Though they do come in handy around tax time. :)

eldragon
02-16-2006, 04:03 AM
Don't remind me. I was supposed to do our taxes today, but chose to put it off again.

My-Immortal
02-16-2006, 04:04 AM
Somebody needs a conk busting from the grammar police!

:D

Have you decided to become the 'poker of bears' now? :)

Carole
02-16-2006, 04:52 AM
Being a single mother can often remind you of just how alone as an adult you really are. Been there. My boys are wonderful. But that's not the same as having someone my own age to talk to. It was pretty rough for a couple of years till I met hubby.

eldragon
02-16-2006, 05:11 AM
There should be at least one other person in the world that thinks your baby is as cute as you do.


And at least one other person in the world to help care for that baby when you can't, if you are sick, for instance.

That's theoretically why it takes two people to get pregnant.


It really does help to have at least two people doing the job.

Shadow_Ferret
02-16-2006, 08:16 AM
Get a dog.

LieselGarmach
02-16-2006, 08:53 AM
This will sound really harsh, but it's not.

Until you grow up enough to get out of the pity-party habit, you should definitely not have children.

Until you have realized that you have value yourself without having someone else give you that value, you shouldn't be in a relationship and you definitely shouldn't have kids.

Until you can figure out that you are okay on your own, even if you're lonely, you're no good to anyone else in a healthy relationship. You're absolutely not ready to have kids.

You need to find yourself first, before you attempt to forge a bond with someone else or have children. Unless you know who you are AND are comfortable with who that is and what it means to be you, the examples you will set for your kids are unhealthy.

No one online or in your offline life can fix this situation for you. If you need counsel, seek it and pay attention. Just find a good quality counselor and not someone who's going to let you get away with the crap you've been trying to convince yourself is real. Find someone who is going to make you be real.

After that, you'll find it is much easier to not be lonely, and you will also learn that having kids to cure the loneliness is not the answer.

I wish you well on your journey.

My-Immortal
02-16-2006, 08:55 AM
This will sound really harsh, but it's not.

Until you grow up enough to get out of the pity-party habit, you should definitely not have children.

Until you have realized that you have value yourself without having someone else give you that value, you shouldn't be in a relationship and you definitely shouldn't have kids.

Until you can figure out that you are okay on your own, even if you're lonely, you're no good to anyone else in a healthy relationship. You're absolutely not ready to have kids.

You need to find yourself first, before you attempt to forge a bond with someone else or have children. Unless you know who you are AND are comfortable with who that is and what it means to be you, the examples you will set for your kids are unhealthy.

No one online or in your offline life can fix this situation for you. If you need counsel, seek it and pay attention. Just find a good quality counselor and not someone who's going to let you get away with the crap you've been trying to convince yourself is real. Find someone who is going to make you be real.

After that, you'll find it is much easier to not be lonely, and you will also learn that having kids to cure the loneliness is not the answer.

I wish you well on your journey.

Very nice post!

Take care all -

johnnysannie
02-16-2006, 06:09 PM
Don't have children to avoid loneliness - it will not work. Children are not like a pet that you can give away if it doesn't work out - kids are permanent and forever.

I stayed single - by choice - until I was 32. I always wanted to marry and have a family but I waited until I want to do it NOW. I enjoyed my single years very much and being an introvert, I never was all that lonely.

I love my kids and I enjoy raising a family. But, like the television commercials I've seen of late say, it changes everything. If you want kids, if you're ready for children and the many responsibilities that comem with the package, it's a positive change. If not, however, it can be negative. I see far too many people who didn't plan or choose to have children; it just happened through reckless disregard and I have seen unhappy people.

maestrowork
02-16-2006, 06:43 PM
I want kids. But I think to be a parent, we need to pass a series of tests. There are so many bad parents out there I just feel really sick to the stomach and sorry for the children. And people have children for all the wrong reasons from "they will take care of me when I'm old" to "I won't be lonely... " to "they are my properties and I can do whatever with them." To those people: You're better off being single or in a DINK relationship.

Shadow_Ferret
02-16-2006, 06:58 PM
*sigh*

I wanted to be a DINK. Unfortunately, my wife didn't listen to me.

Maryn
02-16-2006, 10:18 PM
*sigh*

I wanted to be a DINK. Unfortunately, my wife didn't listen to me.Funny, she told me you were dinky...

Maryn, ducking

Shadow_Ferret
02-16-2006, 10:33 PM
Hey!

Maryn
02-17-2006, 12:54 AM
Sorry, sorry. You just made it too damned easy, you know?

But when I venture into comedy, if I need a straight man--well, your wife told me you're straight.

Maryn, seeking cover

maestrowork
02-17-2006, 01:34 AM
Don't ever believe wives. They don't know crap. If Brokeback Mountain ever teaches you anything...

Shadow_Ferret
02-17-2006, 01:35 AM
Double Hey!

Jaycinth
02-17-2006, 02:03 AM
My friend keeps saying she wants kids so she won't be lonely. I personally think that she has so many people that love her she shouldn't worry about being lonely, but she thinks kids will fill that void. Maybe..for a few years. But kids grow up and they get their own lives. You can't go to a party with your teenagers and 'hang out with them" when you get lonely. That is weird and asking for trouble. I would suggest to anyone, that before they contemplate having kids make sure you have a network of family and/or friends who understand and support your choice, that way, when your kid goes on a sleep over, or what ever, you can take your S.O out on a date..or in on a date..or call the buds and go out for crabcakes and beer, water skiing or what ever you want, as opposed to sitting at home in your kid's room fretting until they get home.

I, for one am very happy with my kids. If I get my financial act together enough to support the remaing college fees in addition to myself, I'm going to look into adoption or fostering. For me, at least, having kids around is a wonderful exercise in controlled chaos..it keeps my brain working well. ( And gives me wonderful opportunities for comedy...like when my son became a dancing cabbage in the grocery store.....)

maestrowork
02-17-2006, 02:11 AM
on being lonely...

like someone else says, get a dog. ;)

robeiae
02-17-2006, 02:26 AM
Or the Playboy Channel...

Puddle Jumper
02-17-2006, 04:55 AM
I'd rather be single than to be in a bad relationship.

Jenny
02-17-2006, 09:37 AM
John O'Donohue wrote a book about Longing and 'the hunger to belong'. I prefer humour to sappiness, but I think this thread started seriously so I just wanted to quote one line.

Everyone longs for intimacy and dreams of a nest of belonging in which one is embraced, seen and loved.

You're not alone in what you're looking for, it's part of being human, but I don't think there are any shortcuts or guarantees to creating or inhabiting this nest.

Ok, and to let you know whether I have any authority to offer advice on the whole kids thing - the answer is no. No kids. But, hey, I do have a dog!

Carole
02-17-2006, 03:44 PM
I'd rather be single than to be in a bad relationship.
Absolutely. Hubby used to tell me, about previous relationships, "I can be miserable all by myself. I sure don't want company in it!"