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View Full Version : RESULTS: St. William's Valentine's Day Poetry Contest



William Haskins
02-15-2006, 06:45 AM
NOTE: The Contest Thread (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=490606#post490606) is now updated with the authors credited for their work.

Hi all:

Thank you all for sharing your work. The entries are well-written, and there are examples of a lot of formal styles, but there's also some interesting experimentation, some profound turns-of-phrase and a great deal of genuine emotion, expressed with respect for the reader and a sense of pride and discipline in one's work.

You should all be proud.

However, we had a lot of entries and not a whole lot of votes, so unfortunately some entries did not receive any votes. These are listed below as Honorable Mentions. A cynic would say that's just a nice way of saying you got no votes, but I mean it when I say there are no losers. The very act of writing it made you a better writer, whether you realize it or not.

So, with that, let's go to the results.

Congratulations to our Winner with 6 Votes:


Entry #34: Adultery by Cassie88


Second Place with 4 Votes:


Entry #27: Sunrise by Yeshanu

Tied for Third Place with 3 Votes:


Entry #9: A Mother's Mementoes by rhymegirl

Entry #28: Dear Author by Yeshanu

Tied for Fourth Place with 2 Votes:


Entry #38: Beginnings by dahmnait

Entry #39: Why Men Dance by brokenfingers

Entry #31: Goodbye by poetinahat

Entry #23: Captive Love by rekirts

Entry #20: WHY by pb10220

Entry #17: Imo Pectore by robeiae

Entry #14: Lover's Gifts by Perks

Entry #5: More Than a Room Apart by NeuroFizz

Entry #1: I Dream of You in Ways Like This by Cassie88

Tied for Fifth Place with 1 Vote:


Entry #2: On Falling (In Love and Otherwise) by EveningsDawn

Entry #6: Parallel Waves by PattiTheWicked

Entry #7: A Small Gift by oneovu

Entry #12: A pain like no other by Jo~

Entry #16: Polished Stones by sarah s

Entry #19: You left by maestrowork

Entry #24: Truth by Lizabeth023

Entry #32: Sometimes by johnnysannie

Entry #35: the turn by tiny terror

Entry #36: Postmortem by mkcbunny

Entry #37: reverie by dahmnait

Entry #40: Until by Unique

Honorable Mention:


Entry #3: A Most Subtle Touch of Blue by louisgodwin

Entry #4: A Midwinter Night's Coke by trumancoyote

Entry #8: The Streets sherri234

Entry #10: Lovesick by rhymegirl

Entry #11: Eternal Blossom by Jo~

Entry #13: A Taste by PrettySpecialGal

Entry #15: But I by sarah s

Entry #18: Song of a Summer Lost by maestrowork

Entry #21: by God’s Wounds by Paint

Entry #22: The Hero and the Maiden by rekirts

Entry #25: love response to DeDe, in the voice of woman by kdnxdr

Entry #26: Makin' Love by Yeshanu

Entry #29: Love Remained by D.J.

Entry #30: Love's Vessel by kdnxdr

Entry #33: Tribute by Schwebb

Sarita
02-15-2006, 06:53 AM
More than I cared about who won, I was dying to see who wrote the pieces. Intriguing (although I had Zachy pegged).

Congrats to Cassie and to everyone who cared enough to enter! William, thanks so much for hosting again!

DeniseK
02-15-2006, 06:55 AM
I voted for the winner! Cassie, that poem rocks!

But, hey, they all do, even mine. ;)

trumancoyote
02-15-2006, 07:02 AM
Congrats, everyone!! Especially you, Cassie :)

Next thing's next: gettin' more voters!

rekirts
02-15-2006, 07:04 AM
I voted for the winner, too! Great job, Cassie.

Shwebb
02-15-2006, 07:07 AM
I figured out which was yours, Zach. Very voyeuristic, I thought--effectively so.

Cassie, I voted for another one of yours, and almost voted for your winning one. Bravo!

dahmnait
02-15-2006, 07:07 AM
Congratulations Cassie! That is an awesome poem!

It's pretty cool to go back and reread all the poems now that we know who wrote them. They are all great. Kudos to everyone for entering and putting yourself out there.

dahmnait
02-15-2006, 07:14 AM
And thank you William, for putting this together.

maestrowork
02-15-2006, 07:28 AM
Congrats, Cassie. And congrats, everyone!

poetinahat
02-15-2006, 07:32 AM
Just amazing, all of you.

I've got a pit in my stomach: it's confession time. I had six poems that I could not separate: all very different, each truly deserving of a vote.

At 1:30 in the morning, after a night's reading and re-reading, I hallucinated a twisted, cowardly Solomon and voted for my own poem. Rather than selecting one of a brilliant group, I cast a reluctant ballot for vanity.

In the present context, the term 'Honorable Mention' rings particularly true to me.

Never mind the low vote count; the quality of the entries is astounding. Here's to more such contests. Thank you, William.

Jo
02-15-2006, 07:42 AM
Congrats, Cassie! :)

And thankyou to all entrants for sharing such thought-provoking poetry, and to William for offering the incentive for us to exercise our creative juices.

maestrowork
02-15-2006, 07:46 AM
Contrary to common beliefs, I did not vote for myself. ;)

Well done, everyone.

oneovu
02-15-2006, 08:08 AM
The entries in this contest really were a beautiful and stunning collection of poems. I've only been a part of two, here, but it's been humbling each time.

I nearly voted for my own too, poetinahat. I fully intended to, but as I told our host in the pm body that he never read, Sunrise made me cry, so I had to vote for it.

Congratulations to Cassie and all who entered. Thanks for another wonderful contest, william.

Yeshanu
02-15-2006, 08:08 AM
I really can't believe I got second place! :cry: :hooray:

(And tied for third -- I really am feeling a bit stunned right now...)

I voted for "Adultery," because it was the poem that haunted me when I went to sleep.

Great efforts from all!

William Haskins
02-15-2006, 08:17 AM
you all produced interesting work. if you're not writing poetry regularly, please commit to doing so.

D.J.
02-15-2006, 08:18 AM
Congrats Cassie and all! Thanks for the contest William and thanks for entering to all of you who did! Happy Valentine's Day!

Shwebb
02-15-2006, 08:22 AM
Thanks for the contest, William, it was a pleasure to have participated.

brokenfingers
02-15-2006, 08:40 AM
Greetings people,

I just wanted to express the fact that I am both honored and delighted to have been a part of this contest.

I agree with everything that has already been said and am awed by the amount of talent and skill that was displayed here.

I also found myself delightfully surprised at some of the particpants.

Thank you everyone - for participating and voting and helping to make this such a great community for writers!!

I would also like to especially thank those who voted for me. I know some have mentioned voting for themselves - but I had to vote for the one I felt was the best (which was most definitely not mine!) or touched me the most and did not view this as something to "win" - but only something to participate in and enjoyed myself immensely.

In that light, I feel we are all the winners.

I am proud to be among you, my fellow writers!

kdnxdr
02-15-2006, 08:43 AM
Congratulations Cassie! Thank you William for hosting these fun contests. Also, thank you for caring about this site and personally investing in our aspirations of writing poetry. I appreciate you as a moderator. I didn't get to know JAlpha so much as she was leaving, as I was coming in the door for the first time. These contests, and the site in general, keeps me going. It's so frustrating to pursue writing sometimes, and these contests give so much incentive to "keep at it".

If there were some big smiley lips to select on here, I'd plant ya one!

kdnxdr

ps. Do you have a really big library??:e2brows:

brokenfingers
02-15-2006, 08:49 AM
Wow, I was gonna write this in the other thread but it's locked. I'd like to discuss the poems so I guess we'll do it here.

I had to laugh because right after I submitted my entry - I re-read it and hated it! Did that happen to anyone else?

I immediately saw better word choices, more concise editing steps, better formatting etc.

Hahaha! The worst case of "morning after" syndrome I've had in a long time!

Anyways, as soon as I read all the entries - it only confirmed my opinion of my poem - hahaha!

I'll discuss my thoughts on some other poems later but figured I'd start with mine first.

I find that my poems seem to be falling into a certain pattern. I found this one: wordy, overwritten and a little darker than I'd intended.

I'd hoped to show how men have many doubts and fears when confronted with the loss of emotional control that love often brings, as well as the fear of possible rejection and loss - but that we know that such a thing is inevitable if we are to grow and fulfill our destiny.

Anyways I hope some of you enjoyed it and I'm honored and humbled to have presented it for you.

Thank you, people.

PrettySpecialGal
02-15-2006, 08:49 AM
Second Place with 4 Votes:



Entry #27: Sunrise by Yeshanu




Congratulations, Yeshanu- I voted for you. Your poem really spoke to me- on a very personal level, so you got my vote. You are very deserving. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us.

Jo
02-15-2006, 08:54 AM
I admit I found it awfully hard voting for only one entry. The calibre and style of entries touched me on so many different levels. Can we pleeeeeease vote for more than one next time? ;)

William Haskins
02-15-2006, 09:11 AM
brokenfingers,

patterns are common, and they serve a necessary purpose. follow the path and see where it leads you.

mkcbunny
02-15-2006, 09:17 AM
Congratulations, Cassie! And thank you William!

I voted for "Sunrise," and my second choice was ... "Dear Author," so however you slice it, Yeshanu was getting my vote. My other two "short list" picks were "Goodbye" and "Why Men Dance," and I went around and around on those four for a while. But "Sunrise" made me wish I had written it and just kept pulling me back, so that's what I went with.

Thank you everyone for submitting.

kdnxdr
02-15-2006, 09:27 AM
Brokenfingers,

As far as mechanics go, I am not the one to say. I would like to comment on the content of your poem. I have to say that when I read your poem, I could see so strongly your vulnerability as a man but, more than that, someone who doesn't want to give up when love has inflicted so many scars, even deep scars. So many people get numb to love, and sex for many, especially the young, becomes a one-dimentional substitute. Many people get where they stop letting themselves be vulnerable or they become so hard that they lose hope for love or they become so cold they have no need of love.

In this poem, you admit your willingness to risk hurting again for the sake of finding love. It's also a statement of celebrating life instead of embracing nowhere/nothingness.

And, it was like eating the sweet out of the honeysuckle to see you "out there making a fool of yourself, having fun".

Poem construction, that's someone else's crit.

louisgodwin
02-15-2006, 09:38 AM
I had to laugh because right after I submitted my entry - I re-read it and hated it! Did that happen to anyone else?

I immediately saw better word choices, more concise editing steps, better formatting etc.

Yep. Happened to me too. After I sent my PM to William, I almost immediately saw things in my poem I wanted to change.

I just couldn't bring myself to cast a vote for my own poem, so I got stuck with zero. Oh well, I figured that was what would probably happen anyways. I'm just not good at this icky love stuff.

mkcbunny
02-15-2006, 09:38 AM
I had to laugh because right after I submitted my entry - I re-read it and hated it! Did that happen to anyone else?...
Anyways, as soon as I read all the entries - it only confirmed my opinion of my poem.
After I saw my poem in the mix, I thought, "What in god's name was I thinking sending something so bitter and curt?" I didn't dislike it; I just felt a little like the weird kid in the corner. But it is what it is.

kdnxdr
02-15-2006, 09:46 AM
I want to say something about my poem, love response to DeDe, in the voice of woman.

Again, I know poetry is suppose to have some sort of construction to it, and I know someday I will get the hang of that part. In the meantime, I just have a blast writing!

I recently started going to my first spoken word gathering kinda thing. It's sooooooo much fun. It's an open mike situation and doesn't really have any format, just who ever wants to can get up and "do their thing". Some use instruments, most don't. It's not a competition of any sort. Just speaking free poetry, on the fly or written out.

There is this one guy that is so naturally talented when it comes to poetry. And, he has an incredible voice to go with it. His favorite poetry is hyper erotica. And, that's okay, but, it's EXTREMELY graphic. And, since this kid is totally focused on meshing body parts in every possible, imaginable way in such GREAT DETAIL (he might as well be showing a film), I wanted to challenge his concept of love. my love response to DeDe, in the voice of woman was a read I did after one of his XXXpoem's. Just wanted to give him a little challenge to consider the other possible perspectives to lovemaking since his so strongly subjegates women to the position of property and subservience.

rhymegirl
02-15-2006, 04:09 PM
I was very happy to see that the poem I voted for, Cassie's "Adultery" was the winner.

It's so hard to put into words why this is such a great poem. I kept going back to it because her word choices were so interesting, descriptive, and different. She painted a picture that I was able to see in my mind and voices I could hear, emotions I could understand.

I wanted to vote for a more romantic, sentimental type of poem because it was, after all, Valentine's Day. But Cassie's poem was so well-written, had such unusual, vivid imagery, I knew it was the one to vote for.

Congratulations, Cassie! I've always told you that your greeting card ideas are really funny; now I see from your serious work how multi-talented you really are!

Pat~
02-15-2006, 05:20 PM
Congratulations, Cassie!--and Yeshanu for coming in 2nd, too. Really excellent poems, both of you. All the entries were so good, I would love to see multiple categories for winning in future contests, if that were at all possible. It would sure make it easier to choose a favorite!

DeniseK
02-15-2006, 05:46 PM
I am SO glad I didn't vote for myself. It sure makes that one vote sweeter!

We have GOT to get VOTE BOT to come back next time!;)

oneovu
02-15-2006, 05:49 PM
I had to laugh because right after I submitted my entry - I re-read it and hated it! Did that happen to anyone else?
Yes. I wanted to change several things moments after sending it and everything once it was posted. I still will change a couple of things, but I've settled on rather liking my poem.


In the present context, the term 'Honorable Mention' rings particularly true to me.
There's no shame in voting for yourself. None. Your entry is lovely, btw. :)

robeiae
02-15-2006, 06:11 PM
I wrote my poem on a cocktail napkin pressed against the thigh of a Hooters waitress. :D

Seriously, good show everyone, especially Cassie and Yeshanu...and of course William for taking the time to run things.

Rob :)

Yeshanu
02-15-2006, 06:34 PM
you all produced interesting work. if you're not writing poetry regularly, please commit to doing so.

I don't actually write a lot of poetry. I haven't valued my own gifts in this area as much as I've valued the ability to write prose, partly because prose pays better, and also because prose is what professors seem to want when it comes to assignments. But I'll commit to writing more poetry. Just for you William.


Okay, I lied. I need to do it for myself. More than anything, placing in this contest against so many awesome poets made me realize that I do have a gift, and it's one I should value and use. Thanks to all of you for the comments, and to William for sponsoring the contest.

About my poems -- I didn't have that "re-reading it and hating it" problem, because I'd already done that with two of them (Dear Author and Makin' Love). Many, many thanks to Barb for her crit of "Dear Author." For "Makin' Love", all I needed to do was read it through to see the weak spots in the poem and change them.

"Sunrise," believe it or not, was pretty much the only poem I've ever written that came out right the first try. It was just in there, as a result of an experience I had. And that's all I'm going to say on the matter...

"Makin' Love" was the result of a prompt in Outwitting Writer's Block. Jenna challenged me to listen to an hour of country music, then write a country ballad. This prompt intersected with one from another book asking me to write what I believed about love, and "Makin' Love" was the end result.

"Dear Author" was the result of a walk home from the car dealership after dropping the car off for repairs. I was thinking about my novel, and its red-haired, green-eyed heroine, and hero with piercing blue eyes and mighty thews, and some of the words to the poem started coming to me. It's the only letter I've ever written to myself...


It's so hard to put into words why this is such a great poem. I kept going back to it because her word choices were so interesting, descriptive, and different. She painted a picture that I was able to see in my mind and voices I could hear, emotions I could understand.


This is the essence of poetry. That's what made Cassie's poem so meaningful for me.

Paint
02-15-2006, 07:02 PM
What a team!!!! This was a great contest and thank you William--Congratulations to the winners and all, there wasn't a loser in the group IMHO.

Speaking for my poem, it was written in the heat of seeing Brokeback Mountain. That movie impacted me and I am still thinking about it so more poems will probably follow...

Susie
02-15-2006, 07:29 PM
Congrats Cass!!! and Yeshanu and to all the others who entered. Everyone who took the time to enter a poem is a winner. And next time I'm voting for my own poem. LOL. William, you rock.

D.J.
02-15-2006, 07:50 PM
As I mentioned earlier, I really enjoyed the poetry. I had just entered mine since I had just posted it in "Haikuicide" and then realized there was a contest, so I sent it in.
Mine was about the love of my parents and a bitterweet memory of their ultimate love.
My mother was dying of cancer but had always been such a girly-girl. She always wanted her hair fixed and her make-up on. She had asked we daughters to keep her looking nice while she was in the hospital. Then once she slipped into a coma and death was hovering, we stopped.
Trying to let Dad have more time with her, we left to get something to eat. Upon coming back into the room, we saw Daddy stroking her mussed hair and whispering so sweetly to her with tears in his eyes.
His pet name for her was Peg Lou and he used it as he spoke. "Peg Lou, you look so pretty. The girls have your hair fixed so nice and they have your lip rouge on for you. Oh, how beautiful you look. You look as beautiful as the day we first met. I love you honey." He bent over and kissed her as he tightly held her hand.
He died three years later at 82 yrs. old. He missed her greatly. We all did.
So, I knew mine was no great poem, but it was written with a deep feeling and in illustration of one of the greatest loves I've ever known.
I really appreciate hearing about the catalyst for your poems. Please, continue for those of you who haven't yet.

dahmnait
02-15-2006, 08:01 PM
You certainly got the feeling across in the poem. That is not always so easy in haiku format. I thought it was well written and beautiful.

Thank you for sharing the story behind the poem as well. What a heartbreakingly beautiful story of love.

Yeshanu
02-15-2006, 08:03 PM
Donna,

That's a lovely story, and very powerful. Have you considered writing it down in prose form and sending it in to a Chicken Soup anthology, or another anthology like it?

D.J.
02-15-2006, 08:14 PM
Donna,

That's a lovely story, and very powerful. Have you considered writing it down in prose form and sending it in to a Chicken Soup anthology, or another anthology like it?

Thanks for your kind words of interest. I haven't attempted to write it to give it justice. Perhaps, I should. It's one of those memories that stays a little too fresh, even after several years. So, this was my first attempt at expressing it.

Unique
02-15-2006, 08:26 PM
I don't consider myself a poet. I play with words because I can. Sometimes I can even string them together to make sense.

Until was born one morning at my kitchen counter. I was sitting there thinking that it might be the morning I'd have to put my cat to sleep. (he's been ill, in case you didn't know)
I started thinking about the other cat kids I've had in my life - the ones that 'disappeared' - oh, my - those losses grieve me unspeakably.

So I'm surprised that Until even got one vote. My poetry (if you want to call it that) seems to come in two flavors: black as the inside of a cave, or funny.

If you read Until and you said, 'Ouch' - that's the response it was created for; I don't expect people to choose 'Ouch' as a favorite <insert smilie of your choice here>

rekirts
02-15-2006, 08:43 PM
I voted for Adultery for the reasons already stated by others--the word choice and imagery. Also I felt the sort of disconnect from reality that happens in situations like that. On the one hand we have fanciful phrases such as these ones (which I love):

I stole the sun from the home next door,
and tied it to one of the elm trees
that lined the driveway.

I colored in a moon with white crayons,
and hung silver-glittered stars
against the empty sky.

and real, concrete images such as this:

When I entered their room,
they were already asleep,
their fire-engine pajama pants on backwards.
Together they conveyed to me a sort of controlled chaos that was very real.

oneovu
02-15-2006, 08:49 PM
I write screenplays. Poetry is a nice instant gratifier, and I think it may even help my screenwriting by exploring feelings and themes in a glaring light.

When I wrote small gift (which was on deadline day. sigh.), I was in a real life situation where my issues were affecting the way I saw a loved one’s troubles. I had to stop and kick myself hard. Sometimes, it’s not about me and all that is needed is quiet support.

Perks
02-15-2006, 08:57 PM
I voted for mkcbunny's Postmortem. What a pithy kick. Elegant words without ambiguity is what I hope to learn to render, so how could I not vote for that one. Loved it, even if it was on the painful side of Valentine's Day.

Pat~
02-15-2006, 09:08 PM
Rekirts, I have to say I loved your limerick as much as the serious ones! It was so clever and funny--had to read it aloud to my husband!

Mine was a simple poem ("Why"), whose words just skimmed the surface of the experience that motivated it. It's the valentine I gave hubby this year; it's about unfailing love, and the love it inspires in return. Six years ago, after a series of traumatic events I went into a fairly severe clinical depression. My hubby saw the woman he'd married virtually disappear, as I became pretty unstable, and was not even committed to life, let alone our relationship. Though I caused him a lot of pain and grief, he was forgiving, faithful, and unfailing in his love toward me. We both came out of that dark period with a whole new perspective on human (and Divine) love. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary last month, and I wrote "Why" for him as a tribute to his love and God's grace in making that milestone possible.

rekirts
02-15-2006, 09:20 PM
Heh, thanks. I have trouble being funny in prose even though I would like to write humor. I find it easier to write humorous light verse. For some reason rhythm and rhyme make a story funnier.

kdnxdr
02-15-2006, 09:22 PM
It's so wonderful to read all these stories behind the poems! Great stuff.
Thank you all for sharing such deep, deep emmotions.

I love this place.

Perks
02-15-2006, 09:25 PM
Speaking of, kdnxdr, I really liked your love response to DeDe, in the voice of woman. Lots to think about there and meat worth chewing.

Cassie88
02-15-2006, 09:30 PM
Wow! Thank you guys! Especially William whose "kicks" make me put those words on paper. I loved every poem, especially, Why Men Dance and Lover's Gifts....and On Falling....and Polished Stones and and and ....

Congratulations to everyone!

When I was in the 7th grade, my father confessed to my mother, who was 7 months pregnant with her 7th child, that he was in the middle of a serious affair .... they were at some dance and he told her when they were on the floor.... he came home alone... I heard the car and watched from the window as he stood motionless, like stone, leaning up against his car, looking up at the sky. I knew instantly that something was terribly wrong ... he stayed there longer than I could watch.

Around 3 AM or so, my mother came home with a friend... I heard the car and went to find out what was happening... Her eyes were so swollen from crying, she could hardly see out of them. She told me that she'd had a scare...and thought the baby was coming... everything was fine.

Around 5 AM, my sister Vicky, who slept in another part of the house next to my parent's room, came into my room, hysterical.. saying, "Mommy doesn't love Daddy and Daddy doesn't love Mommy." Vicky was about 8 ... Jill, about 5, Sam, 4 and Griff ... I don't know...2...

The next day, the house had changed, and I did everything I could to .... help everyone....

It was the most defining moment in my life and I think it affected me in ways I don't even know about. Because I believed in all of it. As smart and street smart as I was, I really believed in the dream. I had the most wonderful mother... our house was the place to be.... I worshiped my father....

Nothing was ever the same... like that movie, "Before and After" ..... well,I could go on and on.... and I think I could write a million poems about it... although Adultery was the first one. I did a write a first person piece some years ago about it....

.... Like Broken, I wanted to make changes immediately ... and I know I will make some... I had such a hard time writing it, not because of the subject matter.. just because I couldn't find the right way... I wrote it, left it, made changes, left it, made changes, left it... until finally, the time was up.

I Dream of You.... wrote itself... I wrote the first line and then it just came...
I'd like to discuss some of the other poems, but I need to print them out again... God knows where the first copies are in the mess that surrounds me when I write.... so I'll be back.

Thanks again everyone who voted for me... It means a lot.

I was going to say, First, I'd like to thank my father, for.... hey, you gotta keep laughing....

Cassie

Oh, I should tell you one more thing.. my mother let him stay... what I've always felt was the biggest mistake of her life. But she couldn't help it...she loved him.

William Haskins
02-15-2006, 09:39 PM
congratulations, cassie.

PM me a mailing address and i'll get your prize out.

NeuroFizz
02-15-2006, 10:02 PM
Uh…I used nearly all of my 2006 allotment of courage to send in my entry, and I’m using much of what’s left for this post. Unfortunately, when it comes to poetry, I don’t think I can find my butt with both hands—mostly because I haven’t really used it (poetry, that is) as a medium of expression, aside from humorous limericks. When I submitted More Than A Room Apart, I added a qualifier in the submission note—I didn’t even know if it was poetry. This is because it comes from a patchwork I wrote called Conversations, in response to a challenge to convey aspects of human nature without description—with only short snippets of (fictitious) intercepted conversation. The ten conversations were written with one part human nature, one part tongue touching inside-of-cheek, and a dash of stereotype. Here’s the introduction to the group, which may help explain some of the background for More Than A Room Apart: Eavesdrop is a means of culling human nature to its barest instincts. It is particularly fascinating when a conversation is stolen without context, so the thief is left to interpret it based on personal experiences. And then, there are conversations that don’t require interpretation…

My only other dive into the poetry ocean—I once penned a half-dozen shorties driven by the emotion of my divorce (many years ago). Here’s my problem. I don’t know the peculiarities of the craft of poetry, so much so I didn’t vote in this competition (I didn’t feel worthy of judging). For me, this is one of those places where I’m putting my toe in the water, and even though it feels warm (due to the support and encouragement of everyone at AW), I’m still hesitant to go for that swim. Sharks, stingrays, lethal jellyfish—they’re all out there, and they’re all hungry to devour all not properly schooled in the craft. Put me in the Sea of Prose, and I’m in past the drop-off without a care.

I am deeply honored to have received two votes, particularly considering the competition. Thank you to those of you who enjoyed my entry. And thank you, William, for hosting the competition—it got my toe in the water…

rhymegirl
02-15-2006, 10:06 PM
Cassie, I don't think you should change a word of that poem. Your meaning came across very well, the emotions were conveyed very well, too. If a reader had any doubt about what was happening, the title said it all. That was a very good idea to make "adultery" the title.

You just explained to us in regular words what happened to your family, and I"m sorry you had to go through that. But the way you explained it in your poem also conveyed what it must have been like, and to be able to express that the way you did takes a lot of talent and thought.

The part about "sewing" the mother back together was a very interesting way to put it. I imagined a woman who had basically "fallen apart" and needed to be "sewn" back together.

I also liked this part a lot:

"I colored in a moon with white crayons,
and hung silver-glittered stars
against the empty sky."

We know the person didn't do these things literally, but the thought of how much effort she made to make things right again for her family is so beautiful and moving.

Yeshanu
02-15-2006, 10:19 PM
Neuro,

Your poem was definitely a poem, and it was a worthy contender in this contest. I liked the back-and-forth conversation -- it highlighted the misunderstandings between the two voices so well.

I found it interesting to find out who wrote what. When I told my daughter this morning that I'd come in second and third, and told her which poems I'd written, she said, "You mean you didn't write the limerick?" :tongue

Cassie88
02-15-2006, 10:29 PM
Kath, funny you should put the "moon" part here... I don't like these lines... first of all, the word "empty" is redundant. picky, maybe, but picky we should be... I don't like HUNG.... FLUNG would have been truer in this section... keeping the same feeling as "SPAT" showing the writer's bitterness and feeling of betrayal. So maybe...

I colored in a moon with white crayons,
and flung silver-glittered stars
into the sky.

...hmmmmm... I don't know....

And yes, I agree about the title... I didn't want the reader to have to try and figure out what the poem was about. Also, it's what adultery is... flat out reality, a reality that I don't think gets enough press.

Sarita
02-15-2006, 10:49 PM
Cassie, I loved reading your back story, thanks for sharing it. It really touched me, especially being SO fond of your sister's music, it added a whole nother dimension for me in your poetry and her lyrics. (I enjoyed "I dream of you.." immensely, by the way)

I'm off to the dentist, but I'll have her voice in my ears (via ipod) to help sooth the stress http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif

Ultimately, I voted for Rob's piece (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27064)(#17) because after I read all the poems, 2 lines kept running through my head.

By bold word and deed erased is the snow
That covered my soul, barren of pleasure

They're still there. Amazing stuff. When I read the opening line, I knew I'd love the whole.

Like I said, I have to run to the dentist, but I'll be back to comment on others. So many beautiful poems, so little time!

Ralyks
02-15-2006, 11:11 PM
How do I keep missing all the contests? I've got to visit this board more often...


Anyway, I'm enjoying the poems. Congratulations to the winners. I found the winning poem to be deeply moving. (I'm always impressed by poetry that succeeds in moving me emotionally, probably even more than by poetry that makes me think.)

dahmnait
02-15-2006, 11:45 PM
Uh…I used nearly all of my 2006 allotment of courage to send in my entry, and I’m using much of what’s left for this post.
I hope you didn't use it all. I would like to read more of your work. I found the byplay between the two people very interesting.

Cassie88
02-16-2006, 12:08 AM
Cassie, I loved reading your back story, thanks for sharing it. It really touched me, especially being SO fond of your sister's music, it added a whole nother dimension for me in your poetry and her lyrics. (I enjoyed "I dream of you.." immensely, by the way)

I'm off to the dentist, but I'll have her voice in my ears (via ipod) to help sooth the stress http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/smile.gif


Sarah, OMG, that's right...since you've listened to "An Ordinary Day" ...you know how the story continued. UGH... Oh God.. I didn't cry when I wrote that poem but all of a sudden thinking of Vicky's song... S--T....

If anyone is interested in checking Vicky out, see my post in the songwriting forum about her.

Sarah, I'll tell Vick!

Cassie

rekirts
02-16-2006, 01:00 AM
Just want to mention that love response to DeDe, in the voice of a woman was also a favourite of mine. I'm not sure I can analyse why. It's just that when I read it I though, Cool!

brokenfingers
02-16-2006, 04:23 AM
There were so many wonderful poems, it's hard to keep track without them right in front of me. Plus, I hesitate to single any out and so inadvertantly omit others. In my eye, they were all winners!!

I do think, though, that it might've been better if each contestant had been restricted to only one poem - so that there might've been more of a decisive winner and also so that the votes could have been spread among more contestants. I just thought it would've been more fun that way for everybody involved. Just a thought if there's ever another one.

I'd also like to congratulate Cassie for her winning poem which was both thought-provoking and emotionally powerful. Thank you, Cassie!!

maestrowork
02-16-2006, 04:28 AM
I'm a sore loser, so I won't say anything. But at least one person voted for me, so I'd like to know his/her name so I can thank him/her for being the only one with taste.

;)

rekirts
02-16-2006, 05:03 AM
I do think, though, that it might've been better if each contestant had been restricted to only one poem - so that there might've been more of a decisive winner and also so that the votes could have been spread among more contestants. I just thought it would've been more fun that way for everybody involved. Just a thought if there's ever another one.


I tend to agree. Also, and this is just MHO, it works out better if you can't vote for your own. I mean, if you had 35 poets and each poet voted for themself the contest is meaningless because it seems very few people who are not entered actually vote. Even if half the poets voted for their own, it could make quite a difference. If you can't vote for yourself, the most each poet loses is one vote, but if you can, and lots do, a really good poem could potentially lose many votes that it might have received from those who used the default setting and voted for their own.

Shwebb
02-16-2006, 05:06 AM
As kind as William is to donate a book, I don't think anyone would need that as an incentive--bragging rights are probably enough. (I probably won't submit again, but I will certainly continue to vote.)

William Haskins
02-16-2006, 05:42 AM
i allowed multiple entries because i wasn't expecting such a high level of interest.

for the record, nearly half of the votes came from people not entered in the contest.

rekirts
02-16-2006, 05:52 AM
I stand corrected.

DeniseK
02-16-2006, 07:19 AM
I'm a sore loser, so I won't say anything. But at least one person voted for me, so I'd like to know his/her name so I can thank him/her for being the only one with taste.

;)

Ditto for me.

PrettySpecialGal
02-16-2006, 07:31 AM
Can't say that myself- I didn't even get my own vote!!!HA!

rhymegirl
02-16-2006, 07:31 AM
I'm a sore loser, so I won't say anything. But at least one person voted for me, so I'd like to know his/her name so I can thank him/her for being the only one with taste.

;)

Oh poor Raymond. If it makes you feel just the slightest bit better, your poem, You Left #19(which happens to be my favorite number) was one of the 6 poems I was trying to choose between. So ya came pretty close!

mkcbunny
02-16-2006, 07:49 AM
I voted for mkcbunny's Postmortem. What a pithy kick. Elegant words without ambiguity is what I hope to learn to render, so how could I not vote for that one. Loved it, even if it was on the painful side of Valentine's Day.
Thank you for the compliment and your vote. What's funny is that tend to ramble in person, and in letters and memos, too. Sometimes, I just go on, and on, and on. Especially when I am tired. I seem to have more restraint when writing poetry.

Jo
02-16-2006, 08:40 AM
I normally write verse similar to one of my favourite entries, Rhymegirl’s A Mother’s Mementoes (#9), or dabble with haikus or limericks, but decided to play outside the square with my entry, Eternal Blossom (#11). It is a tribute to the words my husband wrote in the card he gave me for our recent 15th wedding anniversary, and expresses the beauty and delicacy of our relationship. Our love, ever-changing, will be nurtured forever within the garden of our passion – our hearts.

Although I've since edited it (to present tense, and removed reference to myself by changing "my" to "lone"), my second entry was a short and sharp haiku, A pain like no other (#12), and sums up the feelings I share with my husband. From the moment we met, we felt the pain of love. Just to gaze at each other, to stroke one another, to whisper sweet nothings, or recite our love notes – anything, everything, hurt in a deep and unfathomable way; the way love twists your insides - you know you’ll never be the same. We can’t stand to be apart, nor can we ever get close enough to one another. It’s painful, yet it’s a pain we couldn’t live without. I voted on behalf of my husband, my Valentine, for this one.