She's asleep, I think, so I'll rant.
Ok, so the past two weeks have been very problematic for me and my friends. I'm a confused, hormonally messed-up teenager who has a form of bipolar disorder to top things nicely. So I'm not in the depressed stage of bipolar, yaay.
Ok, so it's been a hard time, emotionally, for my friends and me. However, lately they seem to be pushing me away- all of them.
And I've just been told a friend is mad at me because I haven't been supportive of her during these hard times. Well!!!! I had NO f*cking idea she was going through a hard time!! She never told me!!
See, the problem is no one trusts me anymore. No one ever tells me anything. So the other day a friend told me something, and I just looked at her like what?!?! and she got angry at me for not knowing what was going on. How could I, if no one bothered to tell me???
So now, I've been trying very hard to gain their trust and I have hurt myself like crazy, risking to take my illness to the next level because of it and slowly losing my mind in the process only to find that the effort has been for nothing because no one appreciates it and my closest friends still trust someone else with the things I have been helping them get through. I mean, how can you be supportive if you don't know what the hell is going on??
So I'm losing my friends by the minute, even though I have practically destroyed myself to help them. What a way to repay, huh? Now I only have one friend and my boyfriend left, but I can just feel my bf slipping away. The worst part is that he'll never know how much I've done for him, including spending a whole day uncapable of speech because of him.
So... I'm angry, I'm depressed and about ready to throw the towel on everything.