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SomethingOrOther
06-03-2013, 01:54 AM
Here's an old favorite. I try to whip this one up as often as I can.

Story

● 1 writing setup
● 1 chair
● 1 ass

Put the ass in the chair, heat at ~room temperature +/- some degrees for anywhere from 10 minutes to several hours. Make sure the writing setup is nearby. If you don't have a writing setup or a chair, you can borrow one from a friend. But I would recommend using your own buttocks.

Make sure your writing setup is plugged in — although if you use pen & paper, that's optional.

Also, the first time I tried to cook this one up I made a common beginner's mistake. This handy graphic demonstrates how to avoid it:

http://i.imgur.com/JQb4WcR.png

That's the basic recipe, but sticking to the basics can grow stale after a while, so it's important to keep one or two variations in tow. This one's especially tasty in the summer:

Story Klondike Bar

Pick up some ice cream from your local store. After that:

http://i.imgur.com/fXGru5W.png

How 'bout y'all? :)

shakeysix
06-03-2013, 02:08 AM
My Writing Recipe by S. Smith:

Ingredient #1: 5 or 6 family members (you can use one or two in a pinch or as many as twenty)

Ingredient #2: One Family Event--funeral, graduation, wedding, christening, 4th of July picnic, grave decorating, anniversary dance, kid's birthday party, Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas dinner, Easter dinner(Alice Walker used this particular event with great success.) It makes no never mind which event, just choose one and stick with it for about 88,000 words.

Ingredient #3: 4 heaping cups of Old Times-- 1bitter, 1 sweet, 1 salty, 1 horny

Ingredient #4: Alcohol, Marijuana or Both. A teaspoon of TeeTotal AA or Religious Intolerance always spices things up, too.

Utensils: 1 brand spanking new, Zebra F701 ball point pen and a couple of yellow legal tablets.

Directions--Combine first 3 ingredients all at once and in close quarters. add ingredient #4 gradually. Soak overnight and then grab your pen and paper. Scrible down every word those crazy bastards say and everything they do. People will say it is fiction, BUT IT IS NOT!

KellyAssauer
06-03-2013, 03:46 AM
Carefully peel about 7500 sentences.
Remove any ly adverbs
Replace passive verbs and cliche's.
Place in pot, heat to boiling, then reduce to simmer.
Let stew.

Caitlin Black
06-03-2013, 04:59 AM
Take 1 computer, add 100 hours of music, mix together with 50 litres of coffee. Allow story to breathe, and add burning embers for that lovely "just smoked" effect.

You'll need some sort of base, which you can either buy from a store, or else make your own using ONLY 20 pages of a 96-page notebook (the rest can be sacrificed to the writing gods), 3 colours of pen (your preference to flavour, though I recommend black as a base spice) and enough naps to survive the outlining process.

For the filling, play guitar to inspire you to actually fill the damn thing in the first place. When your biorhythm is busting a move, allow the music to utilise your subconscious such that your typing makes a pretty sound.

Remove excess words and feed them to the dog.

Bake for at least 6 months, then see if it's any good. Serves an entire audience.