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View Full Version : Beta for YA Steampunk



kmary0622
10-22-2012, 01:06 AM
I'm looking for someone to give me feedback on my YA novel MOONCHILD. I am willing to swap, I have no problems giving feedback as well and helping others (that's how we all learn), but only if someone really is committed to helping me as well. I've already tried this with one other person and put a lot of time an energy into their work, typing up pages of notes, only to get nothing in return. If you're interested please let me know. Here are the first few paragraphs:



I pull out the small compact I keep in my pocket and open it, smiling at my reflection as I check my hair. I know itís dumb; no one cares what I look like but me. But I canít help it, Iím vain and I like to look nice. Even in this violent, messed-up world. I donít mind kicking a few asses, hell I even enjoy it a little, as long as I get to look good doing it.

ďWhat are you doing?Ē Dex asks, walking into the room behind me. ďGetting ready for a night on the town?Ē

I give him the finger without even glancing his way, tucking an out-of-place hair back up into my ponytail before closing the compact. Once thatís done I immediately pull my goggles down to cover my eyes and tie a handkerchief around my nose and mouth, ruining the work I just did. I grab my favorite vest and put it on, filling the pockets with my small collection of knives and throwing stars, along with the tiny gun that I own. Itís small and only carries one bullet, but itís come in handy on more than one occasion.

Now armed and covered to protect myself from the coal dust, Iím ready to go. I follow Dex down the crumbling halls of the current building weíre squatting in, heading out to the ruined city of Athens. I step cautiously once we reach the first floor, the rotten wood sinking beneath my feet. Itís a lot more damaged than the one weíre living on, and the hall is littered with debris from years of neglect. Like most of the buildings around here, this one isnít in great shape. But after years of living on the streets weíve mastered the art of picking out buildings that are still safe enough to live in.

My body tenses when I step outside, and I have to shield my eyes just a little. Iím not used to the light. Afraid of getting caught, I typically like to sleep during the day and go out looking for supplies at night. Itís how Iíve always been and itís served me well over the years. Dex and Turk talked me into going out today though. Iím still not totally sure how they did it, because just the thought of running around the city during the day has my stomach twisting into knots.