View Full Version : What's your Favorite Cult?

William Haskins
01-26-2006, 07:03 AM
none of the above?
create your own cult now! it's fun!

AMAZE your friends!
STEAL their money!
INDUCE blind worship, and maybe even mass suicide!

sign me up! (http://members.aye.net/%7Eabrupt/house/createacult.html)

01-26-2006, 07:11 AM

01-26-2006, 07:15 AM
Browncoats. We're just awesome.

Watch Firefly & Serenity now!!!

01-26-2006, 07:16 AM
The "Writing Poetry" forum.

William Haskins
01-26-2006, 07:17 AM
that's not funny.

and i know funny.

01-26-2006, 07:19 AM

Even Haskins is a member. My plan is beautiful.

01-26-2006, 07:19 AM
that's not funny.

and i know funny
I dunno. Charismamtic leader. Lots of free Kool-Aid. Prizes. Looks like a cult to me.

01-26-2006, 07:21 AM
What, no Branch Davidians? Blue Oyster?

BTW, the cult generator did not work for me. Maybe I'll try another browser....

ETA: Still did not work. I'm on a Mac, maybe that's it. No on Safari, no on Firefox.

Celia Cyanide
01-26-2006, 07:26 AM
The People's Temple!

I wrote a fictional story about a little girl who grew up in the People's Temple and tried to put cyanide in Jim Jones' food before he made everyone drink the Kool Aid. Her name was Celia, and that's how I got my name.

01-26-2006, 07:36 AM
When I was a college student, I quickly learned that if I went to the grocery store, and someone I had never seen before walked up to me and starting talking to me like I was a long lost friend, he or she would turn out to be a Scientologist. After wasting three or four of your minutes, they'd get to the recruitment part.

A couple of years into my college career, they bought and moved into an apartment building across a park from where I lived, and turned it into their church. This caused some concerns, because this apartment building was right next door to some off-campus dorms, so the city made them promise not to bother the neighbors in exchange for allowing them to use the building as their church. I guess the Scientologists decided that those of us across the park were far enough away, because one evening a young woman showed up at my door with one of their personality questionnaires. I had heard about these questionnaires, and was curious about what was on them, so I agreed to fill one out. Which I did, reading the questions for entertainment purposes, and randomly selecting answers from the choices provided. (Sorry, I can't remember the questions in detail, although I think one of them pertained to whether I twitch uncontrollably.) When I finish, I put a fake name and fake phone number on it, figuring that's the last I'll hear from the Scientologists. Wrong! A couple of weeks later, she showed up at my door again, and said they'd been trying to reach me for a week, but no one had ever heard of me at the number I provided.

A couple of years later, I was reviewing science fiction and fantasy for the campus newspaper. One day, I got a copy of Battlefield Earth at the paper, with a letter thanking me for requesting a review copy that I had never requested (nor did I read this unsolicited review copy). Obviously the work of an industrious Scientologist.

So, it's the Scientologists for me. They have provided me numerous moments of entertainment.

01-26-2006, 09:41 AM
None of the above, though I'm tempted by the Kool-Aid, I love that stuff!

I'd like to start where David Koresch left off...I think I'll lead the newest crop of Branch Davidians. America needs another Waco, don't you think? The FBI just doesn't seem to have enough to do!

01-26-2006, 10:48 AM

Japanese cults are seriously under-represented in your poll.

Look into it, mother****er.

01-26-2006, 12:17 PM
Indeed. Like the "Bukkhakis," who ritualistically circle jerk onto a nicely-pressed pair of Dockers.

01-27-2006, 05:52 AM
So you've been to Japan too, Opti? :)

01-27-2006, 06:05 AM
Create my own cult huh?

Well, lets see. Here are the requirements for my cult.

Every person must have read Huck Finn at least five times.

They must renounce the work of Hemingway as balderdash.

They must seek out Toni Morrison and beg her to bless their feet.

They must look west for inspiration and return with sturgeon caviar as a receipt.

They must pay the cult leader (me) a membership fee of a bottle of champagne a month. . . from Champagne (and not Illinoise, thank you)

They must commit a deep devotion to harassing Pulitzer Prize winners via email. (Ya here that Richard Russo? Chabon? I'm coming for ya. . . again)

They must find David Sedaris and ask him the true meaning of humorous literature. (Same goes for Kirt Vonnegut)

The bible of the cult will be Mark Twains Letters from the Earth (Satan was such an adorable fellow in that one)

They will keep a look out for famous people so as to harass them with such questions as "what were you thinking when you made that film?"

Above all, they must worship the work of John Steinbeck and carry a copy of Travels with Charlie at all times.

We shall call ourselves Those Who Seek to Make You Look Like Fools.

Meetings are on Wednesdays, bring punch and pie.

Weren Cole
Administrator of TWStMYLLF

01-27-2006, 05:24 PM
Apparently, the name of my cult is "This Page Could Not Be Found." How appropriate...

01-27-2006, 05:57 PM
we must be part of the same cult!

I answered all the questions and the last page (which I figured would have the sporty name) wouldn't come up.

no fair! i want my money back!

01-27-2006, 06:00 PM
Mine, too, error code 404, page not found.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Maryn, who didn't write that but can copy and paste real good

01-27-2006, 06:02 PM
Mooners. People who ritualistically drop trou as an editorial comment on all they see as overly rigid attitudes and actions. Also, just to show and see a little butt. Who's with me....

01-27-2006, 06:11 PM
...i don't know. did your cult arise through the LSD induced dreams of your youth? we may have something to talk about...

-She Who Must Not Be Named-

01-27-2006, 06:15 PM
...i don't know. did your cult arise through the LSD induced dreams of your youth? we may have something to talk about...

-She Who Must Not Be Named-
No, I think it's more due to a raging immaturity.

01-27-2006, 06:38 PM
oh, well. guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

01-27-2006, 08:01 PM
this one works though http://www.fadetoblack.com/cultkit/

01-27-2006, 08:05 PM

01-27-2006, 09:14 PM

They're easy to shush just by turning on the TV and finding a rerun. For the most part, they're also rather harmless and they eat whatever's served.

01-27-2006, 09:34 PM
Trekkies also perform their jury duty. Sometimes in uniform.

Maryn, glad she wasn't the defendant

01-29-2006, 11:39 AM
Blue Oyster

01-30-2006, 01:01 AM
Blue Oyster

..On your feet or on your knees...

( Must listen to 'Secret Treaties'. . .)

01-30-2006, 02:19 AM
I already have a cult, of which I'm a sort of ex-officio Grand Wizard. We worship the great bear-God, Bubu.

Bubu is pretty cool, and more effective than 99% of all known gods. For instance:

* He's loaded with self-esteem, and therefore doesn't need anyone to believe in him to exist.

* He insists that we don't grovel and sing miserable songs at him.

* He doesn't mind if you ask him for stuff, but suggests that you'll feel better if you sort it out yourself.

* He refuses to take sides in wars, and that kinda stops them from happening.

* He likes little children, so he doesn't strike them down to test our faith.

* He admits that he's powerful and even a bit omnipresent, but he assures me that he doesn't go around checking up on people's thoughts or listening to their prayers. He's far too busy to concern himself with self-important individuals, what with the animal kingdom and the rest of the Universe to look after.

* It's been a while since he smote anyone just for the fun of it.

Oh, and he reckons evolution is the best thing he ever set in motion.

01-30-2006, 05:50 AM
"Your call is important to us..."