Would it be inappropriate to ask this friend to beta for me?

ardenbird · Sep 22, 2012

So I have a friend -- not close, but more than an aquaintance -- who is an editor at a major publisher in my genre. We used to live near by and were closer friends then, but reconnected through Facebook. She has gotten this job in the interim.

I'm wondering if it is inappropriate to ask her to beta for me, now that this sort of thing is like her job (she doesn't read slush, but works with their established authors and does a lot of marketing stuff). If I asked, I would be sure to say, "I know this might be too close to work for you, so I completely understand if you don't want to."

In addition to asking a few targetted friends, I'm planning a call-out on Facebook for betas. So I could instead just let her see that, and leave it up to her to volunteer. I'm actually leaning more towards this, but I thought I'd canvas opinion in case I was being silly at passing up this opportunity to use my industry connection.

Aurelee · Sep 22, 2012

I would ask her, the worst that can happen is she says no.
The facebook thing, hmm, what if she doesn't see it? Then you can't exactly mail her afterwards and ask again in case she did see it and just didn't want to. Would be quite obvious and awkward.

leahzero · Sep 22, 2012

I say go ahead and ask her directly, with the caveat you used above. As Aurelee said, the worst that can happen is she says no.

If you try to passive-aggressively get her interest via Facebook, she may wonder why you didn't ask her directly, or she may be too busy to even see the post, or a myriad other reasons.

Just ask!

juliatheswede · Sep 28, 2012

Hi Ardenbird.

I would definitely ask her directly. I have been in similar situations and usually find that, if you ask nicely like you were planning to do, people don't mind. What I have done in these situations, I asked if they could read the beginning chapter or two. This way it doesn't seem like too much of a commitment in case they don't want to/have time to continue. but if they like it, you could always say you are looking for a beta. Definitely ask directly.

randi.lee · Sep 28, 2012

Like Aurelee said, worst case scenario is a "no." Go ahead and ask.

Karen Junker · Sep 28, 2012

As a former editor, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. It would be like asking a friend who is a physician to give you an exam for free.

Editors work long hours, often reading for work during what should be their free time. It is a lot to ask of someone to read your work for free when they don't even get paid enough for all the hours they work anyway.

Just something to think about.

heza · Sep 28, 2012

If this was a close friend, someone whom you'd always intended to ask to beta read your work, then I think it might be okay to ask her if she has the time, provided you use all the caveats and outs you'd need to ensure she didn't feel awkward about telling you no.

However, if you wouldn't have asked her to beta previously, and this idea only occurred to you after you found out she had this job... then, I'm leaning a bit more toward it being an imposition.

quicklime · Sep 28, 2012

Karen Junker said:
As a former editor, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. It would be like asking a friend who is a physician to give you an exam for free.

Editors work long hours, often reading for work during what should be their free time. It is a lot to ask of someone to read your work for free when they don't even get paid enough for all the hours they work anyway.

Just something to think about.

I guess I am a bit surprised...I saw the thread title and thought the same thing myself. I can understand the "give it a shot," but I can also understand this could be a great way to move from "my kinda-friend the editor" to "the guy who used to return my calls, and now doesn't"

OP, you know how well you do or do not know this guy. I wouldn't ever ask directly, and wouldn't even bring it up unless I knew them fairly well, although if I brought up my work and they offered, I'd be all over the opportunity.

thothguard51 · Sep 28, 2012

Karen Junker said:
As a former editor, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. It would be like asking a friend who is a physician to give you an exam for free.

Editors work long hours, often reading for work during what should be their free time. It is a lot to ask of someone to read your work for free when they don't even get paid enough for all the hours they work anyway.

Just something to think about.

I have to agree with Karen and its not just about editing...

I lived in a neighborhood where almost everyone but me worked white collar jobs. Lawyers, IT people, Doctors, and anything else you can think of.

Everyone was very friendly, but once they found out I was in construction, anytime someone had something go wrong with their house, I was the first one they asked to come and take a look. At first, I did, just to be friendly and of course, I would offer to help them fix the problem. But once other neighbors saw this, it really got out of hand.

I had to finally tell my wife not to volunteer me anymore because my day job was enough and all these little do this for me jobs crept into my free time, my family time, my writing time.

It is not that I am selfish with my time, but its more about me placing a value on my skills.

You want me to rebuild your falling fence...pay me.

You want me to rebuild your rotting deck...pay me.

None of the doctors or dentist offered me the same free services, they charged for their professional service.

As an editor, I would feel the same way. But, not all people feel as I do so its your call...

DeleyanLee · Sep 28, 2012

Personally, I'd put out the request in general. If that friend volunteers, then it's great. If not, don't mention it. Silence is often a polite way to refuse. Less hurtful that way.

There's been too many times that I've liked someone as a person, but when I read their work (especially when pushed on me), well, I thought it sucked Gibraltar through a bar straw. Makes it really difficult to stay friendly 'cause you know that, some day, they're going to ask what you thought...and they're so nice and you want so much to like their work....

See what I mean?

Unimportant · Sep 28, 2012

ardenbird said:
In addition to asking a few targetted friends, I'm planning a call-out on Facebook for betas. So I could instead just let her see that, and leave it up to her to volunteer.

If it were me, I'd go with this option. If she chooses to volunteer, that's great. If she doesn't, you haven't put her in the awkward position of saying no.

backslashbaby · Sep 29, 2012

I agree with the general call-out. If she feels like helping without any pressuring, she'll respond. Her not having to give you a direct answer works in her favor, so it's tons more polite of you to do, imho.

ardenbird · Sep 30, 2012

Karen Junker said:
As a former editor, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. It would be like asking a friend who is a physician to give you an exam for free.

Editors work long hours, often reading for work during what should be their free time. It is a lot to ask of someone to read your work for free when they don't even get paid enough for all the hours they work anyway.

Just something to think about.

Yes, this is what concerns me!

heza said:
If this was a close friend, someone whom you'd always intended to ask to beta read your work, then I think it might be okay to ask her if she has the time, provided you use all the caveats and outs you'd need to ensure she didn't feel awkward about telling you no.

However, if you wouldn't have asked her to beta previously, and this idea only occurred to you after you found out she had this job... then, I'm leaning a bit more toward it being an imposition.

And I guess the dilemma is that before she got this job I wouldn't have hesitated to ask her. It's the job that worries me -- it's not just that she's an editor, but that she works at one of my top hopes for a place to publish! (It's really cool to read some of my favourite authors' blogs and see them say things like they've sent the draft off and the next day she posts on Facebook how she got it...) And if we still lived in the same town, and saw each other regularly, I probably wouldn't hesitate either -- although it's hard to tell, as I might instead know she wouldn't want to.

DeleyanLee said:
There's been too many times that I've liked someone as a person, but when I read their work (especially when pushed on me), well, I thought it sucked Gibraltar through a bar straw. Makes it really difficult to stay friendly 'cause you know that, some day, they're going to ask what you thought...and they're so nice and you want so much to like their work....

See what I mean?

Yeah, I understand -- I would actually value if she told me it was horrible and don't spend anymore energy on it (I've got another book written and half a dozen more clamoring to get out of my head), but there is no way she could know that.

Thanks everyone. I think I will do the general Facebook thing. She comments/interacts with my posts a lot, so I suspect she'd see it. I value our friendship more than I value my novel, so it probably is better to risk her missing it than to offend her by imposing.

Would it be inappropriate to ask this friend to beta for me?

ardenbird

Aurelee

leahzero

The colors! THE COLORS!

juliatheswede

Got the hang of it, here

randi.lee

Certified Non-Genius

Karen Junker

Live a little. Write a lot.

heza

quicklime

all out of fucks to give

thothguard51

A Gentleman of a refined age...

DeleyanLee

Writing Anarchist

Unimportant

No COVID yet. Still masking.

backslashbaby

*

ardenbird

Would it be inappropriate to ask this friend to beta for me?

The colors! THE COLORS!

Got the hang of it, here

Certified Non-Genius

Live a little. Write a lot.

all out of fucks to give

A Gentleman of a refined age...

Writing Anarchist

No COVID yet. Still masking.

~~~~*~~~~

*