Polygamy: Your views

My view are... indifference. Whatever arrangement consenting adults make in their lives are fully up to them. And a loving relationship is always worth celebrating.

Yeah, same here. This probably isn't very helpful, but I just don't feel like it's any of my damn business.

As long as everyone involved in a polygamous relationship is consenting and happy, it's nobody else's business. They're not doing anyone any harm.

Welcome to AW!

Jane Wallace-Knight said:

I agree. To be honest there isn't very much on the subject of monogamous triads, which is what I was researching, and I suppose I hoped that someone would help shed some light from experiences of their own.

Thank you for your input

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There's lots of information.

http://www.poly-nyc.com/resources.html

Please don't confuse polygamy, polygyny, androgyny and polyamorous. These are not true synonyms in many cases.

I have a lot of respect for people in committed poly relationships. It takes tremendous maturity, communication skills, and understanding to maintain harmony and love in the face of such a complex relationship (not to mention against the judgements of society). Gods know I can't balance the needs of *one* other person, much less two or more.

There are also certain sociological advantages to having more than two people in the marriage/committed relationship. In the 21st Century we often lack close ties with our extended families and communities, so couples are on their own to raise their children with little relief. And if a spouse gets sick, the entire burden for their care and the household's financial survival falls on the remaining partner. I think it's pretty obvious how a three or four way marriage would ease these burdens.

And yes, I think polygamous marriage should be legal. All consenting adults should be able to marry in any combination they wish.

As long as it's between consenting adults, I don't care.

veinglory said:

Whatever arrangement consenting adults make in their lives are fully up to them. And a loving relationship is always worth celebrating.

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Agreed on both points. Consenting adults? Well, then live and let live. And yay for all loving, healthy relationships, no matter what form they take.

Medievalist said:

Please don't confuse polygamy, polygyny, androgyny and polyamorous. These are not true synonyms in many cases.

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^^ Yup.

Are you talking about a three-way relationship, where everyone is equal? Or a marriage where the husband takes on several wives and sleeps with each of them separately?

The latter has always bothered me. At least in the novels I've read (which, admittedly, are fiction and therefore may not bear much resemblance to reality), the situation seems very unfair to the other wives, who are left alone, knowing their husband is in another woman's arms and there's nothing they can do about it. If they're lucky, they get along with the other wives, and if not, they're stuck with rivalry and smoldering hatred for each other. Maybe it's different in reality--like I said, all I know about it, I read in novels which may have been biased by the author's own prejudices.

My personal opinion is, I could never share my husband with another woman. It would shatter me. But then, I'm extremely selfish.

Jane Wallace-Knight said:

I agree. I guess the problem is that some people could abuse that law. For instance, how many football teams, here in the UK anyway where drunk men are idiots (or is that drunk people universally?), would think it was really funny if they all got married.

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Well, people abuse the law as it is now too, marrying for all sorts of questionable reasons and often divorcing soon after. There would probably have to be an upper limit on how many people could enter into the same marriage contract, if only because there would be a point where it became too legally complex. But that limit could and should be a lot more than two.

As for men who take their own little harems and perhaps don't treat them very well, as long as they're all consenting adults, it's still their business. And only allowing couples to marry doesn't exactly stop abuse within relationships.

Jane Wallace-Knight said:

I agree. I guess the problem is that some people could abuse that law. For instance, how many football teams, here in the UK anyway where drunk men are idiots (or is that drunk people universally?), would think it was really funny if they all got married.

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Would they really, do you think? Marriage comes with all sorts of rights and benefits regarding family, health, and finances that I would never want to hand over to someone I didn't trust. I think most people feel the same, and the ones who don't abuse legal marriage already, like Chasing the Horizon said.

Some people argue same-sex marriage shouldn't be legalized because of the possibilities for abuse: "But what if two roommates want to give each other health insurance even though they're only just friends?? If same-sex marriage is legal they could get married and defraud the system!" But it's absurd; every scenario brought up is already possible for opposite-sex duos to do. I've had plenty of roommates who weren't my gender and had great health insurance; however did we stop ourselves from committing fraud??? We must've had superhuman willpower!

Medievalist said:

Please don't confuse polygamy, polygyny, androgyny and polyamorous. These are not true synonyms in many cases.

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Yep, this. I was going to point out the same thing.

In the U.S., polygamy is frequently conflated with polygyny, and gets a bad rap due to cases of abuse. And I also feel like there are some understandable criticisms of a system that allows men to have multiple wives without allowing women to have multiple husbands (or men to have multiple husbands, or women to have multiple wives).

I'm all for polyamory, when it involves consenting adults who are happy with the arrangement. It's not for everyone, but it can definitely work for some people. I wouldn't call myself polyamorous, but only because I haven't tried it. I'm definitely open to being in an open or poly relationship, and it's something I'd seriously consider. For me, an important thing would be that all genders are treated equally.

I'm also in favor of granting poly relationships legal recognition. But I also think legalizing poly marriages might be challenging--not because there's anything wrong with it, but because there could be differences from two-person marriages that would need to be considered. For example, there would have to be special considerations about who inherits in case of a spouse's death. And since there are many different styles of poly relationships, I doubt that poly marriage would be able to be tailored well to everyone. But if we could make it work, that'd be great!

It would be a bureaucratic nightmare, but that has no direct bearing on whether it would be the right/fair thing to do.