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victoriajakes
10-24-2012, 09:02 AM
Revised request below!

Hey everybody! I'm looking for some beta readers and figured it couldn't hurt to ask here.

I'm currently 3/4 of the way through a rewrite of my literary horror novel THE SERPENT ROOM. You can see me suffering in Query Letter Hell here (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=251185), though be warned for spoilers and perhaps some misrepresentation of the real plot.

Here's a spoiler-free blurb:

Emily Price saw the devil in her house and lit a fire to keep him warm.

Twelve years of psychiatric medication later, Emily is the nanny for the eccentric, wealthy O'Connor family, at their isolated beach house. Emily feels a strange connection with them, even as they drink enough to put a liquor store out of business and take their fucking with a side of blood and bruises. But as she uncovers the family's demonic secrets, she fears for her life. And the only way to save herself is to go off the medication, risk her sanity, and summon the devil. Assuming he was ever there to begin with.


This is a WIP, though it is a second draft, and has gone through some polishing. I have 90,000 words ready to go to a reader now, and I estimate this draft will be 140,000 at most, finished by the end of November. It's far too long. I appreciate the time commitment for anyone willing to take this on. There is no rush at all.

I'm looking for someone to:
-give general feedback on structure, character development, pacing, etc.
-help me cut down the word count significantly
-help me isolate the main conflict/guide me on the query letter.

This book includes gore, explicit sex, dubious consent, incest, torture, and a very long Fourth of July party.

Send me a PM if you're interested and I'll send you the first two chapters. If you like it, and I find your feedback helpful, we can go from there. If not, no hard feelings.

Thanks!

ETA: Brutally honest is okay by me, but I'd like some good with the bad. A little positive re-enforcement goes a long way for me.

victoriajakes
04-28-2013, 02:02 AM
Hey everybody!
In the six months since I posted that first beta request, I have completed a third (polished) draft of my horror novel, THE SERPENT ROOM. I'm looking for beta readers now before I begin querying agents.

Here's a blurb about the plot: (though summarizing is one of the things I need help with!)

One summer. 24/7 care. 100,000 dollars upon completion. These are the terms Michael O'Connor gives Emily Price when he offers her a nannying job. When Emily sees the remote beach house and meets silent, six-year-old Anastasia, she figures this might be the easiest way out of debt ever, and a chance to get away from her dark past. But the eccentric O'Connor family has some skeletons of their own. A bloody history, hidden away in the beach house. As Emily discovers more and more of the family's ghosts, she realizes the secrets of the O'Connor family are not so different from her own. 100 grand for the whole summer. If she survives.

ETA: The Serpent Room is the twisted romance of Rebecca meets the paranormal mystery of The Witching Hour, with the humor of American Horror Story.

This book includes gore, explicit sex, dubious consent, incest, torture, and a very long Fourth of July party.

This draft is 119,000 words. I'd scratch the literary and just call it horror, or maybe paranormal mystery. A great beach read is my goal. I'm looking for general feedback, as I've already got someone to do line-by-line.

If you are interested, I'll send you the first two chapters. If it seems like your kinda thing, I'll send the rest, if not, no hard feelings. I'd like to start querying in June/July, so I'd prefer someone who feels like they can read it in the next month or two, but I'm flexible.

Reply here, or send me a PM.

Thanks!

Voyager
04-28-2013, 02:19 AM
If I get into it, it should only take me a day or two to read, barring interruptions, so yeah, I'll give it a try if you'd like.

victoriajakes
04-28-2013, 02:24 AM
Great! I'll send you a PM.

FionnJameson
04-28-2013, 05:00 AM
This sounds right up my alley, actually...

>.> I could probably get this finished by tomorrow night. If you could send me a couple of chapters to check out, I'd love to help out!

victoriajakes
04-28-2013, 05:23 AM
Awesome! I'll send you a PM.

FionnJameson
04-28-2013, 10:11 AM
GUYS. YOU NEED TO READ THIS. OMFG, I KID YOU NOT.

victoriajakes
04-28-2013, 10:32 PM
Someone reacted to my writing on the internet with "OMFG". Life goal achieved!! :D

Voyager
04-28-2013, 10:38 PM
GUYS. YOU NEED TO READ THIS. OMFG, I KID YOU NOT.
I know, right?

FionnJameson
04-29-2013, 02:54 AM
T_T I'm weeping with joy. You've made my night with demons who are sexy AND totally psychotic.

victoriajakes
04-29-2013, 03:31 AM
Y'all are making me blush :Hug2:

judes
05-02-2013, 01:00 AM
Your story sounds very interesting! I would love to read it and give you some feedback, but do you still need a reader? Or do you have the comments you need already?

victoriajakes
05-02-2013, 01:53 AM
I'll send you a PM!

Sagana
05-02-2013, 02:48 AM
Someone reacted to my writing on the internet with "OMFG". Life goal achieved!! :D

I am *sooooo* jealous :) And tempted to ask to beta your story because I just want to read something that has accomplished this life goal, but if I pick up anything more to read, I won't write, so I won't.

But I had to post to say dang, go you!!! And please let me know when it's published, because I am so buying this.

victoriajakes
05-02-2013, 02:54 AM
I am *sooooo* jealous :) And tempted to ask to beta your story because I just want to read something that has accomplished this life goal, but if I pick up anything more to read, I won't write, so I won't.

But I had to post to say dang, go you!!! And please let me know when it's published, because I am so buying this.

Thank you!! Hopefully, that day will come. Fingers crossed and all that. :D

Moonchild
05-02-2013, 06:31 AM
Sounds like something I could get into... I don't know how quickly I can do it, but I'll be happy to help if you're still looking for betas. :-) PM me and let me know!

victoriajakes
05-02-2013, 11:45 PM
I'll send you a PM! And for anyone else interested, I'd still take one or two readers. Just trying to get as many opinions as possible at this stage!

Dylan_Perry
05-13-2013, 04:49 AM
The novel sounds interesting! Send me a PM if you're still looking for beta's. :)