Help with a sentence, or two.

1 and 3 are correct.

I strongly prefer 1. Separating it into two sentences increases the immediacy and impact.

Another vote for number 1.

One.

alldis said:

My hands were shaking. Of all the houses in the outskirts, I had to be breaking back into this one.

My hands were shaking – of all the houses in the outskirts, I had to be breaking back into this one.

My hands were shaking; of all the houses in the outskirts, I had to be breaking back into this one.

Click to expand...

I'd go with the first, two sentence, version, although I would consider rewriting the last clause to something like: . . . I was breaking and entering this one for the second time.

The em-dash and semicolon versions are correct, but door one is my first choice.

Yes, I'm pretending I didn't read all the other really good responses above. It's a Grammar and Syntax tradition.

I agree 1 is best. 3 is correct English but less effective. But I'd be grateful for the reasons why no 2 is wrong. I don't like sentences being hyphenated but assumed that was just because I'm 1) English and 2) old school.

Many writers these days seem to use that construction. So is it actually wrong to hyphenate sentences this way and why are editors allowing it through if it is bad English?

Princess Marina said:

So is it actually wrong to hyphenate sentences this way. . . .

Click to expand...

I'm with you, your majesty. The dash is okay with this old English teacher and new editor.

I wasn't sure about 2, and I felt that 1 was the strongest. So I chickened out.

I figure I'm entitled to, all things considered.

I'm an oddball; I like the 3rd one best.

I don't think I would have thought to use a semicolon where you did. But after seeing it that way, I got more of a sense that the reason his hands were shaking was because he was breaking into that particular house. If that's what you are going for, I think 3 is better than 1.

I believe all three sentences are grammatically correct.

As for my preferences:

* I agree with the other posters that #1 is the smoothest and most effective construction.
* I agree with changing the "breaking back into" construction -- I completely missed the "back" when I first read it, in fact, and only had my attention drawn to it by the other comments.
* Stylistically, I believe simple past is generally preferred to past progressive, so depending on the context you may wish to change the first sentence to, "My hands shook." (Overusing the past progressive is a huge bugaboo for me personally, so I'm on the lookout for it. )

With regard to the second version:

I agree 1 is best. 3 is correct English but less effective. But I'd be grateful for the reasons why no 2 is wrong. I don't like sentences being hyphenated but assumed that was just because I'm 1) English and 2) old school.

Many writers these days seem to use that construction. So is it actually wrong to hyphenate sentences this way and why are editors allowing it through if it is bad English?

Click to expand...

It would be incorrect if the OP had hyphenated it, but alldis correctly used a dash (an en dash with spaces; I might have checked the page source because I am a nerd). A dash can be used to break off clauses or phrases in a sentence; a hyphen cannot. A dash and a hyphen are distinct punctuation marks and are used for different purposes; using them interchangeably would be grammatically incorrect.

</nerd>

But yes, as punctuated, I believe it's correct. It just doesn't scan particularly well, IMHO.

evilrooster said:

So I chickened out.

Click to expand...

You're a good egg. I think we all pecked the right one, except for ArtsyAmy, who was most likely making a yoke.

alldis said:

Of all the houses in the outskirts, I had to be breaking back into this one.

Click to expand...

Is that sentence even grammatically correct?

I may be wrong, but isn't "Of all the houses in the outskirts" an introductory appositive phrase? If so, aren't appositive phrases supposed to refer to the subject of the sentence, which in this case is "I"? But this phrase refers to "this one," a house.

Compare these sentences:

An artist, my house is painted in many colors. (incorrect)
An artist, I painted my house in many colors. (correct)

So maybe the sentence should be be something like:

Of all the houses in the outskirts, this one was the last I should be breaking back into.

ETA:

Upon reflection, I see the original sentence is like (paraphrasing from Casablanca) "Of all the gin joints in the city, she had to walk into mine."

So maybe I am wrong. But I still think my version offers a decent solution.

Chase said:

You're a good egg. I think we all pecked the right one, except for ArtsyAmy, who was most likely making a yoke.

Click to expand...

Call me shellow, but I appreciate that...feather or not you meant it seriously.

guttersquid said:

Is that sentence even grammatically correct?

I may be wrong, but isn't "Of all the houses in the outskirts" an introductory appositive phrase? If so, aren't appositive phrases supposed to refer to the subject of the sentence, which in this case is "I"? But this phrase refers to "this one," a house.

Click to expand...

It's not an introductory appositive phrase, because it doesn't refer to the subject of the sentence. It's merely a prepositional phrase modifying "this one", moved to the front of the sentence for dramatic emphasis.

Yours is also correct. The question is what word order creates the effect the author is looking for. The riff on Casablanca sets a particular tone that -- if it's intentional -- is very effective.

Thanks, evil rooster, for the clarification. This then is my suggestion:

Of all the houses in the outskirts, I had to be breaking into this one again.

slhuang said:

* I agree with changing the "breaking back into" construction -- I completely missed the "back" when I first read it, in fact, and only had my attention drawn to it by the other comments.

Click to expand...

I did this too. I'm sure in the context of the work, I would have had other clues that this was something that had already happened and therefore would have picked up on it. But if not, you might want to emphasize this point(italics or something).

As for the original question, I like both 1 and 3, leaning more towards 3(but I like semicolons. I seem to cut massive amounts of them from my own work)

Princess Marina said:

The correct title for a Princess is "Your Royal Highness, Not Majesty which only applies to a King or Queen." But as it is just a site name I don't care.

Click to expand...

A pox on this lowly colonist whose family hails from Nottingham, your royal highness. I stand corrected.

Actually, I'm bent over corrected, because my back went out with all the bowing.