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- Nov 19, 2010
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Be aware of a rant... and do not extend Foyt into this.
As I said, I'm PoC, but my family here isn't... As a PoC growing up in a white family, I had my share of F* ups. (Which I sincerely, had to reverse.)
Example of how White privilege works:
So it started by comparing my white cousin to Pocahontas. I said nothing.... I didn't know the movie, so I didn't know if they'd red faced. It's better to shut up.
Then it got worse when a friend of the family who had given same cousin a bracelet from the midwest said, "Look, the bracelet I gave you is Native American."
So I slowly said, "But they aren't the same tribes..."
The person snapped (not my cousin) "I know that."
I said, "then don't you think that's a little.... prejudiced?"
(to substitute for "racist" You know how some people are when you role out with their version of the "r" word.)
She said "You only see it that way."
Excuuuuseee me? I just pointed out your white privilege. Get a hint.
Silence fell on the table. No one backed me up at all. I'm like, Uhhh... Duhhh... and then I realized I was the only PoC at the table versed enough to call it as I saw it. (One other PoC as well). And I'm not even defending my own PoC group either.
Powhatan. Algonquian language. Virginia. That's Pocahantas, your bracelet you gave my cousin, not even close to Virginia, I've studied enough to know that's Native American South West. I'm ignorant as hell, but I'm not stupid enough to try to name the tribe from a bracelet. I know my level of ignorance. I wish to overcome it. (I got a TON to learn) But I'm not stupid enough to mix a tribe from a whole other region and think it's acceptable. I didn't get that in grade school, but they sure did make sure I got it in High School.
I'll say from experience that it's often easier to defend our position of power than it is to back away and say sorry. If this woman had the maturity to say sorry. Sorry, not just for me, but sorry for mixing up tribes, sorry for not getting that different Native American tribes produce different art and sorry for insulting everyone.
See, what else pissed me off was that no one else was willing to back me. The majority at the table was white. And this is how it goes. You step in the race issues, and I find that if the majority is white, they automatically shut up. It's silencing. And then it's the race card for the PoC that brought it up.
But what if someone said, "I kinda agree here?" (And to be clear, I knew that other people at said table agreed and knew the difference.) Doesn't that break the back of being in a position of power by saying yes, I don't fully understand and neither do you, but I'll at least *try* not to screw things up. And especially when I know better.
I've got rules when talking about cultures other than my own:
Don't know it? Shut up.
Questions before statements.
Verification until I'm not nervous (Which believe me, is usually 3-4 times, if not more, then re-reading and back verification on the references)
Things I think I know when it comes to the culture? Verify anyway.
No crutches (respect boundaries, do not use only one person, do not blame the person when I screw up, do not use people from those countries solely without doing my own work.).
When I screw up the only words I'll say are, "I'm sorry!" maybe with the word "very" stuck in. Maybe follow it up with how others should not follow my example and how they and I could do it better. Show I can listen.
I still get a shock when I go into a pharmacy, look in the make up section and then the only PoC I can see on the labels is Queen Latifah... (Still confuses me, 'cause I'm thinking.. what will look good on me? And isn't this a heavy Latino area?) and none of the base foundation colors seem to support PoCs??? Marketing fail? Every single time. Still gets me. Which is probably why I don't buy it often.
Privilege is not something you see, but something you live with. You don't see it until you are suddenly without it. The danger of persistent privilege is that you may never be without it, which means you have to work that much harder to see the world without those glasses. Being called the so-called "r"-word--I see that as a learning experience to expunge my ignorance. Yay. Get rid of that crap cluttering my brain.
Anyone else have examples and how they overcame it either RL or through writing?
As I said, I'm PoC, but my family here isn't... As a PoC growing up in a white family, I had my share of F* ups. (Which I sincerely, had to reverse.)
Example of how White privilege works:
So it started by comparing my white cousin to Pocahontas. I said nothing.... I didn't know the movie, so I didn't know if they'd red faced. It's better to shut up.
Then it got worse when a friend of the family who had given same cousin a bracelet from the midwest said, "Look, the bracelet I gave you is Native American."
So I slowly said, "But they aren't the same tribes..."
The person snapped (not my cousin) "I know that."
I said, "then don't you think that's a little.... prejudiced?"
(to substitute for "racist" You know how some people are when you role out with their version of the "r" word.)
She said "You only see it that way."
Excuuuuseee me? I just pointed out your white privilege. Get a hint.
Silence fell on the table. No one backed me up at all. I'm like, Uhhh... Duhhh... and then I realized I was the only PoC at the table versed enough to call it as I saw it. (One other PoC as well). And I'm not even defending my own PoC group either.
Powhatan. Algonquian language. Virginia. That's Pocahantas, your bracelet you gave my cousin, not even close to Virginia, I've studied enough to know that's Native American South West. I'm ignorant as hell, but I'm not stupid enough to try to name the tribe from a bracelet. I know my level of ignorance. I wish to overcome it. (I got a TON to learn) But I'm not stupid enough to mix a tribe from a whole other region and think it's acceptable. I didn't get that in grade school, but they sure did make sure I got it in High School.
I'll say from experience that it's often easier to defend our position of power than it is to back away and say sorry. If this woman had the maturity to say sorry. Sorry, not just for me, but sorry for mixing up tribes, sorry for not getting that different Native American tribes produce different art and sorry for insulting everyone.
See, what else pissed me off was that no one else was willing to back me. The majority at the table was white. And this is how it goes. You step in the race issues, and I find that if the majority is white, they automatically shut up. It's silencing. And then it's the race card for the PoC that brought it up.
But what if someone said, "I kinda agree here?" (And to be clear, I knew that other people at said table agreed and knew the difference.) Doesn't that break the back of being in a position of power by saying yes, I don't fully understand and neither do you, but I'll at least *try* not to screw things up. And especially when I know better.
I've got rules when talking about cultures other than my own:
Don't know it? Shut up.
Questions before statements.
Verification until I'm not nervous (Which believe me, is usually 3-4 times, if not more, then re-reading and back verification on the references)
Things I think I know when it comes to the culture? Verify anyway.
No crutches (respect boundaries, do not use only one person, do not blame the person when I screw up, do not use people from those countries solely without doing my own work.).
When I screw up the only words I'll say are, "I'm sorry!" maybe with the word "very" stuck in. Maybe follow it up with how others should not follow my example and how they and I could do it better. Show I can listen.
I paste this one up somewhere when I'm researching something I don't know, especially when it comes to a group of people."Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance"--Confucius
I still get a shock when I go into a pharmacy, look in the make up section and then the only PoC I can see on the labels is Queen Latifah... (Still confuses me, 'cause I'm thinking.. what will look good on me? And isn't this a heavy Latino area?) and none of the base foundation colors seem to support PoCs??? Marketing fail? Every single time. Still gets me. Which is probably why I don't buy it often.
Privilege is not something you see, but something you live with. You don't see it until you are suddenly without it. The danger of persistent privilege is that you may never be without it, which means you have to work that much harder to see the world without those glasses. Being called the so-called "r"-word--I see that as a learning experience to expunge my ignorance. Yay. Get rid of that crap cluttering my brain.
Anyone else have examples and how they overcame it either RL or through writing?