Writer's guilt

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 19, 2012

I suffer from writer's guilt. I devote a lot of time to creating and polishing my gem/turd/something in between when I could be doing something extra for my wife and family. I could be doing more around the house, or getting a better job. My wife supports me utterly, but I am very conscious it isn't bringing in money, and even worse, it might never. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Filigree · Jul 19, 2012

Don't. If your wife supports you, keep writing. Yes, you can find a reasonable balance between writing and family. But don't let your guilt become an excuse not to write.

So what if it never makes money? Most published writers don't make that much. I am willing to bet it's a lot cheaper than therapy.

I have a dear relative who got into writing fantasy in the mid-1980's. His stuff was good, if raw - the normal for a talented newbie. He inspired me to
start writing. But work and family pressures pulled him away from his creativity, and his wife never really supported him. Now, at the end of his life, it's too late for him to catch up to his early dreams.

Go for it now.

LJD · Jul 19, 2012

It doesn't sound like you're neglecting important areas of your life (marriage, day job, etc) to write, so I wouldn't worry about it. Sure, there may be other things you could be doing, but self-care is important. Don't feel guilty about spending a little time doing something you enjoy. It might even help you function better the rest of the time

L. Y. · Jul 19, 2012

Sorry, I deleted my earlier post because Filigree and LJD said it much better than I did.

Good luck and don't give up on writing!

Mclesh · Jul 19, 2012

I agree with what the others have said. Most people have hobbies. Some men play golf obsessively or fix up old cars. You write; that's who you are. As long as your wife is supportive, go for it!

At the end of your life, you probably won't regret not having spent more time doing things around the house.

WildScribe · Jul 19, 2012

I am a full time writer and mother, and I feel the same guilt, doubly so now that I am writing fiction instead of the boring but definitely "work" magazine articles I used to write. If you don't take yourself seriously, no one will. I suggest talking to your wife about the guilt, though. She may be able to alleviate it for you the way my husband does for me.

Honestly, if it makes you happy, then it's contributing in that way to making your household that much happier and more wonderful.

jjdebenedictis · Jul 19, 2012

Who says money would justify this?

You write because it makes you happy and fulfilled. That's your paycheque.

And your wife is clearly a wise woman because she already understands what the real return on investment is, and she's happy to see you reaping it.

Things do not only have merit if they earn money.

dangerousbill · Jul 19, 2012

GiantRampagingPencil said:
I suffer from writer's guilt. I devote a lot of time to creating and polishing my gem/turd/something in between when I could be doing something extra for my wife and family. I could be doing more around the house, or getting a better job. My wife supports me utterly, but I am very conscious it isn't bringing in money, and even worse, it might never. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Does your wife understand what the odds are against your being able to support you both with your writing, and even against getting traditionally published at all?

If she's still okay with it, get back to the keyboard now.

On the other hand, I found that when I retired, I was cut off from my sources, inspiration, ideas, observation. My productivity probably dropped 75% since. Work and family structured my life, and I accomplished more in the two hours a day I set aside to write than I do in a whole week today.

(Armpit of Ontario? That would be Hamilton, right? Me, too.)

Captcha · Jul 19, 2012

I was going to say don't feel any guilt, and then I saw your word count in your sig line. If writing is your hobby and you do it for fun, fair enough. But if your justification for doing it is that you're planning for it to be profitable, I think you might want to focus marketability... and your word count is pretty damned high for that...

I'd check that your actions match your goals. If they do, no problem. If they don't, I wouldn't say you should feel guilty, but you should maybe recognized that you're not being as productive with your time as you could be.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 19, 2012

Captcha said:
I was going to say don't feel any guilt, and then I saw your word count in your sig line. If writing is your hobby and you do it for fun, fair enough. But if your justification for doing it is that you're planning for it to be profitable, I think you might want to focus marketability... and your word count is pretty damned high for that...

I'd check that your actions match your goals. If they do, no problem. If they don't, I wouldn't say you should feel guilty, but you should maybe recognized that you're not being as productive with your time as you could be.

The word count is a bit of an illusion since I know it will take more than one book to tell the story. As it stands, it will be a duology. Some parts get moved back and forth, though, so I've kept it as one file for working and the program counts the whole file. Plus, I'm sure that it will shrink in editing.

I'm trying to be the anti-Robert Jordan or G R R Martin and be as compact as possible. There is always something happening that is necessary to plot or character.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 19, 2012

dangerousbill said:
Does your wife understand what the odds are against your being able to support you both with your writing, and even against getting traditionally published at all?

If she's still okay with it, get back to the keyboard now.

On the other hand, I found that when I retired, I was cut off from my sources, inspiration, ideas, observation. My productivity probably dropped 75% since. Work and family structured my life, and I accomplished more in the two hours a day I set aside to write than I do in a whole week today.

(Armpit of Ontario? That would be Hamilton, right? Me, too.)

Close. Windsor. The left armpit.

I've shared with my wife my research into how to get published. (Answer: You won't.) She seems to think that somehow I will anyway. And there is always Amazon, right?

bearilou · Jul 20, 2012

Yeah, feeling this. Feeling this so hard right now.

:e2arms:

quicklime · Jul 20, 2012

GiantRampagingPencil said:
I suffer from writer's guilt. I devote a lot of time to creating and polishing my gem/turd/something in between when I could be doing something extra for my wife and family. I could be doing more around the house, or getting a better job. My wife supports me utterly, but I am very conscious it isn't bringing in money, and even worse, it might never. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

right now it is a hobby. so is fly fishing.

are you ignoring them for unreasonable amounts of time, like if your hobby was fishing or hiking or running, people would call you a self-absorbed prick and/or suggest you were just trying to get the hell out of the house? Then maybe you should back it up a bit. If not, if this is your "hobby time" and your hobby time isn't swallowing the rest of your life, well, there shouldn't be any guilt just tied into cash flow--if the hobby was tennis or golf, you'd be sending a lot of money out instead of just failing to make it.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 20, 2012

bearilou said:
Yeah, feeling this. Feeling this so hard right now.

Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Still haven't played Mass Effect 3 because it would interfere with my writing.

What's your situation?

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 20, 2012

quicklime said:
right now it is a hobby. so is fly fishing.

are you ignoring them for unreasonable amounts of time, like if your hobby was fishing or hiking or running, people would call you a self-absorbed prick and/or suggest you were just trying to get the hell out of the house?.

This is internally motivated. My wife isn't unhappy with it. She's 10x the woman I deserve.

juniper · Jul 20, 2012

Filigree said:
I have a dear relative who got into writing fantasy in the mid-1980's. His stuff was good, if raw - the normal for a talented newbie. He inspired me to
start writing. But work and family pressures pulled him away from his creativity, and his wife never really supported him. Now, at the end of his life, it's too late for him to catch up to his early dreams.

Go for it now.

Yes, if your lifestyle is such that you can do this without deceiving anyone or causing great harm to your finances - go for it now.

Waiting until the timing is better, or your life has settled down, or whatever - oh, that's the path I went down, and now years, years, years later I wish so keenly that I'd just kept writing, all along.

And if you need to work part-time or full-time or full-time + part-time, then try to keep writing. Don't let it slide away from you.

juniper · Jul 20, 2012

I'm going to reply to myself rather than edit, because what I'm going to say here seems really important to me.

The only guilt I feel is that I didn't give myself the chance to succeed. I didn't keep up with it. I feel guilty that I wasted so many years. Guilty that I betrayed myself.

dangerousbill · Jul 20, 2012

GiantRampagingPencil said:
I've shared with my wife my research into how to get published. (Answer: You won't.) She seems to think that somehow I will anyway. And there is always Amazon, right?

Your wife is made of gold. Treat her well.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 20, 2012

juniper said:
I'm going to reply to myself rather than edit, because what I'm going to say here seems really important to me.

The only guilt I feel is that I didn't give myself the chance to succeed. I didn't keep up with it. I feel guilty that I wasted so many years. Guilty that I betrayed myself.

You capture my feelings perfectly, Juniper.

I wasted too much time in becoming a writer. Everything I wrote when I was young was crap and I assumed I had no talent. I didn't realize that talent wasn't a lightning strike from the blue, a mystical quality one had, or didn't--it takes a lot of work to bring it forth. I regret all the time lost.

And I suppose if it wasn't this, I'd feel guilty about something else (knowing me). :chair

Might as well be writing.

C. K. Casner · Jul 20, 2012

My husband is a truck driver and is gone for weeks at time. Since I am unemployed at the moment, writing is the only way I can keep my sanity.

The only guilt I feel is when he's home and I want to finish a paragraph and end up writing a whole chapter.

ishtar'sgate · Jul 20, 2012

I used to feel guilty and realized it was because writing was such a solitary pleasure (or agony, depending on how it was going

), something not shared with the rest of the family. As long as I made time to do things together with the family I didn't worry about it.

bearilou · Jul 21, 2012

GiantRampagingPencil said:
Thank you. I'm glad I'm not the only one. Still haven't played Mass Effect 3 because it would interfere with my writing.

What's your situation?

Yeah. Well, I broke down and played it twice because it would bug me until I did. Once through to get a feel for the game, then I imported my ME/ME2 character and played through. Now I'm playing through on increasing difficulties however, once I got the story done and done, I find my attention strays less and less now that it's about tactics and not story.

I will say that I won't start the game to play until the writing was done for the day. Not easy on some days, I'll tell you.

GiantRampagingPencil · Jul 26, 2012

bearilou said:
Yeah. Well, I broke down and played it twice because it would bug me until I did. Once through to get a feel for the game, then I imported my ME/ME2 character and played through. Now I'm playing through on increasing difficulties however, once I got the story done and done, I find my attention strays less and less now that it's about tactics and not story.

I will say that I won't start the game to play until the writing was done for the day. Not easy on some days, I'll tell you.

I played the hell out of the first two. My female MC is even based a little on Tali. But the ending of the third sounds like a betrayal of the whole series concept.

jaksen · Jul 28, 2012

I used to talk to a guy at work, younger than me, and he'd go on and on about his love for fishing, boating, etc. I spent my summers on Cape Cod so I could relate to the anecdotes he told me. The time he caught this big fish, the time he got red spots all over his legs after clamming, the time he got to pilot this big yacht. Etc., etc. Where was his wife? Bitching and complaining that he was spending all this time fishing.

(Maybe he did it to get away from her? Nope, he insisted he loved her and had been fishing since a child.)

I felt so bad for the guy. Here he was, telling me - a woman ten years older than him - about his fishing. We'd stand in the hall for corridor duty (both of us science teachers) and he'd go on and on about his stories. He told them to me and another, even older woman. We were genuinely interested in his stories - he knew how to tell a good one.

I remember thinking, if you love a guy, you let the guy do what he loves to do. If you can share in that interest, you do so. If you can't, you at least let him do it. Life is too short for anything else.

Well, the guy ended up divorcing his wife and now lives on a boat.

And me, I got a guy who'll say, go and write for Chrissake! I make a little money doing it, not a lot, but he's supportive. So are my kids.

If your wife isn't complaining, keep her, love her. She's golden. And don't feel guilty.

NyxAustin · Jul 30, 2012

I can feel guilty quite easily over it. What I find best to quell the feelings is to remember that to master any skill it takes hours and hours of work. I do wish I had more people to help with feedback though.

I also set myself goals to achieve, both long term and short term. It helps to know I am going somewhere.

Writer's guilt

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