"Hello! How are you?" - do you really care?

I always answer with exactly how I feel, though many people will just say fine since it is a nicety. As for if people really care, again it is a nicety and most people don't. On the rare chance I do say it, I mean it.

People drive me nutty, even my boyfriend. I love a good escape where I can watch tv or play video games with my cat attacking my feet. I wouldn't say I hate people.

Who's this "they" you refer to?

If you mean friends, yeah, I guess they care. I care too.

If you mean people working at cafes or supermarket checkouts...no, I don't think they care. Nothing wrong with that. If you want cheerful cashiers, Trader Joe's usually has bubbly cashiers. They make me smile every friggin' time I go there.

I like people. I also like my own company...or I guess I should say I like the company of books. If I didn't have books around I'd rather be hanging out with my friends.

Hmm, sorry, my answer's neither here nor there.

butterfly said:

Do you? Do you think they do?

Are they really asking for attention for themselves or do they truly want to know?

And a little deeper - do you like people or do you prefer the company of yourself, your pet, or your stuffed Lorax?

Yeah, it's one of those days so feel free to ignore if you're happy at the moment.

Click to expand...

Well, another bout of insomnia last night, this morning, so no, not in the best mood, yet. But since I've given up the idea of sleep for today, the coffee is brewing and... hey I'll give Wednesday a shot.

'How are you' can be a sincere question or not, depending on whom you're talking to, and that's comin or goin. I don't think that means we don't care though, we do; but who has time to do anything about the answer either way?

I like people. I empathize with them, being one of them, more or less. But that doesn't mean I want to spend time with them.

Actually, sometimes I can't get enough of them, in number or in hours.

Other times I don't want to know from no one or nothin'. I got my own problems, you know.

butterfly said:

Do you? Do you think they do?

Are they really asking for attention for themselves or do they truly want to know?

Click to expand...

For people I know care I usually answer with 'Yeah, not too bad thanks.' out of force of habbit. Then It takes me about 1/4 of a second to realise it's always a lie, I then go back to correct myself with my true feelings.

If it's someone I know doesnt care and they're just being nice/professional I just say 'Fine thanks, what about yourself?'

And a little deeper - do you like people or do you prefer the company of yourself, your pet, or your stuffed Lorax?

Yeah, it's one of those days so feel free to ignore if you're happy at the moment.

Click to expand...

I prefer my own company and that of my husky x bull mastiff.

By the way, Butterfly, how are you?

Yeah, it depends on who's asking, and even with friends, whether we meet on the street or are sitting down for coffee. Sometimes it's just pleasantries, sometimes it's an actual inquiry.

I prefer my own company most of the time - or should I say, I prefer not to be around other people most of the time. I think that's mainly because I'm not good with small talk at all; give me an 'issue' to discuss and I'm fine.

Yes, I care. I think most other people care, as well. I do think that if you want others to really care about how you feel, you have to first care about them.

Anyway, I love solitude, and have spent months alone, way out in the middle of nowhere. I've gone a month without hearing another human voice. I do like having a dog with me, though.

But I also love the company of good people. I love spending time with family and friends, but I also love spending time with strangers, and I go to many places where I can meet new people. I go to county fairs, restaurants, bars, all sorts of odds groups that meet at the library, shooting ranges, outdoor festivals, anywhere I can meet new people.

How else is a writer going to find things to write about? How else is a writer going to learn how other people live, think, feel, and believe?

I still remember my mother explaining to me, when I was a child, that when people ask how you are, they don't really want to know.

"Hey, how are you?" is basically like saying "Hi" to me. It's more a reflex than anything. Not that I don't care, I just don't think about it.

Buffysquirrel said:

I still remember my mother explaining to me, when I was a child, that when people ask how you are, they don't really want to know.

Click to expand...

Ditto. Generally it's a politeness reflex. I do the same thing.

Buffysquirrel said:

I still remember my mother explaining to me, when I was a child, that when people ask how you are, they don't really want to know.

Click to expand...

Yeah. Same here.

When I ask, I do really care. And if the person responding is honest, I try my level best to be supportive and kind if it's to the negative and always try to smile for them.

I know better than to believe others really care if they ask me, though.

Most of the time I really prefer solitude. I don't mind social interaction but my druthers are for it to be on my own time and conditions, which is, I guess, selfish. Friends and family relationships do require some reciprocity so I do try to make time for them when they want/need it as well. I do have my boundaries firmly set, though, and do stick by them stringently.

With most people I'll just say "fine". It's not really a serious question, just a way into the conversation. If it's a friend they might actually want to know, but even then I'm sure most of them only want something general, not details! (Save that for when I go to the doctor!)

If it's some damn cold calling salesperson who's trying to create the impression that we're all good buddies by asking I just ignore the question and ask them to tell me what they're calling for. Don't encourage them, I say. They don't want to know and I don't want to tell them, so move on!

Though I definitely one day want to come back with "Well the chemo is really kicking my arse today." or "So much better since they took me leg off." That'd dent their false cheeriness.

Do I like people? Well, in moderation.

Do I like people? That's a tough question. No, not really, not in general. There are some individuals I care about. But I get very uptight when people are harmed. Species loyalty? Maybe.

I prefer the company of my husband and my cat. If I had a horse the husband might lose out.

Polite but shallow questions are called 'phatic comunication' (a.k.a. small talk), and it has a function in keeping large communities in a positive mode of interaction.

veinglory said:

Polite but shallow questions are called 'phatic comunication' (a.k.a. small talk), and it has a function in keeping large communities in a positive mode of interaction.

Click to expand...

Hmmm. Doesn't make me feel very positive. When I ring someone in another office at work, and I say 'hi so and so, how are you?' It's simply going through the motions of polite conversation before I make their life hell with my demands. But it annoys me that I have to do it, because the answer is always 'I'm fine thanks.You?' Then I have to say 'Yeah I'm fine thanks' back before I get to the point of the conversation, and we just wasted thirty seconds of our lives on stuff we didn't feel like saying and that got us precisely nowhere.

I'd rather just say 'hi so and so, I need such and such. Can you do it by COB today? Great. thanks.' *click*

Job done.

Yeah, small talk irritates me. I'm irritated now just thinking about it. But that's probably because I use up all my small talk on the bunneh. I'll talk nonsense to him for hours, asking him all kinds of questions about what he's doing and how he's feeling, because he never turns round and says 'I'm fine thanks, you?'

Usually he just says 'shuttit woman and give me treats.'

How to Tell Someone How You're Doing (Basic Instructions, by Scott Meyer)

In answer to the OP's question: Unless the person asking is a parent or medical practitioner, no, they don't really need or even want to know how you, in fact, "are." (Possible exception for philosophers... but that's a whole 'nother can of existential worms...)

Who was it that said "I'd rather hear a fake 'Have a nice day' than a sincere 'Fuck off and die'"?

i care.


i care about each and every one of you and sincerely want to know how you are doing and rainbows and puppies and butterfly kisses!



blurve,

cray

butterfly said:

... if you're happy at the moment.

Click to expand...

cray said:

i care.
i care about each and every one of you and sincerely want to know how you are doing and rainbows and puppies and butterfly kisses!

Click to expand...

butterfly said:

Do you? Do you think they do?.

Click to expand...

Deeply

butterfly said:

Yeah, it's one of those days so feel free to ignore if you're happy at the moment.

Click to expand...

Have a nice day.




ETA:

ETA2: No, really -

It depends on the person asking. If I ask, it depends on the person I am asking and the occasion. I have had waitresses ask me and I have answered them honestly, because we have enough of a relationship to have a brief conversation about how our lives are going. I have had friends ask and I have told them I am "fine", because they weren't really asking. I have also answered "fine" with friends and they knew I wasn't fine because I used f.i.n.e., which they know stands for "eff'd up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional". I am 99.9% dead-on knowing the difference between a legitimate "how are you" and a social "how are you", as I read people very well face-to-face. (Online is a whole different situation because there is no body language to go on.)

Like many here, I prefer my own company and the company of my animals over the company of others. It's that whole introvert thing. I hate small talk with a passion and avoid parties because of it. It makes me want to tear my hair out and strangle the person who is trying to engage me in it. I have developed the ability to do it for those occasions when I must attend a function where small talk will be expected. But it drains me and I loathe it. That said, I have increased my social engagements because I have found that as much as I am a "loner", I still need human interaction. I once thought I could be a hermit. But I find after several weeks the tree bark's conversation starts to make sense and I really need to get out and hear a human talk again.

I am quite a misanthrope, but part of my job involves liaising with people in different companies. Good relationships are crucial, and a simple "how's the weather with you?" goes a long way.

No, I don't particularly care about the answer, but as was said above, it's a lot nicer than "fuck off and die".

The "Hi, how are you?" question I've shrugged off as a formality unless it comes from family or friends. It's just a remnant left over from the days when that question really meant something.

And for the other question, I generally prefer being alone (don't most writers?) with the exception of a few close people.

I definitely found when working in local government that making small talk with people on the phone--and, especially, remembering things about them like their names, and the fact they had children, or they'd been ill, or some other small personal detail--meant they were much more willing to help me when I needed help. So small talk is not redundant, methinks.