I've had several rounds of beta reader feedback on my novel as a whole, and I'm querying; however, I'm not sure that my first pages are as solid as they can be. I feel like I messed around with them so much that I can't see the forest for the trees. I'd like several people's opinions on what I can do, especially with an eye to capturing an agent's attention. Does the world building make sense? Does the end of each chapter make you want to read on? Does it set the right tone? I'm not looking for copy edits, but for big picture stuff.
Please send me a PM with your email address, and I will email you the chapters in whatever format you'd like.
Here is my query letter:
Guardian angel Enael can't seem to protect anyone.
When she tries to stop her newest human ward from cheating, the man ends up with a bullet in his brain at the hands of his wife. During Enael's next assignment, a demon attack sends her human into a spiral of depression and, ultimately, suicide. And there’s the orphan, starving and homeless on the streets of pre-Revolution France, where bread is scarce and sympathy is scarcer. Enael doesn't know where to begin.
Fellow Guardian Kaspen supports her through all of these failures. Enael relies on his strength... and maybe on his smile and confident swagger, too. His strong connection to his ward inspires Enael to examine her relationships with her own. Just when Enael is ready to admit her love for him and apply all he's taught her to guarding her human, the demon that attacked her previous ward interferes again. Kaspen is enslaved and forced to renounce his wings.
Heaven's governing council forbids Enael from rescuing him because her next human is waiting. Enael faces a choice: To perform her sacred duty, she must surrender the angel she loves. To save him, she must disobey the council, becoming a fallen angel herself.
Please send me a PM with your email address, and I will email you the chapters in whatever format you'd like.
Here is my query letter:
Guardian angel Enael can't seem to protect anyone.
When she tries to stop her newest human ward from cheating, the man ends up with a bullet in his brain at the hands of his wife. During Enael's next assignment, a demon attack sends her human into a spiral of depression and, ultimately, suicide. And there’s the orphan, starving and homeless on the streets of pre-Revolution France, where bread is scarce and sympathy is scarcer. Enael doesn't know where to begin.
Fellow Guardian Kaspen supports her through all of these failures. Enael relies on his strength... and maybe on his smile and confident swagger, too. His strong connection to his ward inspires Enael to examine her relationships with her own. Just when Enael is ready to admit her love for him and apply all he's taught her to guarding her human, the demon that attacked her previous ward interferes again. Kaspen is enslaved and forced to renounce his wings.
Heaven's governing council forbids Enael from rescuing him because her next human is waiting. Enael faces a choice: To perform her sacred duty, she must surrender the angel she loves. To save him, she must disobey the council, becoming a fallen angel herself.
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