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View Full Version : Incredibly Dumb Things You've Learned the Hard Way



Liralen
01-12-2013, 09:32 AM
Inspired by the "Memorable Ways You've Hurt Yourself"thread.

"Good decisions come from experience; experience comes from making bad decisions." Mark Twain

What dumb, silly, *doh* lessons have you learned from experience?

One of the undoubtedly many that stands out for me: don't try to take a headache powder while driving an open Jeep.

Or, blowing your nose while holding a mouthful of mouthwash doesn't end well . . . neither does sneezing, which I'd learned earlier and led to a desperate attempt to thwart the sneeze and learning the other.

No alcohol was involved in either incident :o

druid12000
01-12-2013, 10:29 AM
*DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME EVER!*
Going up on an icy roof to string Christmas lights.
You see where this is going right?
Can I stop now?
Please?
Yeah, slid off the roof. At least it was a short drop :o

Liralen
01-12-2013, 10:31 AM
Shades of the Griswolds :D

Chasing the Horizon
01-12-2013, 10:53 AM
There was this broken lamp I needed to remove from my desk so I had a place to put the new one. Trouble was that the old lamp was still plugged into a completely inaccessible outlet behind the desk, which was antique and far too heavy for me to move. But hey, the lamp was already broken, so why not just use scissors to cut the light-weight cord and get it out of the way?

Note that while the lamp itself was broken, the outlet it was plugged into was working just fine. As was evidenced by the incredibly loud pop and flash of blinding blue light when I cut into the cord. Luckily I was using scissors with a non-conductive plastic handle and not touching the metal part, so I wasn't hurt, though the blades of the scissors were actually blackened.

Of course, the surge blew the power breaker for that part of the house. At which point my mother got involved, and prevented any further disaster. :D

I was sober and more than old enough to know better (16 or so). I knew how electricity worked and everything, it just didn't occur to me in the moment.

The main lesson I learned was to just call my mom or someone else with actual common sense *before* I blow the house up trying to fix things myself. Lol.

BardSkye
01-12-2013, 10:59 AM
Don't daydream while walking along the railway tracks.

Fortunately, the train wasn't moving much faster than I was and just pushed me into the ditch.

Pyekett
01-12-2013, 06:22 PM
BardSkye ... yeeeouch.

Two objects cannot occupy the same space, man. It's not just a good idea; it's a Law.

KellyAssauer
01-12-2013, 07:43 PM
Just because it's tons of fun to race little Billy down the hill when he's in his red wagon and you are on your tricycle.... does not mean that it will be *twice* as much fun to race your tricycle down the hill after placing it on top of Billy's wagon and having little Billy pull you down the hill.

See, when little Billy pulls his wagon, he uses the handle because it's steers the wagon...
and don't you know, Little Billy, well, he's little.

Being little as Billy was, means you can't really run very fast. It also means that you can't outrun a girl, on her tricycle, in your wagon, going down that hill. When you can't run that fast, you trip, and when you trip in front of a speeding wagon full of girl and tricycle... you get run over. When you get run over by a speeding girl on a tricycle in your wagon, you tend to let go of the handle...

It is not good to be on a tricycle,
in a wagon,
speeding down a hill,
with no steering.

Trust me on this.

crunchyblanket
01-12-2013, 10:23 PM
Don't eat an entire box of Quality Street in one sitting. It will make you sick, and you will spend the rest of the evening puking half-digested chocolate.

zahra
01-12-2013, 10:40 PM
Don't feed your cats at 5 in the morning because you happen to be up then. They'll think breakfast time is always 5 in the morning.

lastlittlebird
01-12-2013, 10:41 PM
If you're going on a two day bike ride through the desert, sleeping in and leaving whenever you feel like it is a terrible, terrible idea.

Loading up your bike without testing the balance before you go won't help at all.

Bringing boiled eggs and tins of sardines as your lunch for the first day is not the stroke of genius you suspect it might be.

And you might want to re-think how much water you're carrying. Even if you bring two whole bottles. It might not be enough....

backslashbaby
01-12-2013, 10:52 PM
No heavy drinking after fettuccine alfredo. I still can't drink rum or eat alfredo sauce *shudders*

No icing really bad burns!

I always knew they said that but didn't know why until I froze my burn-liquidy tissues into a really creepy, thick, cast-like thing all down my forearm that lasted a week. It actually healed beautifully (eventually), but it was creepy enough I don't recommend it! It was like I grew a shell *shudders again* :D

kaitie
01-12-2013, 11:00 PM
Learned this one last night: when using a hammer, make sure your hand is nowhere near where you're going to be hammering, particularly when you decide to look away from your target to make sure your boards are lined up right. You know, in general, it's probably not a good idea to hammer without looking in the first place.

KellyAssauer
01-12-2013, 11:03 PM
No matter how terribly inviting Mississippi Mud Cake is
after a wonderful dinner of Red Snapper,

it's still:

Chocolate covered fish.

Snowstorm
01-12-2013, 11:43 PM
Blow out the candle using your mouth. Don't use the hair dryer. I don't care how much you're in a rush.

Maze Runner
01-12-2013, 11:43 PM
When you've got an infant or two of diaper rash age in the house, always check the label on that white tube before brushing your teeth...

buz
01-12-2013, 11:54 PM
If there is an open plate of cookies in a kitchen that historically has an ant problem, turn on the light to see if there are ants on the cookies before you put one in your mouth.

Don't walk down the side of the road in Indonesia holding a bag in the hand closest to the road.

jjdebenedictis
01-12-2013, 11:59 PM
Don't wade across a river that looks only knee-deep. At some point, it might not be, and you might almost die.

Edited to add: I'm very thankful about the "almost", however.

Chase
01-13-2013, 12:43 AM
Never hunt with someone who keeps a round in the chamber and tests the so-called safety by periodically pulling the trigger.

Vortex Theory
01-13-2013, 12:56 AM
Don't use your hand to try to stop a garage door from closing, unless you really aren't planning to use that hand for the next week or so.

And I don't recommend trying to push a cheap folding knife closed while holding it - you may find out the blade doesn't lock into place all that securely :o

Chasing the Horizon
01-13-2013, 01:10 AM
12 sprays of alcohol-based perfume is at least 10 more than is necessary for burning a photograph in an ashtray. It's just about right for making a foot-high jet of flame, however.

And Vortex, give me back my damn lighter. :D

mirandashell
01-13-2013, 01:39 AM
When you've got an infant or two of diaper rash age in the house, always check the label on that white tube before brushing your teeth...

:Wha: :tmi

KellyAssauer
01-13-2013, 01:58 AM
When Daddy tells his 17 year-old daughter that she must have his little Italian sports car back by nine o'clock - it does not necessarily mean that you pull into the driveway at 8:58 after driving the last hair-raising four miles stuck in third gear with the completely separated shifter thingy sitting on the passenger seat...

mirandashell
01-13-2013, 02:01 AM
That would be the gear stick? How in hell did you break that off? LOL!

KellyAssauer
01-13-2013, 02:19 AM
That would be the gear stick? How in hell did you break that off? LOL!

If you break something,
at least learn the proper name for it. ;)

(I still have no idea why it broke on me)

:Shrug:

Vortex Theory
01-13-2013, 02:26 AM
And Vortex, give me back my damn lighter. :D

Sorry, it's already been used to balance out the equilibrium of the universe :D

StarryEyes
01-13-2013, 03:07 AM
Don't eat soap twice. Once is good for the experience. But you don't need to do it again just because you've forgotten what it tastes like.

Label your 50+ essential oils. When a child hurts himself just beneath the eye, it will spare you half an hour of tears if you can be sure the ointment you're giving him is helichrysum (good for bruises), not essence of peppermint.

You don't need to know how many of Mum's 3-year-old chili peppers you can eat in a minute. (My sister is guilty of that one - in the five minutes that followed she drank two one-litre bottles of milk)

Don't daydream while undressing to take a shower. If you do, the water will remind you you were still wearing socks.

And finally: Always, always, ALWAYS take your keys with you - especially when your front door can't be opened from the outside. If you don't, you might find yourself in the situation where you're in a hurry and your sister won't let you go until you've finished the plate of pasta she cooked for you, so she follows you into the hallway. She gets into the lift, still holding the plate and only wearing her pajamas, and tells you she'll follow you everywhere you go.
And you, like the complete dork you are, forget neither of you has keys and reply: "Yes, but only if you shut the door."

Robbert
01-13-2013, 03:21 AM
Here's a thing about public transport that I had to learn the hard way.

Schiphol airport--fifteen minutes left to catch my flight. I had just parked my car in the long term stay when I saw a shuttle bus approach. A mad dash. I arrived at the bus stop as the bus was pulling out. Still running, I knocked on windows--eight or ten passengers shrugging their shoulders in response. The bus kept on accelerating. Gone.

I was furious. The passengers, arrghh “•+*&/(

Five minutes later, another bus arrives. A driverless bus.

mirandashell
01-13-2013, 03:25 AM
:ROFL:

I hope none of them were on your plane.....

triceretops
01-13-2013, 03:58 AM
Removing the driveshaft from a vehicle that was up on ramps. No emergency brake on...the car rolled as soon as I popped the driveshaft, and then crushed me. HoY!

Yes, I was a master mechanic at the time.

benluby
01-13-2013, 04:16 AM
Note to all young men: When young and in love and having a spirited argument with a lady of Irish lineage who is preparing to cook your supper, do NOT dare her to use that skillet in her hand. She just might.

GailD
01-13-2013, 04:23 AM
If you plan on deep-frying something and you forget that you've got the pot of oil on the stove, and the stove is on high, and the oil catches alight...

don't, for the love of dawg, pour a jug of water over the flames!

Really. Don't.

The explosion can be heard for several blocks.

:D



Gail,
uninjured, but embarrassed.

Sam Argent
01-13-2013, 05:01 AM
If you have a hiatal hernia, don't try to down a whole pizza because you want to prove that for one day you can still eat like your 17-year-old self. Also, don't expect much sympathy from the friends who tried to persuade you to stop at around slice six. When you're groaning in agony after slice ten, they will stand over you saying 'I told you so' and then debate among themselves who is going to poke you in the stomach.

I am so happy that the poking was an empty threat to make me think twice about doing it again.

bettielee
01-13-2013, 05:39 AM
Not to push a table, the long industrial kind, with the legs that fold in at the end, from one end.

Especially when they are loaded up with computer equipment.

Reason being, those legs have a tendency to fold under when pushed in the direction they fold..... yeah.

bettielee
01-13-2013, 05:40 AM
If you plan on deep-frying something and you forget that you've got the pot of oil on the stove, and the stove is on high, and the oil catches alight...

don't, for the love of dawg, pour a jug of water over the flames!

Really. Don't.

The explosion can be heard for several blocks.

:D



Gail,
uninjured, but embarrassed.

Also...when the above happens and you know that the thing to do is to put the lid on the pot....that lid should not be plastic.

Yeah.

Duchessmary
01-13-2013, 05:55 AM
Always be nearby when your child is putting something in the microwave. Several years ago, she was nuking a Healthy Choice lunch and I went "hm, something is...BURNING!!!"

I was lucky the microwave didn't asplode. As it was, parts of it sort of...melted.

buz
01-13-2013, 06:20 AM
Also.

If you lock your keys inside your car, don't try to break into your own car with sticks. Sticks break off inside locks.

Liralen
01-13-2013, 07:06 AM
Oh, and when making cornbread (for someone else, I personally loathe the stuff) and it's done and getting too brown and you're doing twenty things at once, always, ALWAYS remember to take time to grab a hot pad before grabbing the iron skillet out of the oven.

And if you don't remember, know that an aloe vera plant is your best friend ever.

(no, I didn't drop the skillet and the cornbread was saved)

crunchyblanket
01-13-2013, 04:43 PM
Note to all young men: When young and in love and having a spirited argument with a lady of Irish lineage who is preparing to cook your supper, do NOT dare her to use that skillet in her hand. She just might.

As a lady of Irish lineage, and handy with a skillet myself, I concur ;)

And on this subject, something my husband learned the hard way: when your wife, being a lady of Irish lineage, tells you to take the washing out of the machine and hang it up, make sure you do so instead of settling down to play Skyrim 'til 3am, crashing out in bed and leaving in the machine. Because said wife WILL wake you at 5.30am when she's leaving for work and she WILL make you hang everything up before letting you go back to bed.

firedrake
01-13-2013, 05:10 PM
Always turn on the bathroom light before squirting chloraseptic in your mouth. Green apple soap does not taste like green apples.

:dire:

quickWit
01-13-2013, 05:57 PM
Big green caterpillars taste funny

mirandashell
01-13-2013, 08:54 PM
As a lady of Irish lineage, and handy with a skillet myself, I concur ;)



As another lady of Irish lineage, I would say don't argue with her when she has anything in her hand. Because she will throw at you.

BardSkye
01-13-2013, 10:16 PM
Yep. I know one girl, all of 4'11, who climbed up on a chair and took out her 6'4 abusive husband when he walked through the door, with an iron skillet.

frankiebrown
01-14-2013, 03:49 AM
Do NOT smoke anything that smells like fruity pebbles FOR ANY REASON.

Liralen
01-14-2013, 07:16 AM
You know how it's fun to move your feet or hands under the covers and get the cat to chase them?

It's not nearly so much fun with the little APBT (well, in my house the 50 pound dog is the little one, lol), at least not when she catches you. Watching her get geared up and seeing the prey drive kick in was pretty fun . . . until I realized what was about to happen to my foot . . . She let go a lot quicker than the cats ever did when I yelped.

Had a bruise for several days, lol.

To her credit she gives me the fisheye if I wiggle my feet under the covers now.

calieber
01-14-2013, 07:29 PM
Don't wade across a river that looks only knee-deep. At some point, it might not be, and you might almost die.

Edited to add: I'm very thankful about the "almost", however.

... and the big fool said to push on.

(Now watch as my contribution is "not everyone knows Pete Seeger.")

kayleamay
01-14-2013, 10:13 PM
Always, always, ALWAYS look at your chair before you sit at your desk because you never know when some evil gnome has placed a freshly sharpened pencil there. (Learned at age 13)

If you ever steal your daddy's sugar-free candy and climb a tree to eat it without being caught, only eat a couple of pieces. If you eat say...a pound of it...you will crap your pants, fall out the tree and be made fun of by your brothers for the rest of your life. (Learned at age 8)

When peeing in the bushes outside Taco Bell at 3 a.m., examine the area first. Nothing causes an adrenaline spike like crouching in the dark with your pants down and realizing your urinating on a homeless man.

If you DO discover that you're urinating on a homeless man, DO NOT try to run from the bushes screaming with your pants down. You will fall. (Learned at age 22)

When your brother asks if you'd like a Hurtz Doughnut, just say no. (Should have been learned by age 4, but took until about age 9)

If you're playing in the pool with your friends and someone jumps in front of you right as you start to dive in, just plow the bitch because falling on another person in a pool of water hurts a lot less than trying to regain your balance and straddling the side of the pool. (Learned at age 12)

cray
01-14-2013, 10:29 PM
Big green caterpillars taste funny


well, i hope you got the young man's name at least.

Mclesh
01-14-2013, 10:36 PM
Even if you think it will look great (and it will), don't install white tile for your kitchen floor, it will somehow manage to look dirty within five minutes of being cleaned. I did this, even after my mother-in-law warned me not too. "It will always look dirty." Did I listen? Of course not. The tile was really cool and had a 1920's black-and-white pattern. It looked great...when it was clean. It quickly became the bane of my existence. Probably the worst was after a party, by the end of the night, it was practically black.

Learn from my mistake: No white kitchen tile!

Probably the worst part of my lesson was having to admit to MIL that she was right. As always.:tongue

sennydreadful
01-14-2013, 11:59 PM
Do not volunteer to put everyone's metal etching plates into the acid bath at once - the acid gets overexcited and starts producing this lovely orange smoke and when your art college is evacuated it's somehow your fault.

Lyxdeslic
01-15-2013, 02:19 AM
When strolling alongside the sea, listening to waves meeting earth, breathing in briny goodness, feeling grains of sand tickling between your toes, head tilted back, watching gulls fly overhead...make sure your mouth is closed.

Really, make sure.

Lyx

GailD
01-15-2013, 02:55 AM
Also...when the above happens and you know that the thing to do is to put the lid on the pot....that lid should not be plastic.

Yeah.

Yeah.

At 18, you'd have thought I would have figured that out but, noooooo...

And after exploding a pot of oil and finally reaching for the fire extinguisher, do not pump the handle before pulling the pin out. It builds up a lotof pressure, so when the pin is removed...

...you've got a blizzard of foamy stuff everywhere. And it won't stop...

TheBladeRoden
01-15-2013, 03:13 AM
Lesson #1
When using your first candle, do put it in come kind of container so you don't get melted wax all over the dresser and floor.

If you do get wax all over the floor, do not try to clean it up by remelting it first.

Especially not by putting down a layer of paper towels, a layer of aluminum foil, a layer of newspaper, and a layer of fire.


Lesson#2
When meeting a woman from an online dating site, and finding out she has a hotter friend, do not suggest you each bring your own friend to make it double date of sorts in order to just "let everyone decide which one of the other two they like more."

Brightdreamer
01-15-2013, 03:37 AM
Sliding glass doors do not stop for outstretched fingers.

When rough-housing in a cluttered basement, be aware of cans of spray paint... especially ones near heavy, precariously-balanced objects.

Bicycle brakes stop the bicycle, not the rider.

A toy labeled "Sit and Spin" should not be stood upon.

When throwing large rocks in a creek, make sure the person standing behind you isn't doing the same thing... at least, not when you raise your head...

(Sometimes I wonder how I survived my childhood...)

mirandashell
01-15-2013, 03:44 AM
That really thin branch halfway up a tree that you're about to step on, it won't bear your weight. Not matter how skinny you are.

lewisc
01-15-2013, 03:46 AM
You know how some soap says Chocolate or Vanilla. They are just talking about the smell, not the taste.

christwriter
01-15-2013, 04:45 AM
The swing on our (kind of sort of) tree fort broke. I was about thirteen, fourteen, and bored out of my mind due to having no swing. (I would sit on the swing and imagine I was flying). So I decided the next best thing would be to make myself a new swing using an open-ended loop.

This is also known as a hangman's noose.

The good news is I knew better than to put it around my neck (one of my brother's friends did not; my Dad happened to look out the window at that exact moment and moved faster than a 40yo should move, ever to avert disaster.) but it did not occur to me that any other part of my body was just as bad. I put it around my waist.

The thing that saved my life and dignity was that the board we used as a seat was 1. still attached to the tree by the other rope and 2. long enough to drag across the ground. Three seconds after I realized I'd been magnificantly stupid I was able to catch myself on the board and stand there on my tippy toes. I pulled myself up on the remaining rope and got the loop loose enough to step out of it. I jumped down to the ground, cried for about a minute, and promised that I would never tell any adult soul how stupid I'd been.

Tl/dr: DO NOT PUT A HANGMAN'S NOOSE AROUND YOUR WAIST AND JUMP OFF A TREE FORT. EVER.

backslashbaby
01-15-2013, 09:31 AM
Medieval axes and swinging them backwards before throwing them: yeah, your head is in the way at some point. Don't forget that, no! The crowd gasping is one warning sign you are going too far :D

Shenanigans!
01-17-2013, 06:16 AM
If you're going to run around a house and then back outside, remember you closed the screen door.

Liralen
01-17-2013, 06:59 AM
If you're going to run around a house and then back outside, remember you closed the screen door.

Did you strain yourself?



At least it wasn't the sliding glass patio door . . .

backslashbaby
01-17-2013, 05:07 PM
Aw! I did that at a party when I was a shy and mortified 13-year-old :( Everyone was at this party, and the house was lit from the inside, making the screen door invisible from the darkness outside. I smacked right into the thing, leading with my face, in front of everyone!

It really is very funny, but I was mortified :D

Thump
01-17-2013, 05:47 PM
Don't run for a train when you're wearing a ball-gown, it's not worth it.

(I got lucky, I stepped on the dress and fell down the stairs, a meter more...)

Shenanigans!
01-18-2013, 01:37 AM
Did you strain yourself?



At least it wasn't the sliding glass patio door . . .

No damage to me. The screen door on the other hand...thirty seconds later my friend's dad came home...that was embarrassing

Wilde_at_heart
01-18-2013, 01:59 AM
Marriage.

jjdebenedictis
01-18-2013, 02:39 AM
Marriage.Grad school.

TheBladeRoden
01-30-2013, 05:15 AM
Don't try to sterilize your pet's plastic water bottle by filling it with boiling water.

BeatrixKiddo
01-30-2013, 07:01 AM
"Hopping" onto a boys bike even if you're a girl can hurt too.