Are you lonely?

gettingby said:

are writers generally lonely people? What do you think?

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Lonely, or solitary? I'm sometimes fairly solitary. Not that that bothers me.

If there is a writers' group in your area, you might join it. I went to a few before I found the right one and I've made some great friends through writing.

No, I don't feel lonely. I like to be alone. I desperately need my alone time, but there's a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. I'm not really outgoing, but I'm happy with my few close friends and my family.

Everyone's different, but I'm sorry you sometimes feel lonely. I guess I did before I met my husband. Even during my first marriage. But now, I don't.

Do you live alone?

I hate people so Ive never felt lonely.

I think mccardey makes a good distinction with the use of the word "solitary." Writing is a solitary activity. It's not like we're doing it with a group. (I mean, not usually.)

My day job is as a freelance court reporter, which is also very solitary in that I'm working with new people all of the time and only for a few hours. It's not the kind of work where I'm forging deep connections usually, they're more superficial and transitory.

It does really help to have a significant other or good friend to talk to. Over the years, I've made friends online, and that helps too, having regular interactions with others.

Good luck with the class. I think it sounds like a good opportunity for you to be around other people and get out of the house, maybe make a new friend or two.

gettingby said:

Are writers lonely people? I feel like sometimes I send more time with the people I make up than actual people. Also, I don't have much going on other than writing. I am just not a very outgoing person. I applied to take an MFA class just mainly so I would get out of the house. I find out next week if I get in. So I am trying to do something about it, but are writers generally lonely people? What do you think?

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A yes or no answer would be a generalization, and generalizations never fit any group of people.

No matter what you do, job or hobby, it's important to have a life, to get out of the house and interact with people. People need people.

As for myself, during the week I spend a lot of time after work at home writing, watching, TV, and even turn in early so I can go to the gym first thing in the morning. My weekends are spent with my beau, and we often go to outings, parties, whatever. In fact, this weekend, we have two parties- a family birthday bash and a Jack London bash.

No more than anyone else, I think.

But I'm not the most social of people. I mean, I like parties, and seeing friends, and all that stuff, but I like it on my terms and I can take it or leave it. I'm a pretty distant person, even with people I love. Awfully selfish, too.

So no, I don't think I am. Very rarely, at any rate. I have my moments, but I suppose everyone does.

My day job is being a chef, so I have to be quite sociable with colleagues and customers. Trust me, if you leave a plate of freshly baked shortbread in the staffroom, you will not be lonely! [its nice to put a smile on people's faces too. ]

I think now I am in my thirties, I am a lot more outgoing and sociable than I used to. I think university and working in tourism made a great difference.

I do love going for walks/research trips on Hadrian's Wall. You just start talking to complete strangers.

I echo the suggestion about finding a writers group, for critique or for social or both. They'll understand a lot of your dilemmas and also will understand if you don't show up for a few weeks.

And the MFA will get you among similar people and just onto campus, which I always find fun. Colleges have a creative energy just always humming along. And there's usually some concert or seminar or gallery show or something going on, where you can just be around some other people, without having to interact with them much.

Sometimes I feel lonely. It usually hits when I want to do something, but have no one to do it with. I have a few friends, but two I only see on occasion because they live at least an hour away, and the one that's local just isn't all that fun. I do work in a large store, so I get plenty of social interaction there, but being around so many people, both coworkers and customers, I require alone time afterwards. But too much isn't good either.

Lets see, two X-wives, a current live-in GF, 2 adult kids, 2 adult god kids, 6 grand children, other relatives, and a handful of close friends. Nope, don't feel lonely at all. But, I do enjoy my solitude at time, even if I am not writing.

I'm solitary too, but like so many others I prefer it that way. If I wanted to be around people, then I wouldn't have chosen a career path that makes me spend 95% of my time alone. But that's exactly what I've always wanted. I'm very happy alone.

I think the class is a good idea! Maybe also try writing at quiet coffee shops, or libraries, so that you are around other people?
I'm not very outgoing either, and I know what you mean about feeling lonely and needing to get out of the house. That's actually why I don't want to be a full time writer- I need to be around other people.

My head is full of imaginary people - how could I possibly be lonely?

hmmm... that's a tough one.

I always thought that I preferred to be solitary... but it's possible that this is a rationalization that I've made due to my agoraphobia.

I'm not good with crowds at all, and outgoing personalities make me run and hide. It might be true that I want more people around me in real life, but having more people around me makes me nervous and edgy. I do have a nice shiny box full of people here at fingertips that I can make go away at any time... but yeah, if I add it all up, yes, sometimes I am lonely - and this time of year often amplifies that feeling. The trick for me, is trying to figure out which is worse, dealing with the loneliness, or dealing with people. So many times I don't bother at all trying to deal with either and just go back to writing. =)

I am far from a solitary person and I don't think writing necessarily needs to be a solitary habit at all. Nor do lone-wolf writers have any advantage over more sociable folks in the trade.

You can be solitary and still write, but you do not have to be lonely to write. I imagine your productivity in writing would eventually suffer if you sacrificed human contact you wanted.

What do you care about? Look at your writing; chances are you've got a topic in there you're passionate about. Do something in the real world that relates to that, and you will meet people who like you. For example, I help out with various forms of political action. You sure as hell don't have to do that- if, say, you find that you really value entertainment, then entertain! Take up improv or, if you don't feel adventurous enough for that, cultivate your fun-based conversational skills.

I'm very sociable, very open about the fact that I like people, and as a result, though I get lonely very easily, I have rarely ever been lonely. I make a concerted effort to avoid people who are particularly selfish, and tend to keep away from solitary-by-choice people to a degree (it would probably be cruel of me not to ).

I take a notebook with me everywhere and perhaps you could try that. I like to have my hands free, so it goes in a my pants pocket. My notebooks have been handled, borrowed, returned, written in, read from, and inquired about by every kind of person in this city and I consider my writing to be enriched for it.

I'm a solitary person--definite introvert--but am not lonely. I love being alone but rarely get the opportunity with my little critters around all day.

My dream would be to check into a hotel all by myself for the weekend and speak to no one. Aah...heaven.

Raventongue said:

...and tend to keep away from solitary-by-choice people to a degree (it would probably be cruel of me not to ).

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Thank you for this.
I can't begin to tell you how much this means to me.

I think a serious study would likely find that writers come from the same cross-section of socioeconomic backgrounds, and the same cross-section of personality types as any other occupation that requires a reasonable measure of intelligence.

Well, I suppose I am more alone than most people my age. Everyone complains about me not having a boyfriend when everyone else does, but I don't want it because I would have less time to stay on my own

But I am not lonely. I am a delightful company to myself, and my laptop is very enjoyable to talk to. Some people have troubles understanding this...

If being alone bothers you, then find people who like the same things you do. Find a group, as everyone above said. Writing or whatever else you like.

I am an introvert. But I'm not lonely.

I enjoy my time alone. I also enjoy spending time with my significant other, my friends, and my extended family.

If you are lonely and worried that it may not be purely due to external causes, it might be worthwhile to get screened for clinical depression. I've suffered from it in the past, so I know how insidious it can be, masquerading as other things.

Just a thought to consider. Otherwise, I second the advice others have given: find a writing group. Find meetups for things you enjoy -- whether writing or your other interests.

Everyone has different levels of comfort for spending time with others vs spending time alone, and this is healthy. But feeling lonely all the time is not.

It's good that you're putting the effort out to make connections with people. .

I'm not lonely or solitary. I'm actually very outgoing. I work around people all day and I come home to a house with four other people and five dogs. What I wouldn't give for some alone time every now and then!

I agree with the advice to find a way to interact with other people. Join a fitness center, find a church group (if you're into church), take group tours of museums, volunteer with a charity, etc. Meeting lots of people from various walks of life can be a great way to get inspiration for characters.

Nope. I have four year old twins, i pray for time alone.

I'm not lonely because I spend most of my time alone. I like being alone. I love being alone. I crave alone time. I get cranky if I don't get it.

Where I'm lonely is that I have to constantly be on guard and watch what I say, and I have very, very few people to confide in, and I've been burned more than once by people I thought were trustworthy who it turned out were reporting everything I said back to the world at large (not gossip about people or anything, just talking about things). Where I'm lonely is feeling that I can't discuss anything that bothers me, upsets me, happens to me, how I feel about things, etc., because I'll be attacked or viewed as "unprofessional" or made fun of. It's happened too many times.

I'm happy to be alone. It's fun to be alone. It's not so much fun to be alone in a crowd of people, and feel like they're all waiting for you to slip up.