Failure as success

Myrealana · Dec 2, 2012

I hate rejections.

I know, shocker there. No one likes rejections.

Unfortunately, I have yet to experience anything else as a writer. I'm not terribly prolific. I've only got four short stories making the rounds and one novel that just started making the query rounds in October.

However much I hate rejection, I feel better about my experience this week because of my son.

He's 17, and a senior in HS. He tried out for the Winter Percussion group at school. He has been playing the trumpet for eight years, but has never held a drum stick. He has rhythm, but no skill. 24 students tried out for 16 slots, so his chances of being cut were high even the best of cases.

It was the first time he took a chance on anything. He's never been one to take a risk. If it's not a sure thing, he doesn't even try. He was so certain he would make it and I tried to believe with him, but I knew it was a long shot.

He was cut from the group on Monday. He called me to pick him up after practice, and I could tell from his voice that he was on the verge of tears.

So, I showed him my writing submission log. All the rejections over the last six months or so that I have been seriously trying to market my writing. I asked him how he thought I handled each rejection.

He said "You just submit it again."
"Not quite," I said. "First, I cuss at my computer. Then I mentally kick myself for a while. 'You suck. You're never going to make it. You should just give up.' Sometimes, I even cry. THEN I send in another submission."
He said "But you never give up on anything, and you always tell me it doesn't do any good to say things like that."
I nodded. "You're right. I say that. And it doesn't do any good, but you may have noticed, I sometimes do things that aren't good. The truth is, that there is always that moment where I consider giving up, just like you do. Considering giving up isn't failure - only actually giving up is."

I think he got the point. He's going to try out for the musical's pit orchestra next week. It's less of a risk, since he'll be playing his trumpet, but it's a chance he wouldn't take the last three years.

Now, off to prepare another submission...

Jamesaritchie · Dec 2, 2012

I'm not sure what to think. Failure is never success, and more important, failure is not a bad thing. There should be no stigma attached to failing. People really do fail, and labelling it as success usually means more failure in the future.

Most really successful people fail more than once before finding success. The difference is that they don't call those failures successes. They stamp a great big FAILED on whatever it was, and move on to something different.

Failure is not a bad thing. Refusing to call failure what it is turns people into old failures who waited too long to try something else. Your son tried, which is good. He failed, which is, if not good, a normal thing, and a lesson learned. Now he's moved on and is trying something different.

Would that more writers would do the same before it's too late.

Brynn · Dec 2, 2012

Myrea, I like your story, and I think you have a great point.

It would be good if we could reclaim the world "failure" from the fears and dire connotations we've granted it. Failure is productive, natural, and usually necessary for growth. I remember an important acting mantra: "Try, fail, try again. Fail again. Fail better." I don't think that failure is success, but in my opinion accepting or at least enduring failure is usually a prerequisite for meaningful success.

Little1 · Dec 2, 2012

I see it as a success james. She was able to teach her son to NEVER GIVE UP. That eventualy at some point your persistants WILL pay off.

Your a good parent Myrea. You used a negative in your life to help teach your child

Myrealana · Dec 2, 2012

Jamesaritchie said:
I'm not sure what to think. Failure is never success.

Tell that to the scientists who invented Teflon or Post-It adhesive.

My point is that my failures (so far) as a writer became (hopefully) successful parenting.

Failure can, indeed, be success, when used properly or viewed correctly.

MsJudy · Dec 2, 2012

"Failure" and "success" aren't really very helpful words, IMHO.

Getting a rejection, or even 1,000 rejections isn't failure unless you let it be. If you get depressed and stop trying, then it's a failure. If you keep working and getting better and trying again, then it's just a normal part of every creative process.

Getting accepted isn't necessarily a measure of "success," either. Where do you draw the line that says, Now I've done it? Get an agent, you still need a publisher. Get a publisher, you still need readers to buy the book. Get them to buy it, you still need to get everybody to buy the next one.

Jane Yolen has published more books than just about any other living American writer. And guess what? She still gets rejected. So is she a failure, or a success?

It all comes down to how you define it. Your son tried something he hadn't done before. That is a win, even if it didn't turn out the way he hoped.

Goldenleaves · Dec 2, 2012

If failure put a stop to every human effort we'd be living in the stone age still.

Failure as success

Myrealana

I aim to misbehave

Jamesaritchie

Brynn

Little1

Hakuna Matata

Myrealana

I aim to misbehave

MsJudy

Goldenleaves

Benefactor Member