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DanielaTorre
02-03-2013, 04:45 AM
I'm back! Last February, I had some delightfully awesome betas. I also had the most super-awesome beta last month which was sooooo helpful. Love her. Now I'm back for hopefully last beta rounds before I start querying (though I need to draft a brand-spanking new query first).

PM me if you're interested. It's super clean and tight. Query-ready material I hope.

Title: THE MAGICIANíS GAMBIT (55K words)

Genre: Middle-Grade Fantasy

Old query: (goals have changed, but premise the same)


Eleven-year-old David Chaplin just got dragged to a new town for the third time in a year, and he canít figure out what keeps his skittish father on the move. Garishly dressed weirdos have since been stalking his house at night, and his father insists that thereís absolutely nothing to worry about.

But when David confronts a particularly crafty weirdo with an annoying habit of vanishing into a puff of smoke, he finds out the truth about his father: heís a magician and a thief. Davidís father is on the run since stealing Halifacís Handófortunetelling cards that decide the fate of whoeverís fortune is read. David is horrified to discover that his fatherís old stage rival, Viktor Gervais, is after the cards and intends to use them to kill his father, as he once killed his mother.

Unwilling to let Gervais take his father from him too, David vows to find Halifacís Hand before he can. But Davidís search is hindered when his father finds out that David has uncovered his secret past. He doesnít want him involved with magic, and threatens to wipe his memory of everything heís learned.

Aided by transporting broom closets, marvelous marbles that can mend memories, and the clues within a curious combusting message, David must find and destroy Halifacís Hand in secret, at least if he wants to keep his memories of magic long enough to save his fatherís life.

:) :) :)

IMPORTANT NOTE: I need the feedback back no more than a month from now. I plan on entering some contest stuff that's coming up. :D If you can't get back to me in a month's time, please don't PM. Also, I'm 90% sure I'm nixing the intro, but I would like opinions.

I have really, really thick skin and value honesty. Here are some excerpts from my writing. These are from last year I believe, and they've since been polished.

Intro: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=260909
Dialogue Excerpt: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=218927
Characters: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229293


Thanks!!!!

summerb
02-03-2013, 10:37 PM
Me, me, me! Pick me!

Seriously though, I remember reading your first chapter and liking it, so pm me if you want my email!

writingguy
02-09-2013, 09:49 PM
I read your dialogue sample and liked it. I'd be interested in reading as a beta for you, but I know I haven't posted lots and you might want someone who you might "know" more.

If I can help, just let me know. No hard feelings if not. :)

DanielaTorre
02-09-2013, 10:34 PM
I read your dialogue sample and liked it. I'd be interested in reading as a beta for you, but I know I haven't posted lots and you might want someone who you might "know" more.

If I can help, just let me know. No hard feelings if not. :)

Thanks writingguy. I appreciate the offer. But you're right. I'd like to get to know you and your writing a little better. Stick around the boards. Post some stuff and then we'll talk a little more. :D

I'm still looking for betas. :)

DanielaTorre
02-13-2013, 01:08 AM
Still have one more slot left for anyone interested. :)