Three of us were talking at a party. Two gay guys and a straight guy. The straight guy said “Counting my wife, I’ve slept with nine women. My gay buddy said “that sounds like a good weekend for me.” We laughed hard. But of course, it’s true. Most gay guys have sex with a lot of guys. We hook up with other guys using Grindr as casually as a straight guy picks up a loaf of bread for his wife. I’ve lived in Albany for thirty years. I know one married gay guy couple. The vast majority of gay men have no interest in marriage. When they are in a relationship, they’re looking for three ways on Grindr and Manhunt half the time. Yeah yeah yeah some straight people do this. Very few. In small city America the vast majority of hetero 40 year olds are married, or were married, and have children in any event. The vast majority of gay guys are single, going to the gym, tanning, and doing laundry so they can go out for the weekend. Zillions of gay guys are on hook up sites manhunt and Grindr. The urban gay guy is having even more sex.
Its true. I think gay life is great. The problem is when you go to write it. The well intentioned straight voices and the defensive gay voices say “you can’t write that, you’re pondering to stereotypes.” Um, sorry that’s what most gay guys are doing. Then they say “you’re giving people ammunition against us. How are we supposed to achieve gay marriage if you’re out there telling people every couple is having three ways?”
Well, not every couple. The ugly couple can't get anybody lol lol lol.
So. As a gay man, as a member of any minority, do we write about our lives when our lives are often the stereotypes being thrown at us? Are we "hurting the cause?"
So. As a gay man, as a member of any minority, do we write about our lives when our lives are often the stereotypes being thrown at us? Are we "hurting the cause?"
Yes you're correct. Our gay lives do encompass all the things you reference, bullying, discrimination of all types and so many good things. But as we show and not tell in our writing, if we write about a weekend in Fire Island or a weekend in Provincetown or the bath houses in Montreal, we end up showing the gay men around us too. The United States has 1.558 million men on Grindr. The UK has over 350 thousand.
No one is saying every gay man does this. But millions do live the life as described. Kitty has already yelled "you're generalizing". How do you write about humanity without some generalizing? Everything being on a case by case basis is absurd. Even the NY Times writes articles about Obama having trouble getting the white vote, or Romney with the black vote.
So do we write it? Or do we self censor? Kitty sounds like definitely yes. You say its ok.
You're right I'm new. I'm used to facebook. How does laughing alot - using lol lol lol make one a troll?
Thank you very much for your feedback.
Actually, Kitty didn't yell.
But the thing is, you've asked a question in pretty contentious terms and people here are writers and are going to take words seriously. If you're asking whether it behoves a gay writer to sanitize their depiction of the gay lifestyle as they know and live it, that's one thing - but when you stick stereotypes of your own into a question about stereotyping, people are going to wonder if you're just trying to stir up a bit of trouble.
I don't think you're a troll - I hope not. But you might want to rethink the way you phrase your questions, at least while you're new here. It will give people more time to know you without raising hackles.
To answer your question - you can write pretty much anything. Who gets offended is totally up to you and them. For me, I'd write people rather than lifestyles, but that's your call to make.
I think I better remove it if there is such a way thanks.