Adoption fiction help

This is better suited in the story experts and interview section.

It's not exactly a straight forward adoption senario but check out The Face on the Milk Carton. It's about a girl who's kidnapped at 3. The kidnapper takes her home to her parents, claims she's had a baby and dumps her on them. They "adopt" her and raise her as their own daughter, but don't tell her she's adopted at all. She finds out by finding her face on the milk carton.

She hunts down her own real birth parents and struggles from there.

The Deep End of the Ocean is another one.

I'd also like to add that there are plenty tragic adoption stories in the news but it's more along the lines of that russian boy who was put on a plane and sent home with no one accompanying him and a letter.

Or children who are switched with unadoptable children with so many problems such as fetal alcohol syndrome or severe mental health issues, the adopted parents take them home and realize they've gotten the ol' switcheroo and either send them back or eventually get so frustrated they kill the child. It's quite common especially when dealing with kids from another country such as China and Russia. It was such a big problem they actually closed adoptions to US couples for a long time.

Foster situations are rife with bad matches and bad situations, hopping from home to home to group home and finally kicked out when they turn into adults.

CatharsisChild said:

I've been seeing a lot of books and movies coming out involving adoption in some way. October Baby is probably a cult favorite in the Christian community by now, Juno was a smash, and a new Superman film is due next year. My concern, however, is that they may not be doing it justice by portraying it in a glamorized and sentimental light. Very rarely do you get an "adoption gone bad" story; that would be bad for public relations, right?

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Or maybe it's an indication that adoption very rarely DOES go bad. There have been a lot of really wonderful families created through adoption, and I'm not quite sure why you're so cynical about the process.

When it comes down to it, adoption isn't really a societal good anymore; it's a business. And every business needs a good rep to make it big. To get a good rep, you need to tug at the heartstrings of the reader/audience. However, as a writer, I feel that adoption doesn't really provide much in the way of conflict or resonance, and they all pretty much tell the same story. This is especially true in the case of stories that focus on the adoptee, which follow a basic formula:

Adoptee doesn't like aparents.
Adoptee meets birth parents, the polar opposite of the aparents.
Adoptee is torn between the two sides.
Adoptee reconciles with both sets of parents, but hugs the aparents anyway. Music swells, and credits roll to Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me".

Call me a cynic if you want, but unfortunately, this stuffs sells for all the wrong reasons. It's glurge, pretty much. How could it be made into a good story?

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Would it make sense to you if your ideas were twisted around to say "A lot of fiction is written about babies being born into loving families. My concern is that all this fiction may be putting 'having babies' into a glamorized and sentimental light. Very rarely do you get a baby-gone-bad story; that would be bad for public relations, right? When it comes down to it, having babies isn't really a societal good anymore; it's a business... etc."?

I mean, what is your thesis, here? You think the authors and movie-makers are working in collusion with... adoption agencies? I've seen some unexpected conspiracy theories in the past, but this seems like a humdinger! I'm not saying there are no abuses within the system of adoptions, but I think the abuses are absolutely the exception.

Which doesn't mean you couldn't write some excellent fiction about a problematic adoption situation. Most fiction is written about exceptions, right? I'm just not sure you should try to tie in your fiction with an indictment of adoption system as a whole.

I have adopted cousins They were adopted while my forty something and childless aunt and uncle were living in the UK. My sibs and I were teens and our new cousins were ten months and three months when we all met. They were our only cousins on that side of the family and the adoption sort of rejuvenated the family. My parents were nuts over them. Both sets of grandparents were ecstatic. The paternal g-parents had them in overalls and on tractors as soon as they could walk. It was lovely. Damn lovely.

I used to worry every time that I read a news article about biological parents reclaiming children that they had given up. Those stories bothered me enough to lose sleep. I was only sixteen and did not realize how rarely that happens.

Every now and then some idiot adult would ask my sibs and I if we weren't jealous. Of course we weren't. Maybe it was the age difference. We were teenagers with lives of our own but with fun little kids to take swimming and to the DQ. The one bad thing was that they lived a couple of states away.

Later, after they were adults, each met their b-parents. Things weren't a perfect match. In fact, in the case of my boy cousin things were prickly. He flew all the way to England to have lunch with his mother. Only lunch. She would not let him meet his older brother or his grandparents. Things went worse with his father who was Greek. He flew to Greece to have supper and was pretty much told "Nice to meet you. Don't come back."

Things were better with my girl cousin when she went to England to meet her mother, although she did find out about an unsettling genetic disease that was killing her mother. Her mother did die a few months after meeting her. My cousin was glad she went because she met her half sisters and brothers, but always felt like an outsider.

There is no doubt that my girl cousin and my aunt are far closer than even I was with my mom. In fact they visit daily. My uncle died while the kids were still in high school but they have remained a close family, weathering deaths and divorces and taking comfort in each other. We were all together for my Dad's funeral three years ago. Just got a photo of my late uncle on my cousin's FB page remembering his birthday. Last time my boy cousin visited I drove up to the my sister's house while he was outside. From a distance he looked so much like my uncle that it was a shock. He even walks and cusses like my uncle did!

Now this part is crazy but my girl cousin's British sibs stay with my aunt, her adoptive mother, whenever they visit Texas. All sweetness and light to one side--I have to say that I don't just love my cousins but I like them and I like spending time with them although we live far apart. They are a reflection of Aunt Marie and Uncle Eddie --a couple of lovable nuts--and, by extension, my grandmother--we all have stories about her!-- and my own parents. Sorry about the happy ending but those are the facts--s6

Call me a cynic if you want, but unfortunately, this stuffs sells for all the wrong reasons. It's glurge, pretty much. How could it be made into a good story?

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How could it be selling for the "wrong" reasons? Clearly it resonates for a significant audience.

I'm not sure what the "it" refers to in your question? Do you mean how can your view of adoption be made into a good story? If that's your question, I'd say it can be made into a good story in the same way as any other: relatable characters, strong plot and interesting conflict. I'm not sure why you think there's no inherent conflict in an adoption story. For example, there's the premise for a good novel in the story of the family that sent their adopted toddler back to Russia unaccompanied on an airplane because they couldn't handle his mental health and behavioral issues.

There are lots of life experiences that leave people disappointed or even cynical (marriage, for example) but that doesn't mean that a movie about that experience with a happy ending isn't a valid story.

And surely there have been dark movies about adoption. The Bad Seed, for one.

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

No adoptions on my side of the family. But I do have a friend who adopted three kids--a brother and sister and a boy from Korea. The grandmother of the bio sibs tried to take them away from my friend, though the kids were doing MUCH better with her than with their bio family. Fortunately, my friend and her husband won their case. Those two kids today are healthy and happy adults. The Korean child is still finding his way, but doing well also. And my friend loves him dearly.

On my husband's side, well, let me not get specific, but someone on that side had a child who was adopted out of the family. Her adopted brothers were sexually abused by the adoptive father, and she was molested by one of those brothers. And she hates her adoptive mother. We know about this because my husband's parents kept track, though they didn't know about the abuses until the child was grown.

So, there's one of each, the good and the bad.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

So is this for something you want to write or are you just railing against adoption fiction being too one sided for your taste? Because there are plenty out there, you just can't look at the touchy feely and expect something else. That genre is what it is. If you want something darker or more twisted you have to look at genres which accept something darker or more twisted.

Like you aren't going to find a story where a husband and wife end up killing each other at the end of the story in romance genre for example.

CatharsisChild said:

I've been seeing a lot of books and movies coming out involving adoption in some way. October Baby is probably a cult favorite in the Christian community by now, Juno was a smash, and a new Superman film is due next year. My concern, however, is that they may not be doing it justice by portraying it in a glamorized and sentimental light. Very rarely do you get an "adoption gone bad" story; that would be bad for public relations, right?

When it comes down to it, adoption isn't really a societal good anymore; it's a business. And every business needs a good rep to make it big. To get a good rep, you need to tug at the heartstrings of the reader/audience. However, as a writer, I feel that adoption doesn't really provide much in the way of conflict or resonance, and they all pretty much tell the same story. This is especially true in the case of stories that focus on the adoptee, which follow a basic formula:

Adoptee doesn't like aparents.
Adoptee meets birth parents, the polar opposite of the aparents.
Adoptee is torn between the two sides.
Adoptee reconciles with both sets of parents, but hugs the aparents anyway. Music swells, and credits roll to Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me".

Call me a cynic if you want, but unfortunately, this stuffs sells for all the wrong reasons. It's glurge, pretty much. How could it be made into a good story?

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Not a societal good? Tell that to all the kids who are adopted into good homes, including my husband, two cousins of mine and two of his cousins. I'm not really sure what your complaint is. A lot of fiction glamorizes the realistic counterparts but that doesn't invalidate the fiction or the reality.

CatharsisChild said:

Well, The Bad Seed was a psychological thriller, so automatically it goes into dark territory by that criteria.

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OK, then. How about Mommy Dearest?

What I mean by "it" is adoption fiction in general. As I've said before, it's sheer, blind sentimentality.

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I don't know how to define the category "adoption fiction," but if it means any fictional treatment of adoption, then I don't believe this sweeping generalization is accurate. There are quite a few books dealing with adoption that, imo, offer a realistic description of the experience. But I admit, that's just my opinion. If you believe that any depiction of adoption that doesn't contain some form of abuse and then end tragically for someone is, by definition, blindly sentimental, than I guess we have to disagree.

CatharsisChild said:

Yes, I have considered writing an adoption related novel. I need a vacation from the troublesome shorts and my Frankenstein monster of a WIP.

In response to sassandgroove: I am ambivalent about its application into a good story, and I'm aware of the reality/unreality line, as I use it a lot in my stories, so don't assume I'm deluded.

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When did I say you were deluded? Still not sure what your complaint and/or question is.

Start by reviewing real stories of real people and good fiction that's already been done. Read it, watch it. Get familiar with it. Then figure out your own unique story.

I nor anyone else on this board can tell you to write your story X way. Then it would be ours not yours.

If you have your actual set up trot on over to the sandbox and post your story line there and ask for feedback that way.

CatharsisChild said:

Let me be clear: how on Earth can this be made into a good story, without relying on the cliches and schmaltz? I'm not saying that I want adoption stories to be dark and scary and filled with audacious depravity that would make de Sade proud. What I've considered is something of a "hybrid", reconciling the "legend" with the "real world" so to speak.

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How can "boy meets girl, loses girl, finds her again and they live happily ever after" be made into a good story without relying on cliches and schmaltz? Yet it's been done over and over and over again. Working within the parameters of an established "plot" line without resorting to cliches takes creativity and hard work by the writer, but it certainly can be done.

Just write it. That is like asking how to write a story about two people in love without schmaltz or cliche. You just write it. If you have a story to tell about adoption that isn't all roses and sunshine but isn't dark either, then tell it.

X posted w rose and ketzel, agree w them.

CatharsisChild said:

Let me be clear: how on Earth can this be made into a good story, without relying on the cliches and schmaltz? I'm not saying that I want adoption stories to be dark and scary and filled with audacious depravity that would make de Sade proud. What I've considered is something of a "hybrid", reconciling the "legend" with the "real world" so to speak.

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I don't think we're accepting your premise that fiction about adoptions is always sentimental and glorified. Honestly, if I were to give my own impressions, I think I'd go in the other direction and say that most fiction about adoption that I've encountered has been sensationalizing the negative side of things.

Possibly our different experiences in life are colouring our perceptions? I have two adopted brothers, and there's no schmaltz AND no horror in our family. They're just my brothers. The 'adopted' aspect is absolutely not a factor. So when I come across fiction in which the author uses adoption as a dramatic tool, it feels false and over-the-top to me. For me, adoption isn't any more dramatic than any other way of starting a family.

I'm sensing that maybe you've had different real-world experiences with adoption, possibly more negative than mine? From that perspective, possibly fictional accounts of successful adoptions seem saccharine and unrealistic to you? I'm just guessing, obviously, but you seem to be coming at this with a kind of aggressive attitude, and I'm trying to figure out why.

In more general terms, I agree with icerose - it's not our place to write your story for you. It sounds like you're starting with a theme or a premise, and now you're looking for a plot. Brainstorm. What characters do you want to write about, and how can you make them most uncomfortable? How will they resolve their situations?

If you're not asking us for a plot, then maybe you're asking us to solve a problem that most of us don't seem to think exists...

ETA: Wow, that's a long string of crossposting! Well, at least the first part of this is somewhat original.

You are thinking too much. Just write it. "You can't please everyone so please yourself"-- Ricky Nelson --s6

The fiction I find unrealistic is where adopted child is of age and needs to find their birth parents to "know who they are". If you ask my husband he knows he is and his "real" parents are the ones who raised him. That doesn't mean an adoptee shouldn't want to meet birth parents I just think most of them dont have an identity crisis because they are adopted.

This discussion has set me to thinking about my son in law, Roger, who is adopted. He has been blessed with 3 mothers and 3 fathers--bio, adoptive and step. when he married my daughter, twelve years ago, all three mothers were there.

It was a stressful day. Roger does not handle stress well. He is a big guy and he hollered for his mother many times that day. Whenever he hollered MOOOOOOM!!!!!! only one woman answered, his petite and frazzled adoptive mother.

She would come running, worn out but smiling. "What, Roger? What now?' Funny--s6

sassandgroove said:

The fiction I find unrealistic is where adopted child is of age and needs to find their birth parents to "know who they are."

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When I "accidentally" found out that I was adopted at the age of 10, it was devastating.

I was 33 years old when I met my birth mother - I was soooooo different from the family that raised me, that I HAD to know "who I was."

I just think most of them dont have an identity crisis because they are adopted.

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Speaking from experience, I think this is true IF the adoptee grew up in a loving, nurturing home.

(I did not)

Laverne- I hadn't considered that. But in the fiction stories the adoptee is most often in a good home. But I would say unhappy people who grew up in their birth family sometimes have an identity crisis as well. So maybe it is a product of environment not whether one is adopted or only wishes they were. Just a thought. Not saying I am right or wrong.