Imma start a new book soon

mccardey · Mar 25, 2013

and it's going to be set in France and no-one is going to get blown up or shot or set on fire (those things always seem to happen when I start writing). It's just going to be two little darling old married people in a tiny 12th century village who have a little bit of a fight about renovations and then make up. Sweet and clever and funny.

Would someone please remind me of that, when I start writing? Sweet and funny and clever and no-one gets killed, but there's renovations.

Oh - and a church will fall on their house. Because - renovations.

Chris P · Mar 25, 2013

I have trouble believing nobody gets hurt during renovations.

Stuff tends to blow up too, in my experience.

Kerosene · Mar 25, 2013

If there's not going to be a blood bath, what's the point of writing it?

You need more explosions. You need zombies. You need vampires who have wild orgies. You need a crazed killer out on the loose who eats the socks of his victims with a sympathetic background, and he needs to kill the husband and wear the man's skin and pretend to act as the husband only to eat the socks of the wife before he kills her, but then learns that the wife is pregnant with his child and holds off until the kid is out of college to try to kill her and then have second thoughts when she says, "I know you're not my husband", then he tries to kill himself but she stops him and they end up all lovey dovey. And the book ends with him killing her.

Liralen · Mar 25, 2013

Renovations?

Is the title going to be It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time?

Caitlin Black · Mar 25, 2013

LOL Will, I think you should write that one.

mccardey, I think you may have to include a visit from the Pope if the church falls on the house. And make him help out with the bricklaying, cause y'know, no need to have a character that doesn't do anything.

KellyAssauer · Mar 25, 2013

Makes perfectly good sense to me. I'm fairly certain armageddon begins with two little darling old married people arguing over the highlight color in the kitchen counter backsplash...

onesecondglance · Mar 25, 2013

All I can think now is Assassin's Creed: Renovations.

Myrealana · Mar 25, 2013

When my writing turns sweet and normal -- that's when the aliens attack.

Ambrosia · Mar 25, 2013

Enjoy your writing. I'm sure it will be lovely. Churches falling. Renovations.

Um. What causes the church to fall on the house? No explosions, you say? Or does that just count for people and not buildings?

kenthepen · Mar 25, 2013

Balcar is an angry and vengeful god, and is mildly upset at the color with which the delightful old couple paints their fence, and so orders his priests and minions to topple the church onto the cottage.

The story ends with the couple re-painting their fence.

jjdebenedictis · Mar 25, 2013

In my experience, violent arguments and violent destruction are natural and expected consequences of home renovations.

Barring an act of God, of course--although it sounds like you already had one of those, and it didn't help.

mccardey · Mar 25, 2013

I'm really looking forward to getting started - although there is a little part of me that agrees with Cliff...

Ambrosia - I'm thinking secretly digging a cellar too close to the church's non-existant 11th century foundations might be the key here... kenthepen - I do like your colour ideas...

This one will be fun. And I'm not going to outline and This One Will Not Go Literary. :Soapbox:

Liralen · Mar 25, 2013

Ambrosia said:
Um. What causes the church to fall on the house? No explosions, you say? Or does that just count for people and not buildings?

Someone pissed on a wall?

SWest · Mar 25, 2013

mccardey · Mar 25, 2013

See how happy you guys make me

Ambrosia · Mar 25, 2013

Did the wife tell the husband where to dig the cellar because she had figured out the trajectory of the building when it fell and wanted a new kitchen?

mccardey · Mar 25, 2013

Ambrosia said:
Did the wife tell the husband where to dig the cellar because she had figured out the trajectory of the building when it fell and wanted a new kitchen?

That's adorable. :roll:

Ken · Mar 25, 2013

... one of my favorite novels is Mansfield Park, by Austen.
And one of the reasons for that is that not much happens.
Made for a relaxing read. Wish other writers followed suit.
Well we've got McCardey, now, which is a start

shakeysix · Mar 25, 2013

renovations + sweet older married couple = bloodbath!
I know. I have lived this!

Lavern08 · Mar 25, 2013

As long as she makes pie (and plenty of it), I say go for it.

Chase · Mar 25, 2013

Dear Imma, a likeness of a hand-held cannon firing a ball projectile was found in a renovated cave in Sichuan, China. The art was authenticated from the 1100s, so the weapon (or power renovation tool,as the case may be) was obviously around before that time.

So no problem if you change your mind about a little gun play to liven up your story. May I suggest an .88 caliber Sichuan purse accessory hand cannon? Or the kitchen model 1.33 mortar might be nice.

GailD · Mar 27, 2013

Church falls on house?

What about, 'Renovating Murder'?

By midnight they had cleared most of the rubble from the working part of kitchen.
Momma reached for the kettle. "I could kill for a cup of tea."
Poppa got the tire-iron wedged between the old partition and used his weight to lever it forward. With a dull crack the ancient plywood splintered, releasing a cloud of rotted dust as shards of timber crumbled to the floor. He wiped his eyes and stared in disbelief. Several human skulls, crammed together in a fresco of frozen merriment, grinned back at him.
Poppa scratched his head. "We've got company."
"Merde." Momma sniffed. "Now we'll have to unpack the Royal Albert cups."

Tepelus · Mar 27, 2013

Liralen said:
Renovations?

Is the title going to be It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time?

mccardey · Mar 27, 2013

GailD said:
By midnight they had cleared most of the rubble from the working part of kitchen.
Momma reached for the kettle. "I could kill for a cup of tea."
Poppa got the tire-iron wedged between the old partition and used his weight to lever it forward. With a dull crack the ancient plywood splintered, releasing a cloud of rotted dust as shards of timber crumbled to the floor. He wiped his eyes and stared in disbelief. Several human skulls, crammed together in a fresco of frozen merriment, grinned back at him.
Poppa scratched his head. "We've got company."
"Merde." Momma sniffed. "Now we'll have to unpack the Royal Albert cups."

Oh, this. I'm pinching this for my opening paragraph. :ROFL:

Imma start a new book soon

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

Your Pixie Queen

Miss Conceived

Wild one

The Anti-Magdalene

pretending to be awake

I aim to misbehave

Grand Duchess

is watching you via her avatar

Miss Conceived

In the garden...

Grand Duchess

blue eyed floozy

Sit Down, and Shut Up!

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

Still chasing plot bunnies.

And so...