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Gehanna
01-19-2006, 09:34 PM
Is it easier to change your perceptions in order to change your reactions OR is it easier to change your reactions in order to change your perceptions?

I already have an opinion but it isn't my opinion I am after.

Sincerely,
psy7ven

William Haskins
01-19-2006, 09:38 PM
example?

Gehanna
01-19-2006, 09:48 PM
I have no example to offer. Try to consider the question in terms of process rather than in terms of externals.

psy7ven

Shadow_Ferret
01-19-2006, 09:52 PM
I'm not sure I understand the question without any examples. I'm just wondering why I'm changing either my perceptions or my reactions.

maestrowork
01-19-2006, 09:53 PM
Me: easier to change my reactions

EXAMPLE: Some one close to you says something unkind and you feel betrayed (perception) and you lash out (reaction)...

Gehanna
01-19-2006, 09:56 PM
For me it is the same, maestrowork.

maestrowork
01-19-2006, 09:59 PM
Another example: You mother just said that you were a no good sumabiatch. You feel hurt and you scream back at your mother.

A. Change perception in order to change reaction:
You force yourself to realize that your mother is under a lot of stress and that she doesn't really mean what she said -- so you relax and let it go...

B. Change reaction in order to change perception:
You force yourself to not respond to your mother (and just walk away), and by doing so you realize your mother can't hurt you or affect you... that you still love her no matter what.

Gehanna
01-19-2006, 10:04 PM
Thank You Maestrowork for elaborating. :) It helps, considerably, to have someone who can understand me and who can help others understand me. :Hug2:

Sincerely,
psy7ven

maestrowork
01-19-2006, 10:15 PM
Haskins, why delete your post? I think your examples were very good.

It reminds me of 9/11... how some people reacted to the same event differently than others. E.g. One wife was vengeful while the other was forgiving... Same event, different perspectives, different reactions.

Cathy C
01-19-2006, 10:42 PM
I think it's easier to first change your reaction until you can UNDERSTAND your perception.

Example: Your boss tells you that he wants the report on his desk by tomorrow morning. Your initial reaction is to tell him eff off and go to h-e-double hockey sticks.

But you don't know WHY.

Changing that reaction and keeping silent allows you time to discover that his request annoyed you because a) you already had plans for the evening that DIDN'T include writing a report and b) you're sick of this dead end job.

But as you think about the issue for itself, it wasn't that strange of a request because the meeting that the report is FOR is just after lunch, so of course he'd need it in the morning. The request didn't have anything to do with either of your concerns. It just sparked a negative reaction that comes from other underlying reasons.

Changing your perception comes slowly, but changing your reaction can happen immediately.

blisswriter
01-19-2006, 11:06 PM
Is it easier to change your perceptions in order to change your reactions OR is it easier to change your reactions in order to change your perceptions?

I already have an opinion but it isn't my opinion I am after.

Sincerely,
psy7ven

For me it's easier to change my perceptions in order to change my reactions. I think, and then I do.

Gehanna
01-19-2006, 11:08 PM
Why did William take away his response? .. William, why did you take away your reponse?

It may not matter much to you but, I happen to think very highly of you and I wanna know what you have to say. I wanna know what's on your mind, (insert my favorite cuss word).

Cathy C said:

I think it's easier to first change your reaction until you can UNDERSTAND your perception.

I agree.

psy7ven

StoryG27
01-19-2006, 11:14 PM
Haskins, why did you delete your post????

You made me de-lurk on a philosophical thread to ask this...so you better have a much better answer than the one in the above 'reason for deleting.'

I like your POV on the topic. I love reading differing opinions. How are people like me supposed to expand our knowledge and understanding if smart, philosophical people (like the ones posting here, including you Haskins) delete their posts???

Please, don't contribute to aspiring author degeneracy. It is a big enough epidemic without your help.

reph
01-19-2006, 11:22 PM
According to the ABC principle of cognitive psychologists' theory, you can break into a cycle at any of three points – affect (emotion), behavior, cognition. Making a change in one will change the others.

I'm more comfortable if my behavior flows from my thoughts and feelings than if I make myself do something inconsistent with them. I can't say I've tested the procedure of changing a reaction and watching what happens to my perception.

Shadow_Ferret
01-19-2006, 11:32 PM
Another example: You mother just said that you were a no good sumabiatch. You feel hurt and you scream back at your mother.

A. Change perception in order to change reaction:
You force yourself to realize that your mother is under a lot of stress and that she doesn't really mean what she said -- so you relax and let it go...

B. Change reaction in order to change perception:
You force yourself to not respond to your mother (and just walk away), and by doing so you realize your mother can't hurt you or affect you... that you still love her no matter what.

Pardon my own perceptions, but I perceive these to be the same. Just worded differently.

Gehanna
01-19-2006, 11:34 PM
The reason I started this thread is because I was writing again!! I was writing!! This is a break through for me... to be writing again.

I am working on a presentation about stress. As I was writing, I was contemplating what the nature of stress is. From there, I began to contemplate and write about stress reactions and from there, I ended up here with this question.

It is important that I receive as many opinions as possible. I need opinions and different perspectives. I need people and their uniqueness.

How can I do what I need to do, what I want to do, if I only have my opinions to go on?

Come back Haskins. I need you.

For anyone who has ever had an opinion about one of my questions, I need you and your opinions. Please respond.

argh...now I'm all passionate again. There is a fine line between my passions and my aggressions. Don't make me get aggressive Haskins! lol :D

Sincerely,
psy7ven

alleycat
01-20-2006, 12:23 AM
My first thought would be something along the lines of…first becoming fully aware of my reaction to a situation, then mentally “processing” how I’ve reacted (acceptably? badly?), then modifying my reaction and/or perception as need be (assuming I’m capable of doing that).

Example:

a) Someone makes me mad as hell (as this point I’m on “automatic pilot” -- "*&#*$@*#").
b) I begin to react angrily (which may not be healthy for one or both of us).
c) My body makes me quite consciously aware of my reaction (flight or fight), plus my pea-size brain kicks into gear.
d) I reconsider how I’m reacting and change it according (or maybe not); this may including reconsidering how I perceived the situation to begin with ("Cool down, hothead.")

ac

Gehanna
01-20-2006, 12:26 AM
For those of you who respond, will you also please identify if you are an introvert or an extrovert.

Wish I had thought to mention that earlier.

psy7ven

"See God, this is why I need help. I can't think of everything."

alleycat
01-20-2006, 12:33 AM
Since they're on a writing forum, assume they're introverts, unless proven otherwise. It's kind of like assuming an oil man is a Republican....

maestrowork
01-20-2006, 12:42 AM
Pardon my own perceptions, but I perceive these to be the same. Just worded differently.

It's not the same. Cause vs. effect. The outcome might have been the same, but the processes are not.

Cathy C
01-20-2006, 01:00 AM
For those of you who respond, will you also please identify if you are an introvert or an extrovert.


I'm both, actually. I'm introverted enough not to NEED constant companionship, but extroverted enough to enjoy it when it's there.


As I was writing, I was contemplating what the nature of stress is. From there, I began to contemplate and write about stress reactions and from there, I ended up here with this question.


The nature of stress is fear. It is two-fold. One cause of stress is fear of the unknown. We fear the result of things that are bigger than us, that are life ending or altering -- death, terrorism, sickness, pregnancy, job reviews/critiques, discovery of hidden crimes/secrets/mistakes.

The second cause of stress is overcommitment. Too many jobs, too many hats to wear. The fear that you'll disappoint, or forget something important, injure/disappoint someone who counted on you.

If you don't fear, you don't stress. Simple enough! :)

Yeshanu
01-20-2006, 06:20 AM
I'm an introvert, though a mild one (like Cathy, I enjoy the company when it's there, but I need to be alone for significant periods of time.) I find that the best way for me to de-stress or calm down is to change my perceptions first, and my changed actions flow from my changed perceptions.

And I agree with Cathy. When I find myself stressed or angry (are they really two different things?) I eventually realize that buried somewhere there is fear.
I realized this one day when I started pulling apart my reasons for being stressed, and my thoughts went something like this: I need this job. If I don't get this job, I won't have enough money to pay the rent. Then I'll be out on the street, and I'll end up begging, and I won't have enough to eat, and it's cold out there, and I'll die. And I realized how silly that sounded, and set out to change.

I found that dealing with the fear -- by changing perceptions, or by devising alternate plans of action -- is the only way for me to totally de-stress.

So, examples:

I'm in traffic, and someone cuts me off. My immediate reaction is to swear and hold up my middle finger. I'm always ashamed when I do this, as it isn't the way I want to be in the world. So in order to increase my generosity towards the other driver, I will think of reasons why he or she would have done that, or think of all the times I've done something stupid in the car myself, and especially of the at-fault accident I had where the other driver (a young male) was so kind and generous that by the time the police officer came, the story he told made me seem like a perfect driver. :) I use this kid as my model of good driver behavior.

Or if I'm stressed about money or job or something else, my initial reaction is to break down and cry. But that doesn't help, so I look for alternatives. If I don't like my job, but I need to work to pay the bills, I think up a dozen things (legal things... ;) ) I can do to earn money. Usually one or more of the ideas I come up with in this brainstorming session is so attractive that I act on it.

I had to do this just today, when an interview I had didn't go as I had expected. I'm now feeling more excited about my future than I have in months...

Hope this helps.

Gehanna
01-20-2006, 07:12 AM
KTC, you make me happy. :)

I am glad you are my friend and my editor. Speaking of which, I'm working on this presentation and I will need you again.

I managed to write 3 whole paragraphs today lol ..

louisgodwin
01-20-2006, 10:19 AM
I have always been able to easily change how I react to things if said thing happens to me often enough.

mkcbunny
01-20-2006, 10:23 AM
Reaction first. For the reasons Ray and Cathy C noted. I don't think I need to add to their comments. As for the intro/extrovert question, I would have to say introvert.

Carole
01-20-2006, 02:49 PM
I've done this. Changing my reaction can change my perception eventually. Thing is, changing my perception in that way is just not letting my own emotions to get involved so that I can see the thing for what it really is - no added baggage of my own.

Example: Deliberately not freaking out when asked to ride a roller coaster has changed the way I perceive riding one. I still HATE them, but I'm not scared to death if my boys drag me on one.

maestrowork
01-20-2006, 08:07 PM
That's a great example, Carole. It's easier to try to not freak out, then eventually realizing it's really not that bad. It's harder to try to see that "roller-coasters are not scary" first in hopes of not freaking out...

;)

Marbleeyes
01-20-2006, 08:13 PM
For me I have to work on changing perceptions then the reaction follows