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Cella
11-14-2012, 09:52 PM
...when you realize they weren't talking to you.

alleycat
11-14-2012, 09:54 PM
They say they're not talking about you, but really . . .

Well, I'm not suppose to say anything.

Kerosene
11-14-2012, 09:54 PM
...when that wasn't a fart.

cray
11-14-2012, 09:54 PM
and that the voices were in your head.

Cella
11-14-2012, 09:57 PM
when you don't know which eye to look at.

swachski
11-14-2012, 10:28 PM
...when you open your Christmas present, and it wasn't at all what you expected..

Six Alaric
11-14-2012, 10:54 PM
...when you hold the door for someone and they're just a bit too far away.

quickWit
11-14-2012, 11:31 PM
...when cray's kids call you 'new daddy'.

cray
11-14-2012, 11:40 PM
...when qw's wife calls you 'new daddy.'

quickWit
11-14-2012, 11:42 PM
Oh, yuck.

cray
11-14-2012, 11:43 PM
what?
i never said you had to call me that too.

swachski
11-14-2012, 11:46 PM
Are you my daddy?




oops... awkward..

IAMWRITER
11-14-2012, 11:50 PM
When you wave to that person you know...wait don't know...uhoh they're giving you a funny look...smile...oh god a glare...quick run.

This has not happened to me at all. Not yesterday. Not ever.

quickWit
11-14-2012, 11:50 PM
what?
i never said you had to call me that too.

So 'douchenozzle' still works for you, then?

NinaK
11-14-2012, 11:57 PM
What do you mean 'it broke'!

Cella
11-15-2012, 12:37 AM
When you thought you heard the safe word...

alleycat
11-15-2012, 12:47 AM
. . . when you ask someone when the baby is due . . . and it turns out she's not pregnant.

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 12:53 AM
...when you go to the Ladies Room and discover you've had spinach in your teeth ever since they brought out the appetizer.

Cella
11-15-2012, 12:56 AM
...when you're in the ladies' room and embarrassed to flush the toilet on account of the person next to you's phone conversation.

alleycat
11-15-2012, 12:58 AM
. . . when a guest rummages through your CD collection and finds you once bought a Wham CD.

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 12:58 AM
...when you're shouting at an event because the music is so loud and then it suddenly stops while you're in mid-sentence.

alleycat
11-15-2012, 01:00 AM
. . . when you realize you hit Reply All by mistake.

Cella
11-15-2012, 01:01 AM
...when you wait to speak until no one else is talking only to be interrupted because no one else can hear you.

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 01:07 AM
...when you realize your Mother-in-law just saw you gag and spit her "special casserole" into a napkin.

alleycat
11-15-2012, 01:10 AM
. . . when your son takes a photo of your vibrator and posts it on Facebook.*

*I have a friend whose son actually did that.

quickWit
11-15-2012, 01:12 AM
...when the chick whose rack you've been staring at while she babbles on and on about some inane topic realizes you're not really interested in her world views at all but have merely been acting interested so you can stare at her rack so she stops talking which snaps you out of it then you look up and realize she isn't even hawt but she's just got a killer rack.

Right? We've all been there, right?

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 01:14 AM
...when you realize you didn't press END CALL on the phone and your annoying friend heard you tell someone how you're so sick of her whining.

quickWit
11-15-2012, 01:15 AM
. . . when your son takes a photo of your vibrator and posts it on Facebook.*

*I have a friend whose son actually did that.

'a friend's' son...

Riiiight, AC.
:D

Cella
11-15-2012, 01:15 AM
. . . when your son takes a photo of your vibrator and posts it on Facebook.*

*I have a friend whose son actually did that.
:roll:

...when you realize you didn't press END CALL on the phone and your annoying friend heard you tell someone how you're so sick of her whining.

:roll:

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 01:19 AM
...when you throw that mystery container out of the office fridge and your co-worker asks if you've seen his lunch.

kayleamay
11-15-2012, 01:20 AM
When you're at a busy marketplace and you mention quietly (as not to be rude) to your husband that the guy who walked in after you seemed creepy. Then you look up and realize that you have no idea where your husband has gone but the creepy guy is standing over your shoulder smiling.

alleycat
11-15-2012, 01:22 AM
. . . when you're getting a prostate exam and notice the doctor has both hands free.

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 01:24 AM
^ Pevert!

Cella
11-15-2012, 01:24 AM
...when your preschooler won't stop loudly remarking on other people's physical appearance when in public.

shakeysix
11-15-2012, 01:26 AM
when you look down and notice that you are wearing mismatched shoes...again.--s6

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 01:27 AM
...when you're sitting in the Dr.'s office, and your elderly Father-in-Law keeps making sexist and racist comments about others in the waiting room.

(True story) http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon11.gif

Silent Rob
11-15-2012, 01:27 AM
...when you shake your hands and no jazz comes out.

kayleamay
11-15-2012, 01:30 AM
...or when you shake your muppet and it still won't be quiet.

Cella
11-15-2012, 01:37 AM
...when you shake your hands and no jazz comes out.

:roll:

alleycat
11-15-2012, 01:40 AM
. . . when you can't "perform" and you blame it on being worried about the economy.

alleycat
11-15-2012, 04:31 AM
I think I killed this thread.

My work is done here.

swachski
11-15-2012, 04:35 AM
I guess everyone is dumbstruck by your killer performance...




Whut?

alleycat
11-15-2012, 04:38 AM
I was worried about the economy and world peace.

archerjoe
11-15-2012, 04:56 AM
...you realize that even though you're wearing headphones, the whole office knows what you're listening to because you're singing along.

shakeysix
11-15-2012, 08:27 AM
Trying to convince my high school students that the old song on my i-pod is titled "One Toe Over the Line" and knowing they are not buying it --s6

Vito
11-15-2012, 08:26 PM
Trying to convince my high school students that the old song on my i-pod is titled "One Toe Over the Line" and knowing they are not buying it --s6

:ROFL:

IAMWRITER
11-15-2012, 08:36 PM
When you forget someone's name and call them the wrong name.

Cliff Face
11-16-2012, 01:45 AM
When you say something cogent and on-topic, only to discover that in the 5 minutes it took you to have an opinion, the discussion has since long moved on to something else.

OneTeam OneDream
11-16-2012, 01:51 AM
...when your girlfriend does something stupid and you text one of your friends to laugh about it....then realize you accidentally texted her about it...

rhymegirl
11-16-2012, 02:32 AM
...when the chick whose rack you've been staring at while she babbles on and on about some inane topic realizes you're not really interested in her world views at all but have merely been acting interested so you can stare at her rack so she stops talking which snaps you out of it then you look up and realize she isn't even hawt but she's just got a killer rack.

Right? We've all been there, right?

Nope.

druid12000
11-16-2012, 03:56 AM
...you just kicked butt on a particularly grueling job and start doing the 'Rocky' dance (arms raised, fists clenched, jogging in place and turning)...to find your boss standing watching you. :crazy: True story.

alleycat
11-16-2012, 04:14 AM
. . . when you write something mean about a particular teacher in a class yearbook . . . right before your friend then has said teacher sign it.

Gulp.

Yeah, guilty as charged on this one. I'm lucky I graduated out of geometry class that year.

Vito
11-16-2012, 05:58 AM
...when beautiful female members of AW send me private messages to say, "Hey, Vito...you are soooooo cute" and I have to tell them, "I'm sorry, that's not me; it's Chilly Willy." :Shrug:

archerjoe
11-16-2012, 06:16 AM
...you see your wife standing alone in the kitchen and give her butt a squeeze only to find out that's your mother-in-law wearing your wife's sweater

druid12000
11-16-2012, 06:32 AM
...when you're in a conversation with someone a social gathering and all other conversation stops, that abrupt lull that only seems to happen to me, just as you blurt out something: profane, idiotic, profound...doesn't matter. All eyes are now on you and you try to both take in the enormity of the situation and find something witty to say before 'that guy/girl' says, "wow, I thought that sort of thing only happened in movies." Sadly, another true story. Twice. :o

Silver King
11-16-2012, 07:17 AM
After being trained for a new job by one of the most likeable and decent persons I've ever met, I asked him who "that nasty, loud bitch" was in another department.

"That's my wife," he said.

druid12000
11-16-2012, 07:54 AM
After being trained for a new job by one of the most likeable and decent persons I've ever met, I asked him who "that nasty, loud bitch" was in another department.

"That's my wife," he said.

I am the king of gaffs and I almost went there years ago. I kept my mouth shut, for whatever reason (maybe my marbles were all off to one side in my brain). Still, I had that moment of 'I was about to say something reeeaaallly bad', afterward. Bullet dodged.

Jehhillenberg
11-16-2012, 09:04 AM
...when you reach to adjust or scratch and itch, do so for a while, and look up to find an audience. Very common, I feel.

Lavern08
11-19-2012, 01:50 AM
...when you reach out to fist-bump someone as they're turning and walking away.

AllieKat
11-19-2012, 05:16 AM
...fumbling to get my money out at the checkout, with everyone watching, and finding I only have thumbs today, and my wallet is apparently far too tiny and shaped for alien hands.

PorterStarrByrd
11-19-2012, 05:33 AM
when you thought it was safe to wipe haggis' greeting from your pantleg ...

hannahward07
11-19-2012, 06:07 PM
. . . when you write something mean about a particular teacher in a class yearbook . . . right before your friend then has said teacher sign it.

Gulp.

Yeah, guilty as charged on this one. I'm lucky I graduated out of geometry class that year.

That happened to me too - I have never felt so small.

...when you accidently send an embarrassing text to your mother.

Vito
11-19-2012, 06:33 PM
...when you forget to thank the shopper who offered to let you "take cuts" in the supermarket line, and they silently give you a look of sadness, anger, and disappointment when they see you in the store parking lot a few minutes later.

Lavern08
11-23-2012, 10:15 PM
...when the person who brought that nasty, mystery dish to Thanksgiving dinner catches you scraping it into the garbage disposal

Cliff Face
11-24-2012, 06:56 AM
...when you brought that nasty dish to dinner and it ran away with the spoon.

Ms_Sassypants
11-24-2012, 07:45 AM
...when you're talking to your crush on the phone at night and your brother walks in and farts out loud.

Cella
12-10-2012, 08:35 PM
...When your preschooler announces to a group of firemen that "Daddy's out of town tonight!"

Lavern08
12-10-2012, 08:58 PM
...when a client walks into the office with an armful of Christmas gifts for the accountants and didn't bring one for you, and she's the same client who expects you to bump her tax return to the top of the pile each and every year - although she waits until the last minute to bring her paperwork in.

Ok,

I'll stop now. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon11.gif

Cella
12-21-2012, 09:29 PM
When you can't find your glasses.

Cella
12-22-2012, 12:20 AM
...when you accidently report someone's post instead of leaving them a rep.

Cliff Face
12-22-2012, 12:21 AM
LOL, I think we have a winner. :tongue

Lavern08
02-28-2013, 12:00 AM
...when your boss walks up, looks over your shoulder and asks What's a Haggis?"

shakeysix
02-28-2013, 01:01 AM
When you are babysitting a 20 month old g-daughter at a fast food restaurant. Suddenly you realize that you have to make pee-pee. There's just the two of you, so you walk her into the RR and stand her in a corner next to your stall so you can keep an eye on her little red shoes. BUT while you are quietly whizzing, a lady in the next stall is having a violent battle with gas.
You watch in horror as the g-daughter's shoes walk to the noisy stall. Then you hear g-daughter hollering "Say Excuse me, Grammy!" and pounding on the lady's stall door!--s6

mirandashell
02-28-2013, 01:23 AM
When you realise that yeah, you did say it aloud.....

quickWit
02-28-2013, 01:41 AM
when you realize that smexay AWer you sent that smexay rep to is a dude.

*douchechill*

BradyH1861
02-28-2013, 03:37 AM
When you realize those WERE the droids you were looking for.

ebbrown
02-28-2013, 04:55 AM
When you're listening quietly to male coworkers talk about a certain porn site and you say "yeah, I loved that pic!"

scwaltz
02-28-2013, 06:30 AM
...when you wave at someone and they don't see you.

Cornelius Gault
02-28-2013, 08:47 AM
When you ask, "What's this gross moldy stuff on the cheese" and realize later that they are jalapen~o bits.
(really happened)

Cornelius Gault
02-28-2013, 08:49 AM
When you say something politically incorrect (semi-racist) quite by accident and notice that someone in the group meets that criteria.

Robbert
02-28-2013, 03:48 PM
...when you realize you've been talking over the phone while the line was dead

ebbrown
02-28-2013, 05:55 PM
...when a patient rips me a new one because I was not fast enough getting her rubber-toed socks and finally I tell her it's because I gave the last pair to the man who just died in the next room.

Lavern08
05-09-2013, 07:06 PM
...when you put someone on speakerphone and they repeat something "unflattering" you said about one of the listeners.