Terrible Bookstore Stories

I'll be here all day ranting if you let me, so I'm going to keep it brief.

- I already mentioned Breadstick Man in the book-returning thread

- Trevor the Racist was a pig of a man who'd come in to buy his Daily Mail and, depending on his mood, would either fire off racist diatribes at anyone in earshot (Barnet, the place I worked at the time, is a very white middle-class area, so not much chance of actually confronting a 'coloured' with his foul rants) or he'd be verbally abusive. He'd intimidate the older members of staff and for those of us he couldn't intimidate, he'd turn physically abusive - like the time he crept up behind me while I was shelving books, grabbed hold of my ponytail and pulled me halfway across the shop floor. The worst part? My boss was too much of a coward to bar him from the shop, and we had to get the stockroom fella to chase Trevor off whenever he came in.

- Mothers who'd buy their little darlings GCSE revision guides and attempt to return them after the exams finished. "Oh, it was for the wrong exam board," they'd tell us, though the book had clearly been read (creased spine, dogeared cover - "it was like that when I bought it!") If we dared suggest they were trying to pull a fast one they'd write snotty letters to the boss.

- The inevitable idiot customer who'd come in looking for a book.
Me: Do you know what the name of the book is?
Idiot: No
Me: Okay. Who's it by?
Idiot: I don't know.
Me: .....okay. Do you know what it's about? Is it fiction or non-fiction?
Idiot: I'm not sure.
Me:.....what do you know about this book?
Idiot: It's got a blue cover.

- On a related note, we once had a woman come in who had been browsing the 'tragic life stories' section (yes, we had a section specially dedicated to misery porn, oh the shame) She came to the till and asked the following question:
"Do you have any books about a little boy who dies of cancer?"
Amazingly, one of the staff knew of a recently-released book about a little girl who dies of leukaemia, so she suggested it. The follow up question?
"Is it sad?"

- The customer who tried to get a discount on a coffee-stained book. All very well and good, but he was the one who spilled coffee on it in the first place.

I'll have to ask Mr Crunchy if he remembers any other stories....

Hah, great one Amadan

There was one guy who would come in drunk as a skunk and run around touching people's heads. He'd do this to adults, children and anyone he could manage to get close enough to. Then, he'd freak out on them and exclaim that whatever book they happened to be holding or looking at was, THE BEST BOOK IN THE WHOOOOLE UNIVERSE!

Needless to say I called the cops every time he'd try to enter. A few of our bulkier guy employees had to restrain him every now and again. No matter how many times we'd ban him he'd just keep coming back.


There was also a lady who had a little yippy dog as 'a medical comanion' who she would let off the leash in the store. It would run around the isles and jump all over the customers. She eventually was asked not to return if she was going to bring it with her after it peed on the floor. I have no problems with companion pets in public places, BUT DON'T TAKE IT OFF THE LEASH!

Aaaaand the final story for now: There is a lady who's picture is hanging up in the manager's office so all the employees knew who she is. She'd come in, buy 3-5 books at a time, read them and bring every one back a few days later. There was not a single book she bought that she wouldn't bring back, including books with Wal-mart stickers, Target receipts and other proof she got them from other stores. She'd throw huge hissy fits if we didn't refund her money for the OTHER store's books because we were a book business and we should be greatful for another book to sell to someone else.

- The inevitable idiot customer who'd come in looking for a book.
Me: Do you know what the name of the book is?
Idiot: No
Me: Okay. Who's it by?
Idiot: I don't know.
Me: .....okay. Do you know what it's about? Is it fiction or non-fiction?
Idiot: I'm not sure.
Me:.....what do you know about this book?
Idiot: It's got a blue cover.

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I'm fairly certain that type of customer exists at every business. I've worked in both video stores (back when such an animal existed) and craft stores, and I've encountered this particular beast in both places. The video store customer usually had a very similar conversation, trying to describe one of the actors or actresses in the film ("It had that guy, he had this hair..." Amazingly enough, I actually GOT that one). The craft store people were utter nightmares. "I bought some fabric here a few years ago, it was blue, it had flowers on it, do you have more of it?" Um, that's like half of our stock, I have no way to do a search for 'blue with flowers,' you'll just have to go look. *Customer stomps off in a huff, muttering about incompetent staff*

At least working customer service has taught me how NOT to act in a store.

Damn. There are some crazy people out there! Thank you so much for making this thread.

My only complaint is that I want crazy stories from ALL types of jobs now, too.

CrastersBabies said:

Damn. There are some crazy people out there! Thank you so much for making this thread.

My only complaint is that I want crazy stories from ALL types of jobs now, too.

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Oh, I could give you some crazy stories from working in a hospital (the infamous 'stool sample in a plastic bag' story holds up well...)

CrastersBabies said:

Damn. There are some crazy people out there! Thank you so much for making this thread.

My only complaint is that I want crazy stories from ALL types of jobs now, too.

Click to expand...

OK! I worked part time at a local nature reserve. They had wild Konik ponies to graze the reserve which was great as they kept the grass low and fertilized it at the same time. I opened the coffee shop at ten in the morning and on one morning a very irate woman stormed in. I'd already served a few customers who were sitting eating and drinking. She came up to the bar and asked in a very loud voice,
"Where are the ponies?"
To which I replied, "on the fen."
"Yes, I know that! But where, exactly, are they?"
"I don't know, they are wild and move about."
"Well, you ought to know and they ought to be tethered so we can see them!"
"I don't think tethering wild animals would be allowed here."
"They ought to be tethered!" She shouted at me. She stomped out.

The craziest thing . . . a farmer phoned up one morning and asked me if either of the rangers were in, and if they weren't could I give him their phone numbers as he needed to contact them urgently. I knew he was a farmer who had grazing rights on the fen, so gave him the only number I had. About half an hour later one of the rangers arrived and asked me if I'd seen the farmer. I hadn't, so he went out to find him. By this time I was really curious about what was going on. About an a hour later the ranger came back to centre and asked for a very large mug of very strong coffee. He then told me that the day before the farmer had collected some cows as they were about to give birth. He had taken them back to his farm and put them in a barn and gone to bed. At some time in the early hours of the morning he was woken up by the local constabulary banging on his door and telling him that one of his cows was walking down a main road and could he please do something about it. He did, and then realized that she had given birth. Later that morning he realized that he would have to take the cow back to the fen so she could find her calf. Only he couldn't because he had lent the trailer to the ranger. They did find the calf and all was well. The ranger was somewhere between laughing and exasperation. He wanted to know why the farmer had not realized that the cow had given birth. He said "You know, one day there is a huge lump in your cow and the next day there isn't. How can you not notice?"

Great stories.

But sometimes the people who work in bookstores are annoying. I suppose I'm thinking of the cooler-than-thou hipsters.

I have been known to do the "I'm looking for a book. Forget what it's called or who wrote it" thing, just for a laugh.

I worked in a bookstore part-time for a few years. It was great - except I bought so many books - books that I'd never have time to read, but looked interesting when a customer brought it to the counter. Ring it up for him, go get one for me. If I wanted to make extra money, I should have worked in place where I'd never buy the stock. Bookstore customers, for the most part, were wonderful - what's not to like about someone who buys books?

But we had customers who brought in briefcases and stuffed them full of books then tried to walk out. Customers who would buy a book, exchange it a few days later for another, then exchange that one a few days later - went on for several months - management was very tolerant but at some point they said no more.

And as someone else mentioned, the customer who comes in looking for the blue book that was on that table over there a few months ago - no, don't remember title, or author or what it was even about - but it was blue and on that table!

And people who dropped off their little kids to play while they went somewhere else. We called the cops one day about it and that was a mess.

And now I work in a hospital ER and have all sorts of stories - people are just rude and oblivious to what's going on - I'm desensitized to cries of pain, sounds of vomiting, and most smells now, but there's an endless parade of patients and visitors who astound me.

"Why is that man (apparently having a heart attack with a lot of visual / audible signs) going first? I've been waiting."

"Because we prioritize in terms of urgency. Minor care (twisted ankle) sometimes has to wait."

"But I was here first! And I'm going to a movie so I need to get in now!"

And what I usually say then is, "Really, you DON'T want to be the one who gets taken back right away in an ER." And look at them until they realize what I mean, and shuffle away, although they're usually still muttering.

Ah, don't get me started. I'll write all day on the ER events.

juniper said:

And as someone else mentioned, the customer who comes in looking for the blue book that was on that table over there a few months ago - no, don't remember title, or author or what it was even about - but it was blue and on that table!

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Although I have to admit, I can get that book for the customer about 80% of the time. Two nights ago, "There was a book about Obama's second term, I think? It was on the front table." "FOOL ME TWICE?" "Not sure." "It's in current affairs; let me show you."

It was the right book.

I dare you to try that on Amazon.

We have a guy who comes in almost every night and we all know him by name. And he complains about everything, while telling us he realizes that endcaps, the merchandise in our store (we've eliminated almost all CDs), the titles that are on tables aren't things we employees get to decide. But he still complains about them to us. Every night.

Go home, dude. I'm just here to put books back on the shelf.

And then there was last month, when we lost our entire shelf of Israeli history because someone sat a coffee on the shelf and it spilled on all of the books. Since then, I've been telling customers they can't put their coffee on shelves or on a promo table but they're welcome to put it on the floor. "But then it might spill." "Yes, but it will spill on the carpet and we just clean the carpet instead of having to take a financial loss on it."

I read this on Twitter the other day:

Customer to barista: Excuse me, this album has looped three times.
Barista: Then maybe you should work in a real office?

crunchyblanket said:

Oh, I could give you some crazy stories from working in a hospital (the infamous 'stool sample in a plastic bag' story holds up well...)

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A friend of mine used to do intake at an emergency room. She had a plethora of stories . . . especially those that involved people putting odd things in their rears.

People are dumbasses in general. The "leaving the kids" in the bookstore for the employees to watch is rage-worthy. As a customer, I walked into Borders, went up the stairs to the 2nd story looking for a CD, and saw a 2-year-old toddle to the edge of the stairs (repeatedly) while the mom chatting on the cell phone. Each time the toddler got near the stairs, she yelled at him. "STAY AWAY from the stairs. JESUS."

As I was leaving, I started down the stairs and felt something fall against the back of my legs, almost knocking ME down. It was the kid. He'd fallen and started to cry something awful (poor thing, who wouldn't?). And had I not been there? Holy cow. I picked him up (to hell with any parent telling me NOT to touch their child when they fall ON me down a set of stairs), and told the mother if she didn't want to watch her child, I'd happily call CPS for her. She told me to "F*** off," grabbed her kid and left.

My husband used to work in the restaurant industry and one of the biggest hazards was kids left unattended to run around, underfoot, while people carried scalding hot liquids, fajita skillets and knives.

As for my own stories, I'll share someday about my stint as a 1-900 Tarot reader. God, do I have some tales.

There have been several occasions where I've had to pour hot coffee down myself to avoid spilling it over a small child who is running wild in a cafe.

I currently work in a lab just off an antenatal clinic. I know parenthood is exhausting, and I'm sure it's even more exhausting when you've got another on the way, but for the love of all that is good please don't let your child run around unsupervised because one day soon, they're going to run into me, and I'm going to spill the entire box of urine samples and blood tubes over them.

TBH, kids is one of the main reasons I wait do to my grocery shopping until after 11pm or (or go to Walmart). Last winter I watched a kid who was standing in the cart fall out head first and crack his skull on the cement outside of a store. On top of that his idiot dad had been talking on a cell phone and had walked right in front of a moving car that had to hit the breaks hard to stop from hitting them. It nearly gave me and everyone else watching heart attacks! The guy picked the kid up by the arm, despite his bleeding head, and sat him back in the cart until the ambulance came.

At the bookstore I worked at I can't tell you how many times our booksellers in the children's department would bring boxes full of kids books to the back room damaged pile because parents would let the toddlers suck and chew on them. If you let your kid drool on it, buy the damn book! They're not pacifiers to keep your kid quiet while you look for what you want!

Instead of a terrible bookstore story, I'm gonna post a happy positive lift-your-spirits bookstore story.

When I was in college I worked as a textbook clerk in the campus bookstore. One weekday evening in the store, shortly before the 7:00 p.m. night classes would begin, I noticed a well-dressed late-twentysomething man silently leaning against the bookshelves in a corner of the store. He looked like a mannequin: petrified, frozen, and blank-faced. The store was extremely busy that evening, and it seemed strange that this guy was perched like a statue while customers swirled all around him. So I decided to walk over and see what was going on.

As I approached, employee name-tag positioned prominently on my stylish blue employee vest, his face relaxed and he seemed to be breathing a sigh of relief. He said, "You work here, right?" I answered, "Yeah, how can I help you?" He then gave me a very quick rundown about how he had split his pants while reaching down to the bottom shelf for a textbook he needed to purchase. His story ended with these words: "Hey man, I just reached right down there and RIP! My pants tore right down the seam in the back. I'm afraid to walk, just in case my pants rip open even more or fall down completely. My boxers are showing in the back, I think."

I'm known for being a fast thinker, a problem solver, a fixer. In short, a "doer", not a "dreamer". So I quickly walked to the store's delivery staging area, grabbed an empty canvas-covered mail cart, and pulled it through the aisles back to where the man was standing. I told him to climb into the cart when nobody else was looking. He carefully rolled himself into the cart and ducked down, to avoid prying customer eyes. Then I discretely pushed the cart back to the staging area. When we got there I took a large stapler from a shelf and handed it to him. "Go into a stall in the employee restroom, take off your pants, and staple 'em back together", I instructed. A few minutes later he emerged from the restroom and said, "Hey, it worked! I stapled 'em back together, nice and tight. Now I'm gonna walk over to McCarthy Hall for my night class. Hope those staples hold out, if you know what I mean! Thanks for the help, man!"

CrastersBabies said:

Damn. There are some crazy people out there! Thank you so much for making this thread.

My only complaint is that I want crazy stories from ALL types of jobs now, too.

Click to expand...

The crazy stories from tech support will frighten you far too much to share

This isn't a terrible story so much as an explanation of how to foster an addiction.

When I was 12 or so there was a little card shop where they had a small selection of books specially ordered by the owner's son-in-law who was the manager.

It was summer, I had five dollars of birthday money to buy a book, and we were about to go camping in Maine. He sold me Ursula LeGuin's Earthsea Trilogy (A Wizard of Earthsea, The Tombs of Atuan, and The Farthest Shore).

I didn't have quite enough money for all three books, but he told me he would "cover" for me for the extra (it was not much), and if I didn't love them, he'd buy them back.

I loved them of course.

He also hand-sold me Dragonsong and Dragonsinger, and Dragonflight and Dragon Quest, among many other books.

I love bookstores. Had a lot of books recommended to me by very knowledgable assistants.

My mom used to work at B&N. she had a lot of the "Do you have that book...about the guy...the cover is red?" One lady came in and asked for a book called "E.R. Dragon".
Mom: "Eragon. Yes, we have it over..."
Weird Lady: "No no no. E.R. Dragon. It's a kids book. The cover is blue. It's really popular."
Mom, gesturing extravagantly at a large blue display of large blue Eragon hardbacks: Eragon!
Weird Lady: So you don't have E.R. Dragon.
Mom: No, sorry.

The lady went home, having failed to find, I don't know, a children's medical drama about a dragon.

Once I was on call at the hospital here in Iqaluit, and sure enough, ER had a patient who needed blood work done late at night. I went in to draw his blood. The patient was an (apparently) unconscious man tied to a bed, but someone had tied his right wrist to his left elbow, covering the vein there, and with his right arm bent I couldn't see that vein either. So I asked the nurse if she could release one of his arms.

The moment she did that the guy came to life, groaned, "Fuuuuck youuuuu!" and tried to hit me.

He was too drunk to be well-coordinated but I leaped back anyway, because I was not risking a needlestick injury. Another ER nurse came running in and asked if I wanted her to draw the blood, so I gladly handed the needle over. So one nurse held him down and the second one drew his blood while he made incoherent noises interspersed with a few more fuck yous for good measure.

Then as she finished, the ER nurse looked over at me (still keeping a safe distance) and said, "Don't worry, he works here."

Some good material to be had in the Brit-com series Black Books.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Books

I used to work at an adult bookstore.

I win.

Lock. Thread.