Are you TOO emotional?

Errmmm... no. Some are emotional, some are not. Just like any other group of people.

And there's no such thing as 'normal'.

I'm very emotional, but I don't think all writers are.

HoJo73 said:

(I'm still trying to determine whether or not I'm normal!)

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If there's one thing I have learned... You need to accept the fact that there is no such thing as 'normal' when it comes to people.

It doesn't exist.

Do not look for it.
There is only different.

and you and I?
We're as different as the next person.

Be happy for that!

I'm generally very detached and unemotional--to the point that it really bothers other people sometimes. People tend to interpret it as not caring, which isn't true (okay, sometimes it's true). I just have yet to encounter the situation in which getting upset *helps*.

I used to have a wicked temper when I was younger, though. People can just be so infuriating sometimes. But even then, I've learned it's better to stay calm and plot revenge.

I used to be really emotional, to the point someone could say something in a tone that I didnt like or look at me the wrong way and I'd burst into tears.

When my son got sich, I had no choice but to suck it up nad be strong, not only for him but for me too. There was no way I'd be able to deal with what he went through being a lala.

Now not much gets to me, and sometimes I think thats a bad thing. I dont get effected at all by the things that most people do. Some would even go as far as to call me heartless.

No one here is going to be able to tell you how normal you are. It could be a good thing that you have experienced deep emotions if that can come through in your writing and you can tell a story in a way that gets others to feel things. But if you are all over the place with your emotions, it could hurt your attempts to do much of anything, including writing. Good luck.

HoJo73 said:

I've been accused of being too sensitive and too emotional all my life. And, I guess I am. Does that overdose of feeling just come with the territory of being a writer? Anyone else like that? (I'm still trying to determine whether or not I'm normal!)

Thanks, all

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I've heard the same thing all my life; it's probably what made me such a good actor. I've always felt things very deeply, sorrow being the main emotion. These days, I channel a lot of what I feel into my writing, which helps keep me sane.

I'm done with apologizing for who I am. As others have said, normal doesn't exist. If it did, this world would be a very boring place. People who don't want to deal with me being hypersensitive don't have to, nor do I have to deal with their insensitivity.

As a giant alpha male, I'm sure I don't fit the mold or stereotype of what most would thing ref emotions. I write across genres (romantic suspense, political thrillers, SF) and most ladies have difficulty with a guy creating stories with romance at their core. Even had readers email and ask "Your story moved me so much, are you really a guy?" I've had so many "Guys can't write romance" queries that, on the advise of my publisher, I adopted an alias for stories when my muse barks out something with a romantic flair. Yet there is a dark side to my none romance projects. To ground out frustrations with modern life and the insanity running amok in our world, I use my thrillers and SF for my alter ego. Lets me straddle both realms, and I don't think its just me. Consider the themes of Green Mile, Carrie, Shining, and Shaw Shank Redemption. Very diverse themes yet all by the same author. All invoke emotions just of different shades. So having emotions and reflecting them in you work's not necessarily a bad thing just have to envelope the reader into your fictional world.

French Maiden said:

I dont get effected at all by the things that most people do. Some would even go as far as to call me heartless.

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Heh, I don't know how many times I've been called heartless in my life. Hundreds. Maybe thousands.

Yet, when something bad happens, those same people who call me heartless are suddenly calling me to take care of things while they sit around being emotional. One of these days I'm going to show them what heartless *really* means and just hang up the phone instead of grabbing a mop and taking care of their emotional puddles.

Papaya said:

People who don't want to deal with me being hypersensitive don't have to, nor do I have to deal with their insensitivity.

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Well, it'd certainly be that way in a perfect world. But in the real world, I have to deal with my hypersensitive family members and they have to put up with my insensitivity. Much as it pisses us all off sometimes.

Chasing the Horizon said:

I used to have a wicked temper when I was younger, though. People can just be so infuriating sometimes. But even then, I've learned it's better to stay calm and plot revenge.

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This ^^

Chasing the Horizon said:

Heh, I don't know how many times I've been called heartless in my life. Hundreds. Maybe thousands.

Yet, when something bad happens, those same people who call me heartless are suddenly calling me to take care of things while they sit around being emotional. One of these days I'm going to show them what heartless *really* means and just hang up the phone instead of grabbing a mop and taking care of their emotional puddles.

Well, it'd certainly be that way in a perfect world. But in the real world, I have to deal with my hypersensitive family members and they have to put up with my insensitivity. Much as it pisses us all off sometimes.

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I wish I could say the same about my family, but it doesn't work unless both people accept the other person for who they are. In a perfect world, family would always be open to making things work with one another, but that's not what happens in reality. I've actually had both experiences with my family. IMO, you have to be willing to let someone go, even a family member, if the relationship is nothing but toxic, and it becomes obvious that it will never change.

Also, I handle my own problems, as no one has ever been around to do it for me. I spent a lot of my life being a doormat and/or running away. These days, I am much stronger, and a lot of the reason is because I have accepted who I am and no longer try to be the person that other people think I should be.

Papaya said:

I wish I could say the same about my family, but it doesn't work unless both people accept the other person for who they are. In a perfect world, family would always be open to making things work with one another, but that's not what happens in reality. I've actually had both experiences with my family. IMO, you have to be willing to let someone go, even a family member, if the relationship is nothing but toxic, and it becomes obvious that it will never change.

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Well, the main person in my immediate family that I have this problem with is my mom, and we get along great otherwise, so it's not really a toxic relationship, though I've definitely had some friendships that were toxic on this issue. I wouldn't say my mom and I exactly accept our differences in a respectful way, but we've both accepted the other will never change, no matter how annoying it is, lol.

Also, I handle my own problems, as no one has ever been around to do it for me. I spent a lot of my life being a doormat and/or running away. These days, I am much stronger, and a lot of the reason is because I have accepted who I am and no longer try to be the person that other people think I should be.

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I didn't mean to imply that you (or anyone else on the thread) don't handle your own issues. It's the people I know in real life who don't. Though really, my problem isn't even that I mind helping, but that, like many quiet and unemotional people, I'm often completely ignored in favor of the people creating a dramatic scene. And I resent it (though obviously not enough to change).

Chasing the Horizon said:

Well, the main person in my immediate family that I have this problem with is my mom, and we get along great otherwise, so it's not really a toxic relationship, though I've definitely had some friendships that were toxic on this issue. I wouldn't say my mom and I exactly accept our differences in a respectful way, but we've both accepted the other will never change, no matter how annoying it is, lol.

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That sounds kind of like me and my mom. It is my father that I had to accept I was better off without.

Chasing the Horizon said:

I didn't mean to imply that you (or anyone else on the thread) don't handle your own issues. It's the people I know in real life who don't. Though really, my problem isn't even that I mind helping, but that, like many quiet and unemotional people, I'm often completely ignored in favor of the people creating a dramatic scene. And I resent it (though obviously not enough to change).

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Interesting, as I always kept everything to myself as well, to the point that I voluntarily went mute for a couple months when I was 12. As a result of keeping everything bottled up, I ended up with an emotional disorder, and it wasn't until I could start expressing my emotions that things started to get better.

I've always been the type that everyone brought their problems to, even strangers. I’ve finally started talking to my friends when I need help too, and it's made a huge difference, not just for my quality of life, but also in bringing me closer to others.

So I'm thinking that you and I are more alike than we might think at first glace, we just process things differently.

Papaya said:

Interesting, as I always kept everything to myself as well, to the point that I voluntarily went mute for a couple months when I was 12. As a result of keeping everything bottled up, I ended up with an emotional disorder, and it wasn't until I could start expressing my emotions that things started to get better.

I've always been the type that everyone brought their problems to, even strangers. I’ve finally started talking to my friends when I need help too, and it's made a huge difference, not just for my quality of life, but also in bringing me closer to others.

So I'm thinking that you and I are more alike than we might think at first glace, we just process things differently.

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That does sound a great deal like my life, especially being the one everyone brings their problems to. It was even around age 12 that I completely gave up on talking about my feelings at all, ever (though I kept talking about other things). People just don't listen when you express yourself calmly, so there seemed to be no point. Except I've never gone back to trying to express feelings. That's what my books are for. The make-believe people get to do and say all the things I can't.

I still think I feel less than a lot of other people, though. I'm honestly often confused over why others are upset, since the issue wouldn't be upsetting to me.

It does sound like we're surprisingly alike, though.

I'm extremely thick skinned, but I have a soft spot for puppies, romance, candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, and I cried at the end of The Bridges of Madison County.

I've also been in a lot of fistfights, some with intent to kill. I've been shot twice, had my hand slashed in a knife fight, and know how to use damned near every weapon there is. I've had sniper training, all sorts of survival training, and once worked for a P.I. I've lived in the deep woods, walked across wilderness alone, and done more than my share of dangerous, and stupid, things.

But whatever I'm doing, I try to keep my emotions in control, at least outwardly. It does no good to let your feelings get hurt easily, and it does no good to throw tantrums or to get angry when anger doesn't help.

But be yourself. None of us is one person, we're all a dozen people rolled into one. Just don't let your emotions rule you. You need to rule them instead.

To the original question: No.

I'm very sensitive, but not emotional. I get very upset by my own failings. I also get upset by people who are clearly, woefully insensitive. When people don't understand at all the impact their actions have on others, I flip a lid.

But otherwise, I'm very even-keeled. Unless you push that "you're a jack-wagon" button, I'm super nice. Push it, and you'll get a shit-ton of passive aggressiveness (one can't always get away with being nasty). If you're someone I feel comfortable with, you'll get an earful. I'm pretty ruthless in my expectations of how people should treat each other.

I've only been called heartless by my brother, who in some ways understands me better than anyone else.

How does it affect my writing? I tend to avoid conflict, so there isn't always enough tension, and my characters are often a little too astute about understanding other characters' emotions/motives.

mirandashell said:

Errmmm... no. Some are emotional, some are not. Just like any other group of people.

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This.

And a corollary - different is not synonymous with bad, nor is it synonymous with better.

HoJo73 said:

I've been accused of being too sensitive and too emotional all my life. And, I guess I am. Does that overdose of feeling just come with the territory of being a writer? Anyone else like that? (I'm still trying to determine whether or not I'm normal!)

Thanks, all

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Hiya! Some great diversity of answers here, and I think it speaks to what one person already said, which is essentially "There Is No Normal."

That said, certainly plenty of artists of every discipline are often out of step with their surrounding society. Poets, painters, actors, etc., have throughout history been hounded as being too weird, too emotional, too needy, or too cold, too isolated, too extreme-- too whatever. And I don't think it's a stretch to say that being out of step in some fashion is often part of what drives people to express themselves through art's various mediums, perhaps to find that elusive connection to their fellows in a different mode of expression than the norm.

As a girl, I often felt isolated and I hated being called 'weird," which was the term most frequently associated with me at the time. I couldn't understand what was setting me apart and it repeatedly broke my heart. Eventually though, as I began to express my vision of the world in writing and in acting, I started to realize and appreciate that there was something special in my weirdness. Now I wear the label proudly, and the people who are closest to me cherish my eccentricities.

I hope you find the same confidence and the same support some day.

No one is really normal. Some people just put up a better show of it than others. Home, in the depths of night, alone, they feel the shell of normalcy crack. Some eventually let the cracks spread and break out of the shell. Others run for the Super Glue.

I think I present as laid-back, but sure, I'm all emotional inside. It comes out much more on the page than in public, which I'm cool with.

I'm also one of those weird people who always liked being called weird, because normal was so...normal. Weird, eh?

Phaeal said:

No one is really normal.

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I am.

(Thank you, Monty Python! It still works! )

Not sure what you mean by 'emotional'. Everyone has emotions. They're a function of the nervous system or something.

I do suffer from hyper-emotionality at times. I think its part of my ADHD. And to me, "normal" are all those people who don't have to take psychotropic drugs to achieve that state.

I was never too emotional. Being overtly emotional in my house when I was young was a good way to get hurt. I was, and am, very sensitive. Sensitive to the needs of others, to injustice, etc. An animal getting hit on a road makes me want to cry, but I don't.
Being too sensitive is as frowned upon in society as not seeming sensitive enough. I still am, but for the most part I hide it.
Has this sensitivity thing influenced me to write? Certainly.

JulianneQJohnson said:

I was never too emotional. Being overtly emotional in my house when I was young was a good way to get hurt. I was, and am, very sensitive. Sensitive to the needs of others, to injustice, etc. An animal getting hit on a road makes me want to cry, but I don't.
Being too sensitive is as frowned upon in society as not seeming sensitive enough. I still am, but for the most part I hide it.
Has this sensitivity thing influenced me to write? Certainly.

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I can so relate to this.

My interpretation of emotional was feeling deeply, and had nothing to do with emoting.