Betas for short story--apocalyptic fantasy (4.4k wc)

So yes, as the title says, I need a couple of betas for a story. If you're curious, there's an earlier draft of the intro up on SYW (password: vista).

I am willing to exchange critiques for short stories only. No first chapters or novellas. I don't mind reading your story if it happens to be a couple thousand words longer than mine. My genres of interest are horror, fantasy, science fiction. I'm not a fan of YA.

I am going to be a little bit picky in that I want betas to have at least a dozen or so posts. Just to show that you do participate--and so I can check your posts out, haha. Also, please have a decent grasp on grammar.

I'm fine with and welcome tough critiques, likewise, I give the same. But don't try to rewrite my story.

If you have any questions or are interested, feel free to PM.

So finally revised it, and could use fresh eyeballs. Any takers? I should also mention that I'm not looking for a LBL, since I feel the grammar and writing is well off, but rather, I need to know if others "get" the story.