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Drachen Jager
04-11-2013, 08:24 PM
Here's a simple game. Take an old bit of wisdom and 'improve' upon it.

I'll start.

__________________

Opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one and they all stink at least some of the time.

iLion
04-11-2013, 09:01 PM
*Hmm... this is harder than I first thought it would be.

A 'bird' in the hand is not better than two by the bush.

Jehhillenberg
04-12-2013, 01:16 AM
A chain *is* as weak as its weakest player instead.

Drachen Jager
04-12-2013, 02:35 AM
Into every life some rain must fall, but rain is not equitably distributed. Often those who deserve the least seem to end up with the most.

Nymtoc
04-13-2013, 08:17 AM
Absence makes the heart look around and find somebody else to play with.

Joe_Nobody
04-13-2013, 08:26 AM
Everyone has a book inside of them - but most shouldn't come out unless they're causing stretchmarks.

Joe_Nobody
04-13-2013, 08:26 AM
Absence makes the fond grow harder.

Nymtoc
04-13-2013, 08:58 AM
Familiarity breeds offspring.

Liralen
04-13-2013, 09:33 AM
Better late than pregnant.

Liralen
04-14-2013, 09:25 AM
If wishes were horses . . . we'd be drowning in horseshit.

Nymtoc
04-14-2013, 01:52 PM
He who hesitates is prudent.

flyingtart
04-14-2013, 03:11 PM
He who laughs last is probably the dullest person in the audience.

LA*78
04-14-2013, 03:31 PM
All that glitters is not gold, sometimes it's a wannabe vampire.

Nymtoc
04-14-2013, 08:59 PM
Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do next week.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2013, 09:51 PM
God never closes a door, he opens a window. But with the rate of condo dwellers these days, he's mostly just being cruel to see whether you'll jump.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2013, 09:51 PM
In the land of the blind the one-eyed man is a freak and an outcast.

JoBird
04-15-2013, 05:47 PM
Give him an inch, and he'll say it's eight.

JoBird
04-15-2013, 05:49 PM
Honesty is the best policy, unless you're guilty, in which case you might want to consult an attorney.

Liralen
04-15-2013, 10:18 PM
Never put off until tomorrow what you can postpone indefinitely.

*I think Mark Twain gets some credit for this one* ;)

Zeddo
04-16-2013, 01:15 AM
If you can't beat them, hire someone to do it.

Liralen
04-16-2013, 07:04 AM
If at first you don't succeed, change the parameters.

Nymtoc
04-16-2013, 07:59 AM
Do not judge a man until you have driven a mile in his Porsche.

Jehhillenberg
04-16-2013, 08:46 PM
The early bird catches a bad case of the cold.

JoBird
04-17-2013, 02:02 AM
Keep your eye on the balls, and your hand on the--

Oh never mind.

Liralen
04-17-2013, 09:18 AM
If you lie down with dogs you'll wake up . . . on the edge of the bed

Nymtoc
04-17-2013, 09:31 AM
Every dog has his bitch.

Liralen
04-17-2013, 05:55 PM
Bitchery will get you nowhere.

Drachen Jager
04-17-2013, 08:02 PM
Things always look their darkest just before it goes completely black.

Nymtoc
04-17-2013, 08:22 PM
Beauty is only a $50-billion industry.

Drachen Jager
04-17-2013, 08:52 PM
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the brush of the make-up artist, the lens of the photographer and the digital pen of the Photoshop artist.

Nymtoc
04-18-2013, 04:12 AM
The early bird gets shot by the hunter.

Liralen
04-18-2013, 07:23 AM
If at first you don't succeed go back and read the directions.

Nymtoc
04-18-2013, 08:00 AM
A bird in the hand is worth about $50 at Thanksgiving.