PDA

View Full Version : Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster, part II



Pages : [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44

WriterWho
02-08-2013, 10:52 PM
iLion sits back and purrs in his free time.

(No one asks why - leave it be)

Drachen Jager
02-09-2013, 02:39 AM
WriterWho enjoys candid filmmaking. She rides the subway to work every day, always with a cell-phone surreptitiously pointed at her fellow passengers.

She claims to have the largest database of nose-picking film in the world, but The Guinness Book of World's Records editors were too grossed out to bother trying to verify it.

JoBird
02-09-2013, 02:46 AM
There's this weird video that's up on youtube that's, like, 250 hours of nothing but Drachen Jager picking his nose.

WriterWho
02-09-2013, 03:06 AM
^ JoBird is seen in the next clip "scratching" below for many, many, many hours.

There's a poll for the cause. Two choices. One better than the other.

S. L. Saboviec
02-09-2013, 06:36 AM
All of WriterWho's youtube videos prominently feature a cucumber, a large diamond ring, and a tube sock.

Drachen Jager
02-09-2013, 09:35 PM
All of Samantha Lane's YouTube videos were pulled as NSFW.

Pthom
02-09-2013, 11:40 PM
Just butting into this thread to announce that due to the immense size of the original, it's time to archive and restart. I moved these few posts from the end of the old, and if you really need to read the other, older version, it's here: Make up an outrageous lie about the previous poster (archive) (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=68801).

Robbert
02-09-2013, 11:51 PM
Drachen Jager writes reviews for a living. His rates are:

* CAD $ 5,00 for one- two- and three-star reviews

* CAD $ 50,00 for a four-star review (he claims on his website that they're hardest to write), and

* CAD $ 40,00 for a five-star review

JoBird
02-09-2013, 11:59 PM
Robbert thought he was clever when he paid for 5 one star reviews. He figured they were just as good as 1 five star review. And cheaper too!

flyingtart
02-10-2013, 12:59 AM
JoBird thinks Don Quixote is a story about a mule.

FoxyLoxy
02-10-2013, 02:01 AM
flyingtart thought a mule was a sandal without ankle straps, that Don Quixote often wore.

WriterWho
02-10-2013, 02:34 AM
FoxyLoxy is the wild lady living in the boonies, running free with the foxes.

Nymtoc
02-10-2013, 08:14 AM
WriterWho is an owl.

JoBird
02-10-2013, 09:12 AM
Nymtoc is the reason you can't have nice things.

Drachen Jager
02-10-2013, 10:41 AM
For twenty-six years, JoBird put up with a domineering mother who wouldn't let him have any fun. Finally last week he got his own place, and to celebrate being out from under her thumb, he ran willy-nilly around his new apartment with a pair of scissors.

The good news is he only needed twelve stitches, and the doctors say there should be minimal scarring.

flyingtart
02-10-2013, 01:58 PM
Drachen Jager's real name is Willy Nilly.

Robbert
02-10-2013, 04:58 PM
"Listening to you gives me the willies," said flyingtart's husband.

Need counselling? I'll make you a good price!

WriterWho
02-10-2013, 05:57 PM
Robbert wears a nun's outfit on Sundays.

JoBird
02-10-2013, 07:08 PM
WriterWho believes Wesley Crusher was the bees knees.

WriterWho
02-10-2013, 07:33 PM
JoBird is a line dancing instructor.

S. L. Saboviec
02-10-2013, 08:04 PM
WriterWho is afraid of clowns. Not all clowns. Just the ones wielding a machete. Chainsaws, she's ok with.

Drachen Jager
02-10-2013, 09:15 PM
Samantha Lane purrs when you rub her tummy.

Oh, wait a minute, that's not her tummy!

WriterWho
02-10-2013, 10:18 PM
Drachen Jager is super shy. He blushes when he sees a pretty lady and stutters when they speak with him. He's currently working to overcome his nature by practicing pleasantries with his blow up doll.

Drachen Jager
02-10-2013, 11:13 PM
WriterWho is jealous of my doll.

WriterWho
02-10-2013, 11:31 PM
Drachen Jager has a blow up doll cemetery in his backyard for his retired previous "girlfriends".

S. L. Saboviec
02-10-2013, 11:43 PM
WriterWho sneaks into DJ's cemetary at night, digs up the blow-up dolls, and props them up next to him while he's sleeping. She hides under DJ's bed and makes creaking noises until he wakes up. You should hear him scream like a little girl.

WriterWho
02-11-2013, 12:38 AM
^ Samantha Lane steals the blow up dolls (don't know why) after DJ runs out of his house still screaming like a girl, while WriterWho snickers and sneaks out from under the bed.

Drachen Jager
02-11-2013, 01:26 AM
WriterWho has become so obsessed with the idea of blow-up dolls that she's decided to start her own genre, in which all stories are told from a sex-doll's perspective.

A sample from her latest manuscript:

"He didn't even say hi to me when he came in the door, just ate his supper in silence then brought out the lube. He pulled me out of my box, and without the slightest foreplay he had his way with me.

I cried through the night, watching him sleep from the corner where he'd carelessly tossed me when he was done."

WriterWho
02-11-2013, 05:01 AM
^ Drachen Jager wasn't supposed to tell, so WriterWho will divulge DJ has partnered with WW in a combined novel. While WW writes from the blow up dolls perspective, DJ is writing from a dildo's.

A sampling of his first draft:

"Buzzzzzzz . . . buzzzzzzz . . . buzzzzzz"


(Obviously, WW will edit DJ's work.)

S. L. Saboviec
02-11-2013, 05:32 AM
WriterWho likes to edit works while speaking them out loud. Unfortunately for her, a swarm of bees mistakes it for a mating call. Ouch!

JoBird
02-11-2013, 06:08 AM
Samantha Lane believes that Sir Francis Bacon secretly wrote all of Stephen King's novels. Nothing has been able to convince her otherwise.

S. L. Saboviec
02-11-2013, 06:22 AM
JoBird still feels that he should have gotten the part of Jack in The Shining.

JoBird
02-11-2013, 06:42 AM
Whenever Samantha Lane sees one of her friends in a mirror she laughs and says, "Haha, a fun-house mirror!" And then she frowns. "Oh no," she says. "That's just you."

Drachen Jager
02-11-2013, 07:34 AM
JoBird wishes he could travel back in time to meet Sir Francis Bacon. He'd walk up to Sir Francis, lean in really close, and give a big sniff. Then he'd say, "Funny, you don't smell like Bacon at all?"

Then he'd just laugh and laugh all the way back to his time machine.

WriterWho
02-11-2013, 08:31 AM
Drachen Jager threw his arm wide, wobbling tipsily, shouting on a slur, "We have arrived!"

Crickets.

He waved his hands at the individuals on pews dressed in mourning. "I understand. You're overwhelmed." A point to the side, tiptoeing carefully away before glaring at JoBird, hissing, "I told you this wasn't the right place."

Robbert
02-11-2013, 03:40 PM
WW was once heard shouting, "Crickets!"

A colleague popped his head around the office door, "What's it with crickets?"

"Mormon crickets," said WW, "I'm going to write a historical novel on the love life of these godly creatures!"

*good luck*

WriterWho
02-11-2013, 04:48 PM
Robbert enjoys hanging on to ceiling fans - while in motion - and twirling around and around.

JoBird
02-11-2013, 06:34 PM
WriterWho's pen name is LaQuifa. She says it's french.

WriterWho
02-11-2013, 07:39 PM
JoBird randomly jumps into marathons just to make the athletes trip.

iLion
02-11-2013, 09:54 PM
WriterWho used to be known as WriterWhere.

Nymtoc
02-11-2013, 10:12 PM
iLion has jump-started his campaign to become the next Pope.

WriterWho
02-12-2013, 01:36 AM
Nymtoc's mattress is made of stuffed alligators. :Wha:

Nymtoc
02-12-2013, 03:28 AM
In high school, WriterWho was known as WriterWhatever.

Drachen Jager
02-12-2013, 04:58 AM
In school, Nymtoc was known as Tom Riddle.

WriterWho
02-12-2013, 05:55 AM
^ Drachen Jager was known as "that kid".

JoBird
02-12-2013, 06:55 AM
WriterWho invented a time machine. But she hasn't taken it to see the dinosaurs or ancient Rome or anything cool like that yet. She keeps hopping back to McRib weeks at McDonalds instead.

Drachen Jager
02-12-2013, 07:15 AM
JoBird wishes WW would take him along for the ride, but she's sick of hearing him ask when they'll go get some shamrock shakes. As she reminds him, it's a time machine, not a toy, and she won't meddle with the delicate balance of the timestream for something so frivolous as a shamrock shake.

S. L. Saboviec
02-12-2013, 08:10 AM
DJ's favorite item on the McDonald's menu is the cardboard box that the Big Mac comes in. To be honest, I don't blame him, since it's the healthiest and most flavorful thing in the restaurant.

WriterWho
02-12-2013, 08:17 AM
^ Samantha Lane's kitty avatar adores the new fish bites.

Robbert
02-12-2013, 02:18 PM
WW has been through the highs and lows of life. Whoever needs advice on addiction, delinquency and things, she's there to help you.

Please contact WW via her blog: roughgirl@bloggspot.com

WriterWho
02-12-2013, 04:39 PM
^ Robbert is an avid follower of WriterWho's Roughgirl blog.

Drachen Jager
02-12-2013, 08:21 PM
WriterWho won't share her blog password with those of us who just want a vicarious thrill reading about her past exploits.

flyingtart
02-12-2013, 09:23 PM
Drachen Jager has applied to be the new Pope.

Drachen Jager
02-12-2013, 09:42 PM
The Pope quit because he saw a picture of FlyingTart and decided he could no longer maintain his vow of celibacy.

WriterWho
02-12-2013, 09:50 PM
^ Drachen Jager slipped him the pic, his evil scheme right on track.

captain_ryan
02-12-2013, 10:38 PM
WriterWho just has a real cemetery for a similar purpose.

S. L. Saboviec
02-13-2013, 12:16 AM
Captain Ryan was the voice of Tom Servo in the pilot episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Unfortunately, he was deemed "just not funny enough" and not brought back for future episodes. Keep the dream alive, Captain Ryan; someday, you'll get the robot voiceover role that you deserve!

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 12:37 AM
Samantha Lane made you a cookie...

but she eated it.

Robbert
02-13-2013, 12:58 AM
DJ won't share his blog password with any of us for fear of having his public image tarnished.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 01:11 AM
Robbert has no such concerns.

His public image is listed slightly below Pol Pot.

WriterWho
02-13-2013, 03:52 AM
Drachen Jager secret closet holds all his treasures.

All the normals: Bustiers. Chaps. Whips.

The duck outfit was a bit of surprise.

JoBird
02-13-2013, 06:32 AM
WriterWho's initials are the same as the Wicked Witch's. Coincidence?

WriterWho
02-13-2013, 08:19 AM
JoBird wishes he could be more Jessica Rabbit than Big Bird.

Nymtoc
02-13-2013, 08:32 AM
WriterWho has a complete Milli Vanilli collection and plays through the whole thing at least once a week.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 08:57 AM
When Nymtoc gets the money together, the first thing he's going to do is get the full back tattoo of Milli Vanilli laser removed from his back.

JoBird
02-13-2013, 09:42 AM
Drachen Jager is the love child of Elton John. Sir Elton was going through a phase at the time.

Robbert
02-13-2013, 03:07 PM
JoBird knows what he's talking about. He used to be Sir Elton's errand boy.

WriterWho
02-13-2013, 04:53 PM
^ Robbert applied for the job first, but lost it to JoBird.

S. L. Saboviec
02-13-2013, 06:46 PM
WriterWho is Carrot Top's biggest fan.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 09:10 PM
Samantha Lane should know, she's president of the fan club.

WriterWho
02-13-2013, 09:15 PM
^ Drachen Jager now wishes he could be Carrot Top.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 09:33 PM
WriterWho now wishes she could be on top.

Robbert
02-13-2013, 10:50 PM
I wish DJ will win the lottery. Surprised at my generosity!? Well, if he were loaded, he'd socialize with different folks, he'd move on so to speak.

Just imagine how wonderful this room would be.

captain_ryan
02-13-2013, 10:54 PM
Robbert hangs around this place like a frickin' spider. Literally, he's a grown man wearing a Spider-Man costume like 24/7.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 10:59 PM
Captain Ryan went to see the doctor the other day, because it burned when he had to pee. The doctor asked to see his privates, and Ryan responded, "Just the privates? 'Cause I've been intimate with quite a few of the corporals too."

captain_ryan
02-13-2013, 11:02 PM
Drachen Jager hates Mexicans.

And he's half Mexican.

And he hates irony.

Drachen Jager
02-13-2013, 11:12 PM
Captain Ryan thinks 'irony' is sort of like 'tinny' or 'woody', only about things made of iron.

WriterWho
02-13-2013, 11:29 PM
Drachen Jager flirts openly when he's drunk, but his most recent night out on the town resulted in a surprise. Apparently, he flirts with everyone. Beer goggles in full force, he woke the next morning lying beside a grinning ninety-two-year-old lady. And her twin sister.

captain_ryan
02-14-2013, 12:19 AM
WriterWho has trouble keeping her granny and great aunt on a leash.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 12:43 AM
Captain Ryan knows, he woke up with them in bed after a bender two weeks ago.

Lavern08
02-14-2013, 12:43 AM
DJ loves older women...

Especially when they're on a leash

captain_ryan
02-14-2013, 12:44 AM
Lavern is having a secret love affair with a bowl of grits.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 12:58 AM
Captain Ryan is jealous that her lover is so much more attractive than his.

captain_ryan
02-14-2013, 01:19 AM
DJ will be spending Valentine's Day cold, penniless, and alone. Instead of Valentine's Day, he calls it Death Preview.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 01:27 AM
Captain Ryan writes greeting cards. The above is one he's working on for Hallmark's Valentine lineup for next year.

So far he's still trying for his first sale, but he's not quite clear on where the problem lies.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 01:31 AM
Drachen Jager is planning to meet up with captain ryan for Valentine's Day. They'll have a nice meal. Some candy hearts. Finish off a bottle of whiskey. They'll end their day by tipping over a flower delivery truck just 'cause.

S. L. Saboviec
02-14-2013, 03:58 AM
WriterWho will film the exciting climax of Captain Ryan and DJ's evening -- What? Oh, this board is rated PG-13. I can't describe what happens. Let me just say, it's tittilating.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 06:41 AM
Samantha Lane once asked for Coc(k)porn at a cinema concession counter instead of Popcorn.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 06:58 AM
^ StevenHarvey1990 believes cock(s)porn has something to do with roosters.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 07:00 AM
WriterWho is her pen-name. She's properly known as Anita Lotta Fuchs.

I say going with a pen name was a good choice.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:02 AM
It's said that masturbation, singing and dancing help with depression... Drachen Jager tried all three at once and fell down two flights of stairs.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 07:05 AM
StevenHarvey changed his name from Lance Boyle.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:09 AM
Drachen Jager once got arrested for stealing a Turtle called Rupert and forcing him to perform fellatio.

JoBird
02-14-2013, 07:12 AM
StevenHarvey secretly thinks Scotland is cooler than Ireland.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:14 AM
Pope Benedict resigned because he's headed to a lovers retreat with JoBird for Valentine's day.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 07:18 AM
StevenHarvey1990 has issues communicating intimately. He continually brings home Swifter WetJet's for his girlfriend. He doesn't understand why she hasn't taken the hint.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:21 AM
WriterWho ghost wrote the lyrics to N.W.A's - Straight Outta Compton with her Grandmother

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 07:31 AM
StevenHarvey thinks 'fellatio' is an opera by Rossini.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:34 AM
Drachen Jager once pimp-slapped Chuck Norris.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 07:36 AM
StevenHarvey1990 wants Drachen Jager to pimp-slap him.

StevenHarvey1990
02-14-2013, 07:39 AM
WriterWho married Ed O'neill in Vegas once.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 07:54 AM
StevenHarvey1990 limps through life because he wants to be a pastry chef, not a writer.

Robbert
02-14-2013, 02:43 PM
Every day WW muses at the writing on her kitchen wall, L.A. -- NYC??

Being torn between the two is likely to mean that she'll stay an Okie for the rest of her life.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 04:49 PM
Robbert uses a cane as an accessory, because he thinks it make him appear sophisticated.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 09:14 PM
WriterWho brushes her teeth with a candy cane. She sometimes wonders if that dentist gave her good advice or not.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 09:40 PM
^ Drachen Jager goes to the same dentist. In a smiling picture, DJ has green teeth while WW has red. The dentist uses the pic as a postcard reminder for other patients to have their teeth cleaned.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 09:47 PM
WriterWho joined the Tea Party, but she quit after finding out they didn't actually serve tea to their members.

WriterWho
02-14-2013, 10:13 PM
Drachen Jager still enjoys being pushed through an aisle on the front of a grocery cart.

Drachen Jager
02-14-2013, 10:45 PM
(doesn't everyone?)

WriterWho dreams of having enough money to design her own home one day. If she ever gets there, she's going to build a gigantic hamster hutch, with tubes to crawl through form room to room, and an exercise wheel in the living room.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 12:10 AM
Drachen Jager's dream home consists of a pole and a couch.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 12:14 AM
WriterWho is hard at work writing those little sayings that go on candy hearts this time of year. So far this is what she's got:

I'm not drunk enough... yet
It's just herpes, you'll be fine if you wear a condom
Not the worst thing you'll put in your mouth tonight
I like you, but not enough for oral
I told your wife about us
Sure I love you, but I can't afford the alimony
The penis, mightier than the sword
Can I borrow $10 so I can buy that cute blonde a drink?
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Let's face it, it's either me, or another night alone with your vibrator

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 12:37 AM
Drachen Jager hands out panty flowers to the pretty ladies, hoping his "sexy gift" will earn him a date.

flyingtart
02-15-2013, 12:39 AM
Writerwho is desperate to declare her love for DJ but so far all she's managed to do is fill up these threads in a pathetic attempt at chatting him up.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 12:43 AM
flyingtart plans to show WriterWho the finer forms of love declarations.

Robbert
02-15-2013, 12:45 AM
WW is that gifted that she doesn't need to go out on a date. The "dates" come to her.

captain_ryan
02-15-2013, 12:54 AM
Robbert eats dates by the handful. Other than the boost in fiber, he's yet to see what the fuss is all about.

StevenHarvey1990
02-15-2013, 12:54 AM
Ryan fed his 32 cats today with nothing but chocolate hearts.

captain_ryan
02-15-2013, 12:57 AM
Steven Harvey feeds his neighbors the real thing.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 01:30 AM
Captain Ryan goes around at this time of year telling people, "You know the dove is the bird of peace, but did you know that the bird of love is the swallow?"

He just laughs and laughs. It's too bad he works at a home for retired nuns and they just don't seem to get the joke.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 02:42 AM
Drachen Jager wishes aliens would invade tonight, so Valentine's Day would be forever wiped off the calendar.

JoBird
02-15-2013, 02:50 AM
WriterWho spent all morning cutting out hearts for Valentine's Day until she realized that what she was doing was illegal. She now understands that Valentine hearts are different from people hearts.

After washing off her bloody hands she issued a sincere apology to the families of the victims.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 03:17 AM
JoBird only thinks sweet and happy thoughts while drafting a children's book. It'll have penguins and koala bears. He's super excited.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 04:00 AM
WriterWho, meanwhile, gets by on her income as a children's book illustrator. Here's her latest.

http://editorial.designtaxi.com/news-badchilbooks1309/18.jpg

Nymtoc
02-15-2013, 04:31 AM
Drachen Jager's new novel tells a sordid tale of twisted love, fatal obsession, ghastly revenge and blood-soaked horror in a street whose very name has become infamous.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/UNICORNSTREET_zps126d4cb6.jpg

JoBird
02-15-2013, 05:38 AM
Nymtoc is writing a tell-all book about his younger years entitled Stinky Puddlemaker.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 05:52 AM
JoBird practices burping his name. Backward. He thinks it'll earn him a seat at the adults table on Sundays.

JoBird
02-15-2013, 06:19 AM
WriterWho has a vicious temper. She once scolded a child just for trying to burp his way to the adult's table.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 07:52 AM
JoBird got that name from his tendency to sit in a tree above his neighbor's freshly washed car, drop his pants and let fly.

Robbert
02-15-2013, 01:56 PM
Valentine's Day took DJ by complete surprise. He's still on the defensive after his wife commented that plastic flowers are a waste of money.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 05:02 PM
Robbert used his loved ones bank account to buy her flowers. He's still confused why she's upset. He thought she would love the entire house filled with hundreds of exotic flowers.

JoBird
02-15-2013, 09:09 PM
WriterWho told that special someone that--for Valentine's Day--she would lasso the moon and drag it down to earth for them. Unfortunately, she's not good with a rope. She caught a meteor instead, and it burned up somewhere in Russia this morning.

Nymtoc
02-15-2013, 09:15 PM
JoBird keeps his hat on with super glue.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 09:20 PM
Nymtoc has a collection of bobblehead dolls that look exactly like him.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 09:32 PM
WriterWho has a collection of bobblehead dolls so that someone will agree with her for a change.

iLion
02-15-2013, 10:24 PM
DJ eats nothing but skittles.

WriterWho
02-15-2013, 10:31 PM
iLion has a real fear of bobbleheads. It's how Nymtoc and WW keep him out of their houses when he comes to visit. Just set one on your front porch, and when iLion sees it, he turns and races back to his car. Bobbleheads equal a lion free home.

S. L. Saboviec
02-15-2013, 10:33 PM
J.K. Rowling stole her idea for Harry Potter from her college roommate, WriterWho.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 11:01 PM
Samantha Lane has labored in solitude for the past twenty years on a series of novels about a teen girl that falls in love with a sparkly vampire. She's certain it'll be a bestseller because nobody has seen anything like it before.

JoBird
02-15-2013, 11:06 PM
Drachen Jager is at work on an ambitious project to remake The Wonder Years. But he intends to tell the whole story from Winnie Cooper's perspective. Oddly, Kevin Arnold comes across as a stalker and a freak when viewed from that angle.

S. L. Saboviec
02-15-2013, 11:22 PM
JoBird was the inspiration for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Drachen Jager
02-15-2013, 11:55 PM
Samantha Lane was the inspiration for the Wicked Witch of the West.

captain_ryan
02-16-2013, 01:16 AM
Drachen Jager was the inspiration for the horse of a different color.

Drachen Jager
02-16-2013, 01:20 AM
Captain Ryan was the inspiration for Captain Underpants.

captain_ryan
02-16-2013, 01:21 AM
Drachen Jager doesn't wear underpants.

They confound him so.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 01:24 AM
captain ryan wears the confounded - used - underpants DJ throws out.

captain_ryan
02-16-2013, 01:29 AM
WriterWho begs me to throw her my underpants.

I think she believes I'm some sort of reverse Tom Jones.

Drachen Jager
02-16-2013, 01:31 AM
Captain Ryan's patented wrestling move is the 'atomic wedgie'. His twist to the formula is that he pulls his own underpants over his head.

captain_ryan
02-16-2013, 01:50 AM
Drachen Jager once pimp slapped an editor for daring to question his use of, "irregardless."

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 02:00 AM
captain ryan believes in the Three Little Pigs. (He says he's dating one of them.)

captain_ryan
02-16-2013, 02:02 AM
Every Halloween, WriterWho thinks it's a scream to go as Little Red WriterWho'd.

S. L. Saboviec
02-16-2013, 03:36 AM
No one understands why Captain Ryan goes by the name of "Bearded Wonder" when he doesn't have a beard. Until they see him in the locker room.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 03:43 AM
Samantha Lane thinks Fifty Shades of Grey is a laundry detergent.

Drachen Jager
02-16-2013, 09:38 AM
WriterWho keeps her copy of Fifty Shades next to the washing machine for extra-long spin cycles.

Nymtoc
02-16-2013, 09:56 AM
DJ has had trouble recently with his horn losing its rigidity, and since nothing is worse for a unicorn than a limp horn, he has been scouring the internet for products that will restore its original stiffness.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 06:44 PM
Nymtoc travels the world building snow castles. His work has been seen in many different magazines, his recognition astounding. Sadly, he also believes he's a magical winter sprite with powers that allow him to create such beauty.

JoBird
02-16-2013, 06:59 PM
WriterWho cooks bacon in the nude and has the scars to prove it.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 09:34 PM
^ JoBird would know. He doesn't cook. WW is constantly slapping his thieving hand away from her breakfast.

S. L. Saboviec
02-16-2013, 09:43 PM
WriterWho's last date went badly. It was probably because she brought her mom.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 10:01 PM
Samantha Lane failed her driver’s test. She now walks everywhere. She's never been in better shape. As a side note, she should really start bathing regularly. And wear deodorant.

Nymtoc
02-16-2013, 10:19 PM
WriterWho has undergone extensive, expensive surgery to make her look like Barbie, but the result is that she looks more like Ken. She is planning to sue.

Drachen Jager
02-16-2013, 10:54 PM
Nymtoc keeps a G.I. Joe in his pants.

WriterWho
02-16-2013, 11:56 PM
Drachen Jager still sleeps with his Cabbage Patch doll.

JoBird
02-17-2013, 12:22 AM
WriterWho's lover affectionately refers to her as his cabbage patch doll.

Nymtoc
02-17-2013, 04:17 AM
JoBird rides a Hello Kitty skateboard.

S. L. Saboviec
02-17-2013, 05:05 AM
Nymtoc's secret wish is to become one of the My Little Ponies.

JoBird
02-17-2013, 05:57 AM
Samantha Lane believes that friendship is magic. Literally. She tries to cast friendship spells and everything.

WriterWho
02-17-2013, 05:57 AM
JoBird dresses like a Teddy Ruxpin when he goes to sporting events.

S. L. Saboviec
02-17-2013, 06:02 AM
WriterWho is a furry. Which is fine and all. Except when she tries to yiff with her coworkers. Not cool, WriterWho, not cool.

Kerlee
02-17-2013, 06:10 AM
coz furry samantha lane has dibs on all yiffs in case you didn't know

Drachen Jager
02-17-2013, 07:18 AM
Kerlee dresses like a skunk, but yiffs like a badger.

Kerlee
02-17-2013, 07:31 AM
after many years of specialists and numerous surgeries drachen jager's nose can still not tell the difference between badger and babe and regularly compensates for this by making smelly remarks

Drachen Jager
02-17-2013, 07:59 AM
Kerlee thinks that people's noses are intelligent and can make remarks (smelly or otherwise).

WriterWho
02-17-2013, 08:21 AM
Drachen Jager randomly strikes people on the head practicing his roundhouse kick while walking to work.

Drachen Jager
02-17-2013, 10:01 AM
WriterWho has been working on a joke. It goes:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Writer
Writer who?
Exactly! It's me!

Sadly, she has no friends, so the joke goes untold.

WriterWho
02-17-2013, 07:25 PM
Drachen Jager converted his backyard into a mud pit to earn extra cash. He now has mud wrestling contests every Saturday night. The downside to his plan is that paramedics are regularly called, since the contestants are individuals who sneak out of nursing homes.

Nymtoc
02-17-2013, 09:22 PM
WriterWho conducts an adverb seminar, in which she tries to get writers to use more of them. Her prospectus says: "Clearly, whether continually or intermittently, we writers invariably fail to sufficiently employ that most satisfyingly expressive word form, the adverb, which fundamentally, effectively, artistically, literarily and intellectually adds zest to otherwise depressingly vapid prose."

Drachen Jager
02-17-2013, 10:07 PM
Nymtoc, on the other hand, also, as well, runs a class, seminar, course, on how, the method of, and the means to deliver as much redundancy, repetition, and saying things again and again, as possible using the written, word-processed, typed, chiseled, stenciled, etched or spoken word.

S. L. Saboviec
02-17-2013, 11:37 PM
DJ's first love is the semi-colon; his enjoyment of this punctuation is outweighed only by his fear of the period; he insists to all that he meets that the grammatical device is required at least three times per sentence; he leads by example

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 12:02 AM
Samantha Lane is scared of a blank page. She closes her eyes when opening Word, waits twenty seconds, then quickly types the letter 'a'. After another twenty seconds, she peeks open one eye and breathes a sigh of relief, now able to write.

Drachen Jager
02-18-2013, 12:41 AM
WriterWho, meanwhile, is still hard at work at her new genre of blow-up-doll POV novels. She sent me some of her latest for beta reading just today.

I don't think he really loves me at all. No, that's wrong. I know he does, deep down, he just can't show his emotions. It's a guy thing I guess. It's just, I always wind up hating myself after. I mean maybe if he at least wiped me down after he was done, instead of leaving his seed behind to grow all crusty and rank.

Perhaps he wants a child? I wish I could carry one for him, but alas, I am mere plastic and air, and I suspect one day soon he may leave me for a flesh-and-blood woman.

Robbert
02-18-2013, 01:05 AM
Drachen Jager used to be editor-in-chief of The Watchtower.

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 01:31 AM
Robbert is secretly hoping to be the final beta reader of WW and DJ's blow up doll/dildo novel.

StephanieFox
02-18-2013, 05:02 AM
WriterWho for the last six months has been out hitchhiking on I-70, trying to get to St.Louis by going west.

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 05:15 AM
^ :roll:

StephanieFox hops like a bunny, clapping hysterically when she receives a phone call. Any phone call. She's a very lonely individual.

JoBird
02-18-2013, 05:17 AM
WriterWho had a love child with Elvis. Or at least a fellow claiming to be Elvis. Of course, this was only a couple of years ago.

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 05:28 AM
JoBird is an Elvis impersonator.

Nymtoc
02-18-2013, 05:53 AM
Writer Who spends her vacation every year in Las Vegas, where she spends the whole time stalking Wayne Newton.

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 09:06 AM
Nymtoc's favorite way to eat oysters is from his lover's navel.

captain_ryan
02-18-2013, 11:15 AM
WriterWho specializes in making finger food for people who were hospitalized from shop class accidents.

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 05:02 PM
captain ryan tailgates every Sunday afternoon at his favorite football team's stadium.

Even in the off season.

Nymtoc
02-18-2013, 05:48 PM
WriterWho is desperately trying to become the voice of the Geico Gecko, but no matter how many times she auditions, they tell her she doesn't have a convincing Australian accent.

JoBird
02-18-2013, 07:19 PM
Nymtoc dresses up like a Klingon. Whenever he's standing in line somewhere he says, "Step aside, Huu-mans." Then he pushes his way to the front of the line. He thinks he's a real tough guy in that Klingon costume.

S. L. Saboviec
02-18-2013, 07:53 PM
JoBird dresses up like a Twi'lek. He paints his skin bright pink and dances through Wal-Mart like he's in Jabba's palace. It's quite a sight.

Drachen Jager
02-18-2013, 09:21 PM
Samantha Lane is so cheap she eats macaroni and cheese five nights a week--uncooked.

iLion
02-18-2013, 09:42 PM
If you even mention that DJ lives in his parent's basement... he will have you stuffed and mounted on the wall.

Nymtoc
02-18-2013, 09:45 PM
iLion's strongest word of praise is "groovy."

WriterWho
02-18-2013, 09:50 PM
Nymtoc has repeatedly tried using the "Like a boss" saying in conversations with his co-workers, but he can't seem to get the meaning clear.

iLion
02-18-2013, 10:15 PM
Writer coaches Nymtoc so he'll be more 'with it'. Currently she is teaching him to randomly say "farm out" and "right arm, man".

Robbert
02-18-2013, 11:07 PM
iLion stepped down as president of the Cheerleaders Union. He cited health and age concerns as his major reason.

Nymtoc
02-18-2013, 11:10 PM
Robbert has formed a union for the unemployable.

captain_ryan
02-18-2013, 11:15 PM
Nymtoc thinks Harlem Shake is the name of a pimp with Parkinson's.

WriterWho
02-19-2013, 12:31 AM
captain ryan plasters multihued Post-it notes over his body in a faux suit.

captain_ryan
02-19-2013, 12:59 AM
WriterWho's favorite animal is the owl for egotistical reasons.

WriterWho
02-19-2013, 01:03 AM
captain ryan once ate an owl. He was in the wild for thirty days with only the clothes on his back. He was all alone.

It explains a lot.

captain_ryan
02-19-2013, 12:16 PM
WriterWho's uncle was so ugly thathis brother killed him in a hunting accident. He said he thought he was a deer. The bullet went right through the windshield. He never had a chance.

Drachen Jager
02-19-2013, 09:27 PM
Captain Ryan is so ugly, he visited the Aquarium, and people thought he had a blobfish on his head.

http://i1.wp.com/img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2010/01/25/article-1264414304299-080158AC000005DC-638744_636x372.jpg?w=636&h=0
http://absolutewrite.com/forums/data:image/jpeg;base64,/9j/4AAQSkZJRgABAQAAAQABAAD/2wBDAAkGBwgHBgkIBwgKCgkLDRYPDQwMDRsUFRAWIB0iIiAdHx 8kKDQsJCYxJx8fLT0tMTU3Ojo6Iys/RD84QzQ5Ojf/2wBDAQoKCg0MDRoPDxo3JR8lNzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nz c3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzc3Nzf/wAARCACoASwDASIAAhEBAxEB/8QAHAAAAQUBAQEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAECAwQFBgcI/8QAOxAAAQQBAgQFAQcCBQMFAAAAAQACAxEEITEFEkFRBhMiYXG RBxQyQlKB0SOxFTRyofAWU8EzYoKy4v/EABcBAQEBAQAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABAgP/xAAcEQEBAQEBAQEBAQAAAAAAAAAAARECEiExQXH/2gAMAwEAAhEDEQA/APDkICFQJEqOiAQhCoEIQgEIQiBCEIBCEqBEIQgEIS0gAlAvqi kJgs40ViyrHJ2PwmYhPLspzroKWKwiIppVSU04q44UDoqcwpx2 SEQk2kSpFtsIQhQKkSoKASISqASIQgEIQgEtpEIESoQtKEIQgE IQgEIQqgQhCAQlAQEAl6hJspMaCbKnZDjRvkleaaxgslBGRqpM bGny5RFjQySyHZrGkn/ZeieHPs2c5rZ+NSEWP8vEf/s7+Pqu+4fwvC4bEIsLGjhYOjG1fz3U0eR8O+z/AI9mAOkhjxmn/vP1+gtbmN9lzyQMniJLj+WKL+SvTCXD8ISN0Ou6mrjz132Y4gt v37JDh3a1Vp/sxIFwcSN9nw/wV6YIHv2YaUjsd8TAXt17LO0yPH8jwNxfCYTEYcgdmEg/QrIysHKxLbl48kVfqbp9V7mI2k7JsmBjzMIliY9pFEEbprN5jw VwHK7au9qhKLdsvXfEH2d4GZG6XhgfizVfK31MJ9x0/ZeYcW4VncHyDBxGFzHa8rvyu9weq1EzGbp1pI8AbI5gUE2FVNQ kSoo6IR0S7boEQhCgEiEJgEIQgEIQgEIQqoQhCAQhCqBKkSgdU BslrdFgCxv7oFnUqgBOnRKNL1qkrhVbeytcK4bk8WzY8PCj55X n9mjqSeyIfwfhOXxrObiYUfM86ucdmDuV7X4R8IYXAsdpazzJ3 D+pM4au9vYeyf4Y8P4vh/AZjwN55XaySVrI7+OwXQtE1D08o7LNIWRjB0r4UBiDrVlsdeqQ 2eykiawus7JjSrHiOkcA1pWli8LaNX0T7q1F5bKrr0Uz3hjQRo kjOljxI4vURZpVstsjz6Imke+6sNyC6wT00BTw5rt6CDFPKdJI vmkrcAyuaMc81mqKvZeO2iYh6uqfwqGRrJZtjGdu4UqmM4HLCY/NnY1zjRHYKHjfg7G4rhvxsrHiyIj33+R2Pwm5suVlTWXueR+EA dFHFxPIxDy87xXQlZ3F/XhPj3wHleGZnTwB8uCTuRbo/n291xmlr6py44eL40kWQ0P5xTmuFgr5/wDH3hSXw1xK42uOFMSYnfpPVv8AzorLqWOWA+qAEo6pwatJpo+ UFxvRLVGkgq/ZAA9kmlpwBIPsk+qBOiROKQoGoSpFFCEITAIQhVQhCEQJUiFQp qzWoS3Wx33SJQ33/dUDhrpsloVp031TV0nhXwhn+IZQ5jTDiA+qZzd/9PdEZXCuG5XFs1mLgRGWV25OzR3J6Bex+FuB4fhzF8qHlky5AD LMR+I9h7BaPB/DuFwPD8jBhqx639XHuT1XNMPEJ/HjYYy8YsLLeOlV/Kzeh6Di/gBO5Vpzu2iqwt5Wit1YJFAX0UWGvGm9pIxTtSUp23TQfUrGllh Io2VM5wIBsi+irByC/wB0ZTF3psFRveQD6lHze6aXjqpVS+Ydw4j91t8By4zA+KRwDy4 ke+i5syg9dlJi5AbMHAOtuooXqs6jpMbEgikceUvDjbXNdXS1n cbxo5XXE1zg0etx1IKfl5ruINY2Bphq9Ad7WVkPmhZIBo5rSaH Wlb9RU5JIiSwmgdxuEcb4Vi+I+DS4Wcyw4aOA1aejh7hYvhvxp icVzHQyMDXh1cjhqV30mI18IyMdreQt2i6e9LM5a3Xypx7g2Vw PikuDmNp7D6XDZ7ejgqYILet7Uvd/tF8NQ+IOGkw0M6DWB9Vfdp9j/C8Hkikx5nxTsMcjCWua7QghdIzYY4UASNEywldZTVSHtPVAHN3 StANWaTqGqIjrQ2hP3vTT5TTr+yKYgpfZIopEIQoBCEKgQhCoE qKSKh1I6JPhd39n3hIZ0jeJcQZcLTcUbh+L3Psrod4H8Cuz/Lz+LMLcc06OA6GQdz2H916/iY0eNC1kbGsY0UGtFAJuLGxumgA6KyTZ1qlkI9wLaqlVixY2TO e1g53fiKmkABsalRSvfECeWxuVEWT6SP8AdMc/XRVm5HMNDZ6lP8y9ENT8yQO9SitK06o1KsgpHk70mtfSR7gdES 01z+Ub6qGSWxpunPGmihdqDoPlZoaZSO/wpYJnB3odRPbRVpRY3H7pjH8rhRFj3WBsxZBio3qtKFrc2pY3s EzPyO/MFiMeXsHMBorGPIGkUa+FqFeaeKfDXEOC+M48nhcDxBNMHg8uj Teo/wCe69P4SciNjXRuc17ey08bP5RbqcRsT0U+I+CSUkPY0u/V3Vyaivl4rOIQOloRztoO5Rv7ryj7Q/Bzs4SZmLHyZ8Yshu07e3z2+i9xa/Gw4XOa5rnHfXVy5riEUUznA25nSxRCpj5XLHMcWubTmmiD0Ka5 vqr+y9R8e+EW5LpM7h7R94GrmjaX/wDX915hzcpIfYcDWq1Kn2GtsjcpwCTmOuiQHTTdA95FVeihJ10 KUv0pMUWQIQhGghCFBcbw2dwsFn7lTR8HmcfxsCvtZbgA7Tc0r kThRo6d+6rLJbwKUnWZn7Aqyzw254/zTQexbS1Y6B11UksvJuT8jZUY48NkjTI2PVvRJkeGZ2NaYXtks XWxK2I8uqBeKJ1tPZmczwS0AgadUGJwbw1lZfFsfHnjLYnOt59 gvbcCCPFgbHG0ANFCguZ8J4/M52U9tF+jAey6h8oa7lClVZiN6nf2UwJJHUfKrQEcpdYAVhr2k 0B+6AL7dR2CrZ07GRkXZOyfLG6UhjDq4itaUfHOEu4f5bn5LJi 78TAdWlEVsQeijv3Vsa0Bqs6CUA041SuCRoIooL7MWfyTO2Jzo m6F4GgUN2bvVMblODTG57ww/ia11AqAS+6mi2HVuU10vRVzLfVMdLW5U0WDJpoE1+RCyJzXA+Y ToQdAO1KlLkgDRyys3NAJ9WqzesWc6scSzmRM5uaz+nss3Cdm5 j+eNwYy7HVUJXPzJ2xNNlzta6BdbwvCbBjtGxrZZm9fWrkWsV0 3I1srrrsrpYaDmhV4WFxolWYnOjdTtWrcYI2Ugj2U8U+9odC14 5mKF45dDoUxVl2WWg6kj3KhOUCd99FVmeQxUnyluxB6hTRZyIm TtcABTv7ryX7Q/Dpwsg8RhYeR5/qgd/1L1LHzmuuJwp3T3T5+H43G8WfCyQ0OfGeUnYnskqvnO0WVd43w 2XhHFMjBnBDonkC+o6KiuiBCEKgQhCgEIQiugaeUtLTv2U8UgB 02rr0VOKw3+ysstwqrvbS/ZGVuN1Eda6jsrEpaWHQ/snQcLyHf+szyXA0ebV3xXRX4OHQslc2YzPNUOVwGv02QYrGufQ okDb2Wjwvh7s3JEWpF+px/KFpYfC8V77k8xwB0bdAn5W9j4+PjODMdoaKtxrcoLsDmQaRgFr AGtI0Sl0j32SqMuRyvLegUmNI+V4awb7lGo1WuJjawucO9K813 KLpZzAxjSC63HorTcnGixbkMjpr/APiB/clC/WliQCaSMukEDb1kc4CvgdVX45JwwMb91lme+z5kktepc3m8WLp RHjnnl7Xo0e6h52tbzzyh8nv0/ZVPIycmUT+ZE0vi6k/+FLFxKIii6j2IpVsrieJGy3SD60ud4jxiKexDTq6jQfVc+rG5x XZ/fWOGjhRTWZjf1C152zOnjJL+IMhafy/iVOXxKY5Q0TueB+cRilNpecen/f2h1Eix0tV8jibB+YLy6fxJkOkJZPIRe4Y0KN/E4ZgPOystxO4J0H0UypOY77N45A11GUWPyg2s45kuW6oWkX1K5 NzsXGcPKzGPv2JpWsfi3ku9M8R/elJzP61jt+EQPxnea48zybK34c93ObFLi8TjfMxplHKK0rY/utzA4lC6vMNt9l02J5dMzLYYXP8AMAIIsfup25Bc3l5vk2uVyJ G5FllsIOjgoMbic8L3syHf6a2PwpWfLt2yljQQSAmT5XPXMRa5 6DiLpq9e/RXXTDy/VqdwU34nmxanlIBa7TS7We6TUg0HN/so5JwBb1EJWkdwdiVhqQSvLTztOo2paWBlOeQ6wJGaghY0kjdt 6Vf78YZWFmhBsjuouayftQ4Y7OyW8QjiqQkB3LrY/wCBeevwpGmiwt+QvYOLy/eYnNDTzDYFcjI5zifQDQ2XXj7GOnFNxZCB6TR60m/d3nbvS7IyFgDAw0dwRpaY6VjXU5raOthoNFbRxzoXNOqbyOq6K 618eNb/AEMOxrlAVSaGHQiMAHsoa5yklLaONjAfhBvbVQuxICbDXV/qRdPY7Xbf2Wnwd8f3xhkDAQebme7lArusRk3W1Zjk6E0ojszx7 FxjKGj71K8n+sRVadP5Vf8AxLEkjoCZsxoNJNjbW9qC5kSdjqp Gubeutpi66nhueHyxQF0ZeSXczQdf4XQtex76FjlFErz/AIZKGZt3q1umq6zDyuUFznFxdrr0VP1skMleHEj0igAFI2VsQv mDFnQSukBANDoUwQvkLjz2GC3EurRFjaEsTo2zDIiAJrlsk/NALHzMnJlLuaXy4watotx+E05DIxy0TQ0oLLlyjkyaEhrXaD3U tjpIseeyCJzY2lt7uOpJWbn8QcxnNzV7Wn8Qc+Fnq6iwO65jLb Nkv9RNdli3W5hmXnulfQuQ330UfJlzNtpLR2Gyv8O4aQ65Gki9 gF0GFwybKtmJiyOrc8ppJC9OIlwpRZc4n5VJ7C00V6HleHs5kA yJMY+W5xa0jrQFn41pYb+FwzE0Rd6jsn2JkrlqS0V03+CM/Tomu4e1np8uv2TUnEc3RQt9+A39O6lh8PTZAtkVDudFZ9LzIws fNycdvLBPIxt3yg6fRamN4gexobLA1zusjHFp+mymyfCeezWNo cFTPh/iIdXka/KI6TE44XMHK6wRqditSKZuTGGE3fRcbFwrimMNICW+xWzwE5UG ZH96Y6NnMKkcNGlIt/HRxRz4bmnlJbX5hqtRma6THI5QCN07JyPvLmDlAoaqo9nlO5mH pqFbHOXf1FmSennJ1BVKbOkAaOc8osgFXx5c8bmy7/lKwM5roMhzHG+oPcLn1y3zfq6zifqqSh7ps0xf/UY6z0WLK9wo7i++ykx5nPdy3+yzlb+OiwsmTJmjLnWdlHlcDl9 ToJmk3YDlX4aJoZS9rC9p2IWsct3LTvxjcHddOLkce/tc7lYuVjgefikgfmbraoSuDi5rgAfhdNPxKONpdI9tLMGXi58g lbHGWl3KC/QOrchb9M+awpXgP3A6aKJzq1B0uwtniEWA0tcMeJr7ogvJv3q1 iZHlee/yvwdKCumGuLHM10PZROc0Ei3fske8Ua3+FCXjqiIGjTQ6+6kad dVCHJ7XWLJQTtdaeCb0UDXUpIyCbJ190EjudpEkLqeFfx+PloD JmljgKvus7mI+QnljJh6m2EV2mDxVjomlrgRWmuxSnNJO9juuG bDPjm8WZzb/AC2pRxfKi9M0YoCrAS1ZY7KTOaxt9dlXwHujy/P5QaeHFhNX7LBw+J48hIc/1H9S0sWfmJNjfqVJG9b754Mgs83Gi0uqb7k63vuqEhw4ZC5wAB dZa0VQ+URzg2x+t7EKTGxOHvkH3iN5adzzWa7gbK2JrLfxgwSk x2b0potaOBx/isWOW4s8zGA3yjSitbGlwMKRvlRROLtyW8vL76dVYg4s/Ljnx2RwCLcf0xfze6Gubn8SZpdHDO95Y0ENDjte6qvmxpz5gtk l1YXROZwzzZPvuGx7gC1r2ONWP5VDIweFl4MUU8ZP5eYEWjUqj FxN8BrlZKBpqFYjlfxGQB0bI2j9Kni4fgkeoP5q7q1FDBDyujH 4RQG1qZE1axcHCx42uMQe89XKzJNCxpAAA7AbqtbHN9YcP3ULx jAFzuZ2nQqs/wCpxmx82o+gViJ+NNG97nAEdCFkzTx0WwN5WjuNVVc91lvpsjQ cxCi5rUk+7Sk8haD3BUbR/TdjucTE8gub0NbH/dYM3I23PIaf/abtNxeIOiJbI88vQuRXVOdF5LOW+ZraJ70qxy4w4c7zY6Ki3Oa 5ttd/5UcgbLTmvAcO6X8TFzIkHl88Zo3ssDKk8ycOB0sA2lz8zybaHA j2WI7PuXfrZC5/vxWvLVaBV2SO+8Bz6002Vd2aw2Qd99VFLOxjxbwbF6FLF112Lx RkEMRLm32OynlyoMlrnh1O0IPVcFLncn4CdTqlgzct45YucNvc 6AKyVm41eKcpzH7mPSgRYB6qqI2MaOU11pppNL3vAD3Weqh9Va bdz1W8jGnScpf6SOyhkc1h1JtMcCDoaPsmONjVVDnuBPVM36FM JH1SWRpagjB1TwdFEDRtODtbKCQOKka48ovUKDmPTVPa41uqLD bs1qntJ7qBjqG9H2TgbOu6Cy122qcaGjh9VXa6jrqnB+m/1QLJiwSaltH2TBjSxm4Z3D5Ugeb30Tg6vlAjZuIximyNcPdSM4 lxOK/QCD2SA2nB5KKR3F8nUOhfqbOtp+P4gnx3H+m4A+yA8bFBLOoBU NP/AOoA5znPDgTuaU8XiKEfiJv4VQhh/KPok8qI/kbr7Kr6akfiLHBcecanQdk8eJYeZrSRygaEFZPkwV6o2/NI+749V5LT+yHpqO8SMBtsgOu1qvleJGyEcoDaFGjuqQxoDvC0 JRjQf9pqHo5/HCCXBxJJ1Nqs7jD3WS4lWGwY1H+m0FPEcA0DG76aIelaLitNc5 49QIoEFLLxGGSQ70dnclKyWRtJHKE0tZy2APoielAZ0sbyIJH8 pOljdS/4hlOs8rq9hSs6DUgX8JQ9nL6hSmL6qlK/KmaB5Zo9yoPueRZLqb8rTEhbZB9O+oSve1ze/TbZMkT1We3BkJ9UgA60pm4zY2m32DuNCp5HW0c5AAHQalRvdzc tke5KZDSNhiYfS0UpOYCg0AdFC5w5RsdU0vvUb9VUSAkjQqFz+ nMkMn6d1G49zqgVzjzXp9U0vI0J0SEg9E0g1ooAu6ppJvekXQ3 +UgBdqEEQKchCBW7p5NEUhCABpODqQhA8E904FCEEgcKII+E9r gd0IVDyaCZze6EIHc3W04GzSEIHAkFBOtIQgUHXVSseC0hCEDO b3TXPNboQga11andOa7W0IQODw4G6vomOfW3+yEIEu2g7AFNLh V69t0IQI15Iog+6USAOIBQhAkkt0Coy7SunRCEDOYg0dknNQQh AzmrWt03nIHwUIUEZeL3SaHXqhCA67JAR2KEIP//Z

Nymtoc
02-19-2013, 09:46 PM
Drachen Jager was banned from AW as soon as we discovered that he was an enforcer for Scientology.

iLion
02-19-2013, 10:06 PM
Nymtoc takes voice lessons. He thinks he would go further in life if he didn't sound exactly like PeeWee Herman.

captain_ryan
02-19-2013, 11:05 PM
iLion once performed an alien autopsy without government knowledge. He thinks if you don't have a green card, you're open game.

StephanieFox
02-20-2013, 03:21 AM
Captain ryan keeps trying to get arrested, but no one pays attention when he strips naked.

S. L. Saboviec
02-20-2013, 05:37 AM
StephanieFox really hates her hotter, richer, and taller older sister, but mostly because Megan doesn't have a harelip.

WriterWho
02-20-2013, 07:05 AM
Samantha Lane has been banned from twenty bars. For karaoke. She brings her own sound system, sets up shop, then really lets it roll. A party for one ends in handcuffs every time.

Drachen Jager
02-20-2013, 08:58 AM
WriterWho has been kicked out of twenty Science Fiction conventions for wearing clothing that was deemed to be too revealing.

Nymtoc
02-20-2013, 09:43 AM
Drachen Jager is still trying to sell souvenirs from the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. He sits at a little stand in front of his house all day with mittens, caps, water bottles and replicas of gold, silver and bronze medals, all at bargain prices, but few people buy, and most just smile and walk on. It's sad.

Drachen Jager
02-20-2013, 10:01 AM
Nymtoc has the booth next to mine, he's hawking Bush/Cheney, 2000 bumper stickers and other paraphernalia.

Robbert
02-20-2013, 01:43 PM
DJ once had an ad in the local newspaper: "Paraphernalia for sale! Call 0604-650-9110"

After receiving many calls from paedophiles, DJ cancelled his landline phone.

WriterWho
02-20-2013, 04:27 PM
^ Robbert is a pro at prank calling.

Robbert
02-20-2013, 05:42 PM
WW is a well-paid multitasking champ. She talks dirty on her hands-free kit while doing her household duties.

WriterWho
02-20-2013, 07:15 PM
^ Robbert is WW's number one caller.

Nymtoc
02-20-2013, 09:43 PM
WriterWho is Lady Gaga's hair stylist.

Drachen Jager
02-20-2013, 10:30 PM
Nymtoc heard there is a lot of money in hedge funds, so he started his own gardening business.

flyingtart
02-20-2013, 10:42 PM
DJ is Obama's joke writer.

Drachen Jager
02-20-2013, 11:27 PM
Flyingtart is Osama's joke writer.

Nymtoc
02-20-2013, 11:43 PM
Drachen Jager is Justin Bieber's hair stylist.

Robbert
02-21-2013, 12:04 AM
Nymtoc earns a living on Fifth Avenue. He prides himself to be the Robin Hood of the 21st century, as he only pickpockets from the rich.

Drachen Jager
02-21-2013, 01:02 AM
Robbert is a street Kenny G impersonator on Fifth Avenue, he thinks he's famous, because he hears a lot of people talk about Sax Fifth Avenue.

captain_ryan
02-21-2013, 01:19 AM
Drachen Jager does a great impression of a hat rack.

WriterWho
02-21-2013, 01:21 AM
captain ryan wishes he had DJ's nifty red glasses.

JoBird
02-21-2013, 02:30 AM
It's WriterWho's birthday. No one noticed. She sat at home and sang, "Happy Birthday . . . to me . . . Happy Birthday . . . to me."

It was pretty sad.

Drachen Jager
02-21-2013, 02:32 AM
JoBird was supposed to give out the invitations, and get all her friends together for a surprise party, but he decided to get drunk instead.

Nice JoBird, real nice.

JoBird
02-21-2013, 02:39 AM
To date, Drachen Jager has taken $3.57 from the give-a-penny/take-a-penny tray at his local gas station.

He's been saving up to buy WriterWho one of those nifty Tiffany diamond rings he saw at Cosco.

Drachen Jager
02-21-2013, 03:23 AM
To date, JoBird has collected 3.57 litres of his own snot.

He's been saving it for a practical joke involving a bucket and a door.

JoBird
02-21-2013, 03:29 AM
Drachen Jager just walked through my door! My trap worked!

captain_ryan
02-21-2013, 10:17 AM
JoBird is, unfortunately, not the word.

Nymtoc
02-21-2013, 10:54 AM
Captain Ryan sings "America the Beautiful" even worse than Mitt Romney.

Robbert
02-21-2013, 01:29 PM
Nymtoc has nothing left to write about, or else he wouldn't have gone so far as to unearth a bush-league politician.

WriterWho
02-21-2013, 05:07 PM
Robbert visits old castles, searching for the ghosts of his ancestors.

JoBird
02-21-2013, 05:09 PM
WriterWho visits old, historic brothels and bars looking for the ghosts of her ancestors.

WriterWho
02-21-2013, 05:12 PM
JoBird visits morgues. Just 'cause. :Shrug:

S. L. Saboviec
02-21-2013, 05:39 PM
WriterWho's basement has been converted to a science lab, where she's building "the Frankenstein of the vegetable world." "Beware the pumpkin-onion-green bean!" No one is certain why she thinks that this is sinister.

flyingtart
02-21-2013, 05:51 PM
Samantha Lane refuses to use toilet paper because it isn't green.

Nymtoc
02-21-2013, 06:44 PM
Flyingtart has 75 boyfriends, none of whom knows about the others, but she cleverly made sure none of them have the same birthday, since that would create an awkward social situation.

S. L. Saboviec
02-21-2013, 09:23 PM
Nymtoc is stuck in the 60's, so he faxes all of his posts to the AW boards.

Nymtoc
02-21-2013, 09:30 PM
Samantha Lane is stuck in the '50s, so she sends everything to AW by messenger, which is a slow and expensive process and explains why she has only 285 posts. :tongue

NathanBrazil
02-21-2013, 09:36 PM
Nymtoc's great venture in drive-through burials turns out to be a movie set facade which hides a wood chipper and a pig farm.

iLion
02-21-2013, 09:38 PM
Nathan continues to petition AW to please give all new registrants a free toaster. "It's just good business."

Drachen Jager
02-21-2013, 10:06 PM
This year, iLion plans to skip his family's big fourth of July wiener roast.

It took nearly a month for his blisters to heal after the last one.

iLion
02-21-2013, 10:22 PM
As a 5th grader, DJ glued little mirrors to his shoes to get upskirt views. He's still at it.

S. L. Saboviec
02-21-2013, 10:34 PM
iLion is disappointed that he only heard of this practice last week. "All those wasted years," he mutters.

Drachen Jager
02-21-2013, 11:20 PM
Samantha Lane always keeps an eye out for boys with mirrors on their shoes, so she can cross the street and walk right in front of them.