Quick question about accent

Hi guys,

So I've started a new project, sci-fi/fantasy, so not set on our world. It's based around four large isles, one in particular is a bit Zenophobic. So I have this character who meets my MC who happens to be from another island, different accent included.
So here I am trying to give him an accent and I can't help giving him a west indian (Caribbean) one. I'm trying to mix it up a little but just can't help it!

Not sure if I'll keep it this way but just testing it and how it sounds to me and to you guys. I don't like writing things phonetically so I've gone for how the character speaks rather than sounds. I'm not trying to make him sound authentic to any real west indian accent, as long as in reading, an accent comes through.

Take a look and tell me what you think?
Thanks!

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MC comes around from being momentarily knocked out by an unknown person(s) and wakes to a conversation.

‘I say slap him one time *if* you want. You give him a concussion.’

‘We were told he was aggressive. Better safe than sor- and look, he’s fine.’

‘Beside the point! He can get much done seeing double?’

My trailer ceiling came into view.

‘Boy...’ Someone clicked their fingers. ‘You can hear me?’

I propped myself up and sat against my kitchen drawers.

‘Focus. Focus...’ More clicking of the fingers.

A shadow hovered by my face until the features of a man crouching beside me began to appear. He was dressed in black, wearing a turtle neck, which just looked uncomfortable, and his blueberry dyed hair made his complexion come across unnaturally white. He had a strong jaw, too - clean shaven - like those stupid men who pranced around in brief ads. And I couldn’t even begin to describe his accent; sharp C’s like K’s, missing words, calm but quick…never heard anything like it before.
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Nope, not west indian IF I can bloody help myself. The further I go the more west indian it sounds though:

‘Time telling, at least you is good at that. Also, you does eat dog when you out there? It taste nice? You catch worm like that? Them does sell dog meat in the Lower Tier but I never try it...’

And I'm wondering if it matters or if i should try and steer away seeing as it's not on our planet and go for something a bit more original.

If you're not getting WI that's good. I wouldn't describe it as a poor person without education though! WI people speak more pigeon English that that!

"look in that cupboard" - "look in ah de cupboard"
"him over there" - “ look him de-e-de“

I suppose WI encompasses sooo many accents. That's how my dad speaks. Up top is my dad speaking in his casual English accent. On the phone he just speaks proper English. But I might be lucky enough to be using a WI accent that's not well known.

Above everything else, does it irritate you to read?

Yup! That's exactly how he would say things when he's comfortable and casual. He also knocks the S off things. So he sometimes won't say things like Dog's or Dogs, instead he'll say "them dog are viscous you see?" (dem darg are viscous yu see?) or "You see the dog them?" (yu see de darg dem?)
He never says Cocoa Pops or Sainsbury's either! He'll ask my daughter if she wants some Cocoa Pop. Or he'll say he's going Sainsbury.

Weirdly enough he always gets Jamaican's for removing the H in words where there is one, and putting it in words where there isn't one, i.e "Hen" = "en" and "England" = "Hinglan"
I don't hear much Jamaican people but when I say it to Jamaican people they laugh so I don't know if that means it's true or not!

Just in case you're curious I found a clip of a young lady speaking with a Vincy accent (my dad comes from St. Vincent). Towards the end you'll hear she drops past tense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB-ldoQ6jP4

Not many videos of St.Vincent accent. I once went to carnival waving the St. Vincent flag and had British people with a WI background asking "What flag is that?!"
St.Vincent is right next door to the island that over shadows it; Barbados. As well, St.Vincent isn't a very touristy island because it has unattractive "black sand beaches" so not many people know it.

haitch this! lol

Absolute dot on the map, but no bigger than Barbados I'll add Though it's often called St.Vincent and the Grenadines...sometimes St.Vincent doesn't even show up on the map!

Thanks for all your help though, I'll keep using the accent for now, but keep two edits. If beta readers are like "na uh!" then I always have the other copy to go back to.

Kitty Pryde said:

I wouldn't say it sounds uneducated, just sounds like not any American English dialects. Planet of vaguely Caribbean people? Sure, why not? It worked for Toby Buckell.

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Which book is this of his? I'd like to see how he does it.

*Edit* Found Crystal rain! Interesting....

Kim Fierce said:

"‘Time telling, at least you is good at that. Also, you does eat dog when you out there? It taste nice? You catch worm like that? Them does sell dog meat in the Lower Tier but I never try it...’"


I liked your first example. Just be careful because this second example was toeing the line with Jar-Jar Binks for me ;-)

Click to expand...

These are the things I really want know, because when I read it, I can't do so without the accent I'm familiar with. But those who don't know it... Well. Jar-Jar.
Atleast you didn't say Yoda... Lol

Thanks JSF! With your Texan accent I know what you're saying and that's probably because I know it well enough to recognise what's being said.
I'll see how it plays out with the Beta's. Because it's set in a made up world I don't think people will immediately think WI accent but they may do... I'll have to see.

And thanks for your input lolchemist. Subtle is good. As long as the reader can read it and get what's going on. That's what I want more than anything! P.S what's your story about then?!

@Kitty. Yeah with things like that, I think, a whole book written in broken english would be a bit much. I think I could go with it but obviously I hear the accent in my head and everything makes sense. But If I were to read a book written with an accent I'm unfamiliar with, I'd be lost and it would irritate.
Big decisions are made when a book is written like that! I think they have the potential to alienate people. My opinion.